Hannam Penthouse

Hannam-dong, Seoul.

November 15

𝐇𝐢𝐬

It's been a week since that incident happened. I'm so frustrated at everything, frustrated at myself for letting her go, frustrated at myself for making this mess, the mess that caused her to not come back anymore. I loathe that night, If I just can take back the time, I wouldn't let this happen. My confusion, me neglecting her, if I can tell her again that I love her that I wouldn't need anything but her, only her. I was a fool, I let the temptation in and now I don't know if I can take her back. I tried calling her since that night, but my call would go directly to her voicemail. I know I should give her some time for herself but I can't. I need her by my side all the damn time.  

Drinking is all I do these days, I don't even have enough sleep all I do is drink and think of ways I can get her back. I also tried to talk to her friends but they wouldn't talk to me. Maybe this is my karma cause I've been a bad boy.

My doorbell rang, signaling that there's someone outside my doorstep. I saw that it's Youngbae, the guys have been bothering me so it's not a surprise that one of them would appear suddenly. I opened the door and welcomed by his worried eyes and apologetic smile. He came in and walk straight towards the living room and opened two cans of alcohol and handed me the other.

"How's you, Ji? We've been ringing you up but you haven't answered any of us. I know something happened between you and Tae. I tried talking to the girls and also Taeyeon but they wouldn't answer so I figured that it was related to you. Probably the girls are cursing your off right at this moment. So, spill what happened." he leaned to the couch and crossed his legs, staring at me, intensely.

I sighed "I ed up, Bae. Remember the night that we went to the club? I got so drunk, wanting to forget about my worries and confusion that it causes me to lose her. I'm really a fool, I didn't even remember clearly what happened that night when I woke up, I saw her. I saw her eyes filled with disgust like she's regretting that we even happened in the first place. I already had the diamond, Bae but I dropped it because I was blinded by a sparkling thing thinking it was the better one but in the end, it was not." 

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Seoul Penthouse

Ttukseom-ro, Seongdong-gu, Seoul

November 15, 2018

𝐇𝐞𝐫

Laying on my bed, facing the ceiling. I'm so tired of everything, I just want to disappear and never come back. This kind of emotion can kill you slowly. The feeling of betrayal, disappointment that you even blame everything to you. Keep on asking where did I go wrong, I did everything that I can,  I gave everything for him that there's nothing left for me that's why I'm wrecked like this. I always thought that if you loved someone, you should give everything for your relationship to work but they didn't warn this part. The part where everything falls apart, that you don't even have vigor left to start again. I just want everything to stop because I can't move on. Keep on thinking, where did we go wrong, everything happened very fastly that I don't even have the time to process it all. Like, last month we're planning on this trip we would spend Christmas together and welcome New year together. But now I'm alone and don't have any idea