When I got home, I run to my bedroom and locked myself up again. I can’t stop the tears. I can’t stop the pain stabbing through my heart. It’s hard to let you go, Kim Jaejoong. But how can you easily walk away from me like that? I immediately called my mom. I don’t care if I sounded pathetic because my sobbing wouldn’t stop too.

“Mom~” I can’t stop crying and sobbing.

“I’m sorry Mi Yeo-ssi. I only found out recently about what happened to Jaejoong. I didn’t realize you were talking about you and Jaejoong during the last phone call. I’m sorry Mi Yeo-ssi, if I knew I would -“

“It’s not your fault, mom. It’s mine. It’s entirely mine.”

“I’m really sorry -“

“It hurts, mom. It freaking hurts. I let him go. I gave him up. I finally let him marry another girl. I-I can’t”

I didn’t manage to finish my sentence because the pain in my heart took over. I cried out loud. I don’t care what the maids think of me. My mom didn’t say anything because she knew I’m not in the condition to be reprimanded. She just listened to all my crying. I can’t find the right words to describe how I feel. It’s my entire fault. All of these, it is my fault.

“I’m planning to go back to London tomorrow, mom.”

“Are you sure with that?” She knows how I feel.

“I-I’m pretty sure. It’s their wedding tomorrow. I don’t feel like attending. It’s like watching your cooked rice get eaten by another person. I-I don’t -“

“If you think that that is the right choice, then go.” She’s really my mom.

“Do you think -“

“I don’t want to see you hurt yourself. Please save yourself.”

With that, I got up and started packing up my stuffs.

Still while crying.