Who was this luscious, voluptuous creature standing before her? Who was this boss walking around with a double stack of like that here on this Tuesday morning? Who was this beautiful black haired queen? How many more objectifying adjectives could Katy Kim come up with before someone stopped her? 

“That ? It’s majestic. A summer sunset. A candlelit dinner. A double Patty whopper with fries and a soda, extra sauce.” Apparently many more. “Damn girl. Who you think you are walking around with all that ?”

 

“Are you talking to the horse?” The 21 year old whips around and smiles. 

 

“I was doing more than talking to this here bodacious beauty, I was letting her know that I noticed her, noticing me.” 

 

“Are you trying to sleep with the horse?” Junito asks, eyed wide and horrified.

 

“If this were Canada, sure.”

 

“Wait. Wait. What? They sleep with horses in Canada?”

 

“I don't freaking know. Why are you asking me? Do I look like I live in Canada? Do I apologize and smile at you just to be nice? Do I, standing here, beside you in Buffalo New York appear to be from Canada?”

 

The young man stared, had she not just said Canada ed horses? In what warped timeline was this? “Katy, you said in Canada they sleep with horses.”

 

“I say a lot of things. Why do you always believe me. God! Why are men so dense!”

 

What the is going on right now? “Katy”, Junito whispers, pulling Katy close and away from the stables. “Are you on your period?”

 

“Are you ing kidding me right now!” Katy bellows, eyes wide. Junito swallows, maybe it’s best he goes. Dying young was never a goal for him. 

 

“Uh, I’m just gonna go.”

 

“You ist pig! How dare you!” Junito sprints away. Joy looks down at the gear in her hand just in time to see Junito breeze by her.

 

“Where are you going!” She yells. 

 

“Away from psycho!” Junito yells before disappearing behind a corner. Joy shrugs and saunters up to Katy who is staring intensely at the horses in front of her. 

 

“What are you doing? And why was Junito running away from you?”

 

“I’m looking at the horse, she has the largest I’ve ever seen. And that’s saying something. And I scared him.”

 

“Why’d you scare him?”

 

“Cause it’s fun”, Katy deadpans. “Is that our stuff?”

 

“Yep, the hostler”.

 

“Hustler?”

 

“No hostler.”

 

“That’s what I said.”

 

“No. Hostler. With an O.”

 

“That’s confusing.”

 

“The stable master Jesus.”

 

“Oh! Why didn’t you just say that in the first place! I’m very well versed in the language of the land of WOW”.

 

“Wow?”

 

“World of Warcraft.”

 

“Ah well okay. So the stable master-“

 

“Or hustler with than O”.

 

“Yes. Or that, said there’s a crate with a padlock.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Well I imagine if you just shut up and let me speak your questions would be answered. Pero (but) do you mamita”.

 

“Sorry sorry, go ahead.”

 

“So there’s a crate. We put our stuff in. Lock the padlock. And when it’s time for our appointment we all meet in the stables and grab our gear—I swear to god if you cut me off.  and then meet our horses at the same time. Our appointment is in an hour.”

 

“Who has the key?” 

 

“I do. It’s in my pocket. What do you wanna do for an hour?”

 

“Let’s grab some food and by the time we’re done it should be time.”

 

“Sounds like a plan to me, I’ll page Junito and we’ll go.”

 

Ten minutes later and the trio is parking in front of a pub. “I have been craving fish and dip for so long! Thank the lord for the Irish.” Katy bellows in happiness. 

 

“What do the Irish have to do with this?”

 

“It’s an Irish pub Junito, are you dumb?”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“It’s called O’Sullivans Junito, that’s super Irish. Also, the awning is an Irish flag. And did you miss the bright, flashing sign that says luck of the Irish” Katy points to the sign, shaking her head. 

 

Junito pouts, “sorry, I miss context clues a lot.”

 

“Clearly”, Katy mumbles, pulling open the door for Joy to walk in and promptly cutting Junito off and walking ahead of him. 

 

Why is she always so mean to me! Stomping his foot, the 23 year old yanks open the door and steps foot into the dimly lit pub. Together the trio find a seat at a table in the corner they order a large order of nachos and fish and dip. “We should get drinks.”

 

“No, I don’t wanna be tipsy for horseback riding.”

 

“Oh please, Clarisa would never hurt us. We’re safe in her hefty bosom.” Katy declares before calling over a waitress. “Hefty, hefty” she whispers, cupping her own s. 

 

“I’m uncomfortable,” Junito says. The drinks arrive five minutes later. A large pitcher of buttered rum becomes the untimely demise for the trio of misfits. By the time the Band of idiots was halfway through their pitcher Katy had brazenly ordered another, by the time they were halfway through that one Junito was certain her understood quantum entanglement, by the time they finished it Joy swore the world was spinning in slow motion sideways, Katy was standing outside, don’t ask anyone how or when, on the pay phone calling Saeron’s house phone and hoping the tall Amazonian would pick up. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“BABY I ONLY HAVE A MINUTE.”

 

“Um okay? Why are you yelling.”

 

“COME HORSEBACK RIDING. I ONLY HAVE 55 SECONDS LEFT.”

 

“Katy! Why are you yelling!”

 

“50 NOW!”

 

“I was always going riding with you guys Katy. You’re going to blow out my eardrum.”

 

“OH I FORGOT. WHERE ARE YOU!”

 

“Katy!”

 

“WHAT!”

 

“The yelling!”

 

“Sorry! Are you on your way?”

 

“I got to the place ten minutes ago. Where are you guys?”

 

“We’re at a pub called O’sullivans. Can you get us? I think we’re all drunk.”

 

“Are you kidding me you got drunk before horseback riding? What the hell. Don’t you know horses are really sensitive?”

 

“Baby. Baby. Baby listen. It was all Joy’s idea, I told her too. I said no can do miss thang. But she didn’t listen and you know how much of a pushover I am. Besides, buttered rum is delicious. The Irish got it going on-your call has been disconnected. Add another 25 cents to extend your call time- DAMNIT! THE ROBOT GOT US!” 15 minutes away, rubbing at her brow and questioning everything wrong in the world Saeron Kim climbs back into her Subaru Outback armed with annoyance and a map. 

 

Back at the pub Joy and Junito have begun an impromptu karaoke session despite the fact the pub does not offer karaoke. “I will survive!” Joy bellows, falling forward and catching herself on a table where an older man smiles brightly and waves her on. Joy shoots finger guns at the man and attempts to moonwalk but only stumbles back into the wall. Beside her is another mess of its own, Junito shimmies back and forth, head thrown back and singing along to I will survive by Gloria Gaynor before quickly changing and yelling “I WANT I WANT JESSIE'S GIRL!” 

 

It takes Saeron 10 minutes to find the pub and three to find her girlfriend and friends dancing in a train and singing a chaotic rendition of Magic Stick by 50 cent. Shaking her head the woman walks to the bar counter, “I apologize for my friends. Did they pay yet?”

 

“The boy handed me his card before they ran up the tab. He said to cut the tab before it got over 75 dollars.” 

 

Nodding the girl looks back over to her friends, “he’s good like that. Did you charge the card yet?”

 

“Just about to.”

 

“Just put 25 on. I’ll the pay the rest, I’m sure my girlfriend ran up most of that bill anyway.”

 

“Which one is that?”

 

“The shorter of the two.”

 

“Oh yeah she did. She ordered most of the drinks and two orders of jumbo nachos.”

 

“Of course she did.”

 

It took nearly all of their remaining time to finally get everyone into the Outback. Most of the time spent explaining to Joy she could not drive her while she was still seeing double and yes they would come back for it. Just not now. 

 

“I totally could have driven”, Joy says when she stumbles out the car and onto the dirt when they arrive. 

 

“Oh you betcha buddy”, Saeron says, helping Junito out the car. 

 

“Oh bring it in for a hug!” The man yells, squeezing Saeron tightly and spinning her around. 

 

——————

 

“Hi we’re here for our appointment.”

 

“I thought there were three of you?”

 

“Nope, always four. I just had to come late I had an appointment back in the city.”

 

“Ah okay.” The older man nods, writes a note explaining he’d be off teaching a group, grabs his cowboy hat and walks off having the group follow. 

 

Before he even makes it to the stables he notices something odd about the group. “Are they on drugs?”

 

“No sir, they’re just excited.”

 

“Oh you big booty I’m so excited!” Katy yells, running forward and into the stalls. 

 

“See?” Saeron laughs awkwardly. Oh they are going to blow our cover. 

 

Finally situated in front of their horses problems quickly arise, “I need a smaller horse! This one is too big!” The man looks at Joy, “you’re perfectly tall enough, just put your foot into the stirrups.”

 

“What am I stirring?”

 

“Joy put your foot in this and use it to lift your other leg up and over.” Saeron explains, pointing to the stirrups. 

 

“No can do! What if I slip off and break my neck! I need a step stool! Can I get a step stool? Or a baby horsie maybe?”

 

“There is no way I’m putting a step stool under a horse”, Ronnie, the stable master says. 

 

“I’m paying a lot of money! Bring my step stool!” Joy slurs. Bedside her, Katy growls at her horse. 

 

“Katy what are you doing?”

 

“Becoming one with the animal”, she explains, eyes never looking from the horse. 

 

What in the world is going on right now? Saeron whimpers as she looks at the mess in front of her. At least Junito was being somewhat normal. “I’m gonna ride you so hard”, Junito mumbles, already on his horse. 

 

20 minutes into their 90 minute slot time they finally set off. “Oh god she’s going too fast! I think I’m gonna die! Sir save me!”

 

“You are not going too fast ma’am.”

 

“Oh my god we're flying! I feel it in my hair.”

 

“You’re wearing a helmet”, Saeron points out. 

 

“I’m going to die, we're going so fast!” Joy yells again. 

 

“Joy if you were going fast we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Your horse is walking the same pace as us.”

 

“Oh”, Joy sits up. “Ohhhh my bad.”

 

A little ways behind them, Katy’s horse has stopped once again to eat. “Yes girl. Eat. Gather them calories for that ”. And little ahead of her Junito grins down at his horse before kicking its side and accidentally on purpose making the horse take off. 

 

“Oh !” Saeron yells when the horse takes off with her best friend. “Oh my god the horse is going to run into a tree.”

 

“Damn you!” The instructor yells before taking off to follow after Junito and his horse. 

 

“Oh my god we’re going so fast!” 

 

“You’re still not going anywhere Joy, good lord how much did you people drink!”

 

“Eat up you busty ”, Saeron looks up into the sky and wonders, what did I do to deserve this?

 

—————////———————////////—————//////————

 

When the world eventually ends and we die in a blaze of glory because of global warming let the record show, I’m a mother. I knew I would be, I knew I’d wake up one day to the sound of baby steps and Joy cooing. I knew it would happen. 

 

When we did the insemination I knew it would take, I just knew it! I’m going to be a mother and I might die of before I even get to see my baby. I'm so excited. “Are you serious?”

 

“Super serious baby.”

 

“Like for real for real?”

 

“For real, for real.”

 

“Oh my god Joy. We’re going to be moms!”

 

“I know baby.” Oh my god. Before I even know what’s happening I’m crying, I’m waving this tiny stick around like it holds all the answers to life’s secrets. This tiny positive sign single handedly changed my entire life. I will never be the same. 

 

Somehow Joy looks even more breathtaking and all of a sudden I can see colors I never even noticed before. Is that purple? No, I think it’s magenta. Oh my god, I’m a mother. Holy ! I’m a mother! 

 

I jump up and onto my feet, pull Joy close and hug her tight. Not too tight though don't wanna crush the baby or anything. “Oh god Joy we have to tell everyone. Come, come!” I pull her along and together we giggle and yell all the way to our friends seated outside. “Guys!”

 

“Wendy honey, why are you yelling?”

 

“Irene, oh man, Irene. Guess what?” Irene sets down her fork and looks at me confused. 

 

“What? Are you okay?” I my hand up, the stick flying out of my hand and hitting Summer on the head. 

 

“What’s this?” Summer looks at it and her head springs up. “Oh my god pregnant!” She yells jumping up and lifting Joy into the air. 

 

“Hey! Whoa! Watch out! The baby!”

 

“Baby the baby isn’t even a baby yet. It’s okay”, Joy laughs, hugging her sister back. 

 

“Joy’s pregnant?” Irene asks, eyes wide. 

 

“Yeah, it took.”

 

“Oh my god! Congratulations!” Irene yells, she and Seulgi join in for a group hug. I swear this is the best day of my life. 

 

“We have to celebrate”, Eric says, patting my shoulder. “Let’s go zip lining tomorrow.”

 

“In what world is zip lining a celebration?” Irene asks, brows furrowed.

 

“It’ll be perfect. The last reckless thing you guys do before you become parents. I’ll pay for it all.” Eric smiles. 

 

“No, no that’s so generous of you. But I could never ask that of you.”

 

“I insist.” I smile, pull Eric into a hug and laugh into his chest. I can’t help it. I’m going to be a mother. 

 

“What’s all the commotion?” I turn to find my sister biting into a chicken leg. 

 

“This”, Irene grins and hands my big sister the pregnancy test. 

 

“Oh ”, Wheein’s head snaps up. “Joy’s pregnant?”

 

“Yeah”, I grin, biting into my lip. 

 

“I’m gonna be an aunt?” My sister asks, eyes wide in astonishment. 

 

“Yeah you are”.

 

“Oh my god”, Wheein whimpers before falling into my open arms. “I’m so happy for you.” She cries. 

 

“You’re gonna be an auntie”, I whisper. 

 

“Did you tell mom and dad?”

 

“No not yet. I wanted to talk to Joy before we did anything. I don’t wanna tell dad and then he’s squirming and waiting for us to get back.” 

 

“That’s smart. Ah my baby sister, always so smart. I love you so much, you know that right?”

 

“Yeah I know.” I giggle, hugging my sister again. 

 

“You bring so much Joy into my life Wendy. You brighten the room and light up the sky baby girl. I’m so proud of you and I’m so happy for you. Both of you.”

 

“Oh man. If this keeps up I’ll never stop crying!” I wail into my sisters arms. 

 

————————/////——————//////————///////————

 

Whoever thought that zip lining was a practical sport that should be practiced for fun should be tar and feathered, drawn and quartered and then strung up and stabbed with a rusty butter knife 1000 times. “Baby isn’t this so exciting?” Oh Joy you’re so lucky I love you and that you’re beautiful and have my baby in your womb because I’d push you right off this cliff!

 

“Exciting isn’t really the word I’d use honey.” Joy sighs, she looks happy. I’m certainly not happy, maybe they can strap us together and we can go together that way if we fall the 100 thousand foot drop and I land first Joy and the baby will survive. I need someone to help me breathe, I leave Joy breathing in the fresh death air and go in search of the only sane person in this group. “Irene!” I whisper yell. 

 

“Oh wendy thank god. They’ve all gone mad!” Irene wails, running into my arms. 

 

“I know. What are we going to do?”

 

“I say. We drug Katy and let her loose.” Why would we drug Katy? What would that solve?

 

“Not that I’m not all for thinking outside the box, but what would drugging Katy do?” Irene sighs and looks at Seulgi and Katy looking over the cliff and then screaming together. Like psychos. 

 

“Katy one time told me a story about her and her friends going drunk horseback riding and how the guy in charge almost didn’t let them ride because they were intoxicated. I say we just do the same thing here.”

 

“Baby! Did you see that drop!” Seulgi laughs walking over, grin just plastered on that psychotic beautiful face. 

 

“Yes Seul I did. Maybe we shouldn’t do this. Just think of the baby.” Yes! Oh my god yes. That’s how we do this. Scare Seulgi. Oh Irene you beautiful brain. 

 

“Oh babe you’re going to be so strapped up you’ll be perfectly safe. Statistically if you fall babe 12 percent says it’ll only be a fracture.”

 

“12 percent. 12 percent she says Wendy. 12 percent. Oh I think I’m going to faint”. 

 

“Oh no, Irene did you take your medicine?” Irene sighs and falls into Seulgi’s arms. 

 

“We’re all going to die.”

 

“Hey Rene. Did you notice?”

 

“Notice what?”

 

“You know”, I say, rubbing my stomach. 

 

“That you’re pregnant? You told us.”

 

“No. Not me. You.”

 

“Yes I know I’m pregnant Wendy. I really couldn’t miss that.”

 

“Wannie are you getting sick?” God are all my friends this dense? Seulgi puts the back of her hand to my forehead, this is ridiculous. 

 

“No dummies! Did you notice Irene has a bit of a bump!”

 

They both look down, “I don’t notice.”

 

Seulgi grins, “you’re wearing a baggy sweater.”

 

“My shirt was a bit snug.”

 

“Oh baby you’re showing!”

 

“Alright guys!! Let’s suit up!” Eric yells all excited like. 

 

We’re all going to die.

 

———————//////—————//////——————/////////———-

 

I’ve always thought I was engaged to a dramatic woman. Maybe it’s just in the Latin genes I’m not really sure but Joy is very, very dramatic it’s a bit much sometimes. But here and now, watching Irene be suited up across from us and yelling at the top of her lungs I think I may have been wrong. 

 

“I’ll kill you!” These guys are brave! Who keeps suiting a woman up as she slaps at you? What is in the water in Pattaya? Steroids and ball enhancers? “Seulgi I hate you! How are you afraid of a man walking down the street from me but not me flying across a 15 foot cord across a cliff!”

 

“You told me to loosen up!” Seulgi yells. 

 

“Not this much! You’re as loose as a at the end of a !”

 

“Baby that’s very vulgar!”

 

“ you!” Oh she is fired up. 

 

“Amorsita, why is Irene always so violent?”

 

“It’s the Bae spice”, Summer laughs from behind us. “One time-“

 

“This one time at band camp! Ha!” Leave it to Katy to always have a one liner. 

 

“Why is she this way? Why?” Joy shrugs and shoots Katy a thumbs up who cackles maniacally in return. 

 

“Ha! Gotcha!”

 

“I hate your friends”, Summer deadpans. 

 

———————///////—————/////////————/////————

 

“You almost killed the instructor.” I heard as I closed The balcony door behind me.  I could still hear laughter as I walked into the kitchen to find Joy staring at her phone. 

 

“Baby?”

 

“Oh amor, hey”.

 

“What are you doing over here?” Joy shrugs, “you talking to your mistress over there? Let her know it’s her turn to do your laundry.  And there is a lot lemmetellyah” Joy laughs and shakes her head at me. Why does my baby seem so sad. “What’s going on hon? Talk to me”, Joy opens her arms and I take my rightful place in them and smile. It’s like being home you know? Being where you belong. Like fitting the perfect cup in a cup holder. Finding the perfect sweater. I don’t know, do I make sense?

 

“I feel conflicted.”

 

“Conflicted? How so?”

 

“Like. My dad, I want to tell him person. I want to hand papa the test and see his face light up. I want to hold him and say ‘papa you’re going to be an abuelo’. I want to him cry these beautiful happy tears, I want to see the excitement and the glee on his face. I want to give papa the world Wendy.”

 

“And that’s perfectly fine babe. I don’t understand. You’ll get to do all that when we get home.”

 

Joy shakes her head, “no. But I want to tell my dad too, Seo-joon. I want him to know that he’ll have a grandchild. But I feel so wrong for that. He gave me away Wendy. He forced a part of my blood family to think I was dead. I lost out on siblings. I have three half siblings Wendy. I could have lived my whole life with Irene but instead she met me as just your girlfriend. Baby we could have met sooner. I could know my aunt and my grandmother. You’re dad would have liked me sooner if we met earlier. I’d have just been another Korean.”

 

“But you wouldn’t be my Joy though. You’d be Sooyoung. Sooyoung would be so different. She would be quiet, she would be so much more behaved, she’d be more healthy too. A lot more veggies in your diet.”

 

“Is that so wrong?”

 

“No. Not on a basic level. But you’d be a girl who was told being gay was wrong. You’d live in a society where men win more often than women. You’d be in a society obsessed with youth and unattainable beauty standards. You’d be Sooyoung. You’d be like Seulgi and Irene. Who always hold their tongue when they feel disrespected. Who bow their heads in authority. When they’re home they aren’t like they are here. They aren’t as free, but they don’t mind because it’s simply who they are. There’s nothing wrong with being just another Korean, nothing wrong with traditions and rules. 

 

But it’s not you. Joy you’re loud and free, you eat all day and night and never wonder about how you look. Your mother says you need to eat more every time she sees you and I guarantee you really do not. You grew up in a family where your father smothered you in love; it's not like that in Korea. The man is supposed to make the money and he doesn’t have time to smother his kids. But look at you. You’re so different than you’d have been if you were just Sooyoung. I mean looks at your sister.” I cup Joy’s beautiful cheeks and shake her head, “I love you. And there is nothing wrong with feeling conflicted. He is still your dad. And even though he did wrong your heart is still attached to him. He’s your dad. And chemically or fatefully you’re connected to him. That’s fine”.

 

“You don’t think I’m selfish?”

 

“No baby. Of course not.”

 

“I want him to know. But I don’t want him to know like my dad. I don’t want to get a big ole ceremony. I want it to be simple. Just hey. You’re a grandpa. I want it to hurt.”

 

Pause. “Wait. You want him to know but not in a I love you way? More like a hey, screw you way?”

 

“A bit of both actually. He doesn’t deserve the fanfare like my dad does. My dad was there. My dad didn’t lie. My dad wasn’t cold and heartless to his kids.”

 

“Well he only had one kid.”

 

“Oh hush. Seo-joon was a bastard to my sister and brothers. Summer told me all about him. And besides. He hurt Irene’s mom. Did you see how heartbroken she was? Good people don’t do that. But he still deserves to know, he deserves the same treatment he gave his kids. A passerby. A simple hey I’m pregnant. Good bye. Just like he did to his kids. But I want to talk it through with Summer first.” I nod in understanding and take a step back, before hauling myself up and onto a counter. 

 

“Why?”

 

“Because he’s her father and she deserves to have a say.”

 

“But it’s our baby”.

 

“I know amor. But Summer is my sister. And I want to talk to her about this. She feels like she needed to compete with me. But she thought I was dead. I don’t want her to ever feel that way again. I have to protect her. So if she tells me that she wants me to not tell him I won’t. Maybe she wants to tell him. I don’t know. But it might impact her if I tell him. So she needs to know. It’s my job to protect her. She’s my little sister.”

 

“You really fell into protective older sister mode quickly huh?”

 

“I can't help it.” Ah Joy Garcia. My sweetie, do you know how sweet and precious you are? “I just wanna pinch her cheeks, give her a Caprisun and tell her everything is going to be okay you know? I wanna disembowel anyone that hurts her.” Never mind! 

 

“When are you going to talk to her?”

 

“Tomorrow. When we’re checking out the venue one last time.”

 

“Fair enough. Wanna go upstairs and try to make a second baby?”

 

“Oh you dirty woman! Let’s do it!”