648, Samsung-ro (52-1, Samseong-dong), Gangnam-gu, Seoul

February 1

𝐇𝐞𝐫

The moment I looked up, it seems like everything went crashing down. Why does it have to be him like there are tons of producers here in Korea, and the one that the company chose is him? Seriously, SM Ent. is a very pompous company, they hate to let their pride down. So why did they consider getting him as the producer of the song of the artist under their company? Like out of all times, it would be now?  Why do I always find myself in these kinds of situations?  I really thought I wouldn't cross paths with him unless I let myself but here I am looking at the eyes that once scream adoration for me. We were both shocked and doesn't know what to do, so I made the first step, I looked away, fix myself, and cleared my throat. 

NCT bowed down to him and greet him. Astonishment is written all over their faces, seeing the most sought after idol is in front of them, bowing. I also bowed since these dongsaengs of mine don't have any idea what's between us and as respect since he's still my senior in the industry, I just don't want them to speculate things and make things between us more complicated. Besides, we will be working with each other and I want this to be done so that I don't see him very often. I heave a sigh and sat down on my chair as he sat down on the chair nearest to him. This is definitely going to be a long day.

𝐇𝐢𝐬

I got up from my bed to freshen up since I have to go to SM Ent. Yes, to SM Ent., I'm actually surprised that they chose to work with me considering I'm from their biggest rival company. My manager informed me last night that SM Ent. chose my song as one of the side tracks in the album. This song, I made it some time ago where I was really longing for someone. I made this song while thinking of her and reminiscing many moments with her that I always held close to my heart. Heaving a sigh, I continued to freshen up and prepare to leave for my meeting since I'm slightly running late.

This has been my routine for now. Waking up, prepare to go to work, work all day, drink alcohol at night to be numbed from all the pain then the cycle repeats. I know it's unhealthy but I can't help it, without being intoxicated with alcohol, everything's hard and everything seems going back. I just can't forget about her especially we haven't got proper closure. I hadn't seen her for almost two years now, I had no idea where she is and has no idea where to start since everyone just doesn't want to talk to me or just doesn't know anything. 

I'm on my way to SM Ent., I'm already late by 5 minutes. I asked where will I meet NCT and the chosen featuring artist since this song of mine needed some female artist to sing. I kinda wrote this with a perspective of her, hoping this is what she feels towards me and wanted to tell me this.

Once I arrived, I gently knocked on the door to let the people inside that I have arrived. I opened it and a petite framed woman is picking something from the floor maybe she's the chosen featuring artist. Then she looked up and I got lost in the eyes I once loved and will always have. She was sitting on a chair looking so breathtaking like a goddess is. Everything came back to me, the precious moments that we had until the last moment I had with her, which unfortunately the most heartbreaking one. 
 

We continue to lock our gaze towards each other until she looked away and cleared , breaking our mini staring game. NCT began to greet me and say their warm welcome. I looked over her and she continues to play with the pen that she's holding. Once the greetings are done, we started to discuss the song. The title of the song is Missing You. The song is about missing someone and talks about the regrets that he's feeling when he and his lover broke up and parted ways. And what happened to him after they part ways. We continue to discuss the song, and Taeyeon would just answer if someone asks her questions or if she has questions. If none, she would just continue playing with the pen that she's holding. It's like she's not here mentally but she's here physically, you can tell that she's trying hard to participate in whatever we're doing but she simply wants this to be finished immediately.  
 

After some time, her phone rang. She looked over her phone to check who's calling her and once she saw the name of the caller, her eyes slightly lit up and excuse herself to answer the phone call. She stood up and went outside the room to answer the call. I frowned and shrug it off since I don't want to pry because I don't have any rights anymore. 
 

But it's still bothering me, so I decided to excuse myself and told them that I needed to go to the nearest bathroom. Once I went out, I saw her near the door of the staircase. I heard her saying, "My baby, I will be back after I'm done with everything. I miss you also, take care okay? I love you and I can't wait to go home and spend time with you, my love. I need to go now so that I can finish earlier so that I will be beside you again, okay? I love you, sweetheart."  
 

It breaks my heart hearing her talk to someone else like that. She used to talk to me in that way where she would always want you to let you feel how much she loves you. In the past, it was always me who would receive all of her love. She would always call whenever she wanted to check up on me. She would always tell me encouraging and sweet words since she knew how much I loved hearing that especially when she is the one who's telling me. Sometimes, she would call me for the most ridiculous reason, saying she wanted me to hear it since it's funny for her. She doesn't want me to be left in the dark so she would always tell me everything even the smallest things like she would have to go out with her friends or get some groceries. 
 

Gosh, I really miss her. God knows how much I wanted to take things back and fix everything so that I can still feel her beside me. Every day's getting harder for me to not have her by my side. I just really want to kidnap her and lock her in my house if that's possible so that she wouldn't be able to get out of my hands. I know it sounded so wrong but I'm really desperate, I just want her back. Just her. In my arms. Again. 

I passed quietly so that she won't be able to notice that I'm here trying to eavesdrop on what conversation she's having. As I'm walking near the restroom, I can't help to wonder, am I too late now? I guess this is what I get for what I did to her in the past. What a stupid bastard. 

𝐇𝐞𝐫

I walked outside the room to take the call since it's Eomma who's calling. I don't want somebody else to hear our conversation especially since my daughters' f