October 4

As expected Hyoyeon completely freaked out when I told her about the job offer. Her first reaction was an expression of shock and then, after she had realized that I am seriously considering the job, she went on to point out all of the dangers I would be exposed to.

I don’t blame her for reacting like that, I would have done the same thing if she had told me that she was going to work for the Prime Minister, but we don’t have any other choice. Every day, Nicole and Narsha are suffocating us with their questions and they are always following us. It won’t be long before they find out about this diary or they overhear us badmouthing the Government. We have to get out of this place, now!

I tried to explain that to Hyoyeon but she wouldn’t listen to me. She insisted that we can find another way to raise the money and even suggested getting a second job. No matter what I said she refused to see things from my point of view. Of course she doesn’t know that Kyuhyun has a thing for me, something that makes me feel sure about my safety around him, but if she knew she would start worrying about the nature of our relationship and distance herself from me. No, I made the right choice, she doesn’t have to know about Kyuhyun.

In the end we started arguing and Hyoyeon raised her voice a little more than she should. I admit that she hurt my feelings but she is my friend. I’ll let her sleep on it and talk to her about it again tomorrow.

I am writing again to add more details about the recent events to my previous entry. The events I am about to describe will be remembered in many years to come. History has just been written. I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing.

During dinner (Hyoyeon decided to sit in a different table after our fight), I played with my food with little appetite while looking at the TV hanging above one of the tables. I wasn’t really paying any attention, I was just looking at that general direction, when they showed an image that forced me to concentrate on the topic being discussed.

The first thing I saw was a familiar smiling face with jet black hair looking at me through the screen. They caught her. They caught Tiffany. I watched as the reporter explained where they had found her. After she was missing for eight days, she was found hiding in a motel a few kilometers outside the city. They assume that she was trying to escape and join the enemy to give them valuable information she had collected working as a journalist. She was taken to the court immediately and was convicted of high treason. She will stay in jail in order to be questioned about her accomplices (which pretty much means that they will torture her until she is almost dead, then treat her for a couple of days to make sure she is out of danger and begin torturing her again) and once they have all the information they want she will be publicly executed.

I felt my blood run cold. In all the years of my life nobody has ever been publicly executed. Ever. I looked across the room at Hyoyeon to see her face drained from any colour, her lower lip trembling as the information sank in. What fate had in store for Tiffany is the worst possible outcome. Even Narsha and Nicole looked at the screen socked.

I closed my eyes and tried to block everything out. My ears were ringing and my head felt very heavy all of a sudden. I felt sick and cold and dizzy. Then everything went dark.

I woke up a few minutes later with Hyoyeon above me, staring at me worried. I tried to sit up but she stopped me. I realized that I was in my bed and we were alone in the room.

I asked her what had happened, she told me I had fainted and they brought me back here.

I brought my knees to my chest in an attempt to make the dizziness go away. “This is not good. What are they going to assume now? Everybody knows I have a connection to Tiffany because of the policeman who questioned me the other day.”

Hyoyeon checked outside the room quickly to make sure we were alone, came back to me and held my hands. “I am still strongly against this but I think we have no other choice. Nicole was ready to rat you out the moment you fainted but Narsha held her back because they didn’t have any solid evidence. We have to get out of here as soon as possible” she took a deep breath before she continued “Do it. Go work for Cho. I’ll find a second job as well so we can raise the money faster.”

I nodded my head and got closer to her. As she hugged me I felt the tension in her body, the fear and the anxiety. “Everything is going to be okay.” I tried to sound confident but my voice was too weak.

She brushed a few strands of hair from my face and smiled reassuringly at me “Yeah, everything’s going to be alright. Just make sure you ask to be transferred back to Jessica’s office as soon as we have all the money we need. Don’t stay with him more than you have to.”

I agreed with her, that was my original plan anyway. I asked if they had said anything else while I was out and noticed her hesitating before she answered. “They said that our enemy got a great blow. Tiffany was their most trusted informant. Now that they have captured her it is only a matter of time until the war is won once and for all”

“Wait the war? She is such an important person?”

“She is one of the leading figures in the revolutionary army-“

“The revolutionary army?”

“Just please don’t interrupt me and listen. All this time we have been fighting against the revolutionary army. According to the news, it’s a team called Golden Dawn, and they want to clear the country of all the unworthy and impure. Their aim is to overthrow the government and make their leader the king. Once they have succeeded in this they will kill anyone who is deemed unworthy.”

I looked questioningly at her and she went on to explain “Unworthy as in doesn’t match their idea of a perfect nation. They will turn us into a military nation. Whoever is not strong enough or isn’t their follower will be instantly killed”

“They said all that?” I didn’t know how to feel. One part of me was still shocked with the news about Tiffany, another part was worried about Jessica and about myself and now my head was full with information I couldn’t comprehend.

Hyoyeon noticed my confusion and tried to help me understand. “It’s kind of like what Cho is doing right now only worse. For example, if a baby is born and is handicapped it will be killed.”

I was at a loss of words. As I fully realized what she had told me I was penetrated with fear. “But, they actually said all that stuff?” I asked to make sure once again.

She shook her head and frowned. “Well they didn’t exactly say it. But they implied it. It was pretty clear what they meant.”

So, there is no escape. If Kyuhyun remains the Prime Minister we are going to die of poverty or hunger or we will be executed as criminals. If Golden Dawn wins we are going to die because we are different. It’s like finding yourself between a cliff and a river. Both roads are closed and dangerous.

Yet, comparing Kyuhyun to Golden Dawn, he is the best choice we have. I am not supporting him and I don’t like him but I want him to win this war. I want the revolutionists to be beaten. I might be seen as a coward for this but I’d rather be alive and always hiding my true ideas than to be executed for no reason at all.