Jinki arrived at his cottage late that evening, his saddle heavy with gifts and food for his trip.  He had spent the past week readying his home for his departure; everything cleaned and packed away. He set his things down on the table along with the meager belongings he would bring home with him, simply waiting to be strapped to Sangchu at first light.  He felt… odd. It was scary and liberating to not know what tomorrow would hold. His life in the capital was coming to an end and, as of tomorrow, he would be starting a new chapter.  

     He was excited to see his family he had missed for so long, and to ultimately start over.  He needed to take time to heal and move on and that is exactly what he planned to do. Regardless, he couldn’t deny the ache in his heart to know that he would never see Miss Gwiboon again.  He wanted nothing more than to see her once again, to hold her, to taste her lips as a final goodbye. He knew it was better, for both of them, if he quietly disappeared. However, that knowledge didn’t help ease the pain and longing that plagued him.

     He knew it would only inflict more pain but he couldn’t seem to help himself as he pulled the painting from behind his dresser, the painting that started it all.  He carefully cleaned the accumulated dust from it and sat by the small fireplace, studying his own creation. His skills did not do her beauty justice but even his poor representation brought about a deep ache inside himself.  He couldn’t pull his eyes away though. Even if it hurt, it was the closest he had been to her in weeks. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t stop himself from rolling the parchment and binding it closed with a string before laying it on top of his bags.  He would be selfish in this, keeping this memento. A small consolation but it was one he would cling to.  

     He was pulled from his downward spiral of thoughts by a sharp and insistent rap at the door.  It was late, very late. It was far too late for callers and he had already visited with everyone he was close with to say his goodbyes.  Everyone but one. His heart pounded in his chest, longing and dread and love so strong it ached inside him. He pulled the door open, his breath stopping inside his throat at his suspicious proven correct. 

     Gwiboon didn’t wait for him to speak, pushing past him uninvited and spinning on her heel to stare him down, fire in her eyes.  Jinki pressed the door closed and waited.

     “How dare you?” She seethed.  “Your plan was to just vanish without a word?  Have you no heart? What did I do to deserve a fate such as this?  To love a man as cold as you?” Angry tears rolled down her cheeks but her words were sharp as knives.

     “Gwiboon,” Jinki breathed, everything inside himself at war.  Even when he’d gone this far, he still wanted to embrace her, to hold her close and kiss away the pain.  He longed to tell her what they both wanted to hear, to make promises of a future and a life together. He wanted to, but he knew that would only hurt them both more in the end. 

     “How dare you,” she said again, more of a choked whisper this time as the tears came faster and Jinki was sure he very soul was dying at the sight before him.  He reached a tentative hand out only to have it slapped away. She glared again as her hands balled into fists, punching at his chest in a fit of rage. He made no move to stop her, letting her expend all her anger against him.  He deserved it. He deserved tenfold what she was able to do. She quickly tired herself out, balling his shirt in her fists and let her head rest against his chest as her tears escalated to sobs. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.  Jinki didn’t know how long they stood like that, embracing and sharing in their hurt; time seemed irrelevant. Eventually, the tears ran dry but he still held her close, enjoying what he knew would be his last few moments with the woman he loved more than himself. 

     “Don’t go,” She whispered into his chest.

     “You know that I must,” Jinki replied, his lips pressed against her hair.

     “Then take me with you.” 

     “Gwiboon…”

     “It is my choice!” She pulled back, determination firm in her eyes but it only cut Jinki all the deeper.  

     “I cannot give you the life you deserve.  Think of your family, your sister. Think of the shame you would bring on those you love.  To break your engagement to run away with a stable hand? I could never allow you to do such a thing,” he said.

     “What choice do we have?  I do not wish to part from you.  I do not wish to marry a man I cannot love and who cannot love me.  I do not wish for this life if you are not a part of it. Just… don’t leave me,” she said, her voice pleading.  

     “Gwiboon, please don’t— I am doing what is best for you.  Lord Jonghyun cares for you the best he can. It may not be passion but it is genuine.  Find your happiness in taking care of your family and forget about me.”

     “And what will you do?”

     “Me?  I shall go be with my family. I shall care for my mother as a son should.  I shall take part in my sister's wedding and help care for the younger siblings.”

     “What of your future?  You will go watch those you love live their lives but what of yours?  What of a wife, a family of your own?” 

     Jinki smiled sadly, “I do not have room in my heart for such thoughts yet.”

     “You horrible man, demanding of me to move on with my life and planning to live the life of a hermit yourself.  You dare tell me to find my happiness when you plan to spend your days reveling in memories and pain,” she said.

     “Gwiboon, please.  Let us not fight.”

     “You are a hypocrite, Lee Jinki,” she accused, daring him to argue.

     “Aye, I am.  You should stay far away from the likes of me.  I will only bring your pain,” Jinki replied. He knew what he asked of her was unfair but there was no other path before them.  

     “That I am well aware.  Tis a shame I have no control over my own heart.”

     Jinki smiled softly, “This a feeling we both know well I’m afraid.  M’lady, it is late. You should get home before you are missed.”

     She glanced up at him, apprehension in her eyes, “I have no plans of returning tonight.”

     Jinki’s heart missed a beat at such a forward statement, “W-what?”

     “I said I have no plans to return tonight.  My uncle thinks I am staying at Lord Jonghyun’s manor to meet his family,” she said, bracing her shoulders like she was preparing for another argument. 

     “Gwiboon we ca—“

     “No. I am forced to marry a man who does not love me and will never touch me.  You are planning to leave me and never return. Just for tonight, for once do not think with your mind but with your heart.”  There was a quiver in her words but there was no hesitation.

     “You know not what you are asking—”

     “Do not deem me a fool,” she scoffed.

     Jinki could feel his pitiful resolve crumbling.  There was nothing he wanted more than to embrace her, embrace their love even if only for one night.  It only made it more impossible to resist her when she was pressed so close to him, staring up at him with her innocent, watery eyes.  The soft fire-lit space made her look ethereal, glowing even, it only made his desire for her grow. He longed to give her absolutely everything she desired.  She tentatively slid her hand up his chest, dragging across his neck only to thread her fingers through his hair. Any further protest died at her touch.

     His body seemed to act on its own accord, carried him the small distance until he had pulled her into his chest, lips pressing against hers in desire.  The passion sparked through them like static. Jinki felt that impure desire welling up inside of him, pressing against his willpower, begging to be released.  Rather than beating it back into the dregs of his mind, he let the thoughts stay, entertaining them as his hands began to roam a new path down her body. His lips trailing down the column of her neck as his fingers began tugging at the ties of her dress, his body getting desperate to feel her skin against his.  She seemed to be faring no better, her fingers eagerly fumbling over the buttons on his shirt. The knot of her corseted dress finally coming undone, causing the fabric to sag and his pants grew more uncomfortable by the second as he gave into his desires, letting his lips drag further and further down, pushing the useless fabric out of his way to appreciate her fully.  She shuddered, Jinki could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage but in nervousness or arousal he wasn’t quite sure. He felt the same, his body and mind overwhelmed with the new sensations and the high of giving into his desires so fully. It was intoxicating.  

     He let his hands and lips enjoy the feast before him, slowly sinking to his knees before her as he continued to kiss down her flawless body, sliding the dress past her hips, his breath hitching as the pale blue fabric puddled on the floor by her feet.  He held her eye as he pushed the last of her garments down with the dress. He sat back on his heels, letting his eyes rove over her flesh, enjoying the soft flicker of candlelight across her pale skin, casting shadows and dancing merrily.  

     She shifted awkwardly, biting her lip in nervousness, her shoulders rolled forward as if she longed to curl into herself.  He reached for her hand, planting a soft kiss to her palm before letting her cup his cheek, looking up into her eyes, “Gwiboon,” His voice low and husky, “You are beautiful.”

     The tension in her shoulders seemed to relax and she guided him back to wind her arms around his neck.  Jinki didn’t let their lips part as he guided her clumsily to the bed. His patience was wearing thinner by the second, the sight, the feeling of all her bare skin at his disposal was driving him crazy.  To feel her against his chest, her heart beat against his fingertips. It felt so right. So pure despite how he was taking a soon to be married woman as his own. She was everything to him and if only for tonight, she was his to devour.  His lips pressed against her ear, “Gwiboon, if I do anything that displeases you, if I hurt you in any way, you must tell me. I have never— I do not know— just tell me.”

     “And if you cause me pleasure?” She asked, her voice breathy and low and her cheeks were flushed.

     “You definitely must tell me that as well,” He replied and dipped back down to claim her lips. 

~~~

     Jinki barely slept that night, knowing it would be his last with his love made it hard to give up even a single precious moment with her.  He allowed himself to indulge, letting go of his fears and concerns for the future and simply enjoy the moment. To share a bed with his love, even if only for one night, was a pleasure he had never even dare hope for and it was better than anything he could have imagined. To feel her soft skin pressed against him so intimately, to feel her breath, gentle and even against his bare chest was a feeling he never wanted to go without. He held her close, hands caressing her silky curls and her skin, now blemished with marks of their love.  Time passed swiftly, as time always does when you wish for nothing more than the moment to stand still forever. The sun was sliding over the horizon, a soft glow peeking through the window. He could feel his emotions welling up once again, his heart pleading for him to stay right here, in his soft bed, warmed by the woman he loved.  

     With heavy limbs and a heavier heart he worked his way out of her grasp, slipping from the bed and into the ice-cold room.  Silently, he dressed himself in his warmest riding clothes, the tears starting to fall, pouring down his face and he had no energy to try to make them stop.  With one last kiss pressed to her forehead, a final token of his love, he loading up his belongings and left his home, his life, his love.