(P.S. I write this while listening to Onestar - A tearful goodbye)

The moment I open my eyes, I held my chest. The pain inside is so unbearable. Tears starts to form from my eyes, and slowly I was holding my blanket - I was crying so hard. So hard that I forgot to how to breathe. 

"Ma'am!" I heard outside the door. 

*bang!**bang!**bang!* 

"Agashi!" I heard ahjumma from outside. But I was so terrified to open that door. The door to my other self. 

I dont know for how long I am crying every day. I consulted few psychiatries to help me with my emotions. I took sleeping pills to got me over to bed to sleep and I hope to not woke up the next  day. I wanted to forget this kind of feeling. 

This feeling of lost - this feeling of I am not worth enough to be that persons forever. 

I stayed somewhere away from Korea, because I dont know for how long will I cope up with this. 

I love you so much but - 

I dont think I deserve this.