Three years passed.  Three hot summers, three harvests and three long winters.  It took three whole years but Jinki had found his happiness again.  It had been bittersweet to be with his family again. He had longed for them for so long that it had been difficult at first to accept that the family he had left behind all those years before had changed and grown without him there; each of them becoming different people from those he remembered.  Likewise, he realized that he was not the same Jinki they all remembered.  

     After some time he settled back into life in their quiet village and was able to find work around the province using his experience and skill with horses.  The prestige of working in the palace stables gave him opportunities he would otherwise have been passed over for and he found he could sustain a comfortable life even while living in such a small community.  

     Jinki was thrilled to be able to take part in his sister’s wedding; sharing in such a joy with his family was more than he could have ever asked for.  Likewise, when Sojin produced their first child, Jinki was there to help and partake in the joyous occasion. His youngest sister, Sojeong was still studying under the town healer and she was a bright and promising pupil.  There would be a position for her anywhere she chose to go if she continued on her path.

     His brother continued working the fields until the inevitable war broke out.  No amount of pleading could make him stay. Thankfully, the border scuffles didn’t last but a few months and Jinhwan coming back to them a man as opposed to the boy who had left them, a slight limp that would forever serve as a reminder. 

     It had taken a little time for Jinki to realize that his family was no longer dependent on his as he had once believed.  Jinhwan was a hard worker and valued within their small community; he was able to care for their mother well. It helped ease his mind that Sojin was now married.  Her husband was a good man and worked hard to care for his family as well as theirs. Even his baby sister was learning a trade and bringing in a small purse.  

     It brought Jinki a sense of peace to know that they would be okay without him there, that Jinki himself didn’t have to pour all of himself into keeping the family afloat.  It would still be hard to leave his loved ones, but now he knew it would be all right. Now he knew that he had others to share in the burden. He had enough room to breathe, to think about himself and what he wanted.  And what he wanted was to see her again.

     Despite the years, he wasn’t able to fully remove Gwiboon from his thoughts.  He’d found happiness again but it was hollow. He felt like a shell of who he once was.  He kept himself busy, trying to keep him mind away from thoughts of her but it was useless.  He’d let her slip into his heart and she was there to stay. She was married now. Jinki just hoped that it was enough and that she was able to secure herself and her family.  He hoped that she found some semblance of peace, of happiness, even if it wasn’t with himself. However, Jinki needed to see for himself. He needed to know.  

     As the years passed, it grew harder and harder to stay.  The village, quaint and familiar began to feel small and cramped.  In the city, he’d been just one of many and had grown comfortable in that.  While he enjoyed the respect he was given for his knowledge of horses, he missed his work at the stables and the challenges that came with it.  He no longer belonged in the small village.

     The concerns that had plagued Jinki’s life all seemed to evaporate.  His siblings were grown and his mother was comfortable and happy. While they all welcomed him back with open arms, it wasn’t the same as when he’d left.  His mother urged him to socialize, to meet the eligible women in town but it was obvious, his heart was still at the palace. After a few months of pushing, she simply gave up.  It was a fruitless endeavor and anyone could see that. But after years of understanding, his mother simply grew impatient.  

     “Would you just go back to the palace already?” She finally burst out one day.  “It is clear you will never fully rest until this matter is settled. Go. See that she is happy and make peace with that or win the woman back!  I honestly do not care which just… go,” she playfully swatted at him with the broom in her hand. 

     “Mother,” Jinki frowned, “It is not that simple.” He’d told her the truth, the obvious complications.  He couldn’t quite understand why his mother of all people would encourage him to woo a married noble.

     “It is as simple or as complicated as you make it,” she replied.  “You are a good man, you did the right thing letting her go. Your head knows it, but your heart never accepted it.”

     Jinki sighed, he knew she was right.  Despite everything, he’d never let go of hope.  He wanted Gwiboon to be happy, to have moved on, but he also wanted her as his own.  He’d wanted it so bad he’d fled. It was the only was he could ensure he didn’t give in but fleeing hadn’t change anything inside himself.  

     “Go,” she said simply, turning back to her cleaning, closing off the conversation. 

     Jinki thought on her words for another few days before he was packing his bags, needing little encouragement to surrender to the tug in his heart that had started the day he left.

~~~ 

     As he rode up the dirt packed trail towards the stables, Jinki only had a moment of hesitation, unsure where he should go, when a voice interrupted his thoughts. 

     “Oh gods! Is that really you?” Jinki looked up to find none other than Lee Taemin standing before him.  

     Jinki smiled widely as fond memories flooded his mind, “Taemin! My lands, look at you!” The small boy was hardly a boy any longer. He was taller and his body had filled out into strong, lean muscle. His skin was darkened to a caramel shade by the sun and shone with sweat but his smile hadn’t changed one bit.  He still looked as young and fresh as the day Jinki had first met him and he was a welcome sight after the days of travel Jinki had been through. 

     “Hyung! It’s been so long! What brought you back to the palace?” Taemin held Sangchu steady while Jinki dismounted, barely letting the elder steady himself before Taemin was jumping into his arms in a hug. Jinki would do nothing but laugh, returning the sentiment.  He’d missed the lad, missed his life here at the stables.

     “I missed you too, Taemin,” Jinki murmured fondly, ruffling the younger man’s hair for old times sake.

     “Joonha hyung is going to be so happy! He hasn’t been the same since you left. And Madame Kim!!! She’s going to go crazy!” Taemin began, excitement bleeding into his tone.

     Jinki laughed, “I’d love to go see them.”

     “Of course!  Joonha hyung should be in the stable office. I’ll take care of Sangchu, okay?  You go greet the old man,” Taemin offered. 

     “Thanks, Taemin. Come find me when you’re done and we will go have lunch together, like old times. Give Madame Kim quite a fright too,” Jinki suggested, letting Taemin take Sangchu’s bridle.

     “Hyung! Be nice to her! She’s getting on in years. Her heart can’t handle such a surprise!” Taemin said.

     “I’m going to tell her you said that,” Jinki teased, knowing Madame Kim would have his head for insinuating she was old. 

     “Don’t you dare!”

     Jinki couldn’t seem to keep the happy smile off his face. He had missed this. Missed them. He had a family here. A life. While it had been great to go home and visit his mother and siblings, it no longer felt like home to him. It was funny, he had spent all his years at the palace pining over his home and family, only to discover upon returning that he home and his family was already at the palace. 

     Not that he regretted going back to see his family. He had missed his mother terribly. He gave himself time to reacquaint himself with her face, the winkles and crows feet had never been a part of his memory. He also enjoyed time with his siblings, getting to know them as people and not just children. His sister had given birth to a fine baby boy and it warmed his heart to be able to enjoy such an event. He had missed so much over the years but he knew he could never get that time back but he could make the best of what was left.  

     When he finally made the decision to come back to the palace, he did so knowing his family was healthy and happy. It was a burden he’d carried for many years and it was a relief to finally set it down.  It allowed him to think about his own desires for once and he realized that he missed the palace and the people he had grown to love and care for. He missed having a steady job and doing work he was confident and proud of.  And above all else, he still missed Gwiboon.

     Jinki rounded the corner to the stables office and knocked politely on the door.  

     “Come in.”

     He pushed the door open, leaning against the door frame with a playful smile and waited for Joonha to look up and acknowledge him.

     It didn’t take long for him to glance up, surprise morphing into happiness, “Jinki.”

     “Hyung, it’s been a long time,” Jinki greeted, taking in the man before him, the graying hair and the new age lines did nothing to take away from his handsome face.

     “That it has. You look well,” Joonha stood up, pulling Jinki into a warm hug.  The elder had never been much for physical affection so Jinki knew he’d been missed.

     “I have been,” Jinki agreed.

     “Good to hear. What brings you back to the city, Jinki?”

     Jinki shrugged with a small smile, “I just missed it. Home wasn’t really home anymore, you know?”

     Joonha nodded in understanding, “Is that the only reason?” His eyebrows rose in an unspoken question.

     Jinki smiled but it was useless to protest.  “Perhaps not.”

     Joonha laughed in response.  “Why did you wait so long then?” Jinki’s chin dropped to his chest rather bashfully.  He’d struggled with his decision for so long, it was still hard for him to accept that he was back at the palace. “I think it would be good for you to see Lady Gwiboon again.  You might be surprised what changes have transpired while you’ve been away,” Joonha continued, a knowing smile on his lips. Jinki knew better than to question him further.

     “Hyung!  Let’s go!” Jinki heard Taemin call out, excitement clear in his voice.

     “Taemin must be thrilled you are back,” Joonha said, “He really looks up to you.”

     “He’s a good kid,” Jinki responded, his voice softened whenever Taemin was brought up.

     “He reminds me a lot of you when you were younger.”

     “I was never as energetic as he!” Jinki protested with a laugh.

     “No, but he favors you a lot.  He is a good lad and growing into a find stable hand, just like you were at his age,” Joonha responded.

     “He is in good hands with you,” Jinki told him, meaning each word.  Joonha had been a fine teacher when Jinki had been but a lad, he knew Taemin had benefited as much as himself now that he had someone like Joonha to look up to. 

     “Are you coming back to work at the stables, Jinki?  You position is available if you so desire,” Joonha told him.

     “Thank you, hyung.  I haven’t made my decision yet,” Jinki smiled.  

     “I understand.  Go see where you stand with that woman of yours first,” Joonha smirked, a rare bit of teasing slipping through his usually serious personality. 

     “Hyung!”

     “What?  Is that not what you meant?”

     “Well… you didn’t have to say it so plainly,” Jinki protested. 

     “Alright, alright.  Taemin is waiting for you,” Joonha laughed softly, waving him out the door and sitting back at his desk. 

     “Thank you, hyung.  For everything.” Jinki came out to find a rather impatient Taemin, tapping the toe of his boots in agitation while he waited.  

     “Hyung let’s go! I’m starving and Madame Kim is going to be preparing a feast when she finds out you are back!”

     “Ah now I see why you are so excited,” Jinki teased.

     “Of course!  Did you think I was only excited about you?” Taemin responded. 

     “You brat, come here!” Jinki playfully swatted his arm, the younger easily dodging it.  He finally caught Taemin, only to throw his arm around the younger’s neck, “you’re too tall now, this used to be more comfortable,” Jinki whined.  Taemin only laughed in response. “You know I missed you right? You are like a little brother to me,” Jinki said.

     “I know, hyung.  I missed you too.  The palace wasn’t the same without you.  Have you been to see your lady yet?” Taemin asked, a knowing smile pulling at his lips.

     Jinki sighed, “She’s not “my lady”,” He responded.  “She’s a married woman!” 

     Taemin chuckled, “That she is but that doesn’t change my question.” 

     “Taemin!” Jinki said, blushing.  He hadn’t expected such words to come for Taemin, still thinking of him as a child rather than the man that stood before him.  “What of you? And maidens in your life?” Jinki tried desperately the deflect the conversation. 

     It was Taemin’s turn to blush.  “I… never you mind!” 

     “Oh… so there is someone,” Jinki said, smiling to himself. 

     “Let's go see Madame Kim!” Taemin said, ducking from under Jinki’s arm and running the rest of the way up the hill to the servants entrance.

     “Lee Taemin!” Jinki called after him but the younger kept going.

     By the time Jinki was able to catch up with Taemin they were already at the entrance to the kitchens, Madame Kim’s voice clear over the clatter of pots and pans.

     Taemin pushed open the door, standing in the doorway to block Jinki from view, “Madame Kim!” He called loudly, distracting her for the maid she was in the middle of scolding, “I have a surprise for you!”

     “Lee Taemin you little scoundrel, I am bu--” Taemin stepped out of the way, her eyes catching ahold of Jinki and her words trailed off.  “Jinki. My sweet Jinki.”

     Jinki’s smile only widened at her reaction, closing the distance to enclose the stout woman in a warm hug.  She still smelled of fresh baked bread and the apples she had obviously been slicing all morning and it smelled like home to Jinki.  She squeezed him impossibly tight, obviously letting her emotions getting the best of her.

     She pulled back slightly, looking up at him with watery eyes, “Come here darling, let me look at you.”

     “Madame Kim, are you crying?” Taemin asked a sly, excited smile on his lips.

     “Of course not, how dare you boy,” She shot back.

     Jinki laughed, pulling her in for another quick hug, “I missed you, Madame Kim.”

     “Goodness child you haven’t changed a bit!  You look mighty well,” She said, taking a step back to look him up and down. 

     “I am.  My mama has taken good care of me,” Jinki assured her. 

     “Of course she has.  She’s a good woman, she is.  You look happy now. Much better than when you left,” she nodded to herself. 

     “I am,” Jinki promised.

     “Have you seen the wench of a woman who ran you off yet?” She asked, leveling him with her stare. 

     “Madame Kim!” Jinki gasped, scandalized that she would say such a thing.

     “What?”

     “You can’t just--”

     “I can and I did!  Have you seen her?”

     “No.  I have not.  And she did not run me off, gods above, how can you say such a thing?”

     “I see you are as polite as ever.  Good boy.”

     “Madame Kim!”

     “What?  Alright, alright, I’ll stop.  Let’s get some food into you! You’ve had a long trip,” she quickly ushered him over to a table, setting him down and barking orders to one of the passing kitchen hands to fix him a plate.  Taemin slid into the seat beside him, smiling happily. Once they were both situated with plates piled high with lamb and vegetables, a large plate of bread between them and the best pickings of fall fruit from around the kitchen Madame Kim sat down, idly munching on some bread as she fawned over Jinki, petting his hair and filling him in on everything he had missed in the past few years.  He was in for a long afternoon.

~~~

     When Jinki finally left the kitchens, his belt was unpleasantly tight and his heart was light with happiness.  Madame Kim was like a second mother to him and it was difficult to be away from her for so long. It seemed odd, to miss Madame Kim, his mother figure at the palace, while he was away because he was with his real mother.  Apparently his heart would never be satisfied until he had both women in the same room. He knew they would get along well and they both cared deeply for him and he for them.  

     The problem now was that there was only one other person he wanted to see.  He knew his heart would never be settled unless he saw her again. He slowly made his way back to the stables, wandering until he found where Taemin had placed his Sangchu.  Of course, the boy had given Sangchu his old stall, treating the horse like he had never even left. Jinki smiled fondly to see that his horse had been brushed to a glossy sheen and had been loaded up with oats and fresh hay.  

     Jinki steeled his shoulders, gathering up all his courage to make the last visit.  “Come on boy, let’s go,” he whispered to his horse, leading the animal out of the stall to get him tacked and ready to go.  It was time for him to confront the woman he was still in love with. It was time for him to finally find peace.