Joy learned quickly that her best friend was a psycho. She let the first three crazy things Katy did slide, like when Katy didn’t want to get detention so she threw herself on the floor and started pretending to twitch and foam at the mouth. She did not get detention that day and Katy swore she was a genius, Joy chose not to point out that Katy was crazy. 

The second time Katy did something crazy was when her girlfriend found her with another girl. Joy had watched wide eyed and pretty scared that Leah was going to drop kick Katy in the . “It really isn’t what it looked like babe!” Katy yelled, still only half dressed. 

“Yeah! My ing grand mother prayed for you you !” Leah yelled. Joy found that odd too, why is your grandmother praying for people for no reason? But what Katy said had taken the cake. 

“How yah grandmother gonna pray for me? She ain’t got no knees!”

Leah did in fact attack Katy and Katy defended herself by giving her ex girlfriend a wedgie and pulling Joy out of the apartment. She abandoned the girl she had cheated with in the apartment. Joy did not comment on how effed up that was. 

The third crazy thing Katy did was when she stole her father's car and they got pulled over. Instead of biting the bullet Katy turned to Joy with a sickening smile and said, “pretend you’re having a seizure.”

“What?”

“We have no way out of here. But if I say you were seizing and I didn’t have time to wait for the ambulance. He’ll let it pass.” Joy stared incredulous at the psycho in front of her. 

“Are you ing kidding me?”

The cops light lit the back seat and Katy made a face mimicking apology and decked Joy in the stomach. Joy pretended to have a seizure and Katy played the part of the scared friend beautifully. 

Until the cop said he would them to the hospital. Then it became how the hell were they going to sneak out of the hospital? When Katy suggested climbing the vent system that was when Joy knew. Katy only had one brain cell. Joy had nodded and smiled and decided it was her turn to be crazy. 

“Katy”, the girl looked at her not expecting the tray to the face. She went out and Joy smiled, now they didn’t have to sneak out. They had a patient. 

———/////———//////————/////———//////———/////——//////——/////

We like to think the world stops when it feels like our world is stopping, but it doesn’t. The world just keeps turning, it doesn’t care about us. Nothing stops for us, for me that means after last nights fiasco I still need to go to work today. It’s not fun and it’s not easy, but Wendy and I are up and brushing our teeth by 5 in the morning. Wendy makes a bad joke, like she does every morning. I laugh. Not because the joke is funny but because she does a funny thing with her eyebrows and I’m once again reminded that I adore her. 

I’m done brushing my teeth before Wendy, but I just use that time to hold her. She reaches behind to pat my and says I’m just not used to working the morning shift again. I simply hum agreement, her voice sounds better than mine in the morning. My mom calls the house before we reach the kitchen. I’m only half listening but I’m able to pick up enough to know she’s updated the entire family about Wendy and I plan for a child. 

I don’t tell Wendy. 

Wendy starts breakfast while I watch. I wonder if this will ever get old. Will I always be satisfied with this living? Will my children be happy living here? I don’t want to raise my kids in the ghetto. I don’t want them to walk into an elevator with graffiti and pee. I don’t want them looking around for the needles when I take them to the park. We should look for a house. 

I don’t tell Wendy my thoughts. 

By 6 Wendy has breakfast in front of both of us.  I complain that there’s no bacon and she says I need the carbs. I whine. She kisses me. I shut up. 

We’re out the door by 6:30. New York traffic makes a 20 minutes drive a 50 minute drive. I hold her close in the elevator, my cousin is putting a new window in the door downstairs when we get to the first floor. He waves but can’t talk, Wendy tells him to be careful. I feel weird. I feel like I’m walking in a dream. Like nothing’s real. Wendy and I share one last kiss before she gets into her car and I get into my Eclipse. I think I need a new car. This one is too small. 

I should get a truck. Something that shouts I’ll kill you if you get too close. I ponder on that the whole ride to the station. I pull in just as Katy rides in on her Ducati. She pulls off her helmet and I realize. She looks as dead as me. I climb out of the car with a groan. Katy dismounts her bike and realigns her messenger bag. “You look like ”.  

I snort and tell her she would know. She looks like I feel. Inside the station Jessica is sitting with her feet propped up on the desk in front of the TV. “It’s almost New Years. Chief messed with our schedule again. '' Jessica says over her shoulder. Katy grumbles something I don’t here as we walk to our lockers. Katy pulls off her t shirt and stares at me. 

“What’s wrong with you?” I shrug. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have no idea how to explain I feel dead. 

“I don't know. I feel like I’m flatlining.” Katy buttons up her light blue uniform shirt. 

“Burnout? You got a lot going on.” I shrug. Something isn’t right. I don’t even feel fully alert. “Well. Be careful Joy. Keep your head on straight okay? No mistakes babe. Okay?” I nod, buckle my pants and turn to Katy. 

“Wanna run point today?” Katy nods and looks at me worriedly. 

“You look really off hon.” I laugh. It hurts to laugh. Man my chest burns. 

“I feel it.”

“No mistakes Joy”, I nod again and press my fist against the one Katy has waiting in front of me. Outside Jessica is staring at her PDA. “Where is the schedule?”

“Chiefs office. He separated you guys today. You’re with Steph. Joy is training the new girl.” I look up at Katy who is glaring at Jessica with wide angry eyes. Does she know she looks stupid?

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Exactly what I just said Katy. Maybe if you guys got here 15 minutes early you’d be around for when chief relays information like that”. I roll my eyes. I’m supposed to be here for 7:15. That’s when I’ll get here. 

“Who is this new girl?”

“She just transferred over from Yonkers. Young girl, names Somi. She’s with the chief now probably getting briefed on the day.” 

No point in fighting this, so I just head upstairs to the fridge. I’m setting up for a smoothie when a voice disturbs me. There’s a girl standing in front of me, black hair, nose ring, she looks like she’s twelve. “Somi is it!”

She nods, she looks like a puppy. “Yeah that’s me. Your partner sent me up here, Joy?” I stick my hand out to shake hers. 

“That’s me. I heard you transferred over from Yonkers.”

“Yeah I did.”

“Why? Probably a bit calmer over there.”

“Ehh. You’d be surprised. But I just needed space. My whole family lives up there. Thought I needed to be away for awhile.” I nod in understanding. 

I’m aware that I’m staring her down when I turn the blender on. Her hands fidget and she fights to look anywhere but at me. I don’t look away. Man. I feel weird. Jesus what is up with me? The blender is loud  and this blender is a piece of so it shakes all over so you really have to hold it down. 

I turn it off. “Want some?” Somi is hesitant. I don’t mean to, but when I pour her a cup I it into her face. She jumps. I don’t say sorry. She thanks me when she takes a sip. She grimaces but doesn’t complain, I grin at her from over my cup. “It’s a protein smoothie. You should bulk up a bit more.” 

Jesus, way to insult her man. Good lord she’s a paramedic too Joy. She isn’t new. “Don’t worry. I was fire and rescue back home. I can handle whatever you’ve got to offer today.” 

Katy come stomping up the steps. She doesn’t ask when she takes my cup and takes a large gulp. “God. Honestly. chief. He’s annoying.”

“You’re just upset were not partners.”

Katy rolls here eyes and eyes Somi up and down. “Where you from Somi?”

“I’m Dutch.”

“Dutch? Nice. Where is that?”

“Um the Netherlands.”

“Did you live there?”

“Um. Yeah. For a while when I was younger.” Katy hums and I whine and try to reach Katy when she drinks the rest of my smoothie. 

“Dude really!”

“What! You have an , I don’t. Back off.” 

“You can have mine if you want”, Somi holds the drink out. I chuckle, I thought she meant she would give Katy her . That was funny. Ow! My chest. 

I’m about to reach out when a call comes in. “Guess that’s us”. I say. 

We’re in our van quickly, I decide to let Somi drive to see how she handles. She maneuvers well, must be from driving a fire truck through traffic. Information is still coming in when we pull up to the apartment complex. Somi is quick to assert dominance over anyone in our way, quickly comindeering the elevator. I laugh at that. She’s so small. 

Upstairs a woman is frantically shaking her baby in my face. I do my best to settle her and have to wrestle her down to look at her baby. The baby isn’t breathing. I’m quick to pick up the baby girl and lay her down onto my lap, I yell to Somi that there’s something lodged in the baby’s mouth. I flip the baby onto her belly and hold her chest up with my left palm and keep her head up with my fingers, doing my best I lower her head as low as I can get it before pushing firmly with my other hand against her chest. 

My world is still fuzzy as I try to make this baby breath. The woman keeps trying to reach her baby and I can’t ing concentrate. The baby stops fighting me and I fear I might lose this baby. “Get her Somi!” I yell when the mother nearly jumps over my shoulder. With my fingers I try to feel into the baby’s mouth. I push again and my body laxes. The baby starts screaming as soon as the grape leaves . I hold the baby against my chest and thank god. The haze above my eyes clears for a bit and we’re quick to pack and get the baby to the hospital. 

The next call comes in before we make it to the station. The haze is back and my chest burns again. Somi isn’t so bad I decide. She tells lame jokes just as bad as Wendy. We arrive to a car whose front end is smashed in, blood drips from the front seat. Somi says she’ll take point she knows what to do. The fire department arrives right after us and we explain we can’t get the man out. The other driver in the blue sedan is shaky on his feet and I realize he’s drunk. 

I leave Somi to take care of the driver the best she can when I head to the man. My head his fuzzy and I swear I hear a loud whistling in my ear when I get to him. I rub my chest to alleviate some of the pressure. The man takes a step towards me and I think for a hot second I really might just hit him. “Are you hurt?” He giggles. I shake my head and pull him to the curb, I give him my arm to help him sit he nearly pulls me down with him on his way down. 

I press my fingers to his head, asking him if anything hurts. He laughs some more and I hear Somi call for me. I leave the man be and head to Somi. 

The day seems to pass in a blur and somehow I’m sitting in front of Katy again, she’s shaking my shoulders. “Stop.”

“Joy. What the is wrong with you?”

“How did I get here?”

“What?”

I look around, twisting and turning to try and figure out how the hell I got here. “How did I get here Katy?” I grab my head when a sharp pain hits me. 

“Joy. Hey Joy. Buddy what’s wrong.” 

I point at my ear, trying to stutter out to Katy that my head hurts. I opened my mouth again, just for the pressure in my chest to punch me full force. “I can't breath”. 

Things rush by again and Katy is gone. I’m gonna die. I inch to the end of the bed and try to stand. How could Katie Just leave me? I make it off the bed before I fall off, it. I let my head fall to the floor groaning as my body lights up on fire. I need Wendy. Someone call Wendy. 

I wake up again, Somi is leaning over me. “I’m gonna get the chief okay?” I just nod. 

“Jesus Garcia. What the frilly is wrong with you?” I look up to my chief. 

“I. I don’t know.”

“Well I’ll tell you. You had a panic attack. Your partner tells me you have a lot going on. You had the heart rate of someone sprinting up a goddamn hill. How do you expect to save lives if you don’t know when to sit down and relax?”

“I. I thought I was having a heart attack.”

“Yeah. I bet you did.” Chief pulls a chair and sits down next to me. I try to sit up and places a finger on my forehead and pushes me back down. “Nu uh. Your wife is on the way to get you. You need to relax kid. Katy says you found your blood family. Been stressing you a bit.”

“No. I’ve been fine. This came out of nowhere.”

“Just because you think you’re fine doesn’t mean you are Joy. What is the motto of this station Garcia.”

“No mistakes sir.”

“Correctomundo my young friend. This motto applies to more than how we take care of other people Joy. It applies to how we take care of ourselves too. You’re working consecutive 12 hour shifts. We’re starting the New Years rotations. You found your blood family. You’re getting married. Let me tell you something kid, wedding planning ain’t a walk in the park. You need to sit down and relax. I mean no offense when I say this. But if for 20 something years you haven’t seen this family. Then maybe you can go another week. You need a breather kid. Go home.”

“Wait. Chief. I’m fine. You can’t send me home.”

“I can. And i will. You can’t even tell when you’re having a panic attack Joy. You asked Katy how you got here. You took four calls before you got here Joy. You’re not all there kid. Go home”. 

The pressure in my chest decides to come back just as chief park stands up. The ringing is dull as he leaves. I can’t do this. He’s wrong. I’m going to die. He’s wrong. I’m having a heart attack. Come back. He’s wrong. “Baby?” 

Wendy? I put my hand up, oh god I can’t breath. “Baby. Baby! You need to breath. Relax. Breath.”

I grab her jacket trying to get Wendy to understand that I can’t breath. That I can’t do this. I need help. “Breath Joy. Breathe.” 

She rests her forehead against mine, rubbing my chest lightly and telling me to breathe before I decide to just listen. I open my mouth to take a deep breath in. Trying to relax. “Breath baby.”

The haze stays as everything relaxes again, Wendy continues to rub my chest. “Let’s go home honey.”

I just nod. 

The ride home is a blur, just like the rest of my day has been. Wendy holds me against her while I rest. “How do you feel?”

My ears are ringing again. My chest aches. I can’t get enough air in. I tell her I feel better. The house phone rings. Wendy reaches over me, apologizing for dislodging me to pick it up. I can tell there’s a problem the minute she picks up. “What?” I croak out, voice hoarse from lack of use today. 

“It’s. Um. Your cousin.”

I didn’t realize my heart could pick up anymore than it already was. “What’s wrong with him?” He’s on the twelfth floor. He’s unconscious but the elevator is down and the paramedic are downstairs.”

I sit up as fast as my body will allow and start looking for my shoes. “Joy what are you doing?” 

“I need my shoes Wendy. Help me find my shoes.”

“Hon you can’t help. You’re sick.”

“That’s my cousin. I need my shoes. Did he fall what happened?”

I find my work boots and yank them on running to the front door as Wendy explains and tries to stop me. I don’t even realize the haze in my vision is gone as I sprint up the steps. . . . 

I yanked the 12th floor door open. How the hell did I even get up here that fast? “What happened?” I’m asking already but Junito side in the apartment. 

“We were putting the fan in, he fell off the ladder and banged the back of his head on the side table.” I put my finger to Junito’s pulse. Strong and steady. I run my hands down the underside of him and bite my lip at the wetness. 

He’s bleeding where he banged his head. Guaranteed concussion. I lay my ear close to his mouth. Why won’t we wake up? “Did he fall straight back or at an angle? Did he hit anything else. Was he able to brace for the fall?” The man in front of me is no help. I run outside yelling down the steps to see if the paramedics are any closer. “Go downstairs. Tell the paramedics to stay on the first floor.”

“But what about Junito.”

“Stop asking me questions and listen. Go. I’m going to carry him down.”

“What? You’re a little girl how you gonna carry him down 12 floors?”

“By the grace of god. I don’t know. ing go!” The man nods and I press a kiss to Junitos forehead. “Let’s do this kid.” 

By far not in my training. I lift Junitos arm, staying crouched down on my knees I get half of Junitos body up and over my shoulders and grit my teeth to stand. Wendy runs into the room just as I get my legs working and get to the door. “Joy what are you doing?”

“Wendy” I gasp. “Open the doors. We need to go.”

Wendy opens the stairwell and I run, nearly falling down the steps. Jesus Christ he’s heavy. 11. 

I grit my teeth and ignore the burn in my lungs. 

10. 

My shoulders ache and I want to take a break but I have no equipment and what if Junito dies! I’m fully panicking and it’s probably not nearly as serious as I’m acting. But who knows? Stranger things have happened. 

9. 

My god were only on the ninth floor! Dios, ayudamé porfavor. 

8. 

I crash into the wall on the turn to get down and my knees buckle underneath me. “” I wheeze sitting on my knees with my big cousins full weight on my back. Wendy crouches in front of me. “Baby stop. Let’s get the paramedics here.”

“They won’t make it in time. Anything could be wrong with him.”

“Baby. You can’t carry him all the way down.”

“I can. I can. Just help me get up again.” She doesn’t argue but helps me up. 

7. 

Wendy starts saying stuff and I swear it’s only to get me to focus on anything other than my aching body and my burning lungs. It helps. 

6. 

Thank god we’re half way. 

5. 

My knees are shaky and I’ve significantly slowed down. Wendy grabs the back of my shirt to stop me from falling when my knees falter again. 

4. 

I just need to get there. That’s it. I just need to get to the second floor max. They can make it up there 

3.   

Wendy runs ahead of me. Stopping periodically to see if I fall. 

2. 

I should stop. My entire chest is on fire. 

I get to the first floor and collapse right to the floor. Junito rolls off of me in a heap before I fall face first. I hear Wendy yell asthma and some other stuff before I’m out. 

When I wake up again I’m in the ER and you would think my mom would be loving and kind but instead she’s hitting me. It takes a couple minutes before everyone finally explains everything to me. I ignore my mom who keeps slapping me because finally. The haze and the pain in my chest is gone. 

An hour later, because all ER hospital rooms take forever to do everything. I’m listening to my mom and Wendy find a bridal store. “What do you think about this place babe?” She shows me a magazine. 

“Perfect baby”.

“You didn’t even look.”

“Yeah I did!” My mom hits me upside my head and my dad laughs. “Mami! Stop!”

“No! Ju stop! Look at paper.” I roll my eyes, just to get hit again. 

Wendy has in her lips to stop laughing. “I think you will look beautiful in anything babe. Does the bridal place matter?” 

Wendy grins and leans up to kiss me. “Smooth Garcia.” 

“Only the best for you amor”. Everything feels calm as continue finalizing details. Right up until the curtain comes slamming open and Irene, seulgi, summer, Suzy, joong ki and Seo-joon are standing in front of us. 

I turn to Wendy and we stare at each other. 

This is not how I intended the Korean family to meet my family. This is about to be a roller coaster.