I'm tedious with the traffic that night when I caught a familiar face staring at me. She stares into space and her eyes are on me, I then tried snapping her with my glare but it didn't work. I'm babysitting her eyes for a while as her mind wanders.
I saw her snapped back to reality when the bus suddenly move and when she realized that the whole time she's on her own little reverie is that her eyes are locked on me, she shook her head maybe out of self-discomfort and she looked down. I felt guilty as she caught me blacking my look, I'm hoping for her to look at me again and give me an I'm-sorry-I-didn't-mean-to-stare-at-you-while-I'm-being-heedless smile so I can smile back but it didn't happen.

My cheeks were lifted up by my lips as I absorb what just happened, she's like a kid thinking how her crush gave her a "Hi" for the first time.

Speaking of which, I remembered her message. I remembered how bored I am then, I was staring at the messages Donghae sent me. Asking for forgiveness --AGAIN. I'm just so tired of him asking for forgiveness. I'm tired of giving him so many chances, so many chances of breaking my heart. I'm tired of hurting myself over and over because of him. I don't know but I'm head over heels for him, I mean -- I was, in past tense. My love for Donghae is so amazing and somewhat frustrating that you can call me martyr but not anymore, I should be. I'm scrolling his messages not absorbing every word on it and convincing rather my self that I had enough of this. I had enough of Donghae. That I should let him go and give my self a break.

I smiled along with a sigh that I'm feeling this way now towards him. It hurts me. It hurts me that we ended up this way --that we ended in the first place. We are not good for each other, not anymore. Realizing that we're just forcing the relationship we had because we're in love with the idea of us is keep on repeating in my mind --that we're hashtag relationship goals, but people didn't know how we're working things out between us in these past months, how much we're struggling, how much we're trying. Maybe all this time we're just pleasing the people who look up to us --to the relationship we have.

I don't know what went wrong. We used to be each other's world. I loved him. I was in love with him since the day I first laid my eyes on him. He's like a dream come true for me. He came right on time in my life. He treated me like I'm the most important person in his life. Like his world revolves around me. We had a good time. Tho we are in a different universities it didn't stop us from loving and trusting each other. I didn't entertain rumors about him and his ex-girlfriend too much. I know they're friends and Donghae didn't let me feel insecure. But when I feel like there's already something wrong I clearly told him that I'm no longer good with him being friends with his ex. It's always the reason of our fights --maybe because I was really jealous and insecure despite of all the assurances he is giving me, maybe because I'm seeing a different meaning on his eyes when he is defending his friendship with his ex. But in all fairness to Donghae he did cut his friendship with his ex for me after we almost broke up because of it, it made me fall in love with him even more. I feel like I owed him big time when he listened to my needs or to what I want. I feel like I don't have the rights to say no to him after that. I'm a dope I know.

I even imagined my self walking in the aisle and him waiting at the altar staring stunned at me while we're both crying as I'm walking towards him. It was just so beautiful. It feels right back then. But maybe our time is done. It's time to let go before we lose each other's respect. But he will always have a good spot in my heart. He inspired me to be the person I am now.
 
Then, my thought was interrupted by Yuri. Her face pop-up and made me widen my eyes. I was surprised. She sent me a message while my mind and heart are battling between Donghae. I replied to the message she sent me with two question marks. As I was lost in words.
 
I have so many questions with her sudden act. 

I checked her profile to kill time while waiting for her to reply. Honestly, she made me forget Donghae that time.

'Hmmm, she still knows how to play guitar.' I'm actually admiring her with a piece of envy.

I've always wanted to know how to play the guitar. I tried before but I failed so I stop, I focused on singing instead and I know how to play piano, duh?. I'm good at it.

I titter when I realized that I'm making her a foe. Minutes past but she hasn't responded yet when I checked her account on messenger she's no longer online. Looks like she logged out right after she sent me the message looking at the time stamp. "That girl!"

Days past she hasn't replied yet. My message is still unread.

"Is she ignoring me?? Again?!" -- Yes AGAIN, I have a trust issue with this woman because the last time we had an interaction she made me feel like we're friends already but she ignores me the following days. Aisssh! 

So I asked myself "did I fall to her trap again?" with my left eyebrow up I sat down submitting to the gravity. And to calm my ego I checked her messenger only to find out that she hasn't online herself yet. Messenger already lost track of when was her last logged in.

***
 

I'm working in the office on an important project. While I'm busy, Tiffany comes by with two cups of coffee.

"Here," she said while placing the cut coffee on my table then she sipped on her cup.

I frowned as I look at her.  "What are you doing? You should be as stressed as I am."

She brushes her shoulders off and smiled at me. "Well, you're welcome Jess! Will you relax! Do yourself a favor. Look at me!"

I rolled my eyes back to my laptop. 'Ohh God!' I whispered to release the devil inside me.

"Hey, I heard what happened between you and Donghae. Are you two really over? I mean, please tell me you're really over."
She said with her hands behind her head and elbows pointed out after sitting.

I crumpled a paper out from my trash and throw it to her. "Will you stop?? If you want, you can eat him!"

She giggled with her dorky eye smile and just stares at me.

With a great discomfort I'm feeling right now with the way she's looking at me I asked her what is she up to? With so much cold stings in my eyes.

"We can go out later... drinks... party.... ? " she said with dancing eyebrows as she make her way to me with her rolling chair.