Despite what many might have thought Irene did not like Wendy when she first met. The girl smiled too much, laughed at everything, said sorry a thousand times, and spoke with an odd accent. Irene did not like it one bit, she raised her hand all the time to answer and even when she looked distracted she answered the question correctly. Irene despised her. Also! Stupid Seulgi loves Wendy, what more did she need to hate the tiny red head? And that red hair does not look good. Dead ends galore!

 

It took Irene awhile to begin to like the jolly canadian. It took her even longer to get used to the fact that Wendy hit on everyone. Irene was beginning to think it wasn't as unconscious as Seulgi may think. So, to set the record straight on the canadian, and out her as the phony she was. Irene set up a luncheon. She was certain, she would get to the bottom of the chipper canadian.

 

Irene glared at the -a-hoop Canadian and then pitched her thigh to force herself into schooling her expression. “Wendy.” Said woman looked up from her notes.

 

“Hey Irene, what’s up.”

 

“I-” she swallowed, this is gonna be hard. “Need”, oh god, why is this so hard. “Your…”just say it! “Help”.

 

Wendy pointed to herself. “You need my help?” Irene nearly threw her textbook at her, why is she saying that so loud. What if people hear? Jesus lord save me. Irene nodded, biting her lip. “Really? Wow. With what?” 

 

“I’m struggling with what milligrams go with what prescription.” Wendy nodded, eyes closed in subtle understanding. 

 

Irene glared, open your eyes stupid. 

 

“I get’cha. Well, we can go to dunkin after this and study for a bit, you’ll be all set in no time aye.” Irene blinked at her, was that a question? Wendy gave her a thumbs up. I want to break her finger.

 

Later in the afternoon Irene looked down at her beeper, ‘there in five’ it said. She groaned, this tardy Canadian was getting on her nerves. A couple seconds later, Irene’s beeper went off again. She unhooked it from her pants and looked at it again. ‘Call me-seul’ Rolling her eyes, Irene walked up to the nearby payphone, she slid a quarter in and called her girlfriend.

 

“Yah. Jagiya, why didn't you tell me you needed help with studying?”

 

“Because I don’t”, Irene grumbled.

 

“But, aren’t you going to study.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So, you need help?”

 

“No.”

 

“I’m confused.”

 

“I don't trust this, Wendy. So, I'm going to study with her and figure out what’s her problem.”

 

There was shuffling on the line, and then it went dead. Irene glared at the phone. And then it rang, she picked it up. “Sorry, I ran out of time. Anyway! Babe, she seems really nice. Did i tell you she's in my class? She’s super sweet. When you guys become friends you should introduce us so we can be friends too.”

 

“For what? So you guys can date?”

 

“What? No.”

 

“Yeah, sure! Go cheat like everyone else does, put some effort into it .” 

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“I love you bye” Irene called into the phone when she saw Wendy walk into the quad.

 

Irene waved, calling Wendy over. “Irene, hey. Sorry I was late, i was helping dustin. He fell out of his wheelchair.” What is she mother teresa? 

 

“Dustin Lechance?”

 

“Yeah”. Irene quirked a brow, the hockey player wasn’t in wheelchair an hour ago. People are so stupid. “So, ready to study?” 

 

“Yep.”

 

“Awesome!” Irene glared at the back of head head, stupid cheerful Canadian. I should trip her, maybe she won't smile so damn much. 

 

The walk to the coffee shop was loud, too loud for Irene who enjoyed silence. Wendy did not shut the up. “Oh yeah, and then! I was like oh yes! I have a loonie! I was so worried that I had no money. But I had my loonie, so I gave it to him.”

 

“A loonie?” 

 

“Yeah, a loonie.”

 

“What the hell is that? Isn't that a crazy person?”

 

“Um, you’re thinking looney. Like lunatic, or looney tunes. It’s spelled different. I’m saying loonie. With an ie. It’s a dollar but in coin fashion.”

 

“Is that a Canadian thing? I’ve never heard anyone say that here.” Wendy smiled even brighter.

 

“Must be. Anyway. Good coffee eh?” Irene simply stared at Wendy expectant face, is that a question? Oh this is confusing. Just like before, Wendy gave her a thumbs up and ordered her coffee and went to sit.

 

A couple minutes later and the duo was set up and beginning to study. “So, when you’re prescribing you gotta remember that milligrams are somewhat based on people’s body weight”.Irene already knew all of this, she silently closed her textbook. “Like 100mg of ibuprofen--oh. Uh are we done?” Wendy looked from her closed text book to Irene’s creepy smile.

 

“Can I ask you a question.”

 

“You already did” Wendy joked. When Irene’s face stayed unchanging, Wendy said a quick apology and sipped from her coffee.

 

“Why did you come to help me.” Wendy lifted a brow.

 

“Because you asked for help.”

 

“And that was it. You didn't have plans or anything?”

 

Wendy shrugged, “Well. I was going to eat lunch with some of the girls from the soccer team. But I always love to help.” 

 

“You chose me over a bunch of hot chicks in short soccer shorts? Are you insane?”

 

Wendy chuckled and patted Irene’s shoulder. “I’m more of a hockey girl. And while hot girls are always exciting, I much prefer to be helpful with my time. Besides, you know Amber Liu?” Irene nodded. “Well, her girlfriend Krystal scares me. Like, a lot. And Amber is super cool, but she’s soop friendly and I don't want Krystal thinking I’m trying to sleep with her girlfriend you know?” Irene nodded, biting her straw.

 

“Is there anyone you don’t like?” Wendy tapped her chin and then looked up, Irene looked at her. Where is she looking? Irene followed her line of sight, what's on the ceiling? When Irene looked back at Wendy she was looking at her. “What’cha look’in at?”

 

“Huh? I was looking where you were looking?”

 

Wendy tilted her head like a dog. “I was looking at you.”

 

“No you weren't, you were looking up like there was something there.”

 

“Mm, I don’t think so. Anyway to answer your question. There isn’t anyone I don't like. But, I don't like that Americans say we Canadians say aboot. We don't. We say it like a boat. Aboat. Not aboot. That’s stupid.”

 

“You say beg, instead of bag. Earlier you said you didn't need a beg, instead of bag.”

 

“Really? I say knapsack. Everyone here says bookbag.” Irene sipped from her coffee.

 

“I say backpack”.

 

“Ohh, fancy. I like that. Anyway. Should we continue to study?” Irene sighed.

 

“No. let’s go eat somewhere. My girlfriend has been dying to meet you.”

 

“Meet me? Whoa, that's so cool. I wonder what I did.” Irene stood up rolling her eyes, for now she could tolerate the Canadian. At least Seulgi would stop whining.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

True happiness is sleeping soundly even when your lover snores. Or, when you wake up cold and all you have to do is move over and snuggle real close and they just out of instinct wrap their arms around you and then suddenly you’re all warm and cozy again. Or, when they wake up and instead of leaving the bed, they just pull you closer. I don't know, I guess true happiness is for the person rather than it being for all people. Like, to me, Joy’s need to be practically on top of me in her sleep  it's a bit annoying, but to her, its true happiness. Joy has the best sleep when she wakes up after suffocating me all night. To me though, I feel true glorious happiness when Joy comes home and her first action isn’t to grab something to drink, or use the bathroom, or take all her stuff off, her first action is to find me and give me a kiss. It’s small and simple but the fact that I’m the first thing she thinks about upon entering our house just makes me want to dance.

 

Today, is no different than any other night. Joy, is basically on top of me but it’s alright, I knew this would happen so I went to sleep on my back. This works, she wraps herself around my stomach rather than laying completely on my back and obstructing my breathing. Works been hectic, Halloween season is always hectic for all first responders, the crazies come out. Like a full moon, but all month long. Joy doesn’t do well on lack of sleep; I’ve learned this about her over the years, which is why I’m not going to wake her up. I kiss her forehead, she’s so beautiful. Maybe I should just stay in bed, nope, I need to be strong. We have a lot to do today. Joy is gonna have a beautiful day with my father, and I am going furniture shopping, I don't have time to be in love I only have time to be tough. 

 

Or as tough as I can be, because Joy is so warm. My goodness, like a furnace I love it. But her nose is always cold, I don't understand this sorcery. “I can hear you thinking babe”. 

 

“I didn’t realize you were awake.”

 

“I didn't want to move, you’re so comfortable.”

 

“We have to get up Joy.” My stomach vibrates with Joy’s groaning.

 

“But, it’s our day off!” Joy whines, reminding me why I’m going to marry this large child.

 

“I know baby, but you have daddy duty and I have mommy duty.”

 

“Is your mom coming too? That’s the only way I can stand your father.” I shake my head sadly at Joy who in turn throws herself against the pillow next to me and began to flail. “Why Wendy! Why do you hurt me so?”

 

“You’re being dramatic Joy. I swear in another life, you would be an actress.” I patted her stomach and then threw my legs over the side of the bed. 

 

“I once played in a play called tempted.” Joy said, still throwing herself around  on our bed. I rolled my eyes, I take it back, I don’t know why I’m marrying her. 

 

“Was it any good?”

 

Finally she stopped flailing and turned to me, “Eh, it was alright. Kind of lost traction halfway so the playwright wrote a bunch of random twists and by the end we were just happy it was over.” I nodded, and leaned down to kiss her. “How is it, even your morning breath is y?” 

 

“Because you’re in love with me Joy. give it a year, you’ll hate that I kiss you before I brush my teeth.” I slipped my feet into my sandals heading to the bathroom.

 

“Does that mean you think I’ll fall out of love with you?” Joy asked from behind me, finally getting out of bed.

 

“No, I just mean that initial awe is gonna fade. Like, the fact that you need to sleep literally on top of me was cute when we first got together, and now, four years later, that annoys me so much.” Joy looked in thought, while I put toothpaste on our brushes, I handed her, her brush and she still looked like she was thinking. “What are you thinking about? Your toothpaste is gonna fall off the brush.”

 

A couple minutes later, after washing our faces and me fighting Joy’s wandering hands away from my we finally made it to our kitchen, where per usual, Joy hung on top of me. “When we first got together, I thought the fact that you put aye at the end of all your sentences was really annoying. And now that you hardly do it, I kinda miss it.” I opened our fridge to take something out to make for breakfast and did my best to ignore all the junk food Joy’s mother keeps piling into it. 

 

“Are you trying to make me feel bad?” I asked, pulling out the eggs.

 

“No, why?”

 

“Because, I told you about something that you do that annoys me. And you tell me something that used to annoy you, that you like now.`` I cracked the eggs into a bowl and leaned back into Joy when she wrapped her arms around my waist. 

 

“No, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just was trying to see if there is something that I used to love about you that annoys me now. I couldn't find anything, but I can tell you one thing. I’ve always fought against norms, so maybe I'll only fall more in love with all the things you do all the time.” I shrugged.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Baby, can you put adobo in my eggs? Oh, and spam.” Joy asked, practically shaking my body with her excitement.

 

“How about, spinach and mushrooms?” I asked, turning to Joy and cupping her disappointed cheeks. 

 

“B-but. I don’t want any leafs, I want meat.”

 

“Yeah, but leafs are healthy.”

 

“So is meat.”

 

“Spam is not meat Joy. it’s processed cancer.” Joy gasped, throwing herself against our fridge.

 

“Why don’t you drink your Yoohoo and have a rice crispy treat since you seem to need sugar in the morning. And then you can do your body some good and enjoy healthy eggs. At least I’m not making you egg whites baby.” I grinned at Joy as she grumbled but still opened the fridge and grabbed her morning dose of diabetes and sat at the table. I’m marrying a child, I'm convinced.

 

“You want some?” Joy asked me, shaking her chocolate sugar rush at me.

 

“I’m all set babe.” I turned to my eggs, healthy, something to keep me alive for a long time. Joy’s slurping, I hate that, there is clearly no more milk in there Joy. what are you even slurping! There is nothing there. “Joy, please. Its empty. Throw. It. away.” 

 

A while later the table was set, I was setting my napkin up when I heard commotion across from me. “Joy what are you doing?”

 

“Sorry, I just wanted to be closer to you.”

 

I blinked at her, “Baby you’re laying on the table. You can just move your seat over this way.”

 

“Oh, I didn't think about that.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Wendy, amor please. Don't abandon me, your father is crazy!” I rolled my eyes at my child of a girlfriend. “Wendy!”

 

“Joy, please let go of me. You’re going to make me fall.”

 

All morning after breakfast Joy cried about me leaving, like I wanted to leave her. Why in the world would I leave her to go furniture shopping? I am so picky when it comes to shopping I can't even enjoy myself anymore. Do I want a sofa with a ottomon? That’s just another thing I need to move when I mop, but at the same time, Joy has cold feet, at least with an ottomon her feet are on that and not on me, ergo! No cold feet on me. But also. Seulgi spills everything that she eats, so what if she spills something on the ottomon? That's another thing I have to clean, I refuse to plastic wrap all of my furniture. I don't care how much Joy’s mother insists, I refuse. But if Seulgi stains my stuff, then that's just ammo for Joy’s mother to say, ‘see, I told you so’ and I refuse to be embarrassed. Oh god, its happening already and I’m not even at the store yet.

 

“Why won’t you just take me with you?” Joy whined, kissing my jean clad shins.

 

“Because, who’s going to get my father at the train station?”

 

“Wait, wait. I thought you said he was coming over, not that I needed to go get him. Why can’t he walk!”

 

“Are you telling me to make my elderly father walk in the Bronx? We live on Webster ave! They will mug my father!”

 

“He’s fifty! And if he stops walking around like a walking highlighter than maybe he wouldn't be a victim!” with a grunt I finally shook Joy off my feet.

 

“Joy, please get off the floor. You’re mother is going to be here soon and I really don’t feel like explaining why you’re flailing on the floor.” Joy groaned, but finally got off the floor. I smiled at her while dusting off her shoulders, “You’re a child I swear.”

 

“But you love me.” I sighed, nodding my head.

 

“That I do. Please don’t forget to change the sheets on the bed. And pull out the couch for us.”

 

“Why for us?”

 

“Joy, I am not going to make my father sleep on a pull out couch. We will sleep on it, and he will take our room”. Once again, Joy began flailing and whining.

 

“Wendy, baby. You need to put your foot down, his sleeps on the couch or the air mattress not our bed! We make love on that bed woman!”

 

“And that’s why you’re changing the sheets”. 

 

“Oh you are cruel.” I nodded, kissing my whiner of a fiance. There was a knock on the door, before Joy’s mom came waltzing in, I glared at Joy.

 

“Really? You still haven’t taken back the key?” Joy just shrugged before running to her mother. And I’m the one that needs to put my foot down, yeah sure. Pansy.

 

“Mami!” Joy yelled, scooping her mother into her arms and spinning her around. 

 

“Ay, mi amor! Como estás?” (my love, how are you). I smiled at the duo, walking up to them to hug Maya. “Ah, Wendy mi cielo. (my darling) How are you?”

 

“I’m great Maya, how are you?” I wrapped my arms around Joy’s mother, dreading the wet kiss that I knew was going to assault my lips. I fought everything in me not to wipe my face of the  stripper red lipstick most likely staining my cheeks. Joy chuckled behind me, as I pretended to turn away to wipe my face while Maya told us about her day.

 

“No parking downstairs, is so crazy.” Maya complained, her spanish accent diluting her sentences to cute complaints rather than displaying the fierceness the woman always portrays. 

 

“Ya sabes mama, nunca hay parcqueo” (mom, you already know there's never any parking.)

 

“Wanna hear a funny story?” I asked.

 

“Sure”, Joy said, opening the fridge for what I assume is more chocolate milk.

 

“With the new translation thing we have at the job, we get to translate in real time. And this spanish lady called because she couldn't find parking. And she called the parking spot parcqueo, like you guys say. But, my translation app had no idea how to translate it, so I had to call a bunch of people over to understand what she was saying. I didn't want to assume it was the obvious, and she was saying parking. So like I just kept struggling, and then Dion yells, ‘she's Puerto Rican! They speak spanglish bro! She’s saying parking!’ and man guys. Was it funny. Cause, I thought about it. And that's totally true, you only speak in spanglish aye? Then I looked up how to say parking in spanish properly, and it’s completely off. It was so funny.” I turned to Joy and her mother who were still quiet behind me. Did they not find my story funny? It’s hilarious. I turned around to find Joy and her mother staring at me with the most unimpressed looks i’ve ever seen.

 

Joy started clapping, “That was, so funny baby.” 

 

“Oh shut up. Maya, are we ready to go?”

 

“Si, amor si. Let's go. Te quiero bebe, I see too-ny. '' Maya kissed Joy, and then I did and out the door we went. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

 

Where I’m from when I go furniture shopping, its to a reputable place you know? Like, Ikea, Walmart, Raymour and Flanigan, hell even Sear’s will do at this point. Not dream decor, or someone’s garage. But, it would appear that my future mother in law has other ideas. We pulled up together at what looked like a gang members hide out, I looked around just in case we might need to run. 

 

“Um, Maya is this safe?” Maya turned to me and smiled.

 

“Hold jor purse tight okay?” Wait, what? With those last troubling words, Maya was gone. I watched the small woman walk away from me, how is she not afraid she’s going to be killed? I in a big breath, should I call Joy? No, she’ll use this as an excuse to come get me. I followed after Maya, she was standing in front of several tables.

 

“What’s this?”

 

“Mesitas(little table or a bedside table) for your feet.”

 

“Oh, to put in front of the sofa?” Maya nodded and then pointed to a pretty silver plated metal table with a glass middle. 

 

“What you think bout that?”

 

“What about fingerprints? We eat a lot in the living room, the bottom of the TV is covered in Joy's fingerprints.”

 

“Ay no, too much clean. This one?” It was a wooden table, with marble in the middle. I leaned down and dragged my finger down the marble middle. I didn't see the fingerprint mark and nodded up at Maya.

 

“I like it. We just need to get furniture that’ll match this burgundy. How much is it?”

 

Maya smiled and bent over, looking at a small piece of masking tape with black writing on it that said 250.00. I grimaced. “That’s kinda pricey Maya.”

 

Maya smiled at me again and wagged her finger at me, “No te preocupes mamita. (don’t worry about it sweetie). “

 

“Maya, I don’t know what that means”. I followed my mother in law who was moving with surprising speed might i add, into a back corner where a man in a wife beater and jean shorts stood sipping from a corona and talking to another man dressed the same. 

 

“Ernesto! Hola!” The guy drinking looked up, and looked at Maya like she was a god amongst women and set his drink down hugging my future mother-in law. Do all puerto ricans have to put on such a show when they see each other? What ever happened to the handshake? Maya side stepped and pointed to me, “es Wendy, la esposa de Joy” (this is Wendy, Joy’s wife). The man looked at me and smiled, he began moving forward and I realized he was going to hug me but I don't hug possible ers unless we share the same last name so I really quickly stuck out my hand for him to shake. The space between us had grown so small, my hand was basically poking at his stomach, he looked down at my hand and then at me. This is awkward, he took a step back and shook my hand, still smiling. I bet he’s plotting my death.

 

“Ju speake espanish?” I shook my head. 

 

“No, Joy’s trying to teach me though.”

 

“Das very goot. Ju need to know. Goot for jor brain”, the man poked at his head, still smiling. It's amazing he’s telling me to learn spanish, learn english you hypocrite!

 

“Pues mira, mi cielo. Tiene una mesita afuera que la nenita le gusta. Cuanto cuesta?” (Well look,  sweetheart. You have a little table out there that she likes. How much is it?)

 

Why won’t these people speak english? I was going to make a translation joke, when my phone began to ring with Joy’s personalized ringtone. “Amor!” Joy yelled as soon as I picked up.

 

“Baby what’s going?”

 

“I can’t do this! I’m going crazy. I’m going to kill your father, or I’m going to run into oncoming traffic. Which do you prefer?” I sighed, they couldn't even make it till I got home? Maya looked at me puzzled, I mouthed that it was Joy and asked for a moment while I stepped outside for damage control.

 

“Joy, I am not going to choose between you and my father. What is going on?”

 

“He’s driving me insane babe. From the moment I picked him up he’s been acting like a raging douche.”

 

“Joy, did my father just hear you call him a cleaner?” 

 

“Huh? I’m not sure -HEY AARON!” I pulled the phone from my ear wincing. “YOU’RE A CLEANER! He heard me now baby.”  I sighed. 

 

"Really Joy? Was that necessary?''

 

"Yes baby I think so. Are you almost done?  I need you. I really might go insane if I need to be with this man any longer."

 

I turned around when I heard a bunch of commotion, two more men dressed like a 90s gangster  movie came out holding the table Maya and it had picked out. Did we even pay for this?

 

"THAT'S IT! IM PUSHING YOUR FATHER INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC!"

 

I stopped watching the men at Joy’s outburst, “Wait babe! What’s going on?”

 

“He just hailed a cab and left me behind Wendy! He doesn’t even know our ing address!” I groaned, why me? Why was I cursed with this?

 

“Just head home babe. I’ll call him.” Joy made a sound that sound a whole like a thank god, but I just ignored it.

 

“Are you coming home? I miss you.”

 

“Not yet. We just got a coffee table. I think you’ll like it.”

 

“Oh, so you’re done?”

 

“No babe, all I got was the table.” 

 

“But, what else do we need?”

 

“Um, honey. We need an actual sofa.”

 

“What’s wrong with ours?”

 

“It’s a futon. That belongs in college dorms, not our living room.”

 

“But, I like it.”

 

“Yes, I know. And that’s why I'm in charge of furniture and you are not. I love you, I’ll be home tonight okay? There’s leftovers in the fridge, warm them up if you get hungry.” Joy groaned and I won’t lie. It makes me happy to know she’s missing me so much when i’ve only been gone for like an hour. 

 

“Fine. I love you too. Bye”.

 

“Bye baby.”

 

“Bye”

 

“Bye Joy.”

 

“Bye Wendy.”

 

“Okay, I'm hanging up now.” 

 

“Wait!”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too baby.”

 

“Okay, you can go now. Be safe. Don't let my mom buy weird stuff.”

 

“I won’t. Okay, bye. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, bye bye.” Finally I hung up and looked to Maya, who was just closing the trunk of the minivan.

 

“Ready?” I nodded, walking to her.

 

“How much was it? Do we need to take money out?” Maya shook her head.

 

“No-no. It was only fifty dollars. Don’t worry.” Only fifty? What happened to the other 200? 

 

“Um, okay.” I got in the car, whatever.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our next destination was a low-end furniture shop, with the sign basically falling off. It had a hand written sign that said, ‘mega sale! Everything half off!’ I looked to Maya, first a gangster's den, now the plague’s ground zero. Why can’t we go to Bob’s? 

 

I walked in with Maya and was er punched in the face with the smell of weed, I think i’m high. The store itself was cloudy and weird amibiotic music was playing throughout the store, Maya seemed to not notice as she walked down the narrow cramped aisles into the sofa section.  “Don’get leather. Rip easy”. I nearly laughed in Maya’s face, she thinks there’s real leather anywhere in this store? Sure. And Jesus is white. 

 

“Don't worry. Joy doesn’t like the feel anyway. We’re thinking cotton or polyester. Like this one”. I said, pointing at a burgundy loveseat. 

 

“Mm, maybe brown better?”

 

In my head I tried to match the burgundy table with a brown sofa. “I think that matches”. Maya walked over to a brown loveseat and lifted a small tag. “How much?”

 

“Five hundred”. I looked around the store in shock. Five hundred! In this place? It better cure cancer with that price tag. 

 

“Um, maybe we should leave it.” 

 

“Ju like?”

 

“Well yeah, but that’s expensive.” 

 

“Tss. no ju worry!” Maya waved her arm about and a young guy came walking over, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he might fall over at any moment. “Mi cielo. Mira listen” Maya pulled the tag off, waving it in the poor boys face. “Too much. Too, too much. Esta carisimo! (it's  very expensive!)” I was about to tell Maya we should just go when my phone rang again.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Wendy!”

 

“Joy, what’s wrong now.”

 

“What is this food?”

 

“It’s the spaghetti from last night.”

 

“But I don't want spaghetti. And it's green.”

 

“Um, then make something else Joy. You do know how to cook.”

 

“Yeah, but we have nothing I cook with here. We don’t even have Adobo!”

 

“Well that stuff is bad for you anyway. We have other stuff.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Salt, pepper, oil.”

 

“Are you serious right now? Salt and pepper? Is that what you just said.”

 

“It’s himalayean! It’s soop good for you and it's really tasty.”

 

“No Wendy. My tongue know’s flavor. I refuse. I’m going out to get spices.”

 

“Wait J-ohh I’m gonna kill her when I get home”.

 

I turned around just in time to see the young guy wrapping the sofa with what looked to be tears in his eyes. What did I miss? Maya was in the front of the store, already paying. “Maya, Maya wait. How much was it?”

 

“130. Half off.” In what world is 130 half of 500. “They drop off at la casa” I just nodded, what in the world happened while I was gone?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next place Maya intended to take me looked like a place where they harvest organs and i was all set. “Maya, wait. Can we maybe go to a normal store, where there won't be any damage to anything?”

 

“What ju mean?”

 

“Like, let’s go to Sears they have cheap stuff in the outlet and it’ll be clean. I won't need to scrub anything off to get the scene of weed or dead bodies off of anything.”

 

“Sears?”

 

“Yes Maya. Sears.” Maya grumbled, and i’m pretty sure she was talking silent the whole to sears but it didn't matter we had finally made it to Sears where I knew at least nobody was going to take my organs. Just my money, which surprisingly we still had a lot left for the furniture shopping. Bargain shopping is nice. But sometimes, quality is better.

 

We strolled about, looking for a long couch with recliners that would match the loveseat and coffee table. “Is Joy being good?” I smiled, feeling all the textures.

 

“She’s being Joy. She and my father don’t get along that well, so she’s fighting world war three at home. But in general, she’s perfect. She sleeps on top of me, but I'm used to it so I don't mind.”

 

“Her fader do the same thing. Right on me. No breathing.” 

 

Aw, thats cute. Like an older us. “She definitely takes after him. Oh, I like this one”. There was a nice long couch, with optional cupholders and everything, it was cotton. Like the love seat. And it had a button for the recline, instead of a bar. I the tag on the back and grinned. 

 

“How much?” Maya asked.

 

“850. Not bad for the quality and style and size. I like it.”

 

“850? For this?”

 

I nodded and Maya’s eyes squinted at the young man and woman who helped move the sofa to the check out. On the line, I smiled at the cashier, about to swipe my card when Maya nearly dove over me and stopped me.

 

“Ah! There is damage to the couch.” Maya yelled, pointing to a hole I hadn't originally seen in the arm rest. The cashier leaned forward, looking at the couch on the dolly. 

 

“Oh. well” he turned to me, “Miss, would you like to look at something else?” I was about to say yes when Maya literally shoved me out the way. I nearly knocked a man off his crutches. 

 

“Sorry, sorry”,  I called. Maya was yelling.

 

“Eh no! We want this one!”

 

“Okay ma’am. 850.”

 

“No! Hay (there) damage!” 

 

“Then do you want to look at something else?”

 

“Aye pendeja (stupid). No! I want dis! But no 850!” Oh my god. Has she been doing this all day? Bullying people to lower the prices? Oh my god my mother-in law is trying to haggle inside of a Sears.

 

“I am so sorry”, I started saying to literally everyone because we are causing the biggest line in history. “Maya, you cannot haggle. This isn't a flea market.” Maya shot me a look that looked a whole lot like an Irene look and I promptly shut my mouth and kept my head down while Maya caused an even bigger ruckus. 

 

“Ma’am this an actual store. I cannot argue the price.” the cashier said, holding up his scanner like it was gun.

 

“Then, bring manejer.”

 

“Ma’am my manager is going to say the same thing.”

 

“Hey! No argue. Bring him.” I shook my head, fighting to not make eye contact with anyone. 

 

A couple minutes later a young guy walked up with a smile, I pity him. 

 

“Hello there ma’am, I love your hair. What seems to be the --”

 

“There is damage. I want 500, no 850”

 

Oh my god, she won't even let him finish. “Well, ma’am we can’t do that. This isn’t a smaller store. But I can give you a credit.”

 

“Yes, give me credit. I use now.”

 

“Well, actually. It’s for your next purchase. Not this one.”

 

“Then no point. That stupid.” Then Maya turned to everyone in our line, and did what I am beginning to realize is how spanish people win arguments. She involved everyone. “They no give me discount! But there damage on arm.” 

 

A black woman holding her daughter and a rug nodded at Maya and shook her head, “Girl I know. It’s a damn shame. Always givin out broken and whatnot like it’s our fault.”

 

“Yes, they did that to my daughter last week. No refund”. An older white woman said, hugging her husband's arm like she might fall. 

 

The cashier and the manager’s head swiveled as everyone complained. “Give them a discount!” someone yelled. 

 

Oh my god, she’s causing an uprising.

 

Fifteen minutes, and stopping the war later. I was buying my five hundred dollar couch, I looked at the hole in the arm rest. How can something so small cause such a scene. I gave them the address to drop it off and went to the van with Maya. We drove home in silence, maybe she was thinking about her crimes against humanity and her punishment was silence. I don't know, we got to my apartment building and I was about to open the trunk to get the table when Maya stopped.

 

“Let Joy get it. She did nothing all day.” I laughed, I like this new way of thinking. Once inside the apartment I was hit with the scent of food. Unhealthy food. There was smoke everywhere, and Joy was dancing around with a wooden spoon. Where is my father?

 

“Baby! Mami!” Joy yelled, kissing each of us. I walked forward, looking into all the pots on the table. Joy came behind and per usual, hugged me and swayed us.

 

“Smells good. What is it?”

 

“Rice and beans, with baked chicken in the oven cause I know how you like healthy stuff.” I grinned, turning in her arms.

 

“I didn’t realize Puerto Ricans baked chicken.”

 

“We do, not the way I did for you. But we do. But we like to bread it and fry usually. But, for you. I salted and peppered it and threw in some cilantro. Cup up carrots and two potatoes and threw it all in.”

 

“All of that, for me?”

 

“Compromise you know. You let me drink my diabetes for breakfast, I can make you dinner.” I smiled, pulling Joy down for a kiss when I heard the fridge open. Maya pulled out an applesauce, and poked a hole with her nails. 

 

OH MY GOD SHE MADE THE HOLE IN THE COUCH.