Karina waved Winter goodbye nang makarating na sila sa harap ng gate nila. Sabay silang pumasok ni Minju but not without Winter glancing back at her with a small smile at tipid na kumaway. After that ay tumalikod na ulit si Winter at patakbong pumasok na sa bahay nila for real.

 

Hindi napigilan ni Karina na matawa sa inakto ni Winter. Hindi rin niya ma-explain pero she just always finds herself hanging out with Winter any chance she gets. Wait, mali pala yung hanging out, it should be she always finds herself bugging Winter. Hindi rin niya alam yung specific reason pero natutuwa talaga siya tuwing nakikita niya yung naiinis na itsura nito.

 

Who would've known that they would be led to this?

 

Isa lang naman si Winter dati sa mga blockmates na hindi masyadong nakakausap ni Karina.

 

Nung 1st sem nga, ang tanging way lang ng interaction nila ay tuwing aksidenteng magtatama ang mga mata nila. Ngingiti si Karina tapos iiwas ng tingin sa kanya si Winter. They never even had the chance to talk. Siguro tuwing may mga groupings lang. Si Karina kasi ang ginagawang leader nila kaya kailangan talaga niyang makipag-usap sa mga members para magplano.

 

It sounds too good to be true, right? Si Karina, leader? And to top it all, tumutulong siya magplano?

 

Pero totoo lahat ng 'yan.

 

Hindi naman kasi sa lahat ng oras, walang paki si Karina. The truth is, she was not as self-centered as what the others thought of her.

 

As Karina was walking, she got a message from her mom, saying na meron daw itong mahalagang sasabihin sa dinner. Karina was about to reply pero kasabay ng text message na ‘yon ay nagnotif rin sa screen niya yung message ng ate niya.

 

favorite👩:

Nagtext na sayo si mommy?

 

Karina chose to reply to her sister instead.

 

Karina:

yep. alam mo kung ano yon?

 

favorite👩:

I’m sure tungkol ‘yon sakin. Hindi naman masyadong important.

Just another story added to my achievements😝

 

Karina:

🙄

 

favorite👩:

Hahaha kidding. San ka na?

 

Karina:

lapit na me

miss mo ko?

 

favorite👩:

I have your favorite ice cream

 

Karina:

ito na i’m running

 

favorite👩:

I know you’re not.

 

Karina:

of course you knew

ate?

 

favorite👩:

Yes?

 

Karina:

alam na kaya nila mommy?

 

favorite👩:

Hindi mo pa ba nasabi?

 

Karina:

feeling ko alam na nila

 

favorite👩:

I'm here for you, okay?

Kahit ako ang favorite, ikaw naman ang favorite ko.😍

 

Karina:

ate pls nagci-cringe ako😬

 

favorite👩:

Hahaha dalian mo na nga matutunaw na yung ice cream

 

Karina:

may ref tayo for a reason🤷‍♀️

 

favorite👩:

😆

 

Karina turned off her phone as she continued to walk down the familiar street. Hindi pa naman tuluyang lumubog ang araw kaya may nakikita pa siyang panaka-nakang liwanag nito mula sa mga bahay at kalsada.

 

As she makes her way home, she can't help but feel a familiar tug in her heart. It's the same feeling that has accompanied her for years, ever since she was a little girl.

 

Hindi man halata but there's always been this unspoken expectation that she should be like Irene, her older sister. From the moment she stepped into their house, it felt like she was walking into her shadow.

 

Ganito naman lagi ang ganap tuwing nandoon siya sa kanila. It's been going on for years at siguro ay nasanay na lang si Karina. She won't blame her sister though. She's just doing what she usually does.

 

***

 

Kinder

 

Nakatayo si Karina sa gilid ng sala sa bahay nila. Pinapanood niya ang mga magulang niya na masayang nakikipag-usap kay Irene. Bata pa lang si Karina pero kitang kita niya kung paano tumawa ang mga magulang niya at kung paano niya makita sa mga mata nila ang paghanga sa kanyang nakatatandang kapatid.

 

Kakauwi lang nila dahil meron silang in-attend-ang talent show. Her older sister was one of the performers and also, siya rin daw ang nanalo.

 

Hindi nila kasama si Karina dahil may klase ito. Naabutan na lang niya ang mga magulang at ate niya nang dumating sila sa bahay galing school.

 

Turns out, sabay lang silang dumating—her parents together with her sister and Karina together with her yaya.

 

The look on her parents' faces was so proud of her sister that day.

 

Saglit na ibinaling ng mommy niya ang tingin nito kay Karina nang mapansin niyang nakatayo ito sa gilid at saka tipid na ngumiti bago ibalik ang atensyon sa isa nilang anak.

 

Rinig ni Karina kung paano nila sinabihan ng compliment ang kapatid niya at kung paano ma-excite ang mommy niya sa achievement nito.

 

"Our little Maria, ang galing-galing mo kanina. I'm so proud of you!" Her mommy pinched her older sister's cheeks cutely, which made her giggle.

 

"Thank you po, mommy," nakangiting sabi nito.

 

Even her daddy had that proud look on his face.

 

"Your daddy is also proud of you, my dear. Ipagpatuloy mo lang 'yan and we'll always be there to support you," he said.

 

Wanting also to get her parents' attention, little Karina slowly walked towards them. Nakatago sa likod niya yung test paper niya galing school. 

 

Upon seeing her parents' proud looks on her sister, naisip niya baka mas matuwa ang mga ito kapag ipinakita niya sa kanila ang nakuha niya sa exam. Pinuri kasi siya ng teacher niya na ang galing-galing daw niya and she should also tell it to her parents.

 

“Mommy, Daddy?" she called them softly.

 

Nang lumingon ang mga ito sa kanya ay inilabas niya mula sa likod niya yung hawak niyang test paper.

 

"Binigyan po ako ni Teacher ng A+," masaya niyang sabi at ipinakita sa kanila yung papel.

 

Kahit nga hindi siya nakasama sa talent show ng ate niya ay okay lang sa kanya. Ang tanging nasa isip lang niya ay ipakita sa kanila na ginagalingan rin niya sa school katulad ng ate niya.

 

She was so excited to go home para ipakita sa kanila yung achievement na nakuha niya from school.

 

But her excitement didn't match her parents.

 

Her mom only offered her a small smile. "That's great anak. Keep up the good work."

 

While her dad only ruffled her hair.

 

Pagkatapos no'n ay bumalik na ulit ang atensyon nila kay Irene.

 

Okay na rin siguro 'yon 'no? At least pinansin nila siya kaysa hindi 'di ba? That was what little Karina thought.

 

"So tell me anak, anong gusto mong bilhin namin sa'yo for a job well done? Anything you wish?" her mother asked Irene.

 

Ibinaba na ni Karina yung hawak niyang papel at nahihiyang tinago ito sa likod niya. She just quietly observed what her sister would say.

 

"Hmm," Irene cutely thinks then she looks at her sister. "Kung ano po yung gusto ni Karina. You should ask her, Mommy."

 

Karina could feel herself smiling nang tumingin ulit sa kanya ang mga magulang niya at tinanong siya kung anong gusto niya.

 

She briefly glanced at her sister who was now mirroring the same smile as her. A look that says, 'I got you little sis.'

 

***

 

Karina sighed. 

 

Nakikita na niya yung pamilyar na itsura ng bahay nila mula sa kinatatayuan niya. 

 

A few more steps to go and she'll enter their house pero napahinto siya nang makita niya ang ate niya na lumabas. Meron itong bitbit na dalawang plastic bag habang nagtitipa sa phone niya.

 

Naramdaman ni Karina na nagvibrate ang sarili niyang cellphone. It was a message from her sister kaya napatingin siya rito.

 

Nag-angat ng tingin ang ate niya kaya hindi na nag-abalang magreply si Karina because they are only a few steps away from each other.

 

"Ang tagal mo dumating. Nagsayang pa ako ng load sa'yo," bungad na bati ni Irene nang magkalapit silang dalawa.

 

Karina jokingly rolled her eyes.

 

"Nandito na nga ako eh."

 

"Here." Inilahad ni Irene yung isang plastic bag. "Tunaw na yung ice cream mo."

 

"Why are you bringing it outside?"

 

"Hindi pa naman tapos sila mommy magluto. We can eat ice cream muna," sagot niya at saka pinakita kay Karina yung isa pang supot na bitbit niya.

 

Karina chuckled. "Sinusuhulan mo na naman ako para 'di ako mainggit sa'yo mamaya 'no?" she joked.

 

"Oo pwede rin," sakay ni Irene sa kanya. 

 

***

 

High School

 

Karina was sitting at the dining table together with her family. They were having their usual dinner with the room filled with the aroma of a home-cooked meal. Even with her family sitting there, Karina still felt alone.

 

Tahimik lang siyang kumakain habang nakikinig sa mga magulang niya. They were just having a casual conversation kung anong nangyari sa kanila nung araw na ‘yon.

 

“Rina, you should have seen the artwork your ate Irene did today. She’s incredible I’m sure kung sasali siya sa mga national competitions, she’ll take the first place,” proud nitong sabi.

 

“Mommy ‘wag ka nga masyadong OA. I’m sure there are people who’s more talented than me.”

 

Natural kasing talented itong si Irene. She can play instruments, she’s good at art, and she’s also good at acads. Halos lahat na nga siguro kaya niyang gawin. Kaya nga proud na proud sa kanya ang mga magulang niya.

 

Karina only offered her mother a small smile and congratulated her sister. 

 

Her family continued their conversation at yung daddy naman niya ang next na nagshare ng mga ganap sa business nila lately. Their little cafe business is booming at dahil doon ay nagpaplano silang magtayo ng isa pang branch. 

 

Gusto rin ni Karina na magshare ng good news so she glances up, hoping for a moment to share her own excitement.

 

“Nakuha ko po yung lead role sa school play,” she uttered, hoping to get their attention. Pero parang wala man lang silang narinig dahil hindi man lang nila siya pinansin. 

 

“Mommy, Daddy, may sasabihin po si Karina,” pagkuha ni Irene sa atensyon ng parents nila. 

 

“Ano ‘yun anak?”

 

Irene smiled at Karina, motioning her little sister to tell them.

 

Kahit naman si Irene ang palagi nilang pinapansin, she never hated her sister. In fact, mas close pa nga siya kay Irene kaysa sa sarili niyang magulang. Irene never made her feel unimportant and instead, she’s the one who makes her feel that she still have a family.

 

“I got the lead role po sa school play,” masaya niyang sabi. 

 

Even her sister had that big smile on her face. “Mahirap daw yung audition dyan ‘di ba?”

 

Karina nodded her head.

 

Her parents glanced briefly at her, offering a quick smile of acknowledgment.

 

“That’s nice anak, well done.”

 

“Yes, congratulations. We’re proud of you.”

 

Ang lawak na ng ngiti ni Karina nang marinig niya ang mga sinabi nila.

 

“We will perform po sa foundation day. Sana po makapunta kayo.”

 

But that smile quickly faded when she heard what they said next.

 

“We’re not sure pa kung makakapunta kami ng daddy mo but we’ll try okay?”

 

“Okay po.”

 

That night, Karina sat on her bed, lost in thought.

 

Nabaling lang ang atensyon niya nang marinig niyang bumukas ang pinto niya. Mula sa maliit na siwang ng pintuan ay nakita niya ang ulo ng ate niya na dahan-dahang sumilip.

 

"You shouldn't do that. You look creepy."

 

Natigil halfway yung pagsilip ni Irene dahil sa sinabi niya.

 

Tuluyan na lang niyang binuksan ang pintuan.

 

"Can I come in?" Irene asked, a foot already stepping inside Karina’s room.

 

"Obviously, nakapasok ka na nga ate.” 

 

Umayos ng upo si Karina sa kama. 

 

Irene chuckled then she walked over and sat beside Karina, offering her a comforting smile.

 

"Okay ka lang ba?"

 

"I'm okay."

 

"I'm sorry kung ganon sila daddy sa'yo."

 

"Okay lang 'yun ate. Parang 'di ka naman nasanay sa kanila."

 

Irene placed a comforting hand on her sister's shoulder.

 

"Kahit na. Hindi ka dapat masasanay sa gano'n. If only they could see you," she muttered the last sentence. "Alam mo ba I really admire your talents and the person you are."

 

"Obvious naman na ikaw lagi yung pinapansin nila. You're their favorite for a reason," Karina whispered. She always had that feeling na palagi na lang siyang nasa anino ni Irene. She always felt like she was not good enough for them.

 

Irene's expression softens, understanding filling her eyes.

 

“Hey, I understand how you feel. But trust me, hindi naman ibig sabihin no’n na mas mahal nila ako or  that you're any less amazing. May ibang way lang sila kung paano nila i-express yung nararamdaman nila sa atin. But trust me, they also love you just as much.”

 

Naramdaman ni Karina yung namumuong luha sa mata niya. She looked at Irene, her words slowly sinking in. She really appreciate her sister’s comforting words. 

 

“Thanks ate.” A glimmer of a smile appeared on her face.

 

“Tama na ang iyak ang pangit mo na,” asar ni Irene at saka pinunasan yung pisngi ni Karina. “Kung hindi man makapunta sila daddy, basta ako I’ll make sure na makakapunta ako.”

 

“Ang sweet naman ng mommy ko na ‘yan.”

 

“Excuse me? Hindi pa ako matanda.” Irene’s only three years older than her.

 

“Aw e ‘di ikaw pa rin si little Maria?”

 

“Oh my god. Shut up.”