Minatozaki Sana’s Point of view

 

I have always wanted to study abroad, it’s the feeling of independence that makes me want to do so. Though it wasn’t an easy decision for my parents to let me go, they knew that they had to. They just had to. I am an only daughter, I don’t know why I don’t have a sibling. It just happened that way, I guess?

 

I honestly don’t understand how my parents must have felt the moment I told them I wanted to go and study abroad. I guess they can’t just dismiss the idea right away. I also wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer. Do I sound like a spoiled brat? Maybe. But as someone who is optimistic, I’d rather call it being ‘driven’. Sounds better, right? 

 

I’m just glad both my parents agreed though. Because if they didn’t? I wouldn’t know what my life would be. I mean, living in Japan was fine. Honestly, I love it there because I had good friends and a loving family. But the thing is, I grew up so sheltered. I was pretty much alone cause I am an only child which meant I was always bored. Maybe the experience rubbed off on me, not in a bad way, but maybe I just don’t want these predetermined things to define me.

 

It has been three years since I came to South Korea. Yes, I’ve always thought I would study in a European country or something but I guess that’s not for me. Instead, I decided to study in a country which is basically real close to Japan. 

 

“Unnie.” I knew who it was, no one else knows that I am currently working a part time job. No one else but her. 

 

“Tzuyu-ah.” I greet her with a smile, our youngest has come to walk me home. I couldn’t really ask the others to do this because first of all they do not know that I have dropped out of school and second, well, nothing really. There’s not that many reasons except she’s volunteered to pick me up from work everyday. Well, we’ve been doing this for quite some time now ever since the thing with Nayeon unnie broke. Ever since, things have become somehow grey. A little.

 

“Am I too early?” she asked, her eyes curious. She just smiled, she’s standing right in front of the counter. There weren't many people, it’s because I’m on the night shift. 

 

“No, you’re just in time. Wait for me outside?” I ask her. Tzuyu just nods and she walks out, like she usually does whenever she comes to pick me up. The girl who’s supposed to work after my shift has just finished changing to her work clothes and has offered to take my place.

 

“Is she your younger sister?” the other employee asked.

 

“Wait, I’m sorry.” I chuckled. I stare at her and smile. “This may sound rude or downright stupid but I still don’t know your name.” I see the girl smile, actually this is the first time I’ve ever had a conversation with her. Yeah, I know, I’m such a for not asking the girl’s name. I’ll be better next time. 

 

“Yeah, it’s been months since you’ve started working here and we still don’t know each other’s names.” She smiled, a good looking smile. 

 

“Yeah, I guess that was rude of me. Things just haven’t been well lately.” I tell her.

 

“Yeah, I kind of figured that out.” She smiled as she walked past me and entered the cubicle for the cashiers. I just stare at her, following her movements with my eyes. “You can call me Sehee.” she smiled and bowed. 

 

“I’m Sana. Nice to meet you.” I bowed too. 

 

“Looks like your sister has been waiting for you outside. She looks bored.” She chuckled as she motioned for Tzuyu. I couldn’t help but follow her hand and I almost jumped up. 

 

“Oh, . I completely forgot about her.” I mumble and laugh. “Hey, I gotta go. See you when I see you, I guess.” I tell her and I walk away. 

 

Tzuyu and I usually walk home. The convenience store where I work is actually pretty close to where we live, however, since I do not want the girls to know where I work, I picked the one that’s actually not really by the road. I don’t know, I don’t want any of the girls finding out about my situation right now. 

 

“Unnie, have you eaten yet?” Tzuyu asked out of nowhere while we were walking. I stared at her and smiled.

 

“Yup, I’ve had dinner. You?” I ask her, genuinely concerned.

 

“Don’t worry about me. I’m not the one working at a convenience store.” She chuckles and this caught me off-guard, not in a bad way though. I know her, I know what she meant. 

 

“Yah, are you making fun of me now? Huh?” I ask her, I try to sound offended and try to see if I could actually fool her. But of course, I just see her smile. This kid, I swear to god I can’t fool her. 

 

“I’m not making fun of you, Sana unnie.” she smiles, we still were walking along the roads. Talking while walking, that’s what we’re good at. “I’m just worried, you know. A little worried that you might not be eating well.” she had this worried look painted all over her face. 

 

 “Stop worrying so much, kid. That’s not healthy for you, seriously.” I told her, I was speaking honestly. I don’t want her to worry so much about something that’s not that grave. This kid worries too much. 

 

“Honestly, Sana unnie. I can’t help it. You tend to forget things and I really think that you forgetting about simple things like eating is very possible.” She says this all too quickly. Words shot out of like an AK47 gun. I just stare at her. 

 

“Aigoo, since when did you become this thoughtful? Huh?” I reached for the top of her head and ruffled her hair very vigorously. She seemed annoyed, but who cares? 

 

“You’re a hag that’s why you forget things.” She smirks. 

 

“Girl, you’re pointing at the wrong person.” I look at her seriously.

 

“What?” she asked, she sounded a little shaken.

 

“Nayeon unnie. She’s the hag.” I reply jokingly. She stares at me and she laughs too, it's comforting , to hear her laugh. Satisfying too, she’s a nice kid. We continue to walk in silence, that’s what we were good at. Together, we can be silent. The silence with this kid is fine . As I said, it’s comforting. Everyone loves comfort, right? 

 

“Anyway, you forget things. I’m not wrong, right?” she asks as we walk. I just stare at her and somehow realize that she’s right. 

 

“Now that you’re pushing it, you may be right.” I replied as we continued to walk. 

 

“Hmmm, what do you mean?” Asks Tzuyu, she sounded almost too interested.

 

“Well, you know, I have enough money. Right?” I tell her, she’s the only one who knows what I've been going through lately.  I mean, she shouldn't have known but I guess not all secrets can be kept to oneself. 

 

“I don’t think you do.” Tzuyu stares at me. 

 

“What do you mean?” I ask her. 

 

“First of all, you’ve recently just refused to receive allowance from your parents, saying that you’ll only ask if you’re on the verge of starvation.” She cockily says this right in front of me.

 

“Hey--” the giant cuts me off.

 

“Second, you have to pay for rent, you have food expenses, and miscellaneous expenses too.” The giant says this in a so matter-of-factly way. 

 

“So like, are you majoring in Accounting now?” I sarcastically ask her. She shook her head. 

 

“I mean, you’re majoring in nothing now so …” She trails off but I knew she was just joking, I can see it in her face. I just gave her this disgusted look and she ended up chuckling. 

 

“You done now?” I ask her sarcastically.

 

“Nope. My last point is, one does not count their money up to the last penny if they have more than enough.” She says this so confidently that I just had to stare at her for a while in awe. 

 

“Yeah, anyway. Back to what I was saying.” I tell her, trying to redirect our conversation. “I know I have enough money.”

 

“How’d you know?” the younger girl asks. 

 

“Well, cause I count it.” I tell her, only proving her third point. Sure, Maybe I don’t really have enough money. Whatever, I chose this. 

 

“See? I was right. Anyway, what’s your point?” Asks Tzuyu. 

 

“Well, I know how much goes in and goes out of my pocket. But these days, it seems like money is magically appearing inside my piggybank.” I told her honestly, because I wasn’t sure what was going on. 

 

Since I have dropped out of school, I’ve become really watchful with my expenses. I know how much  goes in my piggybank and I know how much goes out. I’m not paranoid but I’m just really trying to be careful with my savings and expenses. Money isn’t easy especially now that I’ve somehow told my parents I’ll contact them if I need money. But somehow, these past few days, the money in my piggybank seemed to have doubled. Just recently, I found five fifty thousand won inserted inside my piggybank. 

 

“Aigoo, unnie.” Tzuyu smiles. 

 

“Why? You think I’m crazy? I recently found five fifty thousand won bills inside my piggybank last night? I know how much I put in there! Money can’t possibly just grow in there, can it?” I tell her. 

 

“Unnie, stop thinking about these things. I’m starting to think you’re going crazy.” chuckles Tzuyu. 

 

I just stare at her, what’s the point? She won’t believe anything I say. I just smiled at her as we both continued to walk to our dormitory. When we arrived, everyone was asleep. But I wasn’t sleepy. Without Nayeon unnie around the house, life is very quiet here. It’s as if the dormitory became a little dim. I just think it’s sad that we didn’t get to say goodbye to her, we all just woke up and she wasn’t here anymore. It’s as if she had vanished.It’s been a week since she left and we still haven’t received a simple call or message from her. I just feel as if everything’s falling apart. 

 

But we all know it’s what’s best for everyone especially for Nayeon unnie. Everything’s just too stressful for her, she needs a break. I just wish she’s doing fine with her grandmother. I hope, atleast. 

 

[KAKAO TALK]

 

Kim Dahyun: Hey, what’s up?

 

I stare at my phone for a while when I read her message. Kim Dahyun, that girl. I know what she wants if she texts me this time of night. I just sigh, contemplating whether I should reply or not. I just stared and stared, feeling as if I might melt my phone because of the intensity of my gaze. 

 

[KIM DAHYUN IS CALLING]

 

Without hesitating, I answered my phone. 

 

“Hey.” I answered.

 

“Hey.” Kim Dahyun sounds like she’s in a good mood. I don’t know why but because of this I smile too. “I was wondering if you could come over?” She sounded polite when she asked this. I just smile. 

 

“Yeah, sure. I can come over.” I reply. I have nothing to do anyway. 

 

“That’s great. I’ll wait and open the door for you.”  she replies before hanging up. With everything that has happened around here lately, I haven’t had the time to actually meet with Dahyun. Not that meeting her is important, I’m just saying I kind of missed her presence. Well, kind of. I don’t miss her that much. 

 

I knocked on their door, not wanting to press the doorbell because it might wake the others. Of course, I want to be as discreet as possible. It was already past midnight. Though we’ve done this before, I just feel a little fidgety since we haven’t met in a while. Almost a month maybe? That’s enough to make someone rusty, for sure. 

 

When she opened the door, she had this look in her eyes. I do not know how to describe it but it made me smile just a little. 

 

“Hey, you.”She whispered, a smile crept on her lips. “Come in.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me inside their dormitory. I chuckle with what she has done and she chuckles too. She is way shorter than me that’s why I let her do anything she wants. 

 

“Hey, you.” I chuckle. I looked around her dorm and smiled. “Are you alone?” I asked her, almost too stupidly too. I mean, we’ve done it many times with the others in their dorm and we still haven’t been caught. This time though, I’m just asking to make sure. 

 

“Well, yeah. That’s why I wanted you to come over.” She seemed shy when she said this. She wasn’t wearing anything skimpy though, just her regular checkered yellow pajamas and an oversized shirt.

 

“Nobody else is here? Isn’t that convenient.” I chuckle, and I stared at her. She was flushed which was very uncommon for her. She doesn’t blush easily, Kim dahyun. The both of us awkwardly stood there, the room’s silence is deafening. 

 

I stared at her, and I realised we haven’t done anything since Jung Min Woo happened. The guys basically destroyed lots of things around here, including what Dahyun and I had. I mean, we can still do it but I just don’t want to sound crass and ask her something stupid out of nowhere. I can’t just ask her if she wants to sleep with me, that’s just so off-beat. 

 

“Where are they, anyway?” I ask her as I walk over to the couch and take a seat. I see her do the same. 

 

“Well, I don’t know. Personal business maybe.” She answers immediately. I just nod and fiddle with my fingers, I don’t know what else to say to be honest. “Well, I kind of want to watch a movie with you.” she sounded shy, also hesitant even. I just look at her and smile. 

 

“That’s new.” I laugh.

 

“What do you mean?” she asks, she seemed confused. She already had the remote in her hand, she was ready to pick something to watch. I breathed in, I didn’t know how to say it without sounding rude. 

 

“Well, we haven’t done anything like this.” I look into her eyes as I tell her this. 

 

“Well, there’s always a first time in everything. Right?” She smiles as she clicks on a movie. I just stared at her in awe, I thought differently because I’ve always thought we had limitations with the things that we’re supposed to do. We’ve done almost everything under the sheets but outside the bedroom? I don’t think we’ve ever hung out. 

 

“This is nice.” I mumble under my breath, feeling this weird feeling in my stomach. 

 

“It is.” She beamed a smile at me as the movie started to play. 

 

I'm not sure whether it is the fact that we’ve never done anything in over a month, or because she’s asked me to hang out with her, or just the fact that we’re in the same room and not really doing anything. I’m not sure. But, it’s weird. It’s strange that I feel comfortable just hanging out with her, not doing anything. It’s as if we’re actually friends. It’s nice, it feels very nice. As we watched the movie that night, we laughed, we cried, we became silent, and we analyzed some things. I felt emotions  that are more complex than just having .

 

“No, I’m telling you Amy is the crazy one. Why won’t you believe me?” She tries to insist. Kim Dahyun had this tiny smirk on . 

 

We were arguing about some details about the Movie ‘Gone Girl’. After finishing the movie, we start arguing who’s more ed up between Nick and Amy. I obviously think that Nick is the ed up one. 

 

“I know she’s crazy. Her parents know she’s crazy. But you know why I think it’s Nick’s fault?” I ask her, trying to prove that my point is actually correct. She stared at me, as if whatever I am saying will be wrong. 

 

“Oh please, do tell.” Kim Dahyun cockily replies. 

 

“It’s because he married her. Also, why the hell would he cheat on her? He’s clearly a douchebag!” I protest, I know I’m actually making a point here. 

 

“Sana, you know what? I don’t care.” She chuckles as she rests her head on the Sofa. She’s staring at me. I just stare back, not really knowing what to do next. 

 

We sleep together, nothing less nothing more. But I guess, because of the things happening around here, she needed to lean on me. Well, I needed to lean on her too. Because as of the moment, my life’s kind of a mess. I do not know what to do and where to go. 

 

“Thanks for the invite tonight.” I smile at her. She smiled at me too, not really saying anything. 

 

“The pleasure’s all mine.” She smiles. 

 

“So, maybe I should get going now.” I tell her, it was almost three in the morning. There was nothing left to do really, we already finished watching the movie. 

 

“Well, that sounds okay too.” She replies. It seemed like she wanted to say something else, but she seemed hesitant. “Hey, come here. I need to tell you something.” She motions for me to come closer. Not leaving the sofa, I crawled slowly to her until  there was a decent amount of space between us. Our faces were just inches away.

 

“Yes?” I asked her, I know the way I crawled up to her was suggestive but I have always been like that to her. I’ve always expected that she’s used to it by now. 

 

“Good night.” She stared at me, for a while it was just complete silence. I didn’t say anything but I just stared, feeling my heart rate become faster by the second. 

 

“Sleep tight.” I replied, just staring deeply in her eyes and that was when I felt Kim Dahyun’s hand pull me close. There was no resistance from me, it’s because I wanted it to. I wanted to be pulled hard. I wanted to be close to her. I want to feel her. My hands instantly found their way on her thighs, squeezing them softly. But instead of getting on top of me, I feel Kim Dahyun press her lips on my lips. It wasn’t the type of kiss that was rushed, it was the type that’s gentle, calculating, and just easy. The type of kiss that you give someone you like. 

 

Kim Dahyun Kissed me.

 

Kim Dahyun and I have never kissed each other on the lips before. We’ve agreed that kissing on the lips was something that’s off-limits. When I feel everything has stopped, I open my eyes and the moment I laid my eyes on her, I felt this strange feeling I’ve never felt before and because of this I realised Kim Dahyun meant more to me. 

 

Son Chaeyoung’s Point of View

 

The last time I felt this giddy was during the time I dated Dahyun, it’s been years and it’s just been really good. Ever since that night at Teal bar, I’ve been happy . It’s just that, Mina and I have been in this weird transitioning process of trying to accept that we’re more than just friends. To be honest, I can’t believe what just happened. 

 

To be honest, everything is still unclear to me. She said she’s delighted to be in my life, does that mean she’s happy where we are at right now or does she mean she wants more? I know that I am just overthinking, but I just have forgotten how dating works. 

 

This transition thing, this is where people either make it or break it right? I am nervous. I just think we’re in this awkward phase where we both try to figure out where we really are. I just wish I could skip all this transition phase, I don’t even know if she meant whatever she said. Is she really delighted to be in my life? I don’t even know what really goes on anymore. I’m just here, waiting for how things would turn out. I’m constantly anxious, that’s it. 

 

I’ve never really asked her more questions after that night, we kind of just left it at that. It just feels as if things would be better if we just let the things take its own course. As of now, it’s either I hit it or just miss it. We’re in this weird transitioning period where we don’t know if we should interact or not. The other day we saw each other in the living room and ended up smiling like crazy people. But nothing happened! We just smiled at each other. Stupid, right? 

 

Yes, we were there just smiling. I was so shy, I didn’t know what to do so I just told her I had work to do and I abruptly went inside my room and locked the door. That’s where we are right now, that whole awkward phase. You know, the unnecessary shy phase? That’s where we are, none of us even have the balls to confront each other. I don’t know, this just makes me feel as if what she said that evening was too good to be true. 

 

Negative thoughts just flood my head. Thoughts that somehow convince me that there is nothing between us, visit me before I go to sleep. This is the reason why lately I haven’t really slept properly. This is just so different with my experience with Dahyun. Dahyun and I were just so straightforward with everything, once we both confirmed we liked each other we just sort of hit it off. We dated immediately, there wasn’t much complication between us. But with Mina, everything is just so complicated.

 

I don’t even know if she likes me. All of this, it seems so fragile. The thing between me and Mina, it just feels so fragile and new. I don’t even know if there really is something between us. Is there a space? A space for Jesus maybe? I don’t even know if Jesus wants to be in between us. 

 

Kidding aside, I just feel lost in this limbo of emotions for Mina.  My thoughts really consume me sometimes that I didn’t notice the knocking on our door. 

 

I jumped out of the Sofa, opened the door and saw Mina. She just stood there, her facial expression changed when she saw me. It somehow softened. As per usual, Mina looked good.  She probably just finished with her class, she looked beautiful in her high-waist jeans and loose tucked in shirt. She’s wearing her white converse, her hair tied to a bun. I couldn’t help it, I was just stunned. I couldn’t help myself from smiling, it’s just something that I couldn’t prevent from happening. 

 

“Yah, Son Chaeyoung.” She calls my attention, that’s when I snapped out of it and let her through. She walked inside and I just closed the door for her. She walked straight to her own room and shut the door. 

 

“Hi Mina, I’m so glad to see you too.” I sarcastically whispered to myself and just plopped myself on the sofa. She didn’t even say hi, she just basically shooed me and told me to get out of her way. What a loser, Son Chaeyoung. 

 

“Hey, Chaeng chaeng.” I heard her call out to me, I didn’t hear her step out of her room. She plopped next to me and smiled. “What’s up with that look on your face?” Mina asked, probably not used to seeing me frown. 

 

“Nothing...” I playfully answered back, sticking my tongue out like a silly kid. 

 

“It has been awfully quiet around here.” She mumbles under her breath. 

 

“For sure.I miss Nayeon unnie, I wish I could see her again. It’s been a week since the last time I saw her.” I told her, I looked at her and saw that her mood had changed. She seemed a little sad, a little withdrawn even. “What’s wrong?” I ask her.

 

“I just miss Nayeon too.” She smiled at me. 

 

“Everyone misses her.” I told her.

 

“Of course, who wouldn’t. Right?” She smiled. She was sitting very close to me, both her hands clasped together as if she’s delivering a speech. “Anyway, Chaengie.” her tone had changed from a serious to a brighter tone.

 

“Yeah, that is what’s up.” I chuckled, I knew she really had something to say. She doesn’t necessarily just sit next to me. So if she does sit next to me, that means she’s got something to say or she’s got a favour to ask. 

 

“What?” She asked, her tone a little more higher than usual.

 

“Stop acting so innocent Myoui.” I smirk at her.

 

“So you’re dropping the ‘unnie’, huh?” She smirked, I don’t know if she likes it or she’s just amused. 

 

“Nobody is around anyway.” I tell her truthfully. 

 

“Yah, Son Chaeyoung!” She playfully smacks my shoulder and we both just chuckle. I just stare at her suggestively, playfully placing my arm on her shoulder in the process. She stared at me, her chuckle fading, I can hear her humming softly. 

 

“What? Are you going to kiss me again and pretend it didn’t happen?” I softly laugh as I slide my arm off of her shoulder. She stared at me, obviously stunned but not stunned enough to get her to run to her room. I don’t know, words just came sliding out. 

 

I’m sorry for owning a mouth, I guess. 

 

“Why are sliding your arms off?” She asked, her tone serious. She reaches for my hand and she puts it on her shoulder where it was a few seconds ago. 

 

“What are you doing?” I chuckled, however, I was nervous at the same time. Seriously, I don’t know when she’s going to strike or not. 

 

“Here you go.” She places two tickets on my lap, dumbfounded, I just stare at them. “They’re uh, passes for my Senior’s gathering this Saturday evening.” She smiled, I knew what  she meant. I just stare at her, I don’t know what to feel. I feel as if my heart was going to sink. 

 

“Are you, asking me out?” I asked her, I was obviously flustered. How come she’s so calm? Does she not have a heart? Does she not have feelings? Is she a robot?

 

 “What do you think I’m doing, dummy?” She chuckles and her eyes just disappear. I just stared at her, I was confused. These past few days we’ve only been smiling at each other. I thought we were in this limbo, but apparently we aren’t? “What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?” She asked me, her voice full of worry. 

 

“No, I like it. It’s just that...What’s happening again?” I asked her, I was obviously confused. 

 

“Aigoo. Yah, Son Chaeyoung. I, Myou Mina, am asking you on a date.” She replies, she was obviously trying to make me shut up.

 

“Oh, wow. So this is really happening.” I tell her. I was obviously overwhelmed. She just smiled and leaned in to kiss my cheek. She did it so casually I was wide-eyed after. 

 

“Everything’s in the pass dummy. Keep it, okay?” She smiled, stood up and she pats my head. I was just there, dumbfounded. And then she starts walking away.

 

“Yah, where are you going?” I ask her, turning around to see her.

 

“To my room, to do some work. It’s this coming Saturday, okay? Be there.” She replies, she was about to open her door.

 

“Hey, we’re the only ones around.” I whine, of course she knew what I meant. I smiled at her, hoping that she’d let me stay in her room to, you know, ‘hang out with her’. 

 

“I’ll see you when I’m done with work, Cub.” She chuckled and got inside her room. 

 

“Bummer.” I whined loudly so that she would hear me. Sure enough, she did hear me because I heard her laugh in her room right after I let my sentiment be known. She’s mean.