Sometime in the future

 

“Everytime I see you I literally want to die a bit more inside.”

 

“Why are you so hurtful! I came all the way over here from Chick-Fil-A just to give you this and that’s what you say to me?” 

 

“You’re only bringing me this because you know I’m mad.”

 

“Exactly. You are exactly right Jennie, if I had it my way I’d strap a fifty pound cinder block to both your ankles and sink you in the largest body of water I could find.” Jisoo snickered, nose twitching in disgust. 

 

“If I had it my way I’d strip you -“

 

“Sounds gay, I’m in.”

 

“Cover you in honey-“

 

“Sounds .”

 

“Tie you to a tree and let the rats and vermin eat you while I watched”. Jennie deadpanned, taking a bite of a nugget. 

 

“That’s disgusting. You’re a monster. If I could, I’d lie you on a bed of needles and drag you from the back of my car on a bumpy dirt road.”

 

“I’d throw you off a ship.”

 

“What would that do? I’d literally fall in the water. I can swim.”

 

“And then get into the propeller and become fish food”. Jisoo’s mouth opened. 

 

“You need therapy.”

 

                             —————/////—————

 

“Baby…get me a stretcher”. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. 

 

“That’s emotional manipulation and you should both be ashamed of yourselves”, I said, still shaking my head, mostly at Irene though. She’s devious. 

 

“But amor!”

 

“Amor nothing” I laughed, “no stretcher for you. And where would I even find one?”

 

Suddenly serious Joy stood straighter and seemed to look around before shrugging and pointing in the distance. “The nearest first aid station.”

 

“Airports have first aid stations?” Mouth wide Joy stared at me. 

 

“Baby!”

 

“What!”

 

“If someone calls 911 from the hospital displaying heart attack symptoms what do you say? Good luck and have a good day?” Why is she so dramatic? Does pregnancy do that? Make everything so monumental?

 

“No of course not honey, I’d say Godspeed young man.” To this, the woman who has pinky promised and swore on her mother’s unused grave that she would marry me in five days shook her head and smiled. 

 

“I don't even know what that means and I know it’s bad”, Joy laughed before we heard Seulgi barrel up to us with a wheelchair that I'm pretty sure only airport personnel are allowed to handle. 

 

“Seulgi, why are you running?” Irene asked, falling into the chair as gracefully as a woman seven months pregnant could. Which for Irene, is pretty damn graceful. 

 

“Some guy started chasing me”.

 

“Chasing you?”

 

“Yeah!” Seulgi scoffed, “as if he could catch me. Only thing he’ll be catching is a Charlie horse chasing me like that. I got to the wheelchair first. First come. First serve. Everyone knows this.” 

 

I nodded, biting my lip to not laugh as Joy walked over obviously trying to seem inconspicuous but failing miserably. She’s five foot ten and practically moonwalking to me, sweetie none of this is subtle. “Baby”, she whispered, again not subtle- she might as well be yelling. 

 

“Yes honey?”

 

“Aren’t only people from the airport allowed to move the wheelchairs!” Looking up at my precious baby, I nodded, my eyes burning from holding my face and trying not to laugh. “Soooo, she basically stole the wheelchair and was chased by a worker?” Joy asked, lips pursing.

 

“Yep!” I squeaked. 

 

“Criminals. The whole lot of em” Joy said before wrapping an arm around me and allowing me to die of silent laughter against her chest. That poor airport employee. 

 

“Omma!” I heard Irene yell from my hiding place before I heard Seulgi yell “babe! I’m supposed to wheel you, you're not supposed to wheel yourself! Irene! Irene! Joohyun! Baby, think about the baby!”

 

Taking that as our cue, Joy wrapped an arm around me as we walked to my in-laws who once were just my best friends' parents. “Omma! My feet hurt all the time mommy. I can’t see my own feet sometimes and the smell of Seulgi after work makes me want to kill her and throw up. She smells like stress! I didn’t even know that was a thing! Hey daddy!” Irene rushed out, Joy looked like she was trying to understand an alien language before she turned to me and pouted those cute full lips. 

 

“She’s just complaining baby”, I offered, hopefully that helps her a bit. She nodded like she understands, she’s a smart cookie. I pinched her cheek before losing the battle with my self control and kissing her anyway. “I’ll teach you.”

 

“We have forever anyway” Joy whispered and I just about died on the spot. 

 

“Yeah we do”. I said, I didn’t have anything else to say. Of all the perfect lines Joy has hit me with. This. This right here takes the cake. In the words of my dearest friend Katy, I’ll drop my right here I swear to god. Don’t tempt me. “Hi auntie!” I greeted Suzy, hugging her before she hesitated for maybe two seconds before hugging Joy. 

 

“Hi”, Joy said, arms wrapped tightly around the shorter woman. “Long time no see”, she said before kissing Suzy’s forehead. This sweet gesture only caused Suzy to burst into tears which immediately startled my fiancé who stared at me scared. “Help”, she worded silently before I walked over to rub Suzy’s back. 

 

“She looks just like my sister. She even feels like her. Juhyun was so sweet and tall. Just like Sooyoung here”. I swallowed harshly, where is Irene when I need her. 

 

"Mom, come. Let’s start walking to the car. You’re staying with them right?”

 

"They could stay with us. We have the space. If your parents take Wendy’s old room. We can fill up the air bed and Wendy and Joy can take the living room. That way we’re all together”. Seulgi said, a cute smile on her lips and an arm around Irene’s father's shoulders in a gentle form of love and support. I wonder if Maya and I will ever have that. If I’ll ever look up at Cristobal and just throw an arm around him for comfort and contact. Will I ever call Maya like Seulgi does with Suzy, just to check in and see how she’s doing? Will I ever get an invite to lunch while Joy is at work just because? Will Maya ever call me like Suzy calls Seulgi for computer help? Or because she just has a question? 

 

Are we too different? “Amor?”

 

“Huh? What?”

 

Joy grins in that way that makes my heart short circuit and I wonder if I’m having a . Grins in that way that makes the birds chirp and the sky hum. Grins in that way that just makes me melt. “Everyone is starting to walk away.” Sure enough, there was Joongki pushing his fake cripple daughter in her stolen wheelchair, Seulgi somehow managing to push and pull all of her in-laws luggage without any trouble and there in the center watching intently stood Suzy. Eyes trained on Joy who seemed too focused on feeling my forehead for a fever I don’t have than to notice the older woman. 

 

“Baby.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“She’s watching you.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Your aunt. She’s watching you.” Joy bit her lip before squeezing my hand. 

 

“Is that a bad thing?”

 

“No. I think she just still can’t believe you’re here. I think she got a bit of her sister back when she saw you.”

 

“But she has Summer and my half brothers.” 

 

“Sure, but none of them look like her baby sister. Only you came from her sister, you’re the only one that shares her blood. I know”, I took a deep breath. I don’t know how to say this. How to phrase it. I want Joy to be comfortable but I think in order to ever truly understand her new side of the family she’s going to have to be uncomfortable and unsettled and do things that make her overwhelmed and I don’t want that. I want her to be happy all the time. Besides! Stress is horrible for the baby. 

 

But, if she doesn’t do this. She’ll always have a part of her painted in grey and she’ll always want to see through it but be unable too. Damn it! “Listen. I know that this can be hard for you. Learning about this new side and seeing how sad everyone is really scares you. I know to you Maya and Cris and your uncles and aunts are all you need. But I really really think they”, I pointed to Suzy who was just beginning to turn away. “Need you just as much. I know it overwhelms you but I think if you’ll ever learn about your biological mom and yourself you’ll need to let yourself be overwhelmed. No matter what, I’m here. I will always be, forever and always right by your side. 

 

You can be scared and overwhelmed and uncomfortable because I will always be right here to comfort and help you. But please don’t runaway from them or shy away. Suzy will do things that will make your uncomfortable because she just wants you back. She wants her sister and her baby niece back.”

 

Did I go too hard? Was I too aggressive? I tried rubbing her arm while I spoke. Dammit I think I was too much. “Joy?”

 

Taking a deep breath, probably to banish all her thoughts of leaving me. Good thing I made her promise to marry me, Joy smiled and nodded. “I know. But I figure just like I have you forever I have them forever so it’s okay if I get a couple bumps and bruises because it’ll make forever a lot easier to manage in the future.”  That’s my girl!

 

                            ———/////———

 

“Why are you still here jisoo?”

 

“Damn! I can’t just visit my baby cousin!”

 

“We’re only four months apart.”

 

“For four months Jennie I was some. A little girl in a oh so big world. I paved the way for you—“

 

“literally only four months” oh that !

 

“—shut it! As I was saying, I was a hustler Jennie. I cleared the way for you big little feet to fit into my—“

 

“Tiny leprechaun-like feet?”

 

“ I will shove my phone so far up your you’ll be your own Bluetooth.” 

 

“Jisoo Kang, I will shove my foot so far up YOUR! you’ll taste my goddamn shoe laces!”

 

“Jennie Garcia, I will punch you so hard in the face I’ll turn your glasses into homemade contacts”.

 

“Jiiiisooo Kang! I will shove a mop so far down your throat you’ll be Jisoo the swiffer wet jet!” 

 

“Jennnnieee Garcia! I will break my foot off in your and you swing you around like a goddamn piñata!”

 

“I’m gonna break your ing face!”

 

“I’m gonna shatter your rib cage!”

 

“I’m gonna deck you in the !”

 

“I’m gonna stomp out your tiny !”

 

“I’m gonna fart in your mouth!”

 

“I’m gonna make my dog piss in your nose!”

 

                               ———/////———

 

Arriving at Seulgi and Irene’s house was an adventure all on its own. The airport man and security caught up to us and Seulgi took it upon herself to take on the entire company of JetBlue and then when she ran out of breath Irene made well and sure to send every man in the vicinity home with their tucked between their legs after being so insulting and mean to the JetBlue employees they gave up immediately. And if somehow that wasn’t enough Joy then saw opportunity for money and a discount she then stormed back into the airport with Irene pretending like she was suddenly going into labor and getting not one, not two, not even three, but seven whole redeemable coupons taking 30 percent off all future tickets. She literally racked up over a hundred frequent flyer points by being dramatic it was ridiculous. 

 

When we did eventually get to Irene and Seulgi's house Irene suddenly hated the scent of Joy’s perfume and they bickered back and forth like teenage children for 40 minutes. Suddenly even I had morning sickness, they just wouldn’t shut up. But being as it was after their flight and Suzy tried valiantly, Joy (with me translating) told Suzy it would be alright for her to just take a nap. It was a long flight and we understood, but I guess she felt anxious or maybe she just wanted the feel. Joy sat in a chair next to the bed and told her and joongki stories about her childhood while I translated. Eventually Suzy told me to stop translating, I guess she just wanted to hear Joy’s voice. 

 

With them asleep we found ourselves in the living room of my former home to find Seulgi holding Irene and swaying side to side. A cute dance for two people in love I thought, they’ve gotten even closer since Seulgi and her stayed back in Pattaya to talk to Seulgi’s dad. Open communication really does help a lot. “Come”. Joy said, finger pressed to her lip as we snuck out to the balcony. 

 

“I’ve never seen them do that”, she said before plopping into her seat, “come”, smiling I followed and laid myself between her legs. 

 

“What about-?”

 

“The baby is fine.” Sighing I rested in the arms of someone I’d spend the rest of my life with. “Did they do that a lot when you lived here?”

 

“No, they had everywhere. That was their thing.” Snorting Joy leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my temple. 

 

“Are you happy?”

 

“Ecstatic”.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“It means I’m really, really happy.”

 

“Oh, good.”

 

“What about you?”

 

“I’m that too.”

 

“How did it go when you spoke to Seo-joon”

 

“Really good. He promised he was gonna be around. I believe him.”

 

“Did you tell your parents?”

 

“No.” She sighed, arms tightening around me. “I think it doesn’t matter what they want. What matters is our baby. And our baby would benefit from knowing their entire family, not just one. I mean honestly, how could I say I’m better if I did that?” Oh she’s so sweet! Did she think about this a lot? Was she nervous? 

 

“I’m really proud of you baby”.

 

“I’m really proud of us.”

 

Maybe we fell asleep, or we just got lost in cloud watching but all of a sudden we were blinking awake at the sun setting and Suzy was coming outside with a pair of fluffy slippers and a box. 

 

Pulling up her own deck chair Suzy sat beside us and opened the cherry wood box. “My sister, your mom. She loved to save everything. I told her hoarding is messy but to her they were little mementos that she needed. She felt there would be a time where she just didn’t have the words to explain and you’d just need to see it. So, this is your mother’s. I’ve never opened and gone through it, it always hurts too much. But, I can go through it now. If you want. It’s yours. Always has been. And I can answer any questions you have.” Suzy smiled, placing a box on my lap. 

 

“She says this was your mother’s. She used to save everything because she thought it would be easier for you to see. Rather than just explaining it.” Joy looked up at me, then to Suzy and then back to me. Is she asking for permission? Is she nervous? I nodded to her, “it’s okay. Open it.”

 

And she did. The look on Joy’s faces was indescribable. There are no comparisons for the look on her face. For the smile on her lips or the tears that came to her eyes later. It felt like watching a sunrise and sunset. Like watching a child walk for the first time. Like, like-I don’t even know. It was everything and nothing all at once. Her face changed through so many different emotions I just sat and stared.  “She could speak English”, Joy whispered before showing me a piece of pink paper. “Look”, so I did. 

 

       -In the future, I want my daughter to smile the brightest. Laugh the loudest. Love the fullest. I want her safe and sound and to know she is loved. If you can promise me just these few things god, I will do the rest. I pray you give my daughter your smile, your laugh, and help me show her your undying love. Amen- 

 

Oh, she wrote a prayer? “It’s a prayer”, I said, like it wasn’t already obvious. Joy nodded and smiled. 

 

“Yeah. I wonder if she knows.” Her voice cracked.

 

“Knows what?”

 

“I Um, that he kept his promise.”

 

“Who kept what promise?”

 

“God.” Oh man, who's cuttin onions on this balcony?! I smiled and left Joy to keep looking through the box. 

 

“When did her mother learn English?”

 

“Oh Juhyun loved learning different languages. She thought the more she learned the smarter Sooyoung would become.” Suzy giggled, like she was running through different memories in her head. Beside me Joy laughed out loud before shimmying forward to show Suzy and I a photo of her mother and Suzy in Halloween costumes. 

 

“Look! Look!” Joy laughed, the photo shaking in her hand. “Look how cute!” Suzy grinned and pointed a finger at Juhyun. 

 

“Eighteen”, she said, fingers tapping Juhyun. “Twenty one”, she finished after pointing at herself. 

 

“Oh you guys were young”, Joy smiled before randomly jumping up, “one second!” She grinned before running back into the apartment a second later. 

 

"She can be a bit weird” I laughed when Joy came running back in with my bag. “What are you doing you dork?” 

 

“I put our photo album, and my baby album in your bag just in case we didn’t go right away to the house. I wanted to give Suzy some photos.” She said before abandoning me on our chair and sitting beside Suzy. “Can you tell her?”

 

“She brought some photos for you to look at. She wants you to have some.”

 

“To keep?”

 

“You want her to keep some? Or just look at it?”

 

“Mmm, if she wants to keep some then it’s okay. My mom already has tons of photos of me. I don’t think it’s bad if suzy has some.”

 

“Are you sure? You always feel bold until your mom finds out.”

 

“Baby! Don’t remind me. I’m trying to be brave. What Mami doesn’t know won’t hurt her. So please. Shh!” I shook my head at the false bravery and told Suzy she could keep a few as Joy began showing her photos and explaining it. She would move on to the next before I could even explain the photo. “In this photo we were in Florida. Me and my parents. I met a little girl—“

 

“Oh my god!” I gasped, yanking the photo from Joy’s calloused fingertips. “Baby!”

 

“What! What did I do?” Joy screeched, backing up like I might throw the photo at her. I stared wide eyed at the photo.

 

“Honey! This is me!” I said, jabbing at the tiny baby in the photo. “Me! This is when my parents went to Florida years ago.” Joy blinked and then inched forward before laughing out loud. 

 

“Oh my god, and that’s your dad right?” I laughed and nodded before turning to Suzy. 

 

"A very long time ago when I was really young my family and I went to Florida. While we were there my parents told us they made friends with a couple and their daughter. While Joy was showing you the photo of their trip to Florida I recognized me and my family in the same photo”.  I laughed, astonished. 

 

“it’s like fate”Suzy grinned, patting Joy’s thigh. 

 

“That’s so crazy babe! For years I’ve had these photos and not once did I ever notice you or your family. Look! Little Wheein”, Joy laughed, finger tapping on my big sister's face. 

 

“Your sister. Does she speak Korean too?” I nodded, grabbing photos from the pile. 

 

“We spent every summer in Korea. My parents never wanted us to lose our roots. The only one of us that doesn’t speak Korean is my mother. She was born and raised in Calgary. She’s fourth generation so even my grandmother on my mom's side was from Canada. My grandmother's mother moved them when she was pregnant with my grandmother and then she was afraid they’d be persecuted for not speaking the language you know? So she actually learned French.”, I laughed, “so now generations later. My mother speaks French and English and not an ounce of Korean and my father speaks English and Korean and terrible French and I speak all three.” I explained, fighting off Joy’s hands as she kept trying to touch my lips. “Joy! What are you doing?”

 

“It’s like you’re speaking in alien I love it.”

 

“Joy”, I said through her rubbing fingers. “Sthap!” I laughed, swatting at her tan hands. “she’s weird everytime I do this. She thinks speaking a different language is like a super power.”

 

“Does she only speak English?” I shook my head, finally grabbing Joy’s hands and holding her still. 

 

“Stop it you weirdo! Sit still please.” I turned to Suzy, I’ll kill her I swear to god! Joy started rubbing her cheek obnoxiously against my cheek. “Your aunt is trying to ask if you only speak English.”

 

“Oh”, Joy grinned and shook her head. “English is my second language”, she said, holding up two fingers. “Spanish is my first”, she smiled. 

 

“Give me one second please”, I said, I have an idea. I needed to practically wrench myself away from Joy’s hands. 

 

“Baby! Where are you going?”

 

“I have an idea and you’re being a weirdo!” I yelled before walking into the kitchen where Irene and Seulgi were being adorable. “Hey guys”, I said. 

 

“Hey Wannie!” Seulgi said, leaning back from cutting her onions to kiss my cheek. 

 

“I have a quick question.”

 

“What’s up”, Irene said before suddenly gagging. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m”- she gagged again, “great”. She ended her sentence by gagging again. 

 

“Seulgi what is wrong with your girlfriend?”

 

“The sound of the knife hitting the cutting board makes her nauseous.”. I blinked, confused. That’s a thing?

 

“That sounds fake”.

 

I must’ve annoyed Irene because she slammed the knife down, gagged and then spun to me. “How dare you! I am cooking your food. Life saving sustenance to keep you alive. The elixir of life if you will. And yet! You stand here and mock me! For keeping you alive! I feel like Jesus. I save you and you kill me!” Seulgi looked at me like she was as confused as me. Did she just call herself Jesus? Did she just compare being staked to me teasing her gagging? Somewhere, someone is turning in their grave. I’m surprised god didn’t just strike her now. 

 

“Honey”, I bit my lip to not laugh. “Is it the hormones?” I said, rubbing Irene’s back like the comforting, good friend I am. 

 

“Yeah”, Irene whined. “I want a mimosa so bad”, she cried before promptly falling into my arms. 

 

“You compared yourself to Jesus, that was bold.”

 

“I’m buddhist it’s okay.” Irene mumbled against my shoulder. “What did you say you wanted?” She continued to mumble, tickling my neck with her breath. 

 

“Y’know how we have that translation software at the job?” Irene nodded. “Do you have that at your job?” I asked, shifting to Seulgi. 

 

“Yeah, we have a really cool one actually.” Seulgi chirped, wiping her hands on a nearby towel. “Why?”

 

“Because I want Joy and Suzy to be able to talk to each other. But it’s hard for me to translate back and forth. Besides, Joy is being a weirdo all of a sudden.” Seulgi nodded, her lips and tapped her forehead which was a weird series of events. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her do that. 

 

“Let me check my gear bag. I don’t know for sure if I have it, but if I do. I’ll show you how to use it.” I nodded at my bestie for life as she walked away to get her bag. My shoulder hurts, goodness is she resting all her weight on me?

 

Is Irene—? “Okay! It’s here. So! Ever heard of Google?”

 

Does she think I’m dumb? “Seulgi, it’s almost 2008. Why wouldn’t I know what Google is?”

 

“Sorry”, Seulgi laughed. “So, with these headphones you put one in your ear and when the person talks to you it’ll start translating real time. Well, sorta. It takes like a second or two for it to get it down.”, Seulgi said, sliding a stylus from the side of the PDA, “and when you want to respond you just tap this”, Seulgi said, tapping an arrow going in a circle. “And it’ll translate what you say back into the language you were just listening to. we don’t have another one, if we did it would just translate back and forth for you. But I’ve only got mine. Sorry.”

 

“No you’re perfect, thank you Seul.” Smiling her cute little eye smile Seulgi nodded and passed the PDA and headphone to me. “I appreciate this. It’ll really help them, you know? It’s hard to build a connection when you need someone to translate back and forth for you.”

 

“Nah I get it. Want a piece?” Seulgi asked, holding a piece of sausage out for me to eat. 

 

“Always”, I grunted. Jesus my shoulder really is killing me. 

 

“Irene makes these so well. It’s something with ketchup for sure.”

 

“Oh. Just like our college days. Remember when she used to make this for breakfast before test day?”

 

“Oh man! Yeah and she would make the best hot chocolate.”

 

“Oh yeah. So good. Good times”, I sighed, rocking me and the dead weight of my other best friend back forth. “By the way, I think she’s asleep”, I said motioning to the woman still in my arms. 

 

“Yeah I figured.”

 

“And you didn’t say anything?”

 

“You looked cute,'' Seulgi shrugged. 

 

                                   ———//////———

 

“We should get some food”.

 

“You buy me food and I’m down.”

 

“Only if you apologize for saying you’re gonna fart in my mouth.”

 

“Only if you apologize for saying you’re gonna make your dog piss in my nose.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Well.”

 

“Well what?”

 

“Well apologize.”

 

“You first.”

 

“No way. You first.”

 

“You’re older. You should apologize first.” 

 

“Why do I need to because I’m older?”

 

“To set an example.”

 

“Absolutely not. I never said I was a role model.”

 

“You said you were a hustler and paved the way for me to step in your feet.”

 

“And then you called them tiny leprechaun feet sooo”.

 

“Fine, that was my bad. I’m sorry. Now buy me chipotle.”

 

“Can I get a please?”  

 

“Over my dead body”.

 

“Ugh. I love you, you freak.”

 

“Ugh! I love you too, .”

 

                                      ———///////———

 

“Okay so. She’s going to talk and then this will translate. And then press this, and then you talk and it’ll translate for her.”

 

“Do we have to go back and forth with the earbud?”

 

“Yeah, it’s only the one sided one. Seul uses it for work.”

 

“So I just talk?” I nodded at Joy who suddenly seemed nervous. “What should I say?”

 

“Whatever you want, baby.”

 

“But I don’t have anything to ask.”

 

“Well whatever comes to your mind. Just ask.”

 

Nodding, Joy turned to Suzy and smiled. “What’s your favorite color?” Out of all the questions, that’s not what I expected. Maybe a second or two passed before Suzy’s face lit up. Joy tapped on the screen and Suzy began to talk after passing over the earbud.

 

Joy grinned and passed the bud back, “that’s Irene’s favorite color too! When we first met Irene was wearing a big purple sweater actually”, the next few hours passed on like this, dinner was served and everything until eventually I just needed to go to bed. 

 

“Don’t stay up too late baby”, I said when the moon had settled very deeply into the sky. I pressed a kiss to the love of my life’s forehead and left to lie down in my angelic air mattress in the living room. 

 

Hours later, when my pregnant fiancé really should have been asleep I awoke to find that she and my unborn child were both not in bed. Voices drifted in from the balcony where Suzy, her husband and Joy were all talking back and forth. I hope Seulgi’s thing doesn’t die. It has phenomenal battery power though, jeez, technology these days. Beautiful. 

 

“Wendy is hilarious too. One time she was like we should leave the key under the welcome mat. With plants. I was like baby! We live in an apartment. Are you gonna put a garden in the elevator? I bet she really would have wanted to if I hadn’t .” 

 

I smiled at the memory. I did want to put a garden in the elevator actually. I left them be, I don’t think one day of no sleep will hurt her or the baby. 

 

Wait. Maybe it could. . I need to Google it. 

 

I tiptoed to the other side of the living room to the desktop in the corner, powered it and sang along to the  Microsoft opening. 

 

“Can one night of no—“

 

“Why are you talking to yourself?”

 

“Jesus!” I jumped and turned to the voice behind me. 

 

“I told you already. I’m Buddhist.”

 

“What are you doing up?” I asked, making space in the chair for Irene to sit. 

 

“I could ask you that too.”

 

“Yeah but I asked first. So you answer first.” Irene rolled her eyes and tapped the computer screen. 

 

“Whatcha asking Google?”

 

“If it’s okay that Joy is getting no sleep.”

 

“She’s a Paramedic who works 12 hour shifts. I think she’s okay with no sleep.” I shrugged. 

 

“I get that. But she’s pregnant now.”

 

“I read that as a first time mother everything takes longer to catch-up to her. She’ll be okay.”

 

I sighed, “oh my god!”

 

“What?” 

 

“I’m getting married in four days, Irene. Four days! I’m going to be a married woman in four days. Holy .” Oh god. I can’t breathe. I need a brown paper bag that always works in the movies. “I need a brown paper bag.”

 

Irene looked at me like she was watching paint dry. I'm dying here! Help me! “You’re fine. I'm going to be a mother in two months.” 

 

“Oh my god Irene! You’re going to be a mother in two months. Holy ! Everything is so different. God! Irene, remember all those late nights? If someone had told me that I’d be getting married and we were going to have our kids just months apart. I don’t think I’d ever have believed them.”

 

“Seulgi would have.” I leaned my head on Irene’s shoulder and thought about it. Yeah. Seulgi definitely would have. 

 

“She really pushed us all together.”

 

“It’s weird right? How without her tit wouldn’t be all three of us. It would just be me and her. And then you. It’s weird.”

 

“It’s fate.” I mumbled. 

 

“I love you. Both of you. Without you I’d have never met Joy. I remember when I was a little girl being so excited for her to be born. Now, I get to see her give birth instead. And watch her marry my best friend.” 

 

“You don’t think you’d have found Joy on your own?”

 

“No. Without Seulgi being friends with you I’d have never met you. And if you and I hadn’t met, we wouldn’t have pushed to join the NYPD dispatch together. If I hadn’t joined, you'd have never been brave enough to meet Joy in that hospital room. And if not for that you wouldn’t have found the love of your life. I wouldn’t have you or my cousin. My mother would still have this hole in her heart. Seulgi gave me my family. You are my family. I love you so much. All of you. 

 

—Maybe it’s the hormones I don’t know. But when I wake up in the morning, it’s to the mother of my child and my other half next to me. When I go to work it’s to my best friend, my sister. When I go to lunch it’s to a million text messages from Katy being an absolute crackhead and as irritating as she is. I adore that girl. She brightens my day when I don’t even know I’m upset. She is always hitting on me and Seulgi and it’s so unsettling but every once in a while she calls and the three of us have these deep conversations. And I’m reminded of the gift this crack head is. 

 

—Without Joy I’d not have this tiny woman calling me nearly every night just to hit on me and my woman. And then spend the rest of the night telling me how the cycles of my pregnancy are going to go. She’s so smart. She pretends to be this big goof but she isn’t. Not actually. She’s smart and so capable. And Eric is sweet. Everytime she calls, she makes him talk to us. Did you know he knows how to make soufflé pancakes? He made me one one at two in the morning. I called Katy, he picked up and said I sounded off and wouldn’t let me hang up. Seulgi was at work, she got called in. And he came over, made me this huge delicious pancake and spoke about how happy Katy made him. 

 

—To think, if Seulgi hadn’t been so enamored with you in college I’d have none of this. I have this wonderful family that I never even knew I wanted. And all of it is because the woman I love is a big soft teddy bear.”

 

I’m not crying. You’re crying. Oh man I’m making a mess of Irene’s shirt. “I love you too.” I cried. “I’d- sss-ay more! But I’m crying!”

 

“Our kids are going to be best friends.” Irene said as the both of us were pathetic crying midgets in an uncomfortable chair. A Google search about my future wife casting a white glow on us. God we’re a mess. 

 

“Ugh! They’re gonna be family. They’re gonna adore each other.”

 

They are, aren't they? I bet they’ll go on road trips together. Drink together on their 21st birthday. Sing Karaoke. I’m so excited. I’m four days away from the rest of my life. 

 

                                       ———//////———

 

“So tell me. Why are you really here?” Jennie asked, mouth full of rice. Shrugging, Jisoo passed napkins over. 

 

“Clean your mouth, nobody will love you if your mouth is all dirty.”

 

“.”

 

“Hey! I’m protecting your image!” Rolling her eyes, Jennie wipes and once again eyes her cousin. 

 

“So, what’s up?”

 

Sighing and shrugging again, Jisoo placed her fork down and looked at her cousin. “Do you think I’m a failure?”

 

Blinking Jennie wondered about the situation, make a joke? Or be serious? She tapped the fork against the cardboard plate and sipped from her Pepsi because coca-cola is ty and for monsters. “Who told you, you were a failure?”

 

“Nobody. Forget it. It’s nothing. I’m just being sensitive.”

 

“Hey, stop that.”, Jennie said, pushing her Pepsi over for Jisoo to sip at. 

 

“I don't like Pepsi.”

 

“You’re right you are a failure.”

 

“Hey!” Jisoo whined. 

 

“I’m kidding. I’m kidding. Sorta. C’mon drink the damn Pepsi.” Doing as she was told, Jisoo sipped before leaning back in her chair again. “Tell me what’s up chichu”.

 

“I hate it when people call me that.”

 

“Yeah well I’m not people. I’m your cousin. So let’s go. Spit it out. Who told you you were a failure.”

 

“Nobody did. It’s just. I feel like one.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don't have good grades. I’m not a good sister. I’m always high. Rosie is always mad at me and it’s always my fault. Do you know Lisa, queen of the pothead has better grades than me? When I went to get my drivers permit at the DMV I accidentally got my motorcycle permit instead. I’m horrible at everything. My parents ask you things before they ask me. My mom couldn’t work the remote and then FaceTimed  Chaeyoung. I was right next to her. Why didn’t she ask me?”

 

Frowning, Jennie stood up and sat beside her cousin. “Give me your hand.”

 

“What? Why? Don’t make this gay.”

 

“Shut it weirdo. Hand. Give it to me.”

 

“But why?”

 

Jennie shook her hand in motion for her cousins hand. “C’mon”, she whined. Finally, Jisoo rested her hand on Jennie’s. “You see this?” Jisoo nodded, spotting the scar on her knuckle. “You got this punching a pit bull in the mouth that was trying to bite your baby sister.”, Jennie reminded her. “This”, she smiled, tapping the scar above Jisoo’s left eyebrow “You got this after fighting off a grown man that tried to mug your mother.” Turning fully to her older cousin, she flicked Jisoo’s right ear. “You lost the entire tip of your ear fixing the dryer for titi Katy because she was too sick. You got this scar in your hairline after fighting a drunk that touched me. You broke your left arm catching the garage door that broke and nearly crushed your sister. You broke your first two fingers in your right hand catching Lisa from falling off her bike. You broke three ribs in a car crash and dragged not one, not two, but three people out of the van that hit you.” Jennie said, tears b and hands rubbing his big cousins cheeks. 

 

“So? I can take a hit. That’s all I’m good for”, Jisoo mumbled. 

 

“You’re wrong. Sure Jisoo, you’re not curing cancer anytime soon. You’re not the I.T. Girl. But you know what you are? You’re everyone’s protector. You are the person who doesn’t think at all about herself but about her family. How can you think you’re a horrible sister and have the broken bones to prove you’re not? How can you think you’re dumb? But be able to fix a dryer or answer any car questions anybody has?  Rosie is always mad at you because you self sabotage. You think you’re a dummy so you act like one. But you aren’t. You’re my big cousin, my protector, my best friend. 

 

Remember when I thought someone was in my yard? I didn’t call the cops. My mom was in New York with your parents so I didn’t even call them. Your mother is a cop, I could have called the cops and they’d have been there in a heartbeat. But I called you. My five foot three cousin to protect me. You were on a date. Remember that? You left your date and sped to me. You showed up with your mother’s gun and that right there was when I knew.”

 

“Knew what?”

 

“That Jisoo Kang is ready and willing to kill for her family and friends. I don’t need a rocket scientist. Nobody in this family does. That’s what Dahyun is here for. But we need you. Our street smart Jisoo. Our little fighter. Our defender. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone. Sure, Chaeyoung can fix a remote through a FaceTime call. But you know how to fix a cracked muffler. Sure, your moms ask us for help. But they trust you to keep everyone else safe. You’re the first born Chichu and you’re amazing at it.” Willing herself to not cry, Jisoo pulled her cousin in for a hug. Squeezed her tight and chose not to comment on the fact that Jennie forgot to put on deodorant. 

 

“So I’m not a failure?”

 

“Never. You fail in academics. But never in family, never in the things that truly matter.”

 

Sighing, Jisoo squeezed even tighter. She didn’t even want to let go, she realized. If she could, she’d hug Jennie till they both died. “You always believe in me, you know that?”

 

“Cause I love you stupid.”

 

Finally letting each other go, Jisoo ruffled Jennie’s hair and grinned at her. “You’re a sweet talker you know? I love you too Jendeukie. A lot. With my whole actually.”

 

“Your ?”

 

“Yeah, cause it’s bigger than my heart.”

 

“Are you sure? Because you don’t have an . Like at all.”

 

Jisoo scowled and flicked the Pepsi can in front of her, “It all tastes the same actually. Tastes just like Coke. ”

 

“, I will gut you.”