Torn
Behind The Limelight
Dong Hae’s POV
I hate myself for being stupid. I’ve realized I was going on the wrong track, convincing myself that I’m right, leading to the suffering of the people I love. And in the end, I knew one thing- I really don’t know my brother deeply, what he is capable of doing, and what he could do to break me down. He was the cruelest person I’ve ever met, and the story between our father and Hyuk’s... it was pretty unbelievable, but how could it happen?
I was intrigued by it, never thought that it really happened. I felt like I wanted to know more about it, but I just let it pass. Yet there’s only one person left.
And that’s Si Won.
I turned to him for comfort and ended up falling in love with him. I used him to move one and become blinded from reality, but I’m not saying he’s a bad person. He’s been good to me, and I would never forget that.
Now I’m perfectly torn into pieces. I couldn’t understand how these events shouted in my mind. They were all in unison and were uncontrollable. I don’t know what to believe in, who I should turn to, or what to do. I squatted on the floor with my two hands on my head. The world seemed to spin around me as I tried to stand up. And when I did, Eun Bi broke out of the doorway and slammed the palms of her hands on my chest. I dashed on the wall with a loud thud. She punched the hard concrete beside my head to snap me up.
“What the hell was that?” she yelled.
If she’s thinking what I think, then I guess I have no way out. But I played dumb for her.
“What?” I asked, catching for air.
“How can you be so blind, Dong Hae? Hyuk sacrificed everything for you. He never gave up even though it would cause him harm. He didn’t stop loving you while you did. And how could you-“
I pushed her away from me.
“How can I believe in a stupid piece of letter? I’m pretty stupid for believing it. You can kill me, you know. And if you think I haven’t realized it all, you’re wrong.”
Her face turned serious. “But Si Won?”
“What about him?”
“You used him as your rebound, right?” she asked.
It took me a long time to answer her. I just turned to him for a need of a friend, not necessarily ‘used’ him for my own benefit. But flashing back to all that I’ve been through with him, I can say she’s right.
“Answer me!”
I flinched at the pitch of her voice, but there’s no answer forming in my mind. I looked on the floor while holding back my tears. She asked me again in a clearer tone.
“Did you use Si Won just to move on from Hyuk?”
“I... I d- do-“
“Is that true?” Si Won’s voice rang from the doorway. We both turned at him and saw his frozen expression that spoke of disbelief.
Si Won’s POV
Me being a rebound for Dong Hae... how could he do that to me? I loved him and took care of him, but why? Isn’t it enough? Where did I go wrong?
“Si Won...” he said. His eyes were afraid and shaken, like his answer would cost him his life.
“Yes or no, Lee Dong Hae. Just choose one.”
He broke down into tears and sat on the floor. Eun Bi and I just listened to him, and without saying a word, I felt and confirmed that it’s a yes.
I walked to my room and past him. He caught my hand to stop me then looked into my eyes.
“Please don’t leave me. I don’t want you to go.”
He didn’t know how it’s like to be in my shoes, to get hurt and be generous for other people’s happiness. Now I’m too sick and tired of it, so I made up my mind to walk out.
I waved his hand away and shot him a disappointed look. I don’t know how I would recompose myself after this. I wanted to tell him how I won the soccer match with Hyuk Jae so I can be by his side. But all my hard work was now dubbed useless.
“Did you love me?” I emphasized every word.
“Y- Yes...” he replied, but his eyes said no. the full wave of the depressing truth hit me. This was it. Everything we had and shared ends right here.
I packed up my things and bid goodbye to them. Eun Bi tried to stop me but I told her not to. As I marched my way out of the apartment, tears flooded my eyes and fell down on my cheeks. I rode a taxi and checked in a hotel to stay for the night.
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