Report Card - Through The Broken Mask by himalayancat. Oneshot.

Story Link

Title : (1/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?

I would have clicked on it if I scrolled by, just because it seems to get my curious. However I don't really see how it fits with the fic overall. That's just me though.

Description & Foreword : (2/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?

Your foreword and description did just what it needed to : get me interested. Although the foreword was simply a quote, I couldn't help but anticipate what was going to happen. The description did too, since usually Luhan isn't characterized like this I guess.

Originality: (3.5/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?

I found it different -even though i don't read fics. I'm more of a writer and now a reviewer- Like before I'm guessing that Luhan is used more as the cutesy kind of character rather that how you wrote him out to be. OC came and slightly ruined things though. Blind, being the only person who doesn't treat him like others, etc etc. A little cliche.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (5/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?

Very neat and organized. I really like how simple the poster and background are too. Font was just fine.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (6/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?

I'd like to say that you're really good at painting a picture in a reader's head. It was like a little movie was going on in my head. I had to look up some words and that's a good thing. Nice range of words.

Story Flow: (8/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?

Everything was pretty smooth, up until MinSeokkie showed. It ruined the flow with a chop and then another chop once you went back to Luhan with the OC. Followed by a few more chops afterwards.

Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (16/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously.  You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.

Everything was going pretty well with grammar and whatnot, but there's still some mistakes.Pretty small things like in the sentence

"do you mind if I sit here?" The D should be capitalized. 

There was this unnecessary tidbit where Luhan thought he had a vein on his forehead and how the OC was probably an EXO-K fan. It was unnecessary because you said it once before he approached her and then you said it again in almost the exact same way. Also the sentence

"I smiled at you a couple time." The word time should be 'times'.

When the same person is talking, it all stays in one 'chunk' I guess but in yours you chopped it off from when the OC talked and then  with Luhan's reaction to what she said. Also keep in mind that starting a sentence with 'and' is something you should avoid. There was also this half of a sentence that confused me

' or simply a nonchalant man who disobey his master command.' I think that should be revised to ' or simply a nonchalant man who disobeys his master's command.' If I understood the sentence right at least.

Plot: (18/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.

Interesting. you left us with a loose end at the end so of course I'm curious haha. Well written.

Writing Style and Format : (18/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.

Points off from what I mention about the same person talking. Maybe that's your style of writing to keep things neat but I don't know. Other than that, it was easy to read and figure out.

Overall Enjoyment: (10/10) How much I liked your fic overall.

I enjoyed reading it. It was nicely written with an interesting plot. Nuff said.

Total: 87.5/100

BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…

Characters: (1/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?

The way you portrayed Luhan was just beautiful. How he was vain, high ego and yet he was jealous of his Korean counterpart.

Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?

It's was a oneshot. Need I say more?

My Feels: (.5/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.

I cracked a smile here and there.

Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (0/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?

N/A

Anything Else: (.5/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?

I see what you did there with her cat.

Notes/ Comments : It was very well written and i agree with the comments ( haha xD). I think I sequel would be nice :) But that's up to you ^-^ Keeps up this kind of work with your other fics. *Also, although you forgot to put the title of your fic, I still reviewed it because you managed to follow the rules. Thankkyu very much for that.

Final Total: 89.5 /100