Play Song: When I Miss You – B2ST http://youtu.be/drsjWX8n9M0

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It was awkward in the restaurant. I swirled the ice around in my cup and Zelo poured me a refill. We were here to celebrate Yongguk’s birthday but it was just too terribly awkward. They would occasionally glance at me then back at the quiet grill or their cups. It surely wasn’t lively like a celebration should be.

The manager raised his hand and a waitress walked over. He ordered some soju and pig intestines and chicken feet. “And some coke.” I added for Zelo. Jongup and I were at least old enough to drink alcohol. I for one wasn’t going to let that get in my way tonight.

It remained silent until the waitress came back. She must have picked up on our atmosphere because she didn’t say anything and quickly left. Zelo poured our soju and everyone was quick to take their first shots. “Thank you Junhong.” I ruffled his hair and poured him a shot of his coke. He gratefully bowed with a smile and turned to the side to respectfully drink. “Drink comfortably.” I told him. Zelo blushed a bit but nodded.

No one was cooking the meat so I took it upon myself. “Himchan-ssi I know you like your meat a little overcooked and Youngjae-ssi, how do you want it this time? It’s usually different.”

He blinked and stared at me. “H-howe-ver.” He stuttered and his eyes traveled everywhere. I nodded and placed the meat on the grill.

“Oppa?” I turned to the manager and he easily smiled.

“Like Himchan’s.”

While I cooked I kept my head down, mostly because I didn’t want to meet anyone’s eyes. While my right hand flipped the meat I used my left to reach for my third shot of soju when the manager’s hand came out to stop me. “How did you get that?”

I was startled and glanced at where he was pointing. It was the burn mark I got the last morning I was at B.A.P’s dorm. I looked up at Yongguk and his eyes removed themselves from the burn to my own eyes. I thought I saw a little bit of guilt in them but looked away too soon to figure it out.

“It’s nothing Oppa.” I moved my arm away and set down the tongs, using my right to drink my shot.

The manager awkwardly nodded and the atmosphere became tense again.

~Yongguk’s POV~

I looked at Marya.

Her shoulders were folded in and her head was down. She was diligently cooking the meat and setting it on our plates. I didn’t have the heart to eat it though. She has suffered so much because of us. Because of me.

It was my fault. I had come up with the idea to avoid her when the Babys started treating her harshly. I wanted to protect her. I thought our distance would make the Babys lay off but it only got harsher.

Now I don’t know how to fix it.

I felt like a failure as a leader.

“Eat more Yongguk-ssi.” Marya waved her hand, ushering me to eat.

Every time she uses -ssi at the end of my name, my heart shatters. That was my own fault as well. I scared her too much. I wish she could freely call us Oppa like she does the Manager.

I glanced at the manager and Zelo. They were sitting at either side of Marya and both were talking to her. Zelo seemed a little restrained but I could tell how much he loved his Noona. She was like a mother to him.

Marya had found Zelo on the street back when I was an underground rapper with my brother Yongnam. Yongnam and Marya were extremely close and the two raised Zelo together. They were like Appa and Omma while I was the Hyung.

Zelo has grown a lot sense then and I can see his loyalty to Marya, despite everything. Despite how Baby treats her and how we, I, have pressured him to pull away from Marya.

He was more of a man than I.

“Here you are Oppa.” Marya placed more meat on the Manager’s plate. My heart constricted but I tried to dismiss it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jongup tightly squeeze his hand around the chopsticks. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up at his face. His jaw was tight and his eyes narrowed. The usually smiley Jongup looked extremely scary right now. It was the scary look Sunggyu Sunbaenim gives to his Infinite members. It must be the small eyes.

I shook my head and looked at Marya again. I noticed her plate was