Report Card for Everyday is a Sunday Evening - Maudmoonshine
Time For Your Fanfic Report Card!Report Card - Everyday is a Sunday Evening by Maudmoonshine. Chapters 1-2.
Title : (2/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?
Personally for my own taste, I actually might have clicked on it. As for if it fits, it does.
Description & Foreword : (0/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?
Your description didn't do it's job, probably because it's only one sentence. I just kind of sat there like ,"... Okay." after I read it. I highly recommend fixing it and adding on more. As for saying why you were inspired to write this fic, it should be put in the foreword.
Originality: (5/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?
Hmm.. I guess it's different and I feel like you did make it your own.
Overall Appearance/Neatness: (5/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?
No poster or background. Font was fine.
Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (4/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?
Wide/decent range of words. To be honest, I had to look up a few. Also you were very descriptive - but only at certain parts. I feel like you could dig deeper into describing things. Sunri looks 'evil'. Well what makes her look evil? Is it her facial structure, a certain facial feature, etc. You did a good job at describe the gore and the disgusting room but when it came to people, there was room for some description. The way Sunri was portrayed was very well done but when I tried to picture her in my head, I couldn't quite do it. It was a blurry picture.
Story Flow: (8/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?
A bit jerky, just because of the flashbacks and etc.
Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (10/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously. You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.
Right in the foreword... I swear I cringed.
'Criticisms are very much welcome!'
Possible revision : Criticism is welcomed!
'She did came for me.' Came is past tense, that should be 'come'.
'He was sitting in the wet floor.' When I read this I was like " Woah Henry IN the floor?" It should be 'on'
'--that amount of blood were not all his,they were simply too much--' I'm not quite exactly sure how you wanted this sentence to be, but from what I got, I think it should be revised to something like " -- that amount of blood was not all his, there was simply too much --"
'the stranger in front of him... ' random change of gender right there.Since it's the nurse that was looking at Henry.
'She does this every time she had to check on Henry.' Does is present tense. It should be 'did'.
Nothing much wrong going on with commas and whatnot, just things like past tense and present tense. Small things that piled up. Going back to proofread should do the trick
Plot: (18/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.
Interesting, I kind of want to know why Sunri is the way she is. The ending doesn't have much closure though. There's still loose ends to tie. What happened to Eunhyuk and Henry? etc etc.
Writing Style and Format : (18/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.
Easy to figure out. I feel like there's a way for you to make it look more 'professional' looking but I'm not quite sure how to advise you on that matter.
Overall Enjoyment: (9/10) How much I liked your fic overall.
Total: 79/100
BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…
Characters: (0/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?
Not much voice and there's room for development. Like right at the beginning, I was thinking, "So is this an AU fic where SJ are just a group of regular men or when they really are Super Junior?" and etc.
Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?
My Feels: (2/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.
Okay this gave me the creeps and shivers. Probably because Henry is an important factor of my life and imagining him going through what he went through in this fic was horrifying for me. The end of chapter 1 I sat here like," Oh shisus no no no no no no." By the time I finished this, I was shaking a bit, a bit creeped out and terrified. Shuddered at some parts.
Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (0/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?
Anything Else: (0/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?
Notes/ Comments:
There a shot tidbit where you referred to Eunhyuk as Hyukkie. Don't do that lol. Yes it's his cute little nickname and everything but it ruined the mood and how the story was being told. I didn't find out that English isn't your first language until I finished chapter 1. But it still was quite well written despite some grammar issues. Very dark and gory. The only things that need some tweaking are the description, maybe the foreword and the little grammar issues that can be fixed by going back to find them. Other than that, great job : ) Keep up the good work! ^^ Also I think you should totally get a poster and stuff for this fic. That would be epic.
Final Total: 81/100
Comments