We're  driving now in the middle of a quiet street. She's looking outside, entertaining herself of the streetlights. It bothers me that she's quiet --I lost the happy Yuri that quick, I can sense that she's back again with her remembering Hara and all her regrets and it's just making me uneasy that she's dealing it alone.

"Yul" I called quietly, "Don't be afraid of sharing your feelings." 

Her faced troubled but she kept quiet..  "You're going too fast for me. This is so new to me. I'm not used of sharing my weaker side to people. I mean no offense but, -- ." There's a bit of discomfort in her tone that made her paused in the midle of her statement. 

Tho I get what she meant because yes mam that's what I'm feeling too but I'm fully aware that we're friends and that's what friends do, I'm not just a ramdon chick on the park who she unconsciously blurt out her burdens for her to feel betrayed by her own self. "You can't always control them, relationship between people to people means emotions. . And emotions are not always controllable."

Weather she likes it or not we're already in a relationship, we have already built that friendship since the day we had our first conversation --not just virtually. 

"I don't even know why I shared Hara's story to you just like that. To tell you the truth, I'm amused of myself that I did that. That I did it with you." She said it while looking outside and with my peripheral vision I saw her slowly diverting her eyes on me and in the quiet wide street we're driving I heard myself say, "You know what, enough of your excuses. You already did what you're afraid of. It feels good right? You have nothing to lose with me now. I'll not post your story in a magazine if that's what you're afraid of." I put a little humor in my tone in attempt to unflustered her. We laugh about it but still she finds her way back to her quiet room.

"Friends?" I proposed for a handshake that she submitted immediately. I shook it firmly in hopes to break those walls of her doubts about me. That I meant every promises I made with the stars, with Hara. 

 "Are you sure you want some ice cream? It's already 1AM." I asked just to make sure and she just nodded.

"You know a place?"

"I know a place but they're not open 24hrs." She smiled. "7 eleven will do." 

"Okay then."

**
"You really love vanilla so much huh?" She ask eyeing my ice cream. There's a hint of razz on her eyes.

So I gave her a proud  smile and fixed my hair. "Obviously." I said with a grand tone.

"She likes vanilla ice cream too. But she doesn't own vanilla perfume. She collects perfumes by the way."

"How hard it is Yul? You can see her in everything." I was so insensitive to ask the question isn't it? Tsssh But I'm curious. 

Her sight traveled from mine to her ice cream. She just shrugged and gave me a half smile. "Don't cry here. They might think I'm breaking up with you." I said playfully and hold her hand to comfort her.

She pressed her lips and shook her head horizontally --eyes still on her ice cream. I was just staring at her. I'm sensing her every gestures --I'm trying to read her but I can't. Then she wiped after she took a bite of the tip of her ice cream and rested her back to her chair and relaxes her body and looks at me --"It's not actually hard. I like it that way. They comfort my longing. Sometimes I'm fooling myself of the thought that she's out there happy somewhere. Having a good job and a family." And a light laugh sum up her powerless serene. "But still I like to think that she's happy up there in heaven and she's just visiting me whenever I see something that's reminding me of her, that's way better than thinking she's with somebody else." she then scoffs at her own canny imagination. 

Then she suddenly halt suggesting she remembered something and then looks at me with those eyes telling that it's about me.

"Hey, you said you bumped with her. That's when?" She ask curiously. Wait,  was she not listening when I had that conversation with stars awhile ago? 

I chuckled with her how dumb she looks like staring at me waiting for my answer. "I was from Kent before I transfer to NHS. I was there at your first baseball match. You were there too when she bumped me." I said smiling with my brows occasionally moving up. Her eyes light up and she pushed her lips forward and a line between her brows formed. Ohh that's cute of her. 

"Ahh! So you were the blonde girl? [I nodded quickly ]  Gosh! You scared us back then. You looked like a spoiled brat daughter of a businessman and anytime at that moment I thought that some men in black will kick us out of the arena because of it .. haist! That's why you look so familiar to us."

I giggled with her reaction. I was covering half of my face with my hands all thru out as I'm blushing. "That's why I super love my blonde hair. It intimidates weak people and honestly you didn't seemed intimidated that time. I was SCARED of you too." Yes that was true, I'm not saying it because I want to return the favor but she really got my respect that time, she holds Hara's hand firmly like she's telling her that she is taking over the situation. She took ownership and with that fire in her eyes she bowed and said sorry like as if her life depends on it and I then remembered how I felt towards her that very moment. Aside from respect I also felt that unexplainable beating of my heart like as if it found a connection. She had that impact in me back then and I miss that I just realized that I missed that. But hell to that I'm with her again. I'm just so happy.

"Fake it till you make it." She said confidently.

..."It seems everytime we're at the same space I bump into her. Thing is, we bumped the second time. It was in  our school library. She's looking at her feet -walking soulless, she was heading out. I was supposed to ask her for an interview about you -it was for the school news paper --but she looked disappointed or pissed on something. She didn't even look at me that time. We just said our sorrys'"

She managed to laugh inwardly as she look down remembering that very moment I guess. She sighed, and with an effort came back to the present she looks at me "Maybe that was the time that Taeyeon caught us on gaurd. That girl is the only person in the world that time who were so sure of the true feelings me and Hara shares. But I denied to accept who I am that time. Hara got annoyed of me for killing her hope of our possibility as I denied being gay." The ghost of an old pain of regret was in her