“I said, would you go on a date with me.” She blatantly reiterates whatever she said a while ago. I just stare at her, my eyes wide in confusion. 

What the ?

“A what?” I asked her, almost a little too aggressively. 

“A date, Son Chaeyoung. Don’t you know what a date is?” She asked me, I see her smiling. I just stared at her, I was still confused. I immediately halt and let out an exasperated breath. I wasn’t sure what was happening. 

“Umm…” I close my eyes, trying to think things through. “Why, exactly?” I was pretty sure I gave her my most confused look because I saw her laugh at me, in turn I ended up laughing too.

“It’s a friendly date, silly.” She laughs. She just shook her head, probably because of how slow I was. “Weren’t you listening to me awhile ago?” She asked, her gummy smile almost blinding me. 

“I got distracted.” I defended myself, of course this was true. She just nodded. “What for, exactly?” I ask, trying to make sure I get all the details. I just didn’t want to assume. Assuming will only lead me to a heartbreak and I don’t want that. Nobody wants that unless you’re a masochist. 

“I just want to make it up to you.” She gave me this apologetic look. She just looked down to the ground, she’s fiddling with her feet. Why the heck is she so awkward? “We had a fight a while back. And well—-” I cut her off, I just want to cut things short. 

“Sure, unnie.” I smile at her. “I’ll spend time with you, tomorrow.” I tell her. 

“So, it’s a date?” She smiles. I just stare at her, the urge to correct her is eating me whole. I know, she’s just trying to be nice. This time, it’s my initiative to be less of a burden to her. 

“Sure, a friendly date.” I draw a line between us.

That night, I couldn’t sleep. I keep tossing and turning in bed. I was up until god knows what time in the morning. I couldn’t be still. I kept sitting up and then lying down again. It was like a repetitive torture cycle. My body was awake, my soul was awake, I was awake. I tried to close my eyes and let my mind rest but I could only see one thing.

Mina, in her turtleneck, skirt, and boots. She looked shy, her thin red lips moving. She’s saying something. “I said, would you go on a date with me?” she asked. 

I sit straight up and open my eyes. The sun was peeking through my window, it’s morning. I quickly grabbed my phone to check what time it was, it was six o’clock. I just sit still and stare at the cream colored wall in front of me. 

“Son Chaeyoung, what the are you doing?” I asked myself. 

I mean, I ask myself that question everyday but today that question has got a heavier bearing. As I continue to space out, staring at the wall, I hear a knock. My head swiftly turned to the door’s direction. I just stare at it. My eyes half closed. The door opens and it spits out a giant. A demon tree to be exact.

“Wow. You look horrible.” Says Tzuyu. I just blink at her. “Why does it look like you haven’t slept for a century?” She asks. 

“Why does it look like you’re a 7-foot Chinese man?” I sass her back. I see her roll her eyes at me. She enters my room and then she sits on my bed.

She’s Taiwanese, not Chinese. 

“It’s too early for you to sass me, but okay.” She admits her defeat. I just smile at her, feeling this glorious energy from winning a bickering contest with Chou Tzuyu. 

“Need something from me?” I ask her. I stretch my arms out and let out a yawn, then I stare at her. No response. “Well? You’ve got to need something from me because it’s very unlikely of you to barge in my room this early in the morning.” I tell her, of course the words just kept coming. It’s Tzuyu that I’m talking to, the level of confidence I have is through the roof. 

“Dahyun unnie wanted you to read this.” She hands me folded paper. I just stare at it in confusion. She stared at me back, she looked unamused. “Don’t ask me what that is because I don’t know either.” She answers me, without me asking her anything. I carefully grabbed the piece of paper, but I didn’t unroll it just yet. What could this be? This early in the damn morning? Kim Dahyun really is something. 

“What’s up with her?” I ask Tzuyu. 

“Who knows? You guys have known each other for a long time now, you should know.” Says the giant as she stands up and walks towards the door. Just before she leaves me, she turns around. “Anyway, don’t forget about the thing about the school festival.” 

I just nodded at her and off she went. I then quickly unfold the piece of paper and read what the fuss is all about. 

MEET ME AT MY DORM ROOM AT 5 O’CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON

I just stare at the note. What kind of amateur thing is she trying to do here? Why would she send me a note when she’s got my number? Does she think she’s some person living during the Victorian era? What’s up with her? Jeez, it’s only six in the morning and I’m more confused than ever. 

Honestly, sometimes I think I already know Kim Dahyun but then she’d pull a surprise move and I’d begin to doubt myself again. I would start to ask questions like “Did I really date this idiot?” Or “Holy , I once was in love with this fool.” You know, things like that. Sometimes I’d even think to myself “Wow, I once was in bed with this pabo. How the hell did she bag me again?” And I’d just laugh my heart out. 

I plop back to my bed and stare at the ceiling again, I don’t know. I don’t even know anymore, too much is happening at the same time and I could barely keep up. I wasn’t made for the fast-paced life, I am Son Chaeyoung and all I want is to have a break. There’s so many things happening at the same time that I could barely keep up. 

I just stare at the cream-colored ceiling and think of the possible things that might happen during my time with Mina unnie later. I just stare at the blank ceiling and my thoughts have somehow become blank as well. Nothing. I can’t seem to think of the possibilities. Is it because it’s something that’s difficult to believe? Or is it because I know deep inside it’s only a friendly date and nothing more? 

Maybe because of all the unnecessary thoughts and all the thinking I’ve done, I just seem to not notice but my eyes actually got heavy and without knowing, I fell asleep. 

Little over 4 o’clock in the afternoon, I started my ritual. I took a bath, picked some nice clothes to wear, and then put on some makeup. After all of the hocus pocus was done, I stared at myself in the mirror. My short hair now properly combed and styled and my face looking half decent. I blink, not sure with what I was wearing. 

Is pants an appropriate thing to wear during dates? But this isn’t a date though. I’m just having dinner with Mina. But I like Mina. I have so many thoughts about Mina unnie. I’m not even afraid to admit that my amount of thoughts about her has increased these past few days.

Skirt it is. 

I quickly put on the skirt, it wasn’t too short nor too long. It’s just three inches above my knees. It wouldn’t hurt to look pretty, right? I’ve got to look presentable when going out, who knows? Some agency might scout me. 

After I finish dressing up, I take my purse and head out. I’m supposed to get a text from Mina at around 5:30 or something. Before all that though, I have to meet with Kim Dahyun, she’s got something to tell me. I don’t know what it is but, it’s probably something urgent. As I walked to the dorm next door, the cold breeze of Seoul air touched my skin, I just shiver.

Must I really suffer for fashion?

I shook off the thought out of my head and continued to walk inside Dahyun’s Dorm. As I entered inside, I expected to be greeted either by Jeongyeon unnie, Momo unnie, or Jihyo unnie. But, the place was quiet. I closed the door behind me and stood my ground. Why isn’t anyone here? It’s awfully quiet and I have to admit I think that’s a little weird. When you live in a dorm with people like Jeong, Momo, Jihyo, and Dahyun, peace is not an option because Chaos is the norm. 

“Yah, Kim Dahyun! Where are you?” I called out to her. I just stand my ground as I wait for her to respond. 

“Back here!” I hear her call out to me. “In the Laundry room!” She adds. I just nod and walk towards the laundry room whereas expected, I see her doing laundry. 

“Yeah, you need something?” I asked her, I was pertaining to the note she passed to Tzuyu this morning. She doesn’t look up, she continues to sort out her clothes. 

“What do you mean?” She asked back, still not looking up. She’s still busy sorting her clothes out.  

“Why are you asking me? Aren’t you supposed to be the one to know?” I ask back, this time I leaned on the doorway as I cross my arms. 

“To know what?” She asked again, this time she stood up but instead of looking up, she turned around to operate the washing machine. I roll my eyes in frustration. 

“Yah. Aren’t you even going to look at me?” I asked her, my tone was becoming increasingly frustrated. She turns around, and then she raised both her eyebrows at me.

“Yeah?” She asked, as if I am the one disturbing her. I throw both my hands in frustration and then I see her chuckle. 

“The NOTE.” I tell her, hoping that the word NOTE might remind her that she wanted me to come over to her place. She looks at me for awhile and then she nods her head as if she recalled what she had forgotten. 

“Oh yeah!” She chuckles. The Dahyun chuckle. I just stare at her blankly. 

“Did you really have to give me a note?” I chuckle, she smiles. “Are we in middle school or something?” I add.

“I was going for the cool vibe.” She pouts and I just shook my head at her. “Did you like it?” She asks, this time I just sigh in frustration. 

“Stop stalling. I’ve got things to do.” I tell her, the sense of urgency in my voice could be felt. She just smiles and then she starts to load the washing machine with her white clothes. 

“I can see that.” She turned around and checked me out from head to foot.  She had this tasteful look on her face. The moment her eyes landed on my legs, I swear to God it’s as if I can hear her face go “Uhhh-huh” . I raised my eyebrows at her and crossed my arms over my chest. 

“Eyes up here.” I tell her, making my voice loud and clear. She suddenly snapped and she looked me in the eye. “Look at my face and my face only.  Don’t let your eyes wander beyond that.” I smile at her sourly. I hear her snicker. 

“What are you being so shy about?” She sounded really mocking. I just look at her, warning her with my eyes. “I’ve seen you billions of times. Jesus, don’t act so naive.” She laughs and then she continues to operate the washing machine. 

“Shut up!” My voice was loud, I couldn’t help myself. I hear her snicker once more and I swear I wanted to pick a fight with her. “You wanted me here. Why?” I ask her directly, hoping that this time she’d give me a proper answer. She turns around and then she crosses her arms, she’s leaning on the washing machine.

“I was hoping we could get dinner.” She answers casually. 

“Like, right now?” I ask her, I was a little overwhelmed but I did my best to conceal it. She just nodded and then she walked towards me. 

“Yeah, like tonight.” 

I just stared at her, I was obviously weirded out by her invitation. Because first of all, why would she want to have dinner with me? Second, why so sudden? Third, this is just so weird. I looked at her, she wanted answers. Though I don’t see anything wrong with having dinner with her, the timing is just so off. Mina unnie asked me out first. 

“Yeah, I can’t do dinner tonight.” I tell her. She didn’t look shocked, she seemed nonchalant. 

“Why? You going to have dinner with someone else?” She asks. I just shake my head. 

“No, I’ve got errands to run for tonight.” I lie to her. She obviously knows I’m lying. I mean, who the hell runs an errand wearing a skirt? In cold weather? But I hope she’d just let me go and let me do my thing. She just nodded her head and gave me a thumbs up. 

“Okay, but be careful.” She tells me softly. She then turns around and then she proceeds to continue to do her chores. Just as I was about to walk off, she said something. “Call me if you change your mind.” She sounded really soft, longing even. I shrug it off though, there’s no room for interpretation between us. 

After my conversation with Kim Dahyun, I took an Uber. Inside the Uber, I waited for Mina unnie to text me where we would meet. But, a significant amount of time has already passed and still there wasn’t anything from Mina unnie. I start to feel this big ball of emotion inside of me form. 

[KAKAO TALK]

Me: Unnie, where should we meet tonight?

I promised myself that I would wait for her to text me today. I promised myself that I wouldn’t text her first and that I’d just play it cool. But it’s almost 6 o’clock and I still haven’t gotten a text from her. I can’t help myself, I’m sorry. I may have failed myself but atleast I reached out, right?

Not longer than 5 minutes later, I feel my phone buzz. I immediately opened my phone and saw a reply from Mina. I’m telling you, I’ve never opened my KAKAO TALK that fast.

[KAKAO TALK]

Me: Unnie, where should we meet tonight?

Penguin: Let’s meet at Teal bar tonight. Sound good?

I just look at the text for a few seconds before replying. 

[KAKAO TALK]

Me: Unnie, where should we meet tonight?

Penguin: Let’s meet at Teal bar tonight. Sound good?

Me: They serve food there, right?

I was genuinely confused because we both agreed on dinner, not drinking. 

[KAKAO TALK]

Me: Unnie, where should we meet tonight?

Penguin: Let’s meet at Teal bar tonight. Sound good?

Me: They serve food there, right?

Penguin: Yeah! Don’t worry. I’m not trying to get you to drink lol

I smile at my phone. I looked up and told my Uber Driver the destination and off we went. Teal Bar is located near my University and most of the time, it’s filled with Patrons my age. But for some reason, everytime I visit, it’s not really busy. The place looked great. The last time I was here was when I had to pick and bring drunk Mina home. It’s been months since that encounter. 

As I take my seat, I start to fiddle with my hands. I feel this small ball of anxiousness inside me. It’s very overwhelming that I had to sigh and bounce my foot from time to time. I was jittery all over, It even seemed like I am breathing faster than I’m used to. Jesus, I’m a mess. I stand up but leave my purse on the table. I needed to go to the washroom and calm myself down. This isn’t me! I’m like, the calmest person ever! 

As I enter the washroom, I turn on the faucet and wash my hands. I scrub it, using my finger nails. I realized I was scrubbing a little too hard when my skin started to become red. I just pause and look up, I see my reflection in the mirror. 

“What the are you looking at?” I ask myself and then sighed. 

I then finish up, dry my hands, and then head out of the washroom. 

I was hoping that when I get back to our table, I’d already received a text from Mina unnie saying that she’s on her way. But I got none. I just looked at my phone, I felt a little disappointed. It was already 7 o’clock, why hasn’t she texted me yet? I decided to compose another text message to remind her.

[KAKAO TALK]

Me: Unnie, where should we meet tonight?

Penguin: Let’s meet at Teal bar tonight. Sound good?

Me: They serve food there, right?

Penguin: Yeah! Don’t worry. I’m not trying to get you to drink lol

Me: I’m already here, what time are you going to be here?

Me: Do you want me to order for you?

I look at my phone screen for a very long time. It even felt like it was going to melt because of my gaze. However, even though I stared at the screen for so long, I got no reply back. I sigh in frustration. All I’m asking is one reply from her. Is one reply too much? 

I lean back to my chair and lightly throw my phone on the table. I look up at the ceiling and breathe out. I feel my cheeks become hotter by the minute, I don’t think this is doing me any good. I look at the table, my phone resting on it. I just sigh and shake my head. 

Look, Son Chaeyoung, what the are you so worried about? She’ll be here any minute, just calm down and wait for her. You don’t want to come off as clingy, right? You’re better than that. 

I lean in and grab my phone, open it and try to check if I had any message from Mina. But, as expected, there was none. I am seated near the counter, I turn my gaze to the bartender, we lock eyes and he smiles at me. I smile at him back, trying not to seem like a loser.

“Tough night, huh?” He asks me. 

“Real tough, I guess.” I smile at him. 

“If you need anything, just tell me and I’ll whip you some nice smooth drink.” He smiles and then he continues to polish the glasses he was working with. I just nodded, not really sure whether I want to stay any longer. 

[KAKAO TALK]

Me: Unnie, where should we meet tonight?

Penguin: Let’s meet at Teal bar tonight. Sound good?

Me: They serve food there, right?

Penguin: Yeah! Don’t worry. I’m not trying to get you to drink lol

Me: I’m already here, what time are you going to be here?

Me: Do you want me to order for you?

7:30 PM

Me: Are you busy? 

I breathe out. I just stare at my phone,waiting for some response. At this point, any response would do. I wouldn’t even care whether she doesn’t come to see me, I’m really exhausted at this point. Why? Why would she even ask me out to dinner and not turn up? Does she see me as a joke? She probably doesn’t take me seriously. Thoughts started to flood inside my head. Thoughts I hate. Thoughts that I wish I could just ignore. But, how can I ignore something that might be true?

I turn my phone off and then place it on top of the table again. I just let myself sink in my seat. I want to melt. I want to evaporate. I just want to disappear. Can I just please disitigrate? 

Just as I was about to stand up and go to the washroom again, I heard my phone ring. I quickly grab my phone and see that it’s Mina unnie calling me. I quickly answer the call.

“Hey…” I greeted her, softly. Hoping that I get to see her tonight.

“Hi.” I hear her greet me on the other line. 

“Are you going to be here soon?” I ask her, trying to make my voice sound cheerful. I hear her sigh on the other line. 

“Chaeng-ah, I got caught up with a little something…” She trails off. It felt like she was hesitant. It’s like something.

I just chuckle, I don’t want to make her feel bad. I don’t want to make her feel like for not seeing me today. Tonight’s dinner was too good to be true, I felt last night that something would come up. Things like being asked out by their crushes don’t usually happen to people like me. Why would it? The deities up above don’t grant wishes everyday.  I’m unlucky like that. 

But I have to admit, I want to see her. I want to look at her, feel her presence, and just enjoy being around her. I am smitten. I knew I had been for weeks now. I am a little disappointed that she had to cancel on me at the last minute. What can I do, right? It’s not like I have the bargaining power over her. 

“Oh? What a coincidence!” I tell her in a cheerful voice. 

“Huh?” I hear her ask in confusion. 

“Yeah, I am supposed to go somewhere too! I have uh…” I trail off, not sure what to tell her. “I have this thing that I have to do, so yeah.” I tell her in my most cheerful voice, hoping that she wouldn’t feel bad for not coming here. 

“Oh…” I hear her trail off. “I guess, we’re both busy.” She adds, her voice soft as always. I shake my head, because no, I’m not busy. 

You’re just not going to see me that’s why I’m pretending to be busy. 

“Yeah, we sure are.” I chuckle, I hear her chuckle too. “So, I’ll see you at the dorm then?” I ask her, wanting to hear her voice before I end our call.

“Chaengie-ah, I’m so sorry. I’ll see you at home, okay? ” She replies and then I just end the call abruptly. Holding my phone in my hand, I take a seat and just sigh. A cocktail of emotions is building up inside me, but mostly I feel like . 

She was polite enough to tell me something came up, but still, I feel like . How could I allow myself to have dinner with her? She’s been the most confusing woman I’ve ever encountered. Why on earth did I let myself feel like I was somehow worthy of her attention. 

Still clutching to my phone, I feel the bartender’s gaze. I look at him, and I see him smile at me. I bow to him, trying to be polite.

“Your friend’s not coming?” He asks. I just shake my head.

“No, someone’s joining me in a while.” I tell him with a smile. As I clutch my phone, I feel like I shouldn’t waste tonight. Heck, I already dressed up. A little inconvenience should not be something to be taken seriously. I opened my phone and contacted the best person at times like this. I put my phone close to my ears and wait for her to answer. 

“Yeah? What’s up?” I hear her pick up my call.

“Still up for that dinner, Dahyun-ah?” I ask her with a smile on my lips.