Dong Hae’s POV

He told me he loves me. He kissed me. Si Won just kissed me. I couldn’t take it in, so I ran away from him and went into wherever place my heart would bring me. I kept on kicking the pedals because as of this moment, I don’t know what I feel. There was a pang of guilt, yet a sweet sensation in my heart when his lips fell on me softly. I was torn between two people, and my mind lands on the confusion of choosing who should be the one.

I love Hyuk Jae, but I’m falling harder for Si Won every single day. He’s got that personality that makes me smile and always tells me to just be myself. He has everything I look for in a man. I feel so helpless at this point, and a loud scream escaped from my mouth. Even that wasn’t enough to send some heavenly being to help me.

The screeching of a car’s wheel jolted my attention to the streets. Seeing its distance barely a meter apart from me, I was confronted with the fact that I almost got bumped.

A man about my age got out of the car and grabbed the collar of my shirt. I felt like a dummy, weak to my knees, so light and easily shaken. I was staring at the ground to avoid his eyes. My thoughts collapsed into debris even though the kiss had long since faded away from my lips. The words he said banged through my head, at all sides, and when I looked up at him, the set of furious eyes made me stiff.

“If you want to die, I’m killing you now.” he said while giving me one last forceful shake. I held his two arms to stop him and bowed in apology.

“I’m sorry.” I composed myself and pushed myself away from that spot. Everyone I passed by looked at me as if I was a sort of a mental freak. I pedaled on my way to my house and when I stopped in front of the gate, I dashed for the door and to my room. Upon slamming it shut, I buried my face in the pillows. Tears started to stream down as it seeps through the thin cloth.

They’re tearing me up inside. Guilt, love, confusion, bewilderment, and happiness entangled into an unpredictable feeling in my heart. I don’t know if I could face Si Won if he showed up to me. And I wasn’t wrong. I heard someone knocking not on the main door but on my room.

“Dong Hae! Please open the door. We have to talk.” he pleaded, and for a moment, it felt like we were a world apart. I remained still and unmoving. I won’t face him. I’m not in the mood to face him.

“Hae!” he called out, but I’m shutting myself with the present time. I drowned myself in my own tears, not until he banged the door open.

“There you are.” He panted as he spoke. He sat on the edge of my bed and patted my back. He kept on waking me up, shaking me as if I’d turn to him.

“Look, if I upset you, I’m sorry. Things were confusing me, and I know I’m crazy. But I just want you to know that I love you, and nothing will change.”

Nothing will change? He must have said it the wrong way. Everything had changed after that kiss. There’s a gap between us that’s just been expanded.

“At first I regretted it, but now I don’t. I just told you how I feel about you, that you mean so much to me. I know you love Hyuk Jae badly, and I don’t expect you to return my love. I feel better today because of what I’ve done. I’m giving you all the credit to hate me.

With his words, I’m totally perplexed on how should I feel. He was softening me, forcing me to give in when I’m trying to keep things in a balance. I finally got up and with all the courage that I could muster, I faced him.

“I understand.” I said.

Silence followed between us for a short while. I asked myself what kind of answer was that. It’s not what I really wanted to say. I could have yelled at him, cursed him or beat him up, but somehow deep inside me I know I couldn’t.

He squeezed my hand and looked at me in the eyes. They were full of sincerity and love, the one I’ve never seen before. And when he left the room, I ended up cursing myself.

I locked myself up inside the house for the next two days. I still couldn’t bear the fact of Si Won’s kiss stirring something inside my heart. Maybe it was about time to determine how I really feel for him. I see him as a friend, but he was more than that.

As I wrote the last sentence of my novel, every single thing that happened in my life came back into surface. This was the story of us three, embedded in the backdrop of a common life. I relived out own selves in the three main characters, and in that setting, love transforms them into a better and whole person. I printed it and arranged it neatly on my table. Then I thought of Si Won. I left the house shortly and crossed the street to go to his place.

The door was locked when I got there. He’s either in school or in the coffee shop today. I badly wanted to talk to him. His squeeze on my hand wasn’t enough to make me hold on for an answer. I tried to call him but he was out of reach. I decided to sit on the front porch and wait for him to arrive.

“Hae, wake up.” I felt my shoulders being rocked back and forth by a certain someone. I forced my eyelids open and looked at that person.

“Oh.” I didn’t know I fell asleep. Si Won helped me up, and the muscles in my legs felt so stiff and tired. “I’m sorry.”

He ignored my apology and opened the door. “Come in.”

I made my way to the couch, still telling myself that I’m fully awake. He made a cup of coffee for both of us in the kitchen and brought it to the living room.

“What are you here for?” he asked. His tone was clearly flat, and I realized I was the one who caused it.

“About yesterday...” I started, but my tongue withdrew the right words to say.

“You said you understand. There’s nothing we should talk about.” he said flatly again.

“Yeah, I understand. But I just want to give us a try.” The words slipped out of me before I could stop them. He held my gaze as I waited for his reaction. “Why are you saying this? Just to forcibly pay back the kiss?”

He caught me there, but it wasn’t what I meant.

“Because I’m falling harder for you, and it’s getting stronger.” I said bravely.

He rolled his eyes, obviously warding off the though. “Yeah, whatever. And he suddenly sprang from his seat.

I stood up and hugged him from the back. Time seemed to stop at our feet, and I prayed that I could hold him like this, forever.

“Don’t go. Please don’t go.”

He broke my arm free from his body and turned to face me. With that unreadable look in his eyes, my worst fears came into view. If he decided to turn me down, it would be fine. And yet...

He held my arms, and pressed his lips gently against mine, which really took me by surprise.