Jinki was uneasy as he made his way towards the meadow.  He knew he should be smarter than this, better than this.  He was feeding a dangerous and silly fantasy that Miss Gwiboon saw him as a man.  He was allowing himself to hope. Rationally, he knew that was pure stupidity. He was a servant and he would never be more than a servant.  Even if she did, by some crazy twist of fate, see him in the same light he saw her, what of it? It would never be anything. It could never be anything.  There were two people from different world simply coexisting.  Their social classes didn’t and couldn’t mix. They were night and day; oil and water.  No matter what his heart wanted, it wouldn’t ever happen.  

     He didn’t even know why he was dedicating so much time and energy to such obscure fantasies because Miss Gwiboon had set her sights on Lord Jonghyun.  And why shouldn’t she? He was a Lord. He was rich. He was handsome. He was everything Jinki wasn’t. And more importantly, they were allowed to be together.  Lord Jonghyun was exactly what she wanted and what her parents were expecting her to bring home after her stint at the palace. She was too smart, too noble to get involved with a dirty stable hand.  However, regardless of his rationality, his heart couldn’t help itself but beat faster at the mere thought of her smile. His adrenaline spiked as he neared the final hill and approached their meadow.  Because somewhere along the line he had begun dubbing the strip of land as ‘theirs.’ He didn’t remember giving his heart or his brain permission to do such things but here he was, heart racing, biting his lip to fight off the smile as each step brought him closer and closer to Miss Gwiboon.  

     As he crested the hill he saw her waiting patiently for him, horse already unsaddled and her attire changed.  His lips quirked at the thought. Who would have thought? His whole day was lifted up by the sight of a noblewoman in men’s britches atop a fine horse.  He had always envisioned himself with a feminine woman, someone delicate and fragile. He had always seem it so clearly in his mind during those long winter nights, small hands that fit easily in his palm.  Someone short enough to tuck under his chin when he hugged her. Maybe he simply thought of himself as the protector and therefore fantasized about marrying a woman who appeared vulnerable, someone who would want and need his protection.  Instead, he found that his heart had been stolen by a strong willed, prideful noble wearing men’s clothing. It was comical how wrong he had been.  

     He allowed himself to drink in her presence.  Her ebony curls looked particularly stunning in the afternoon sun as the locks danced in the wind around her face.  The dark color looked striking against her pale skin and simple green dress.  

     “Jinki!  Hurry up!  I’ve been waiting for ages,” She called as he approached, but he ignored her words, allowed his horse to stroll comfortably along.  He wanted to savor every moment they had together, he didn’t want to rush anything.  

     “I’m sorry I kept you waiting, m’lady,” Jinki responded, he couldn’t help the crooked smile that pulled at his lips, merely enjoying her presence.  The confusion that tangled in his heart seemed to evaporate whenever he was with her. It was hard to remember why he shouldn’t be in love with her.  He wanted to bask in the glow of her smile and forget everything else.

     “I should be used to it by now,” She grumbled more to herself than Jinki but it made him laugh nonetheless.  “You seem very impatient today m’lady?”

     “Yes, I’m sorry.  It’s been a rather difficult day at the palace.  I am just anxious to ride and let loose some of that stress,” she admitted.

     “Ahh I see.  Well, shall we ride then?” Jinki suggested.

     “Yes, lets.  I’d much rather a distance ride this time however,” she told him. 

     “Alright, m’lady.  To the river?”

     “To the river and back,” she amended.

     “To the river and back,” he concurred.

     Gwiboon smiled mischievously, “and don’t think I’m going to go easy on you.”

     “The thought never crossed my mind, m’lady,” he laughed.

     She hopped onto the horse’s back, her skirt hiked up far too high to be considered ladylike, showing off the tan britches she wore beneath.  They lined their mounts up, the horses feeding off of their riders’ excitement as they pranced, “Ready? Start!”

     The two of them took off but Jinki tried to pace his horse just a bit; the river was further away than it looked.  He knew better than anyone what the horses were capable of and the mare would be far too winded if she tried to sustain a full gallop the whole way there and back.  He allowed Miss Gwiboon to take the lead, her Cheonsa was small but had an obvious love for speed. The mare Jinki was riding was at least four hands taller than Cheonsa and therefore was at an advantage when it came to distance.  It seemed like no time at all that they were approaching the river bank, far enough away from the town that there were few homes in this area. There were few people who would see them which is why Jinki had picked this place to begin with.  He slowed his mount slightly, preparing for the turn-- he learned his lesson from last time-- before taking off the way they came. Giving the mare her head, he let her stretch her long legs to close the distance between the two horses. They were neck and neck as they began cresting the hill, Jinki’s mare holding her pace as Cheonsa was obviously slowing.  When Jinki emerged into the clearing, he was a full length ahead. He smiled widely as he began pulling the mare in, slowing her to a more reasonable pace.  

     Despite the loss, Miss Gwiboon was smiling broadly as well.  “We are tied now,” she commented.

     “That we are,” Jinki concurred, “However, it still is not a fair comparison.  I am in a saddle and you, .”

     Miss Gwiboon waved his words off with a flip of her wrist, “No matter.  I am a better rider than most men in a saddle.”

     Jinki laughed, “That you are; you are a mighty fine rider indeed.”  He flipped his leg over the horse, sliding down onto the ground. He took the reins of both their horses, tying them to the same tree as before.

     Miss Gwiboon offered out her hand, demanding he help her dismount.  He did so without a word, holding her dainty hand in his own as she slid her leg over the horse's mane and sliding down to the ground.

     “That was fun,” she said, making no effort to pull her hand away from his own.  

     “Yes, it was,” He agreed, forcing his fingers to unclench, her warmth was so inviting but still, he dropped her hand.  

     “Let’s sit.  I’m a bit tired,” She suggested, nodding towards a sunny patch a few feet from where they stood.  Jinki cleared his throat rather awkwardly, the tension between them seemed to thicken with each passing minute.  Did she feel it too? Could she sense how badly he wanted to be near her? How stupidly happy her presence made him?

     Jinki sat down in the grass, eyes widening in shock when she sat next to him, far closer than what he would consider normal.  She made no motion like it was odd so he tried to brush it off, but his heart was reading the situation much differently and was practically beating out of his chest with nerves.  He could feel her body heat, he could smell her hair and he was slowly becoming intoxicated by her very presence.  

     “Soon it will be too cold to ride,” she mused, a sad tilt to her tone, as if by a nervous habit she kept pulling at the blades of grass between them.  Plucking a blade before peeling it into fine ribbons, letting the pieces fall into her skirt.

     “Ay, m’lady.  The snow will come before we are ready,” Jinki muttered, trying to stay on topic.

     “You still have to exercise the horses though, don’t you?” She asked.

     “I do,” he replied. 

     “That must be taxing in the cold weather.”

     “It is but it is part of the job.  I also get the pleasure of exercising the animals during the pleasant months, riding along the river bank when it’s lined with spring wild flowers and through the forest while the autumn leaves are falling.  You can’t have the good without the bad as well,” Jinki mused.  

     “I like that, you can’t have the good without the bad,” Miss Gwiboon said.  “That’s true of everything in life, isn’t it? When you want something good, you must accept the bad and when you must accept the bad, there is a silver lining to it somewhere.”

     “I guess, m’lady,” Jinki frowned.  He didn’t have the slightest idea what they were talking about anymore but it definitely wasn’t about horses. 

     “Which do you think is worse?”

     “I’m not sure I understand what you mean?”

     “Which is worse, wanting something good so much that you accept that bad consequences that come along with it, or accepting something bad because of the good outcomes that will inevitably follow?”  She asked, looking out over the meadow, her eyes fixed on a point only she could see. 

     “For myself?  I try to strive for the good,” Jinki said softly.

     Miss Gwiboon smiled, “I figured you would say that.”  Jinki wasn’t quite sure what his answer meant to her but he could see something change, her eyes filling with determination.  His breath hitched in his throat as she turned to face him fully, her eyes fixed him with a serious gaze. “I feel the same, it is better to strive for what you want, what you deserve, and accept the bad that comes with it, than to settle for the bad and hope that good will someday come out in the end.”

     “Miss Gwiboon, I’m afraid I don’t know what we are talking about right now,” Jinki said, feeling increasingly uneasy at her serious words and the close proximity she was keeping.

     “Don’t you though?” She questioned, her hand coming up slowly, caressing the side of his face, guiding him to meet her eyes.  His heart jumped at the intimate touch, not having a second to process what it meant before she leaned in closer, closer; too close.  Her lips were soft and chaste against the corner of his mouth; the barest brush of skin.  

     Jinki was stunned.  He sat, much like a statue, unsure what to do, how to react.  He wanted to bask in the feeling for as long as possible, her skin pressed against his, her heart open and vulnerable to him.  His body ached to reciprocate, to press against her, to cup her slender neck and hold her lips against his for all eternity. However, his mind had the opposite reaction, still in shock over her forwardness and the simple fact that his feelings were in fact being reciprocated.  However, all he could think was, ‘what if someone saw?’ His stomach twisted with elation and horror, a sickening mixture.

     He jerked back as if he’d been burned, his skin tingling with the ghost of her lips against his.  

     “M’lady!  I-- You-- We can’t.”

     “We can’t what?  Do not tell me I am alone in my feelings,” she said, her tone rising in anger, her defensive walls stacking up around her.  The warmth he’d grown accustomed to seeing in her eyes evaporated, replaced by a hard anger fueled by embarrassment.  

     “My feelings are of no consequence, m’lady.  I fear you have forgotten your station,” he replied, looking down at his lap, avoiding her angry gaze.  His heart was beating out of his chest and he avoided her eyes as his mind reeled. He’d only just begun to accept his feelings towards her, he wasn’t ready to accept that she felt as he did.  They couldn’t! Miss Gwiboon was only at the palace to find a suitable and rich husband. Jinki was neither of those things.  

     “And I fear you have forgotten yours,” she seethed. 

     “Ay, m’lady.  I have allowed myself to feel too comfortable in your presence and it has lead to this situation.  I apologize,” Jinki responded.

     “You apologize?  You apologize?   I want no apology I want you sincere words Lee Jinki,” Gwiboon hissed her cheeks flushed crimson and her glare sharp enough to cut.

     “M’lady, please don’t ask that of me.  It is not fair to either of us,” he whispered, voice cracking ever so slightly. 

     “So I am right?  You feel as I do?” She asked, her tone demanding an answer.

     “M’lady, ” Jinki pleaded.  Saying it aloud would only make this harder.  His heart wanted nothing more than to confess, to assure her that she was not alone in her feelings but they could never be.  She knew that as well as he.  

     “I was right, but I was wrong as well.  You are not the man I thought you were. You are a coward.  Need I remind you, I have far more to lose than you,” Her words laced with venom as she stood, ripping her gelding’s reins from the tree and swinging herself onto his back, galloping off without so much as a glance back.

     “But m’lady, that is exactly the reason why we cannot,” Jinki whispered, letting the wind catch his words, carrying the truth far away.