“Saddle my horse,” the command was sharp, it stabbed at Jinki’s heart and made him freeze in his tracks.  He had been on his way to the tack room, a freshly cleaned bridle in hand when he suddenly found himself in the presence of the person he both longed and dreaded to see.  He steeled his shoulders before turning to take in Miss Gwiboon and her forced nonchalant attitude. He wasn’t quite sure this was happened, halfway convinced he was still dreaming or maybe just having an elaborate fantasy.  “Are you deaf, boy? Saddle my horse.” No. She was very much real.

     “Ay, m’lady,” Jinki whispered, eyes on the ground, shame washing over him when he tried to even look at her.  After days of wallowing the object of his affection was finally in front of him and it hurt more than he imagined.  Her bitterness was palpable, poisoning the air around them. He fetched Cheonsa’s tack in silence, the two of them entering the stall while Jinki got to work. 

     “Gwiboon darling!  Hurry up!” the unmistakable voice of Lord Jonghyun called through the stables.  Jinki’s stomach turned at the sound. His pet names and honey-soaked words making Jinki blanch.  It was hard enough just to see Gwiboon, did he have to suffer through this layer of hell as well? 

     “He is taking me to his manor today,” She informed Jinki, a clear attempt to provoke jealousy.  What a trivial goal; ultimately pointless as well because Jinki had been green with jealousy since that first day he had seen them together, watching Miss Gwiboon make a fool of herself to get Lord Jonghyun to notice her.  More than anything he was jealous of how careless they were allowed to be with each other. He wanted nothing more than to stand beside her, a position that Lord Jonghyun took for granted.

     Jinki felt himself getting annoyed, not by her obvious bait, but by her lack of consideration.  Seeing the two of them together was hard enough for him. It was a searing hot pain that continued to build inside of him.  She wasn’t the only one here who was damaged and he really didn’t appreciate her using his feelings as a means to boost her own ego.  She was being petty and it was unbecoming. Miss Gwiboon was a lot of things, but petty had never been one of them.

     “M’lady, your business is your own,” He responded, his tone sharper than he had intended, making her smile in satisfaction.

     “He has asked to court me as well,” Gwiboon said with smug satisfaction, “I, of course, agreed.”

     Jinki said nothing in response, his fingers shaking around the leather saddle strap as he tried to keep himself in check.  His pain, his longing, his sorrow… it seemed to morph into a rage, bubbling up inside himself. He knew better than to rise to her bait.  While the Gwiboon he’d grown close to over the past few months was someone he could speak freely with, that Gwiboon was long gone.

     “If all goes well, we shall be married by spring,” smile was full of satisfaction but it did not reach her eyes.  How had they come to this? What god had he offended to be fated to suffer like this?      

     “Do you think it wise, m’lady?” Jinki snapped with a glare to match her own.

     “Do I think what wise?”  She responded, low and challenging. 

     “Do you think it wise to provoke me?  Do you think it wise to get tangled in the web of Lord Jonghyun?  Do you think it wise to be seen on an intimate outing knowing his reputation?  Do you think it wise?” Jinki hissed, no longer trying to hold emotions in.

     “Do you think it wise to talk to a noble so?” She shot back, eyebrow raised.

     “Well then have me flogged in the town square!  It would be better than watching you throw away your family name for the likes of him!  Do you not know, m’lady? Do you not know his reputation? The many women he has shamed?  Do you not believe the rumors for I assure you, they are truth. He would sooner take a barmaid as his bride than you!  You name will be tarnished. He is dangerous in ways you are too naive to understand,” Jinki seethed, his voice getting louder and louder.  He should be more conscious of where they are, but he can’t see past the red behind his eyes. 

     “How dare you?  What does it matter to you?  So he tarnishes my family name, no matter, my father has done a fine job of that already.  There isn’t much further to fall on the social ladder! You think I don’t know? My name is insulted daily at the palace.  I know what they say about me. Calling me a commoner and a wench for using my looks to try to land a husband. And they are correct!  That is why I am here. You were right, I got carried away in the meadow, thinking that I could choose my own happiness over my duty to my family.  I am a fool for thinking I could choose my path. But now, now I am merely taking your advice. You said it yourself, we cannot be together. However, I can be with Lord Jonghyun.  He does not give me happiness but he can give me a new life.  So why are you protesting when I am doing as you yourself said?”  She challenged, pain seeping through her mask of anger. She was in as much pain as himself, the knowledge only made it more impossible for Jinki to go on.  

     “M’lady, I know I’m not allowed to but I… I fear I care about what happens to you far too much.  You deserve someone better than Lord Jonghyun. He may be able to give you a new life, but I’m afraid it is not a life anyone would willingly choose,” Jinki responded, his anger bleeding out just as quick as it had sprung up.

     “Aye, but that is just the problem isn’t it?  I already offered myself to someone better and I was rejected.  Now I must settle for the bad and hope there is a silver lining,” Her eyes piercing as she spoke, making sure he remembered what she was referring to.  As if Jinki could ever forget. Jinki’s heart constricted at her words, elated and crushed that she felt so strongly about him. It was a painful and comforting thing, to know that the one he loved reciprocated so fully.  To think, she thought he, a low stable hand was better than a Lord.  

     She turned away, reaching for the latch on the stall door, but Jinki couldn’t bear to watch her walk away again.  He just couldn’t. His hand shot out before he could think about his actions, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back around.  Her eyes were wide with surprise and glistening with unshed tears. She didn’t have a chance to get a word out before Jinki was crushing her to his chest, lips practically bruising in his attempt to convey his urgency.  There was none of the gentleness, the uncertainty of their first kiss. No, this time Jinki was a full participant, wanting, needing to show her how deep his feelings ran as well. Her surprise melted, lips turning up into a smile against his own.  Jinki didn’t know what came over him, body working against his mind as he pushed her back up against the wall, far from any prying eyes. He knotted his fingers in her beautiful hair, their bodies so close he could feel her heartbeat as he allowed his body to work off of instinct.  

     Jinki’s heart was racing, adrenaline and sheer, unadulterated joy making him hyper-sensitive to her every move, the way her eyelashes fluttered against his cheek, how her lips were so pliable, so willing against his own.  His arm found its way around her tiny waist, pulling her impossibly closer, the faintest whimper leaving at the action. Jinki let himself drown in her touch and suddenly the euphoric bubble they had been hiding in was popped by none other than Lord Jonghyun.  “Gwiboon! Are you ready to go my darling?” His voice was far off but it made the two of them jolt back to reality. Jinki pulled back but his heart still racing from the taste of her lips. Her eyes opening slowly to meet his gaze, mirroring his emotions back.

     “Don’t go with him.”  The words fell from his lips in a desperate plea.  The very thought of her going with some other man, ruining such a fragile figment of happiness they had just created felt like a crime against his own soul.  

     She nodded, eyes never leaving his.  Jinki pulled away, putting the necessary distance between them before Lord Jonghyun found them.  She tried to fix her hair as best she could, but nothing could be done about the healthy glow of her cheeks or the way her chest was still rising and falling far too quickly.  

     “Gwiboon?” Lord Jonghyun’s voice rang out once again, much closer than the first time.

     Gwiboon took a deep breath, exiting the stall, “Jonghyun, I am here.”

     “Darling!  Wherever have you been?  I’ve been calling you?” He feigned worry but Jinki detected agitation more than anything in his tone.  Jinki’s mind was still fuzzy with euphoria, he could still taste her on his lips. 

     “I’m so sorry.  I’ve been here with my Cheonsa I’m afraid he appears unfit to ride at the moment,” Gwiboon’s lie rolled off her tongue like smooth silk.

     “Oh goodness, I’m sorry to hear that.  I’m sure we can find you a different mou--” Jonghyun began before she cut him off.

     “That is unnecessary.  I am feeling a bit feverish today as well.  I think it best I go lie down,” Gwiboon added, leaving no room for argument.  

     “My dear, why didn’t you say so sooner?  We can’t have you running around the stables when you are ill.  Off to bed with you,” Jonghyun responded, his words more playful than anything.  He didn’t appear to be worried about her in the slightest.  

     “Thank you for understanding.  I am quite attached to my horse so once I’ve seen him attended to I will go back to my room and rest,” she assured him.  

     “Would you like me to wait with you?  I wouldn’t mind at all,” Jonghyun offered, always one for manners, however forced they may be.

     “That’s not necessary.  I’m sure you have many things to attend to.  Please, do not dally on my account,” Gwiboon responded, gracing him with a warm smile.  

     “Whatever you say, my dear,” he agreed without hesitation.

     Gwiboon slipped back inside the stall, an awkward air settling between them as they listened to his footsteps get further and further away.  Their passion that had let them let loose so freely only minutes before was now veiled by reality and it made the air between them thick with tension.

     “M’lady, I--”

     “No.  No talking.  No apologizing.  I cannot bear to hear those words come from your mouth again,” She commanded, her shoulders falling and his tone tired.

     Jinki smiled, a small chuckle falling from his lips, “I wasn’t going to apologize.  I was going to say you have a bit of hay in your hair.”

     “Oh, gods!  I probably look an absolute fright, don’t I?  Do you think Lord Jonghyun suspects?” She babbled as she patted at her hair with nervous fingers.

     “No, m’lady.  You look perfect.  And I doubt he, or anyone else, suspects,” Jinki smiled, stepping closer and gently pulled the hay out of her rumpled curls.

     “They wouldn’t, right?  Goodness, we are fools, aren’t we?” She asked, not moving away as she looked up into his eyes, hers swimming with uncertainty.

     “I’m afraid so,” Jinki replied, his hand settling against the gentle slope of her neck, the action making her shiver and Jinki suddenly felt drunk with happiness.

     “If it is so foolish then why does it feel so...right?” She murmured.

     “It does, doesn’t it? These past few days, knowing you were angered with me… it was difficult.  Very much so. I do not wish to repeat the experience. You know as well as I that we can’t do this but… I can’t find it in myself to try to stop anymore,” Jinki replied.  He knew they couldn’t do this. It would never work. So why couldn’t he seem to stop himself? The days of wallowing had only weakened his resolve and now that’d he’d tasted her lips… he was powerless to fight against himself any longer.  

     “Then let’s not try,” she whispered, and Jinki felt himself nodded along with her, ignoring the rational part of his head in favor of drinking in the warmth of her skin and drowning in the light in her eyes.  In that moment he knew, she was as blissfully happy as he felt and he couldn’t ask for more.