I heard the main door close in just a second. Maybe Yoon Sung went out today. I got up and pushed the door of my room open. I tiptoed my way outside, only to notice there was no one around. I walked to the apartment’s main door, when someone grabbed me by the shirt and slammed me on the floor.

“Where do you think you’re going again?” he sputtered.

“I want to go home.” I answered as frankly as I could.

He kicked me hard on my side. I fought a groan from breaking out of my mouth and rolled silently. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again, while slowly realizing that pain stretched endlessly before me. I was imprisoned in this cozy place owned by a monster. I tried to stand up, and when I did, I gave his face a punch. I sprinted for the door when he pulled me again and threw me to the couch.

“Don’t you ever go away from here unless I want to.” He ripped his shirt and sat on my lap. I couldn’t move because of his weight, and he started kissing my neck to satisfy his own desire.

I moaned in guilt and disgust. This kept on happening over and over again. He always ended up kissing me and later I wake up on the bed with nothing but the covers. I knew that in no time, our pieces of clothing would be strewn all around. I hated this. I hated Yoon Sung for locking me up here. Hae must have been trying to move on, and the thought of it broke my heart.

His lips were heavily pressed against mine again, foolishly wanting me to take me into his own fantasy.

I’m sorry Hae. Please forgive me.

Dong Hae’s POV

“Come in.” Si Won said as he opened the door. I allowed myself in, marveling at the simplicity of his home. It was big enough for him to live in and I assumed he was alone. He led me to every part of his room, all arranged simply but in a classy way. When we went to his room, he picked up a box from the wooden drawer beside his bed. We sat on the edge as he put the box on his lap, and brushed off the dust that covered it.

“What’s that?” I asked.

A smile traced his beautiful lips. “Remembrances given by my friends and some special things of course,”

He opened the lid and things of almost all kinds surprised my eyes. Notebooks, dried leaves, a wooden robot, a smooth white stone that seemed to be his lucky charm, a red candle, and a photograph. It took me a long time to realize that the photo was on his birthday, with me and Hyuk Jae with him. I moved my eyes away from it.

Seeing my sudden reverie, he nudged my shoulders.

“Is there something wrong?”

I gave my head a slight shake. “Nothing.” My heart stirred under my chest again, bringing back those memories with Hyuk Jae brought hurt and those memories with him that made me smile. I was torn between two emotions, and I don’t know which one I should fall into.

“Can I see the candle?” I asked.

He gave it to me and I contemplated on it. My mind took me back when the three of us celebrated his birthday. Hyuk and I brought the cake using our allowances. That time I thought of celebrating his birthday because he had been a good friend to us. He was happy that time, and a glint of that feeling in his was visible at this moment. I could see him looking out into an empty space, reliving the past again.

And then another photograph... it was taken the afternoon before our graduation. We sat on the rooftop and took it with Hyuk Jae’s camera. We developed it later that night and gave a copy to each. I was amazed on how he still kept those mementos to himself. Despite the passing of so many years, it was fresh in his mind while in my own it started to drift away.

“I really kept that because I said to myself we’d see each other again, and we did. My patience paid off.” he said, followed by a low chuckle.

“I also thought you’re not here but in Seoul.” I looked down in shame. I haven’t heard anything from him since we graduated. I blamed myself for not knowing, and I felt like I was a total stranger to him.

“It’s my choice not to say anything, and I’m so sorry.”

I glanced at the box and looked at the dried cherry blossom flower. He picked it up and held it out to me, saying that it’s his mother’s favorite flower ever. He added that she died of tuberculosis a month after he came back here. I touched his hand in comfort, and he acknowledged it with a smile.

We still talked about our lives way back when, and it spilled into our lives today. I told him everything about Hyuk Jae and me. He seemed to understand us. He knew every angle of the story, and never believed those who bashed me. When it was his turn, he told me he was the owner of that coffee shop I went into after cleaning my house. He was even disappointed when I didn’t smile back at him. Then he told me that he worked his way hard through college before he reached this stage. He was also a part-time professor at a university down here, teaching History and Music. He’s been doing it for five years already. I could see the booming of his business when I first went there. There were no vacant seats and the smell of fresh coffee brew flies around the whole place. I planned on going there again, but the fact that people would take pictures of me and making me into another object of gossip at a different angle was a big deal to me.

“You can go there anytime. There’s nothing wrong with that.” he said, making it feel like everything was just fine, when in contrary it was not.

“I’m afraid...”

His tone turned serious and at the same time, surprisingly protective. “Don’t worry, I’m here beside you.”

I was completely unprepared. It was as instantaneous as the sunlight that filters through an unvisited cave. My mouth froze all the words that wanted to come out. He still hadn’t changed. He was the Si Won I knew and I still know- the clam and caring attitude that never failed to draw people closer. I fixed my gaze on him as his lips twitched into a smile.

That smile... it set my heart into a different motion of uneasiness... and it’s making me hard to breathe.

“Oppa!” a voice disrupts the silent and peaceful moment between the two of us. A high school girl enters and stares at us in disbelief. Si Won turned to her. She must be his sister.

“Min Ah!” He set the box inside aside and stood up. He hugged her and she asked him with a question with her eyes on me.

“What is he doing here?”

I was nailed on my seat without knowing what to do next. He pulled away and turned to me.

“We’re just talking. He’s my friend in high school.”

Min Ah’s expression turned animated. Her face lit up with a thought. “Lee Dong Hae! Shotgun Wedding, right?”

I nodded half-heartedly. Of course she knew the smash-hit drama I had with Eun Bi.

“And Lee Hyuk Jae’s boyfriend?” Though her intonation rose a bit on the end, she still made it sound like a statement. Truth really hurts, but I have to deal with it. I clutched the sheets to stop myself from shedding another few drops of tears.

Si Won yelled at her and brought her out of the room. When they were out of my sight, and before he could come back, I dragged myself away from the place.