Jinki’s mind was a tangled mess ever since Joon’s visit.  The stables buzzed with activity, his attention being pulled in all directions but he couldn’t think beyond his family and his brother.  He could feel the concerned looks being thrown his way from Joonha and Taemin but he couldn’t talk about it with them. Taemin was barely more than a child, Jinki couldn’t burden him with such worries and Joonha was so busy with preparations for the harvest festival, it would be unfair of Jinki to pull his attention away.  There wasn’t much to tell anyway. It would be months before Joon returned to the palace, it would be months before he heard news of his family, his brother. All Jinki could do was try to put it from his mind and focus on the tasks at hand. However, putting it from his mind was easier said than done.

     Despite Jinki’s internal turmoil, it was a pleasant day out.  The air was cool but comfortable when he took Nari out for an afternoon ride.  He struggled to remain focused as he worked the mare in the practice fields, his heart simply not in his work and the mare could sense it.  She pawed and fidgeted with nervous energy until Jinki finally gave up on the endeavor entirely. The mare pranced when Jinki turned off of their usual route back to the stables and instead, took a meandering path towards the river.  He wasn’t ready to head back just yet, and instead allowed himself time he didn’t have to get his thoughts in order. He found a comfortable little spot under a large willow tree along the river bank that provided shade and seclusion and decided to rest there.  He pulled off Nari’s bridle and loosened her girth, allowing her to graze while he settled under the tree, slipping deep into his thoughts as he watched the fish pick flies off the surface of the slow moving river.

     He tried not to rehash the same thoughts of his brother but it was a dark cloud over his life.  The setting was peaceful, the wind rustled through the trees and the gentle slide of water across stone was a soothing melody but he could scarcely enjoy it in his current mindset.  The feeling of utter helplessness was new to Jinki. He had tossed and turned all night long, thoughts of his family remaining in the surface of his mind no matter what he was doing.  It was overwhelming and stressful. He didn’t know how long he sat there, only pulling out of his thoughts at the sound of footsteps.

     “Jinki?” 

     He glanced up, the branches of the willow swayed in the breeze around Gwiboon, her face pulled up into a small frown.  He hadn’t heard her ride up and based on her confusion, it wasn’t the first time she’d called to him.   

     “Good afternoon, m’lady,” He said, sitting up straighter against the tree trunk.

     “And you,” She responded, her frown deepening.  “May I join you?”

     “If you wish, m’lady,” Jinki said.  He knew it wasn’t considered proper for the two of them to be alone like this but they were far from the palace and he welcomed a distraction to his blackened thoughts.  

     “This is beautiful,” She commented as she settled beneath the canopy of the tree and seating herself on a protruding rock that was a comfortable distance away.  The sunlight flitted through the leaves, dancing across the grass and the wind sang a soft song as it swayed the branches. The branches of the willow hung down into the grass, enveloping them in its comfort and closing them off from the world.

     Jinki nodded his agreement.  He didn’t quite know where they stood with each other.  The last time they had been alone together was the carriage when station was all but ignored.  It felt presumptuous and improper to assume that was how they should interact with each other now but it also felt stiff and cold to talk to her as he would in the stables.  There was a tension between them that Jinki didn’t know how to break, didn’t know if he wanted to break. 

     “Jinki, is… is something the matter?” She asked, her attention focused on him.

     “What do you mean, mlady?” Jinki responded, looking up to find genuine concern behind her eyes.

     “You seem very far away today.  Like you mind is elsewhere. I called to you many times but you didn’t seem to notice,” she explained.  

     Jinki sighed, “I’m sorry.  Tis nothing for you to worry about, m’lady.”  

     “Do you not wish to tell me?” She asked, her tone curious rather than accusatory. 

     “It isn’t that, m’lady.  I don’t wish to burden you with my troubles.” While he knew that worrying over his brother would produce no results, he couldn’t make himself stop.  It was all his mind would focus on. His thoughts felt like poison inside him, tainting everything and robbing him of his joy. 

     “Jinki… tell me?” She offered, soft and gentle. 

     He glanced over, seeing sincere concern painted across her face.  Something about the way she looked at him made him ache. It was as if she really cared about his troubles, as if she really cared about him.  She was the Gwiboon from the night in the carriage, honest and vulnerable. He felt his resolve crack. “I-- I heard news of my family recently.  My brother is-- he plans to join the army.” 

     “Oh…” Gwiboon frowned.  “I see. Well, is that such a terrible thing?  The army could provide him with a future and a large enough purse to start a family.”  She explained, trying to paint a brighter picture than Jinki’s mind had.

     Jinki stifled a snort in response.  He should have known better. Miss Gwiboon was from a different world, she simply didn’t understand.  “M’lady… forgive me if my words are cold but you seem ignorant of the impending war with the east and I doubt very much that you have ever seen a battlefield.  I'd wager you have never even seen an army man outside of some rich general that danced with you at a party. Joining the army… going to war, it would mean something very different for my brother, for my family.”  He tried to keep the annoyance out of his tone but his words still came out clipped. Sometimes he forgot how young she was, how sheltered. While nobles saw war as a chance to make a name for themselves, to climb the social ladder and secure a future… war as a commoner was the worst fate Jinki could imagine.  There was no prestige, no future for a commoner. He didn’t know which was a worse fate… dying in battle or living to remember one.  

     “I think my words were unintentionally offensive, I apologize,” Gwiboon said.  “I do have little understanding of war outside of books and palace pleasantries.  I spoke too freely.” She looked down at her hands, her cheeks pink with embarrassment. 

     “Tis alright, m’lady,” Jinki responded, the annoyance bleeding out of him as quickly as it came on.  “I shouldn’t be short with you, I’m afraid I'm not myself today.”  

     “Would you tell me your concerns?” She asked.  “I don’t understand but I… I’d like to try.” There was a vulnerability in her eyes that tugged at something deep in Jinki’s heart.  It softened him to see her trying to understand, to glimpse his world. Miss Gwiboon was being nothing but kind to him and in return Jinki had called her ignorant.  The idea that he could say such a thing in front of a noble was preposterous! What was it about her that seemed to tear down his carefully crafted walls?  

     “You are correct that joining the army comes with the promise of a healthy purse.  However, few commoners live to see the end of a war. The ones that do use their coins to forget what they lived through.  My father… he was a small child that last time war was fought on our country's soil. He was much too young to fight but his memories from that time haunted him his whole life.  I wouldn’t dare repeat such stories to a lady… just know that a battlefield, the things done during war… it is worse than anything you could imagine.” He paused, remembering the tortured look in his father’s eye whenever the subject of war was brought up.  Jinki remembered a man from his village, a vagabond that was missing an arm. While most in the village despised the man, sneering as he begged beside the road only to use his coins at the local tavern, Jinki’s father had always had kind words for the man. It wasn’t until Jinki was much older that he understood the situation, understood his father’s sympathy and the beggars struggles.  “If my brother goes to war, he won’t be a general, he won’t ride a stallion into battle, he won’t spend his time dancing with pretty noble women at parties. He will be at the front lines armed with little more than a pitchfork. He would be the pawn, merely one of many and he would be left just another unknown body to fertilize the battle field,” Jinki’s voice trailed off into a whisper.  

     “Oh Jinki,” Gwiboon sighed, a gentle hand placed against his arm, a comfort he didn’t realize he needed until the warmth of her touch worked to soothe a little of the fear and pain that coiled inside of him.  Jinki didn’t allow himself to cry, he would not mourn his brother while he was still alive and well. But he could feel the tears inside him, welling up. He’d missed watching is brother grow up, one of the many sacrifices he’d made, and now he must consider a future where he’d never see his brother again.  It was a cruel fate, to keep them separated for so long, to keep them separated forever.

     “I know dying in battle is touted as an honor but that is little comfort to the broken families left behind.  There is no honor in dying a slow painful death far from home for someone else’s war.” He fell into silence, putting it into words had taken much from him.  As if speaking it aloud made the possibility more real. He knew the chances of seeing his brother again should Jinhwan go off into battle were neglidgeable. Jinki had never been much of a religious man but he began praying with ernest since he’d heard the news. 

     “I am sorry, Jinki.  I didn’t realize… it has been many years since you’ve seen you brother?  That must make it all the more difficult to bear,” She said softly. Jinki only nodded in response.  

     They fell into silence but there was a comfort in sharing his concerns, in having another by his side.   It made him long for his family in a different way, desiring the comfort of someone he was close to and the security of coming home to someone he loved.  The familiar stab of loneliness ached inside him.  

     Jinki noticed her hand still pressing a warm comfort into his arm and it pulled a thin smile from him.  “Thank you, m’lady. I’m sorry to trouble you but I feel more calm after speaking of it.” 

     Gwiboon smiled softly, “No need to apologize.  Have you considered going home to visit?” She asked.  “I know you mentioned before that it was difficult but perhaps in such circumstances…” 

     “I’m not sure what use it would be,” He admitted.  “I haven’t seen my brother since he was six years of age.  I doubt he remembers me and I doubt even more that he would listen to my concerns.”  His brother was eight and ten now, he was a man in his own right but very much still a boy.  It was a dangerous age; Jinki remembered how invincible he felt back then as well. Reason and concern were not things that would easily sway Jinhwan.  Despite how much he may want to rush home, the palace be damned, he knew there was no point. Winter had nearly set in, it would be an impossible journey and he would be unable to return until the snow had all thawed.  He could never be away for that long, their livelihood depended on his wages.  

     “You mustn't think like that,” Gwiboon said.  “Perhaps your brother is trying to do his part to assist your family, much like you have done by coming to the palace.”

     Jinki sighed, he could hear the truth in her words.  While he didn’t know his brother as a man, everything he’d heard about the boy rang true.  He’d worked odd and end jobs since he was old enough to walk. He’d worked the fields since he was three and ten.  The boy did a lot for the family in Jinki’s absence and it was not unlikely that his decision to join the army stemmed from the same sense of duty.  “I came to the palace so my siblings would never have to make such a sacrifice,” Jinki said softly, pain seeping into his voice.  

     “I… I am not sure what words to say,” Gwiboon sighed. 

     Jinki sighed, forcing a smile, “You have done more than enough, m’lady.  I’m sorry you stumbled upon me in such a state.”

     She nodded but said nothing.

     “M’lady, you should return to your ride,” Jinki suggested, pulling himself up and offering her a hand.  They had both been gone too long.

     “Yes, I’ll be expected at the palace soon,” She said.  They stepped out from under the canopy of the willow tree and the weight of reality settled on his shoulders once again.  Spending time with Miss Gwiboon had felt like a reprieve from his life and daily burdens and now he must pick them back up and continue on.

     Jinki ensured Cheonsa’s saddle was secure before helping Miss Gwiboon mount.  “Thank you,” he said again, looking up at her.

     She smiled softly, “You’re welcome.” 

     Jinki watched her ride away, his world still feeling off kilter but he felt more calm, more at peace than he had before.