Letting Go
Turning Back Time
*PREVIOUS CHAPTERS' SUMMARY*
Jessica, with Donghae at the church, continued her drama and all the things she's saying to Donghae which for his bestfriend sounded completely nonsense. Because he couldn't understand the things Jessica were saying. And... Donghae and Yoona are in a relationship now. :)
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[Jessica's POV]
It's really hard to say what you feel to someone who doesn't understand a thing. And how can I even be sure that he feels the same way ?
I know it's crazy to think that You and I could be something. That's really crazy. :/
You love Yoona, and who am I to stop you two from loving each other.
I'm no one. I'm definitely NO ONE.
Sometimes it feels like you like me too. But then this sudden realization enters my mind and tells me that 'it's nothing' and that'he does it to everyone else'.
And maybe I may succeed to stop your wedding in present time, but I'll forever be keeping that once in our lives, I went back stupidly to past and ruined two lovers' happy relationship.
And I'll forever remember how stupid I was to ruin such happiness of others just to feed my desires to be happy for myself.
Sometimes I ask myself, do I even have the rights to be happy?
Or do I really actually have it but just can't see it ? How I wish.
"Donghae... " I stopped crying and decided to talk really serious now. "Do you even understand what I'm saying ? Or.. do you even care at all?"
I felt nothing. No response. Just silence. Why? Donghae are you numb! Or am I just stupid ?
Slowly I decided to let go of his body, which I've been hugging to stop him from waking away.
Maybe it's time. Maybe it's time to let go.
Finally, my arms are off his body. I let him go. Though I know it's hard, I have to.
[End of Jessica's POV]
[Donghae's POV]
Why am I doing this? I'm turning my back on my ... Bestfriend ? Why ?
Why ? I kept on asking myself.. When she hugged me and I felt her tears on my back, deep inside, I wat to turn around and hug her tight. But I can't.
What is this feeling. We've been best friends since we're kids and we've been through a lot of things. But I can't explain why this feeling right now thrills me. I don't know this. I don't.
She let go from hugging me slowly.
"I'm sorry..." she said. "It's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to be rejected, because I know in myself there's no way you'll feel the same as I feel. I know, in whatever chances, I'm just like one of those girls you see each time you go to school, each time you walk on the corridors, each time you go for a walk on the streets. To be exact - I'm no one. I never really had the courage.. 'Cause I never had the hope."
I narrowed my eyes as soon as she finished her words, still without turning around and facing her.
Never had the courage? Neer had the hope ? to what ? for what?
I don't know if I could really not understand or am I just predending that I can't.
Deep inside I have this idea that... but NO. IT CAN'T BE.
OF COURSE IT CAN NEVER BE.
"I'm sorry." I heard Jessica as she continued her words. "I'm just feeling painful that day..." Little by little her voice became softer.
"...I never wanted to ruin anything..." she continued. " It's just..."
She stopped.
I tried to open my mouth. A- A- I'm trying to speak.
"It's just what ?" I whispered. Well, actually I guess it's getting a bit melodramatic in here. But I don't know if I shall just laugh it off or shall I comfort her.
"No. I really tried to ruin it at first. But right now.... all I want is for you to know.. Donghae ah...."
She paused again, but this time, I decided to face her. And her crying face welcomed me.
It was really sudden, my tears just wanted to jump off my eyes.
Seeing Jessica like this stabs my heart. Why? I don't exactly know.
But when she's hust, it feels like I'm husrting as well. And it breaks me.
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