Luna stood still, the new dress fitting perfectly. Her stomach still felt big, and in her mind, she felt fat. This dress, however, lightened her mood, showing off her chest and shoulders.

“Unnie, which one are you trying on?”

“The blue one. You?”

Luna heard some shuffling. “The floral one. It’s a little short,” Sulli stated. Luna laughed, using the tips of her fingers to press down any creases shown on the fabric. She didn’t really care to show off any dresses to the boys.

She just wanted Onew oppa to notice her. Not in a ual way, necessarily, but maybe she could grab his attention for him to finally respond to her?

“Wow, you two look even better in these!” Key cheered, bringing Sulli and Luna close to the giant mirror placed next to the dressing rooms. “Look, Sulli looks more y now and Luna looks more cute. It’s funny what clothing can do to your personality.”

They took in his words, examining themselves in the mirror. Luna did feel more innocent in the dress. It was a pastel blue, light and transparent at the bottom, showing her legs. But the sleeves fell off of her shoulders so well, the fabric gently resting on her forearms and collarbones. Sulli’s dress was the opposite, with bold colors and a tight fit. It ended towards her top mid thigh, and was strapless. The deep pockets in the dress allowed her hips to show off more, thickening them, while the sweetheart neckline made her chest look more feminine.

Sulli kept quiet, studying her outfit. Her expression was content, her fingers twirling into her hair. “I like the print on it,” Sulli stated. “Are we buying any dresses, anyways, Unnie?”

Luna raised her eyebrows, unable to answer. “Should we get one?”

Sulli suddenly let out an adorable smile, her voice getting higher with childlike excitement, “Yes, please!”

Key went off to pick out some clothes for himself, looking at some nice jeans on sale. Sulli and Luna glanced one more time at the mirror, and back at the boys. Taemin and Minho were walking around by some manikins, the two talking happily.

Minho oppa really had no idea what happened, did he? Luna looked down, feeling even more shame upon herself. She sighed, but smiled to Sulli, avoiding any sort of negativity toward her. “Let’s try on some more.”

The girls tried on numerous dresses, some accessories, and some shoes. They decided on picking a full outfit for themselves, saving it for some sort of party. “Let’s give it a limit, how about 7,000 yen?” Sulli suggested. Luna nodded, that seemed like a good idea. That meant she could get a 2,500 yen dress, some 2,500 yen shoes, and still have around 1,000 yen for a necklace or ring. After the deal was made, Sulli gravitated toward Key, the two heading off toward another little shop near this one. Luna looked over at Jonghyun and Onew, wondering what to do. She wanted to leave Minho and Taemin to themselves, being absorbed in something else, but what should the other two do? Would Onew oppa even agree to walk with her?

“Umm… oppas?” Luna looked down toward the sitting boys who were in the middle of a conversation.

“Yeah, Luna-shi?” Jonghyun asked politely. Onew had a content expression, but kept silent. Still, he wanted to listen.

“Can you walk with me to a different shop? This one’s getting boring.” Luna used some of her aegyo, making two fists down toward her chin and pouting. Jonghyun’s head turned to Onew, who was now looking down. “Please?”

Onew glanced over toward Jonghyun, shrugging. “Okay,” Jonghuyn told Luna, beginning to stand. Onew stood as well, a bit slow, but began to step toward the door. His agreement made her kind of excited; Luna couldn’t help but smile.

The three walked aimlessly, staring at different shops with so many ads, even more than what their own shops at home had. These were more eccentric, flashy, and exciting. One shop particularly attracted Luna, filled with modern clothing and feminine outfits. She pointed, the two boys following her.

Luna tried to make her decision quick, skimming through different clothing racks. Nothing was really sticking out clothing wise. But, she did see some nice shoes. She had a weakness for heels, since she was so short. They made her feel pretty. This store had every color of heel, and almost any kind she could imagine.

She finally decided on some simple black peep toe pumps, it had a big bow at the toe area, which won her heart. The t also added some detail, stitching showed in the bow to make it look more realistic.

“Wow, they’re only 1,500 yen, they must be on sale,” she whispered, holding one in her palm. Her eyes glanced at the two boys, wondering if they were bored yet. “Yah, I’ll hurry,” she muttered under her breath. She settled for beautiful 2,000 yen layered dress, with some pattern to it. The dress stopped mid thigh, but wasn’t too tight at the bottom. It was simple but with so much elegance, the back scooping in and with a tie in the back to show a halter-top, giving her confidence about her chest. It had some layers around the bottom to add volume, and just looked so good with the shoes. “I can save the rest of the money for something else…” She paid and thanked the worker, bowing, leaving quickly with the two boys. Her phone began to vibrate, Luna’s hands struggling to get it from her purse.

“Unnie, are you done? I found all what I want.”

“Yeah, I’m done, let’s meet up outside the shop we first went to.”

It was beginning to turn dark now; Onew was surprised by how long the girls shopped for. He honestly didn’t pay much attention to the time, it felt like it flew by watching Luna pick out dresses and shoes and whatnot. Luna seemed quiet by the end of the day, Onew wondered what brought the sudden change. Everyone was walking back home, happy and chatting. Luna walked toward the back of the group with Onew, keeping her silence.

“It’s best to let him be today,” she told herself. “I’ll just shut up tonight.”

It was so cold now, no sun to warm their skin or anything. The winter’s air was dry and freezing since this morning, but now, it grew even colder once the moon came out. Luna shivered, clenching onto her shopping bag. Her eyes moved over to Onew, who was staring off into the distance as he walked, a blank expression.

She realized how sudden of a change he had made with himself, not speaking to her or anything. Just the other day he was happy and in love with her, making her smile and wanting to see her. Her heartbeat increased thinking about it… the thought of losing him tore her apart from the insides, making her lungs tighten. Still, she had the smallest bit of hope that he still loved her, and that he would forgive her.

That is, once she even talks to him about it.

“Hey, look, Luna, it’s that park we went to,” Taemin spoke up, Luna’s head turning to see the familiar spot. She suddenly remembered that young boy thinking she was his mother. Luna gripped onto her stomach, confused by the memory. “Why don’t we visit it?”

The group huddled over toward a picnic table, not many other people around the park. Luna sat down next to Sulli, the two trying to warm each other. “Unnie, you should show me what you got once we get back to the hotel!”

Luna nodded, smiling. Her smile made her teeth chatter from the cold. “Yah,” she whispered to Sulli, “I didn’t bring my scarf or hat.”

“Unnie, you don’t even have much of a jacket on.”

She nodded again, frowning at the thought. She looked up at the rest of the boys, seeing Taemin and Minho sitting together, Taemin’s head placed on Minho’s shoulder, while Jonghyun and Key huddled closely together as well… where was Onew oppa? Her heart beat faster as she scanned the park, it was hard to see past the group’s height. She leveled herself up, and spotted him near a little pond the park had.

“I’m going to go toward that pond.” She announced to Sulli, jogging away quickly.

It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling to see everyone having a partner to talk to expect for himself. Onew sighed, shivering from the cold. The pond was practically frozen, little slits of ice peaking out, giving off a soft sound of water moving beneath the ice. He connected his feet together at the sides, warming his legs by his own skin. He wasn’t really that cold, but, his mind made him that way. He felt frozen right now, unable to speak much since this morning. Honestly, he liked not speaking to anyone right now, it helped him.

It was like he built his own wall to protect himself now. Before, he was vulnerable and weak from everything, but he felt more safe now with this wall. Especially from Luna-shi, but… it was hard to keep it up against Luna. The wall was the hardest to fight against her, but the most useful to use with her. He could hear the group laughing and talking from a distance away, making him feel even worse.

He was doing this to himself, but he wanted to be alone right now. His heart hurt deeply when he saw Luna, especially when Taemin spoke to her. He loved his maknae, but right now, he couldn’t stand seeing him. Seeing his face just made him think of that damn pool: Luna and Taemin practically , kissing, and holding each other close.

He still had no idea what to think. He believed Taemin, but… why wasn’t Luna just telling him-

“Hi.” He heard Luna’s voice all of the sudden, making him jump. His body turned to face her, silent.

Silent, Jinki, stay silent.

“Are you cold?” Luna asked lightly. Onew looked down, giving some sort of reaction to show an answer. “I am too,” she stated. His eyes fixated on her again, still. Some cold air blew his hair over his eyes, the two hearing some chimes in the trees. He watched Luna shiver, only having a small jacket on.

“Oppa, let’s talk,” Luna said in her mind. Everything she wanted to say to him, she was simply saying in her head. “I need you. I need to explain,” her mind wrapped around the sentences she wanted to say, repeating, memorizing. It was like a speech. But she kept the conversation light and casual.

“Today was really fun,” Luna spoke aloud. Onew and Luna both faced toward the pond, but not at each other. “And tonight i-is really pretty… as…” she shivered, “a-as cold as it is.”

Onew watched her shiver again, her teeth beginning to chatter. He could tell she was trying to hide it, which made him feel bad.

Luna looked at the transparent ice, thinking. She finally came up with some courage, telling Onew, “I’m sorry…”

Onew looked at her, his body turning to face her slightly. His eyes looked gentle, longing, and… well, wanting to hear more.

“For everything I did,” she spoke softly, the wind just as soft, “If I could take away everything that happened last night. I would.” She grew silent for a moment, but spoke again, “N-no, that’s stupid to say. That’s common sense for me to feel that way…” She could feel his eyes over her. “I’m such… I’m such a mistake. I don’t even know why you’re bothering to listen.”

“Because I love you, and want everything back together again,” Onew said in his head. He kept silent, staring at her still.

Luna sighed, her breathing tight from the cold air. “You just… you deserve to know that… Taemin had kissed me twice… and… and I feel like you just deserve better than me. I don’t know why he bothered to kiss me, but… I should have stopped him the second time… I-I guess the first time he kind of made me-“

Luna realized she was blabbering now, aimlessly. She promised herself to be quiet tonight, and that was failing. She sighed, but continued.

“Onew… you probably hate me. I hate myself from keeping such stupid secrets from you. I should have told you the first time, but I was too afraid of you leaving me right then and there, even though… even though I didn’t really like any of it. The second time I didn’t want any of it. You know how confused Taemin can get, oppa. He gets so emotional and I guess I try and help him so much that he thinks he likes me.”

She wanted to say more, but her body didn’t allow it. The cold just was taking over her mind, her skin feeling dry and uncomfortable. Her stomachache grew stronger, her knees shaking and teeth chattering. She finally quieted down, and looked pained in the face. All of this talking and cold weather made her want to cry right now.

She felt a warm blanket being placed on her cold shoulders, the warmth making her breathe out in shock. She placed a hand on the fabric, realizing it was Onew oppa’s coat.

Onew kept his eyes on her. As cold as he was, all of her words made his heart feel less broken. He could tell she was being honest and well, he tried to imagine himself in her shoes: a friend developing some sort of crush, trying to kiss you, but you don’t want to hurt them by rejection? Maybe it wasn’t all the right idea, but close enough. Still, he kept silent. He didn’t even know what to say anymore.

“Oppa, please, take your coat back, you’re going to freeze.” Luna tried slipping it off, but his hands pressed onto it, his grip making it unable to slide off. She sighed, eventually accepting it. “Th-thank you.” She breathed.

Stay silent, Jinki.

“You’re welcome.” He said. His voice made her eyes almost pop out in shock.

“Unnie! It’s so cold out! Let’s go back!”

Luna turned to the group who was now toward the middle of the park, closer to her and Onew. She heard Jonghyun speak to her, saying things like they should be alone. Sulli eventually nodded, saying goodbye to the two. She held onto both of their bags, reassuring her that they will be in the hotel room. Luna couldn't help but smile as she heard Jonghyun, who was worried about Roo now. He probably pushed them to leave first.

The two grew quiet again, looking at the pond again and listening to the wind continue to shake that chime. Luna looked up to Onew, “You look so cold, maybe we should… I don’t know… I don’t want to go back yet.”

Onew looked at her, the two finally giving some long eye contact. Her heart began to race looking into those familiar eyes she loved. Right now it felt like they were on a first date or something, just beginning to meet each other. He seemed like a completely different person from his silence.

“I hope eventually… you can forgive me… but… it’s okay if you don’t.” Luna looked away, trying not to cry. “I want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.” She couldn’t help it now; tears peaking at the ends of her tightly closed eyes. “Oh god, is it bad to say… that I just want…”

Onew looked at her, he didn’t even feel cold anymore.

“Is it bad to say… th-that I want to be pregnant now… anything to make you say. Aish, that’s such a horrible thing to say.” She cried out a high-pitched breath, covering her eyes with her fists. The coat slipped off, Onew quickly jumping down to placed to back on her. “Onew-“

He stepped close to her, putting his chin on the top of her head. He kept his eyes closed, tearing up as well. He clinged onto his coat with a few fingers; allowing it to warm her again.

“I wish the stars were out tonight,” she spoke softly. He tightened his embrace, silent. He breathed hard, letting his lungs take in the cold air again. “I just… wish the stars were out tonight,” she repeated. Luna had such a simple mind when she was upset, he realized. She tried to focus on the simple enjoyments when such hard things fell on her. He let his whole body cover her from the cold now.

He kept quiet to protect himself, but he also protected her from the cold. He knew he was always going to protect her, and right now it just felt good. Even through one day, Onew’s body was exhausted and ready to feel happy again. But, he still just didn’t feel all too fell, a sick feeling in his stomach. He still enjoyed the feeling of touching Luna-shi.

Onew and Luna walked away from the park next to each other as they heading back to the hotel. The moon was large tonight, and brightened up their path to get back. The concrete was covered in ice, reflecting bright tints of blues and purple from the moon. They entered silently through the lobby, and up the stairs. He allowed her to step in front of her, and guide herself back to her room. He looked over to her, but stepped away, directing himself back to his own. He gave her a half smile, but didn’t say any kind of goodbye.

I still wanted to protect himself, he decided. He still had all of this to deal with, and it just hit him last night. He was happy she explained herself, but that…

That didn’t take away what she had done. Not only kiss Taemin twice, but keep it from him.

Luna closed the door behind her, noticing Sulli fast asleep in her bed. There was a heavy feeling on her chest once she shut the door completely. Luna set her shoes down, and slipped onto the bed, cold. She gave Onew his coat back before they departed, but… she wanted it back now. It was so warm, and it smelled like him.

She sighed, heading toward the bathroom. Maybe a bath can help ease her stomach ache. She brought her phone with her, checking the time. 11:30 pm. Not too late, really. She shrugged and turned the hot water on, the Jacuzzi beginning to turn on. The heavy pain on her chest distracted her from her bath, relaxing her muscles but helping the sadness come back. “I wish I saw that young boy again. I miss him.” Luna whispered to herself, washing up. The hot water flushed her face to a soft pink, her hair wet and down her back. She scrubbed her legs vigorously and scrubbed her arms until they turned red. The pain kind of felt good, evening out from the pain in her chest and stomach. She felt nervous thinking about her stomach pain, and sickness from this morning. Her brain calculated how long it’s been from the first time her and Onew made love; when was morning sickness even supposed to show? Was it too early, or just at that time? Luna shook her head, trying her best not to think too much about it.

“I’m going to get a test myself,” she whispered while sinking down into the bath more, “I’m going… to make sure.”

After a half hour, Luna wrapped her body with one of the white, fluffy robes, pulling the plug on the expensive Jacuzzi and drying her hair carefully. She wrapped her hair in a towel, and headed out of the bathroom. Her phone rested in one of the giant pockets, her feet covered in some fuzzy slippers.

Luna stepped down to the bed, huddling herself up, holding onto her knees as she sat up. What was up with her right now? She just wanted to talk to somebody right now. Really badly. Sulli was asleep, Onew refused to speak, everyone else… she didn’t want to bother. Her mind focused on that Japanese boy again: his little fingers clinging onto her, calling her his mother. He had a face that made her smile, so cute and gentle. His hair jet black, and his skin milky white. Luna sighed again, that desire to talk coming out once more.

Luna thought hard, pulling out her phone. She began to play aimlessly with her touch screen, scrolling through her contacts. Something caught her eye. Umma. It wasn’t Victoria, but her real mother. They hadn’t talked in years, and right now… maybe it was a good time to start again. She knew her umma would be awake right now, as her appa slept. Their little routine of appa to bed while umma watched TV started once Luna was born. Her fingers slid a bit over the keys, unsure of the moment. She pressed the send button anyway, her heart jumping. She waited.

Ring… Ring… Ring…

“Hello?”

“Umma...?"

“…Sunyoung?”