“SHINee! We love you!” Fans screamed as SHINee in their slick outfits appeared on stage, cool and serious. They just ended their last song during a big SM performance in Korea. They were going to Japan for their tour along with a bunch of other SM groups to celebrate the New Year. Their Korean fans screamed and cheered; happy to see them again because they’ll be away. They were like family, saying numerous things such as wishing them luck and that they have fun. Onew and Jonghyun hurried to the stairs backstage as Key, Minho, and Taemin followed. Onew and Jonghyun’s voices were both exhausted, and ran to relax finally. Out of all of the groups performing tonight, Super Junior and SHINee were the most anticipated because of their new music videos soon to be released.

Taemin was looking for Luna, because for one of their big performances in Tokyo, was a dance special. F(x)’s Luna, SHINee’s Taemin, Super Junior’s Eunhyuk, and SNSD’s Hyoyeon were going to have their own dance-off before some more members joined in. Taemin was nervous, knowing he wanted to do his best, and needed Luna for encouragement. He was informed that he was planned to have his hair dyed blonde, as well as Eunhyuk. He giggled at the news, knowing him and Luna would match.

Taemin knocked lightly on F(x)’s backstage room. “Luna?” He walked in a bit, bowing to the surprised girls. “Is Luna here?” He smiled at Sulli and Amber who were in the middle of a conversation. “Er-sorry, I just wanted to speak with her.”

“Um, I actually think she just left to your backstage room, Taemin. She told us she wanted to see Onew.” Victoria pointed with her thumb to the left, directing him to head back. Taemin smiled, bowed, and said goodbye as politely as he could.

Onew held his hands onto Luna’s shoulders, rubbing them lightly, she was standing up straight in front of one of SHINee’s mirrors, her head tilted to the side. She enjoyed the massage her oppa was giving her, his body so close behind her. She was wearing a pair of tight skinny jeans and a loose-cropped tank top, showing her stomach. Onew’s hair was styled to look soft but parted to the side, slightly sweaty from just finishing his performance. Her hair was loose and sprawled all over the front of Onew’s shoulders, closing her eyes slightly.

“Oppa, softer,” She whispered. The other boys left to go on their own for a bit, giving Onew and Luna a chance to be alone. She smiled and sighed, “That feels good, thank you, oppa.”

“Anything for my Luna-shi,” he cooed. His body moved closer to hers, right on top of each other, making Luna blush.

“Yah, oppa, not here,” she whispered softly; Onew wrapping his arms around her with strength. He didn’t respond, but pressed his mouth up against her neck, surprising Luna. “O-oppa-“ She bit her lip tightly but was shocked; covering . He was never this aggressive, but what if someone sees? She pulled Onew over to the side, that way no one could see them through the window. Onew placed his hands on Luna’s body, leading it all around, every inch of her. His gaze was strong, looking her up and down. Luna didn’t know how to react, looking away. Her eyes widened once he moved his mouth onto her neck again and kissed her skin. “O-op…” she began to call out for him to stop, but why? She didn’t even want him to stop. Her face was hot; she smiled softly, not trying to seem too obvious. Onew moved his hips toward her, turning her body around to face away from him. He suddenly pushed up against her, making her yelp from the sudden movement. He bent her body down slightly, rubbing up against her. She let out a breath, twisting her head up to look at him. He had such an innocent smile, but his eyes. His eyes. Luna bit her lip more, almost tearing the skin.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked, innocent. It was like a husky whisper that came out. His hands were moving away from her slowly, but Luna did not stand up straight.

“Don’t stop,” she let out a breath, barely a sound. Her hands gripped onto the wall, both of them so close together; Luna could hear Onew shuffling his hands, like he was trying to get his zipper down.

The door opened slightly, Taemin nonchalantly walking in.

“Taemin!” Luna yelled out, jumping up straight. Taemin turned to them, suddenly embarrassed. He looked away, stuttering.

“Uh-uh, I’m s-sorry… D-do you-“

“No, it’s okay, I’m sorry, I should leave,” Luna was all over the place: fixing her hair, smoothing out her shirt, patting her flushed face. She finally settled, and let out a large breath, looking at Onew.

“Don’t leave, I need to talk to you.” Taemin held one hand onto his opposite forearm, insecure of the moment.

“Why’s that?” Luna looked over to Taemin.

Taemin hesitated, and locked eyes with Onew. His face was flushed as well, and he looked really embarrassed, holding one hand onto his arm, covering his pants without thought. “Well, it’s just about our visit to Tokyo. Can I talk to you alone?”

“Um… sure, Taemin.” Luna sounded cheerful, probably because she was so apologetic. Onew looked over to Luna as she walked toward Taemin.

“Lu-… Tae-… Am I just supposed to be here alone?” Onew called out. Taemin turned around to Onew while he walked away from Luna.

He reassured to his hyung, “It’s just for a moment, we’ll just be outside the door.” Luna followed Taemin toward the hallway, closing the door behind them. Onew, hurt and annoyed, slid down the wall, some feet away from the door. He huffed out a breath, dissatisfied. Taemin had to walk in at the worst time.

“Luna,” Taemin smiled at her, excitement flowing through his body. He always felt happy when he saw her, no matter what. “I’m so happy we get to dance for Tokyo… but, I’m nervous.”

“Aw, why, Taemin? You dance so smoothly!” He laughed a bit from that compliment. “You out of all of us should be the least nervous.”

“Well, it’s just-… it’s just that I’m the first one for the performance, doing a solo… and I just don’t want to screw it up. There will be so many-“

Luna put a hand gently on Taemin’s shoulder, soothing him, “You’re going to do fine, Taemin. Can I please ask what else is bothering you? I know only this wouldn’t freak you out so much.”

Taemin looked down for a split second, blinking to find some thoughts. He wanted to tell her lots of problems he felt at the moment, but all he could think of was-

“I’m jealous; all the time. I just still feel alone, Luna.” This was so blunt that it startled Luna.

Onew began to pick at his nails from boredom. He wondered why it was taking so long… he slid back up on the wall and got back on his feet, beginning to walk slowly to the door. He stumbled a bit by his own cursed Onew condition, but hoped neither of them heard. His body shifted, getting comfortable by the door, listening.

“W-why? Why do you feel this way still? Taemin,” Luna grumbled to Taemin, wrapping her arms around him in a light hug. Taemin wanted to cry, but held it in well. He wanted to seem as though it were a normal conversation to any passer-byers.

“Luna… when we k-“

“Shh… Taemin. Quiet…”

Onew’s eyebrows furrowed. What the heck were they whispering about? He crossed his arms, listening carefully.

“I… I just… I don’t know… I’ve been thinking about it a lot and it makes me… Yah, Luna, I don’t know. I just want that again.”

“Taemin…” Her face got close to his, looking around. Taemin let a breath out, his heart beginning to race in his chest. She moved over to his ear, whispering.

“Yeah… I know…” Onew heard whispers from Luna that he was not able to comprehend as Taemin spoke aloud. “Okay, yeah I understand Luna,” he sounded really disappointed, “Well… you know I still think about… him… but… he’s such a…” Taemin grunted; sounding frustrated. They whispered together for a bit, making Onew even more annoyed. He silently tapped his arm, rolling his eyes. Hehated these secrets, even though he didn’t even know what they were.

“Yah, Taemin… have you even talked to him?”

“No, why should I? He doesn’t-“

“Remember what I told you? He does. You just don’t realize it. I’ve noticed when he does things that you don’t ever notice.”

Taemin sighed, agreeing. He thanked Luna, and it was a silent for a bit. Onew couldn’t help but feel jealousy, knowing that they were hugging. He grinded his teeth together and slid back to the other wall away from the door. He heard the sound of Taemin’s footsteps slowly fade away as Luna opened the door again.

“Sorry,” she told Onew, shrugging. Onew looked to the side, still frustrated. Luna walked over to Onew and slid down to the wall next to him. “It’s almost nine o’ clock, I’m coming up soon, you know. Me and the rest of the girls are performing soon,” She stated. Onew looked up to her, a half smile.

“What did you and Taemin talk about?” He sounded bright, but felt bitterness.

“He said he was still upset about something so I just needed to tell him to calm down.”

Onew nodded, even though he knew that was so broad. Luna could tell he was annoyed, and placed a hand on his cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Onew said, a high tone, sounding a bit fake.

“Oppa…”

“I’m fine.” He didn’t want to admit he was listening to their stupid secrets, but it made him even more angry not able to tell her. Luna sighed and stood back up. She walked back over to the mirror, her heels clicking against the floor. “What?” Onew responded, sliding up.

“Onew oppa… do you… get jealous?” She had her arms crossed; more of a way for security. Onew stuttered a word, but didn’t say anything back. “You shouldn’t be jealous of me and Taemin, we’re close friends. He likes someone.”

“Yeah, you.” Onew snapped, letting out a sarcastic breath. He couldn’t help but be angry at his own, innocent maknae, but Luna was his, not Taemin’s.

“Why are you so jealous?” Luna defended, her arms straight to her sides, making soft fists.

“I just know he likes you, and… ugh.” Onew grunted more, not able to admit he was listening. “I just wish he didn’t… he didn’t…”

“Didn’t what?” Luna snapped back, “Have someone to talk to? Do you even care that he’s upset? I care, so why can’t I just talk to him as a friend without you getting jealous?”

Onew’s heart was burning, ruffling his hair in frustration. He wanted to say a million things, he thought in his mind, “I’m sorry that I love you and don’t want to see you with someone else…”

There was silence between them; heated silence.

“Well?” Luna asked angrily. Onew sighed. “We didn’t talk about anything-“

“Then why were you whispering?” He half yelled, not wanting anyone outside of the hallway to hear.

“What? Were you listening to us?”

“N-no… I just…”

Luna groaned, turning around. “God, Onew… I’m going back to my room.” She began to storm out, but Onew pulled at her arm.

“Luna-“

“Let go!” She waved her arm free and continued on her way.

“Luna, Please!”

Luna looked back at him for a split moment, a blank expression.

“Sunyoung,” Onew finally commanded. He never called her by her real name, but he was completely desperate for her.

She was gone already, but Onew hoped that she would just walk back in the room, not angry with him anymore... He couldn’t help but be so protective, so jealous. He couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t bear to see Luna with another man. He held his tears in, afraid that she wouldn’t even forgive him now…

Not for the fight alone, but for what else he did, which neither of them mentioned to each other yet.

He knew, though, that she knew what happened. Her expressions were different; she acted more… more… cautious? Like she was afraid. It made him feel like even more of a monster, even though his actions were purely out of love. He waited in a seat silently until his other members got back into the room.

“Unnie, what took you so long?” Krystal asked Luna backstage, minutes before their performance. They were adjusting their microphones as some workers worked on their make up last minute.

“I was just talking to Onew oppa, nothing big.” She was still completely annoyed by his selfish actions. She decided to just ignore the thought of him for a while, and focus on her performance. She didn’t understand him really, and how he worked. She was simply confused. Confused because he was a boy, and because she was in love, and knew she shouldn’t be. She wanted everything with Onew, but at the same time, she was afraid of him and what could happen. Thoughts raced in her head: Onew would leave her completely alone, just like she guessed from the beginning, or even worse, Onew would stay with her simply out of pity. Her stomach began to feel weak when she thought of him more. Her brain forced herself to shake her head back into reality.

The lights shined brightly as the girls headed up on the stage to screaming fans. Luna smiled, despite her bad mood, because of her caring fans. She grew excited, their song starting up loudly. The bass boomed as Danger began to play. The girls moved to the dance smoothly, and all in-sync. Luna worked her hardest and showed off to the fans to make up for all her resting time, despite what she had to deal with. She felt that she owed it to her fans to finally perform again and do it perfectly.

Follow follow now-na-na

Thrilling, start it now

I can feel your curiosi-ty

Don’t you dare to move!

Piece by piece we now-na-na

Try to take ‘em out-na

Now I’ll take you apart and rebuild you as I please

Luna was thrilled after their performance ended, feeling excitement in the pits of her stomach. She held hands with the girls, all satisfied with their dancing and singing. She felt giddy, reminding herself of their first performance f(x) ever had. The difference was their confidence; now, f(x) was able to feel ready and excited, rather than scared. Luna didn’t feel so ugly and insecure on stage, but still… her confidence wasn’t enough to stop these horrible thoughts upon herself.

She felt loved, and appreciated, but sad. Luna did not stop smiling, a positive state of mind in her head, even when they arrived at their room. Luna sat around with Krystal, both chatting on their small couch over towards the end of the room.

“How do you feel?” Krystal was her hair; getting some away from her face.

“I’m okay…”

“Do you feel… sick at all?”

“No… why?”

“Nothing, I’m just thinking…”

Luna raised an eyebrow, assuming she meant after this horrid week if she felt sick. She did, honestly, sick to her stomach. Luna sighed, and continued her chat with Krystal, changing the subject to something lighter. Time had flown by, and finally, everyone was heading home again. Soon, SM was going to Japan, and Luna was ready to experience a new country already. She was ready to get away from here for a while.

“Luna!” She turned her head around to find Taemin chasing after her. “Hey,” he softly smiled, walking in sync to her steps.

“How are you doing?” Luna put an arm around his, sighing from exhaustion after asking him such a small question. All this walking was tiring, and it was late.

“I’m alright... You did so well on stage,” his cheeky smile made her happy, and he felt warm to the touch. It was so cold out tonight; her breath was so opaque in the air.

“Where are the others?” Luna looked behind them both, hoping Onew didn’t see them.

“Onew hyung, Jonghyun hyung, and Key hyung are heading to a bar. Minho and I are just heading home, so I thought why not join my Luna?”

My Luna; that repeated in her mind numerous times, maybe she was over thinking it… but she felt confused when he said that, not knowing his meaning behind it. She smiled anyway, laughing. The other girls were laughing too, joining into their conversation.

“Why don’t you come over, Taemin oppa? Just for a bit?” Sulli asked cutely. Taemin smiled silently and nodded, looking at Luna. He hoped in his heart she was okay with that.

They all arrived at their dorm, manager oppa being a little skeptic. He didn’t want any boys in the dorm, but the girls assured everything was going to be okay. It was Taemin, anyways. He was harmless. Taemin slipped his shoes off and breathed out, realizing how tired he was. Victoria quickly entered the kitchen, telling them she was going to make them some hot chocolate and warm sweet potatoes. The group talked lightly about each performance, and how it went, but the conversation gradually changed to SHINee.

“Jonghyun told me he’s thinking about getting a puppy,” Taemin chirped, looking at the girls. They squealed in delight; excited by the news.

“Omo, I hope he gets one soon! Sooo cuuute!” Sulli puffed her cheeks and smiled.

“Yeah,” Taemin laughed at her cuteness, “He wants to name it Roo.”

The girls awww’ed and squealed again, even more excited. Amber laughed at the thought of Jonghyun taking care of a puppy, making her smile from ear to ear.

“Hot chocolate is ready!” Victoria announced, coming out of the kitchen with her own mug. “The sweet potatoes are still hot, so I’m letting them cool.”

“Thank you Vic-umma,” the girls said in unison, getting up. Taemin followed and thanked her politely.

Onew and Key sat together at the bar while Jonghyun was ordering some drinks. They were a little hungry as well, hoping to order some food. Key had a colored beanie in his hands, playing with it from boredom. Onew tapped his fingers, thinking. He was upset that Luna was so mad at him, and dreaded waiting. But he had to; he didn’t want to annoy her more... He was terrified of the thought of Luna leaving him over something like that. But he remembered that Taemin told her about… that night. He shivered, afraid of his own memories. He frowned, looking away from the table for a moment. What if she wasn’t able to forgive him?

“Yah, hyung, not excited to drink?” Key asked Onew. “What’s on your mind anyway?”

Onew looked back at him, quiet. “You know…” he said it as a nonchalant whisper, kind of embarrassed by his actions. Maybe Onew should just forget about it for a bit.

“Well, what did you two do? You seemed fine before Luna talked to Taemin.”

“I know.”

“Did you guys fight?”

Onew was quiet.

“Well, hyung… was it serious?”

“I-I don’t know… I don’t think it was. But she got really upset and left our backstage room.”

“Sheesh, what was it about?”

“I’m not sure. I just got mad because she left with Taemin to talk to him… but…”

“But?”

“I accidently heard them talk about secrets and stuff.”

“Accidently?”

“Okay, I listened through the door. Is that really bad?” Onew looked like a desperate puppy by now, playing with his own fingers. Key smiled, trying to comfort him.

“I think if you were worried something was up, it’s not too bad. How did she find out?”

“I-er, I accidently asked her a question that involved one of her secrets with Taemin.”

“What are these secrets, anyways?” Key smiled when he thought of that. Jonghuyn appeared next to them with three drinks, sitting down.

“What are we talking about?” Jonghyun got comfy and took a sip. Onew gulped down a large amount and put his drink down.

“Luna and I are just having some problems.”

“Ah, well, it’s not like she’s officially your girlfriend or anything, hyung, why worry?”

“What do you mean?” Onew held back his anger, his lips from the drink. Key drank to himself, listening.

“You know neither of you are supposed to date,” Jonghyun sounded a bit sarcastic, making Key a bit surprised. Maybe he took some shots before getting the other drinks? Onew drank more, looking into his cup. He didn’t know if it was half empty or half full…

“But we love each other, even though we’re not dating.” Onew felt bold from saying that. He wanted to keep Luna a bit of a secret, not wanting to start any gossip or headlines. But right now, he didn’t care.

“I know you do. I heard you guys the other night, anyway.” Jonghyun laughed as Onew turned red.

“Wh-what?” He asked, denying it. Onew’s eyes widened, cursing his hormones.

“You two were so loud you woke Key up!” Jonghyun giggled more, Key shushing him.

“That’s what that was? Hyung.” Key smirked a bit; an evil look on his face.

“How was it?” Jonghyun leaned in, trying to keep quiet this time. Onew blushed more, quiet. He closed his eyes and covered his left cheek with his hand. “Hyung, come on, you can tell us.” Jonghyun egged it on more.

“Jonghyun, come on-“ He felt Jonghyun place Onew’s cup on his lips, waving it around a bit. Onew grumbled and drank the rest quickly. He knew how to drink fast, and enjoyed it. He liked the feeling of the burning warmth in his throat, and the instant feeling of dizziness after a large gulp. They were sitting, so he wasn’t able to feel the full effect yet. Onew felt courageous now.

“I want some shots,” Onew sluggishly stood up and stepped over to the bar again. He ordered two shots of soju, both for himself. Both were down in an instant. He wanted another, but Key was calling him back to the table. Onew ordered one more and sipped it down as he stepped over to the table once more.

“Come on, you can tell us, right? Just tell if it was good or not,” Jonghyun slurred his words a bit. He definitely drank some shots before ordering.

“I’m hungry,” Onew announced. Key agreed, both of them ignoring Jonghyun. Key got up and went to the bar instantly.

“Hyung, hyung, hyung.” Jonghyun poked Onew’s arm forcibly. Onew sighed and finally let out-

“Of course it was amazing. But now I’m embarrassed to know that you heard it.”

“Why? You sounded like you were having fun,” Jonghyun nudged Onew a bit. Onew was shy, and stood still, looking down. He wanted to see Luna badly now.

“I’m surprised that happened so quickly, anyways. Did you two use a ?”

Onew was shocked by his blunt question, but began to feel a bit of anxiety. They didn’t, and he didn’t pull out or anything.

“Oh god,” Onew whispered.

“What?” It seemed like Jonghyun either just forgot his question or didn’t take it seriously.