Mir is getting released from army in 1 WEEK!!! Yeay~

 

Mir winced when he tried to stretch up his back by touching his toes in sitting position. It was not working. He used to be so flexible but this pain on his back now was really a nuisance to him these days.

          It was already in the midnight and the others were probably sleeping in the dorm after getting back from their combined or solo activities, which Mir didn't have.

          Mir sniffled a bit, giving up trying to stretch his muscles and let his upper body fall on the floor, lying with his limbs spread out in the middle of the large practice room. The MBLAQ promotion had slowed down slightly and they were preparing for the end of the  promotion and nowadays it was filled with variety shows and interview, and radio broadcast and some magazine photo shoot.

          Unless those schedule were for them as a whole group, Mir was not included. A bitter smile made its way on Mir's chapped lips.

          I guess people recognize those without talent.

          And they don't want it.

          They don't want him.

          I am unwanted.

          Why couldn't he make his family proud of him? Why can't he prove to his father that he was no longer a useless son that float around without knowing what to do in his life? Why couldn't he be better?

          Why can't I be more like Hyojin noona?

          As if feeling the turmoil inside Mir's chest, the practice room door slowly creaked open. It didn't surprise Mir as much as when Mir sat up to see who was his midnight guest was.

          "Noona?!"

          "Hey there, sonny." Eunah smile lit up her face and she ran into the room and threw herself on the ground or more like on Mir, settling on Mir's laps and pulled away only to cup Mir's cheeks but Mir resisted.

          "Noona, I'm sweaty." Mir groaned, trying to pull away.

          "So what?" Eunah growled playfully and pulled Mir right back in into a small kiss on the lips. "How are you doing my beloved son?" Her hands stayed cupping Mir's cheeks and she still sat on Mir's laps as she intent to start a conversation.

          "Can't we talk in a more normal position?" Mir complained about their awkward position that if someone decided to come into the room at that moment, they would definitely misunderstood.

          "Nope. I miss you too much to do that."

          "How did you even know I am here?"

          "I went to your dorm-"

          "IN THE MIDNIGHT?!" Mir cut him off with his eyes bulged out at how bold his sister had been to come over to a male idol dorm in the midnight. He could not imagine what happened there before she was here.

          "Oh hush. I only have this time free." Eunah hushed her baby brother. "I just miss you so much but you are really!" Eunah pulled away and started lightly spanking Mir's exposed arm and Mir cowered, receiving the hit, regretting his choice of wearing a wifebeater.

          He swore his noona is somewhat bipolar.

          "We haven't really had a chance to talk about this but how come you didn't tell me you are debuting?"

          "Hyosun noona must have told you."

          "Yea. She told me you are training under JTune but never about debuting. Do you know how shocked I am when people around me started talking about you and I was so damn clueless they have to show me your debut teaser?"

          "Mianhe."

          "Why won't you tell me?"

          "Because I know how you will react."

          "Well, hell yeah! I told you I don't like you choosing this kind of work. I told you, this world is not easy! You see-" Eunah stopped herself halfway and stared at Mir. "Did you lost your weight?" She asked quietly, her voice however bounced loudly in this silent practice room. The playful anger she had faded and replaced with ever so evident concern.

          "A bit maybe. I have been dieting." Mir lied through his teeth. To be honest, he didn't even know why he was losing his weight. Maybe all of those practice and skipping meals really did the work. It was not of his intention though. He just had so little time to eat and even with those little time, he would rather sleep his exhaustion away instead of making any effort to eat.

          "That is not good. You have perfect body already. You better stop."

          "Okay noona, I will."

          Eunah narrowed her eyes as she tried to capture Mir's soft brown orbs. "Look at me, Cheolyongie."

          And Mir did. They sat there, staring at each other for a good two minutes until Mir saw the recognition in Eunah's eyes and when she opened to talk, he cut her off.

          "Don't say you told me so."

          Eunah sighed and leaned in, wrapping her arms around Mir's neck until she felt Mir's arms loosely rounded around her waist.

          "I won't then. But I want to see my crazy brother. Don't let them the brilliant light inside of you."

          It's too late... "Alright, noona."

          "Cheolyong. I know everything might not seem in your favor. Everyone you know might look like they hate the guts out of you and just judging every single thing you did poorly but really, Cheolyong, don't give up. I don't want to see my son give up. It's already too late for me to keep you away from this world and there is no way to protect you from getting hurt in this world, trust me, I know it best, but I want you to not let the pain beat you down. What doesn't kill you make you stronger. Got it?"

          It slowly is killing me, there is nothing I can do to stop it. "Hmm.. Arasso, noona."

          "Be yourself. Keep being yourself. And have I told you I am proud of you, my precious son?"

          Mir carved a fake smile when Eunah pulled away to look at him. "Yes, noona."

          I have already lost myself...

          Honestly, he didn't even remember how he used to be..

          Eunah sighed. She knew that lost look in Mir's eyes. Working in this industry, even she, herself, have had the similar look in her own eyes. She hated to see the same fading shine in her brother's eyes but then she got a brilliant idea.

          "Let's go." Eunah pulled away, standing up and tried to pull Mir to his feet in vain. "Up! Up! Up!" Eunah tugged until Mir stood up on his own and proceeded to pull Mir with him.

          "Where are we going?" Mir asked confusedly, trying not to stumble when his back screamed slightly at the force.

          "Home. Hajin came back from Jangsung already."

          "Hajin?" Mir squeaked, suddenly his heart beat in excitement. He missed the baby.

          "Dad is here too." Eunah chirped, happy to hear some hint of cheerfulness in Mir's voice but stopped when he felt a tug from Mir, looking back to see Mir frowning.

          "Dad... Is here?" Mir asked slowly, sadly even.

          He didn't want to meet his father.

          No. Not because he hate his father or anything. Instead he loved his father to the core and wanted nothing than to make his father proud of him. But that was the problem. He had done nothing to make him proud. He was just a failure and he didn't want to meet his father in this state. He was hoping to at least become a son his father no longer need to worry about before he went to meet him.

          "Cheolyong. It has been a year. He misses you. Why else would he came all the way from Jangsung to here? He might not say it but he misses you." Eunah tried when he saw Mir immersed into a dark thought.

          "It's not the right time yet." Mir mumbled.

          "Why not? How long are you going to make him wait?" Eunah frowned in displease. "Did you know he said-" Eunah stopped herself and shook her head. "No, I won't tell you. You should hear from himself. That would be more meaningful." Eunah decided.

          "Please, noona. I'm not ready yet." Mir was already on the verge of crying, reminding himself what a failure he had become and how disappointed his father would be.

          Eunah was alarmed to hear such a broken voice and automatically wrapped her arms around her little brother. "Okay. Okay. I won't force you." Eunah quickly said, patting Mir's affectionately. "I'll talk to him and when you're ready we can always take a trip down to Jangsung. Okay?" Eunah felt Mir moved, most likely nodding to her words. She sighed. "Just know that we love you."

          "Yea." Mir whispered, hugging Eunah back for comfort that he needed so much. "Me too."

 

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"Oh we are really doing a lot these days." Joon plonked down on the floor and catch the water bottle flying his way, courtesy of Cheondung. He uncapped the bottle and gulped down half of it while another half, he dumped it over his sweaty face, feeling refreshed instantly. "My head is spinning." Joon shook his head, holding his hair, raising concern look from Seungho but he shrugged it off with a smile.

          "We can't help it, album after album." GO shrugged, sipping on the water slowly, savoring the cooling effect to sooth his burning lungs and muscles. He was tired. He felt like he wasn't in the room and almost spaced off but he took another sip of the cool water, trying hard to stay alert.

          "Cheolyong. Here." Instead of chucking the bottle to Mir who was sitting against the mirror, Cheondung took initiative to bring the bottle to the maknae, seeing the younger seemed distracted while on his phone.

          Mir took the bottle and nodded a silent thanks but instead of drinking it right away like the others did, he simply put the bottle next to him and continued to stare into the space with eyes filled with sadness which he tried to hide in vain and it made Cheondung frowned. His eyes trailed to Mir's other hand. The maknae was still holding his white flip phone, fiddling with it, flipping it open and close like a repetitive motion on set. Cheondoong was about to say something about that when he was interrupted.

          "Chicken is here." Seungho whom had been missing when the break was announced to pick up their food delivery came in the room happily, both hands holding two large boxes of chicken.

          All of them swarmed around the food, almost drooling but Cheondung noticed the maknae was missing and looked around to find Mir already walking out the door. He was too shy and awkward with the maknae to call out for him, so he nudged GO who was eating a drumstick instead and tilted his head to the leaving maknae.

          "What?" GO asked with full mouth.

          "I don't think he ate breakfast today." Cheondung revealed barely above whisper, gaining a similar frown on GO just as he had on his own face now.

          GO looked at the door where Mir had went to and pick up another drumstick and a tissue before he left quietly. None of the others except Cheondung noticed since Seungho and Joon were busy fighting over the chicken .

          GO went to the hallway, looking around but couldn't find the trace of the maknae when he saw his manager coming out of the door leading to the emergency stairs.

          "Oh! Byunghee! Good to see you." The manager rushed to GO at the sight of the main vocalist. He glanced at his wristwatch. "In fifteen minutes go wake Cheolyong up. He's at the roof. I have to go book you guys a place in a show. Later." He ran off before GO could say anything.

          Turning to the emergency stairs, GO tilted his head slightly. "Roof.." He whispered and made his way there. He looked around the wide space and rounded around an overhead tank when he saw Mir curling under the shadow provided by the water tank, soundly asleep.

          GO sat next to the maknae, relaxing there as he watched the blue sky and felt a sense of peace brewing inside his chest. He was not surprised if this spot is Mir's favorite spot. It was so nice here, he almost forgot about the chicken piece he was holding, wrapped in a tissue.

          He set the food near Mir's head and watch the maknae's sleeping face for a bit. His brows unconsciously pulled together as he finally noticed the deep frown Mir had on his face while sleeping, as if the dream the maknae was having was unpleasant, as if even the sleep wouldn't even able to give sense of calmness to the maknae.

          He knew it had been hard to all of them. This world was hard in the first place. Being an idol was hard. And in those hardship they might have missed a few things on their one and only maknae despite wanting to take care of the youngest.

          GO snapped out of his thought when Mir twitched slightly, clenching his fists and shaking his head, grunting in discomfort. It made GO worried so he ran his fingers through Mir's soft hair, trying to assure the maknae that it was okay to relax. It was okay to sleep and let everything go for a while.

          Maybe it worked when Mir's tense shoulder slumped back and although the frown still visible on Mir's sleeping face, it seemed to had loosened even just a tad. With a relieved breath, GO slowly lowered himself down to lie next to Mir. It took him only two minutes to drift into a peaceful sleep.

          He didn't know how long he was asleep but when he woke up, he felt weight on his chest, surprised to see a mop of dusty blond hair greeted his sight but calm down again when he realized it was just Mir, lying half of his weight on top of GO and his arm draped across GO's stomach making the slightest smile appeared on GO's lips.

          He didn't think he was ever this close with the maknae without any camera to trace every single of their moves.

          GO looked at his phone and was surprised yet again at the time, he quickly sat up, causing Mir to slide onto his laps and slowly stirring awake at the sudden movement.

          "! We're late." GO cursed, standing up and pulled a half-asleep Mir with him but stopped when he felt strong tug from the maknae. He was about to nag thinking Mir was just being stubborn on not waking up knowing the maknae was such a sleepy head but frowned when he turned to the sight of Mir sitting there in pain. "What's wrong?" He crouched in front of Mir.

          Mir shook his head, taking a few deep breath and pulled his hand away from GO. "Probably just a muscle cramp." He noticed how easily he lied these days.

          GO looked in concern as Mir let go of his hand and used the poles holding up the water tank to stand up. "Are you sure you are okay?" He reached out when Mir swayed dangerously on his trembling limbs but Mir quickly pulled back from him saying he was okay.

          Mir nodded, taking a few seconds until he was sure he could walk without toppling over and wobbled ahead of GO whom was watching him carefully.

          It was slower than Mir had wanted but they reached the practice room either way, welcomed by fuming Seungho. "Where were you two?"

          GO stepped up. "We're on the roof. Sorry, we fell asleep." GO grinned sheepishly.

          Seungho sighed and turned to the quiet Mir. "Stop dragging other people into your problem. I can still tolerate you being late and everything but you just have to make others late as well. You are just wasting our precious time." He shook his head slightly, sounding tired instead of angry.

          Mir bowed slightly and tried to walk past Seungho when the leader caught his arm. "Where are you going?"

          "Practice. Don't want to waste anymore of your precious time."

          Mir's voice was nothing sort of rebellious or vengeful, simply cold and monotone but it surprised the leader still.

          "What do you mean?" Seungho's grip on Mir's arm tightened.

          "Nothing." Mir said tiredly. "It's five. You guys go home. I'll make up the time I wasted."

          Seungho stared down at Mir but the maknae wouldn't lift his face for him to see the maknae's face. Mir didn't make an eyes contact, his wide eyes consistently gazing down. Then, he wondered, since when Mir no longer held his head high? Since when Mir seemed so small?

          Shaking his head, he turned to Joon, without letting Mir's arm go. "Changsun, you stay, teach him the changes we have in our choreo."

          Joon groaned but nodded either way. He might be close to the leader but he won't take risk defying the older male especially when they were all already in a bad mood after the intense practice.

          "I'll stay too, I missed the practice as well." GO announced.

          "Okay then, Sanghyun, let's go." Seungho turned to Cheondung, blinking once when he saw the visual maknae was staring at Mir with a worried look and seemed to not have heard what he said. When he followed Cheondung's gaze, something tug on his heart as he saw Mir's slightly hunched over form but he shook his head snapping out of his over-thinking, releasing Mir's arm and stepped away from the maknae, towards their second youngest. "Sanghyun." He called louder as the younger visibly jolted in surprise. "Let's go." He beckoned and wrapped one arm over Cheondung's shoulder as they left the three in the practice room.

          "Well then, let's start." Joon the music and started dancing to their new song. "Here is the change, look carefully." He told before he made the move.

          GO and Mir nodded, and watched carefully. There were like five changes in the moves and GO had been the quick one to follow while Mir didn't seem to fully focus in their session.

          "CHEOLYONG! I'M TIRED! GET IT RIGHT ALREADY!" Joon yelled throwing his hands in the air after an hour trying to correct Mir. He felt the migraine worsened than before. He needed some sleep and a painkiller.

          GO went up to Joon and held the younger's shoulder. "Go back and rest first. I got this." He whispered and Joon rolled his eyes, grabbing his bag and walked out.

          Once the door slammed close, GO's eyes fall upon Mir. "Are you not feeling well?" He approached the youngest and tried to feel his forehead in case Mir was having fever or anything but froze midair when Mir flinched. It was just a slight movement, but GO was sharp and he caught that.

          Mir looked up with his typical confused look when GO's hand just hovered over him instead of touching him. That was until he spoke. "I'm okay. Just tired."

          GO pulled back his hand and dug into his sweatpants pocket. "Then we can rest for a bit-"

          "Can you dance the move Changsun hyung showed just now?" Mir asked, taking out his mobile phone. "I'll record it and use it to study the move so that you can go back and rest."

          "Huh? It's better if I just stay here and teach you so I can correct things you did wrong."

          Mir shook his head. "I can focus better when I'm alone."

          After debating for a little while more, finally GO agreed and did as the maknae asked and left. Once he reached the dorm, he saw Cheondung on the couch, watching television and the second youngest jumped up from his sprawling position at the sound of the front door opening.

          Cheondung didn't ask but his wandering eyes, trying to look past GO said everything.

          "He stayed at the practice room. Why are you out here?" GO asked since usually the group members would take a nap before dinner.

          "No reason."

          GO raised a brow and went to the kitchen to heat up their dinner which he bought on the way home. He heard footsteps behind him and knew it was Cheondung.

          "Did you notice, hyung?"

          "Notice what?" GO sit at the chair facing the younger male.

          "That Cheolyong hadn't eaten for a while."

          GO frowned. "He hadn't?" Now that he thought back, in the morning, there was always a lot of left over from the dinner and Mir was always went missing during lunch time in the practice room. "Oh." GO made a small noise of realization. "He hadn't."

          "I woke up last week around 4am and wanted to grab a drink when I saw Cheolyong stumbled into the dorm. I think he just got back from the practice room at that time. I didn't think much when he went to sleep on the couch but just last night, the same thing happened again. I think he came back late every night."

          "You sure?"

          Cheondung nodded firmly, even pursing his lips as if proving a point.

          GO drummed his fingers on the table. Since debut, they had been so busy they barely had time to take care of themselves not to mention his own health condition, what more to take care of the others but GO did feel some sort of protectiveness over Mir, knowing the boy was still young and more, came from a countryside. When he entered the company, he hadn't got the best impression on Mir but as time went on, he noticed how the other trainees excluding Mir because of the way Mir got into the company through his sister's husband.

          Honestly, GO had no problem with people having connection, as long as they had in them to stand tall on the stage and he felt the same for Mir. Mir do earn his place, there was no reason to hate or envy the young boy when the young boy had tried just as hard- Ani, probably even harder than any of them. Although he had that protective instinct over Mir, he realized he hadn't been acting on the instinct.

          All of them were always tired and grumpy and Mir was always quiet and being a pushover.

          Did they cross the line?

          "Dongie. Call the others, dinner is ready." GO ordered, standing up to serve the dinner.

          It wasn't long for Seungho and Joon to come join them, helping with the plates and everything. Once everything was set, they started eating but GO couldn't help himself from glancing at the empty seat supposed to be filled with their maknae every once so often.

          Now that he thought back, that chair was more often empty than not.

          "Thank you for the food." Seungho and Joon stood up first, going back to their shared room while Cheondung help GO with the dishes. Once finished however, Cheondung planted himself at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the front door despite sleepiness poking him from every direction.

          "I'll wait for him and see what time he came back." GO offered a small smile to Cheondung whom had doubt but nodded anyway and stalked off to their shared room.

          GO hung out for a bit, already taking a novel to entertain him while waiting but in the end the fatigue got the better of him and he fell asleep, only awoken when he heard the shower .

          He jolted up and immediately patted around for his phone, looking at the time. The glaring screen hurt his eyes but he caught the number displayed, 06:30.

          It was morning already and he needed to wake the kids up. He went to his roommate first, shaking Cheondung awake, ruffling Cheondung's hair when the younger woke up with a yawn and headed towards Seungho, Joon and Mir's shared room. His eyes darted to Mir's bed first, frowning as he found it empty. He went to wake Joon whom like usual, jumping up awake, which always worried him knowing Joon had trouble sleeping. He made a mental note to make Joon drink milk every night to help him sleep better.

          It was about time, him as one of the oldest to help the leader taking care of their dongsaengs.

          Seungho was a bit harder to wake although not as hard as Mir. He pulled the blanket slightly and tried to call as softly as he could for the tired leader. After a few attempts, it worked and luckily for GO, Seungho never got mad when it was him who woke him up, unlike when the other three of the younger members woke the leader up.

          After all of the kids were up, GO went towards the kitchen to make breakfast when he crossed way with Mir who had towel around his waist and another small towel over his dripping wet hair.

          "Did you wake up on your own?" GO asked incredulously but narrowed his eyes when he saw through the lies when Mir spoke.

          "Yes."

          Mir lied. He saw the way Mir drifted his large eyes away when he answered GO. So he kept asking, "What time did you got in yesterday?"

          "Not that late."

          "What time?" GO pressed.

          "Just a little late."

          "Cheolyong..."

          Mir pressed his lips into thin line and GO knew he wouldn't get anything out of the maknae. So when Mir walked past him into the room, he followed the maknae in. Both Seungho and Joon was already up, Seungho sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his face while Joon was already standing up, doing his routine stretching.

          "You woke up early and even made your bed?" GO kept pestering with sarcasm in between his words.

          "Uh huh." Mir muttered, taking his clothes and slip it on.

          GO ignored the look he got from both Seungho and Joon and kept on saying, "You made the bed the exact same way the manager made it yesterday morning?"

          "I... I slept on the couch."

          GO scoffed, startling Mir. "I. Slept. On. The. Couch." He watched as Mir went rigid and stopped drying his hair. "You would have known if you really did try to sleep on the couch. Now I'll ask you again, what time did you got back home yesterday?"

          "I don't have to answer you."

          GO's eyes widened at the sudden coldness in Mir's voice.

          "I don't want to answer you." Mir's eyes stabbing deep into GO's eyes, rendering the older speechless.

          "Bang Cheolyong." Seungho seethed from the bed in warning. "That is not the way to talk to a hyung."

          Mir scoffed, pulling the small towel off his head and threw it with force more than needed on his bed. He didn't say anything more, just took off and slammed the door behind him.

          The tension left in the room was palpable, with both Seungho and GO speechless and Joon awkwardly standing there, stopping his stretching wondering what the hell just had happened?

          They heard ruckus outside the room, with Joon at first, thankful for it seemed to lessen the tension in the room but once he stepped outside to see what happened, he couldn't help but groaned inside.

          In the living room, Mir was throwing things at Cheondung whom was trying his best to protect his face from the attack. "Stop questioning me!" Mir shouted.

          Joon went up to Mir despite all the things thrown on his way and grabbed both Mir's wrist, pinning the boy down on the couch, catching the pain grimace on the maknae's face when his back hit the couch. "WHAT THE IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

          "Me? Nothing!" Mir seethed back, struggling against Joon which was proven in vain since Joon was way stronger than him. Just because he was fed up with them, did it have to mean something is wrong with him? Seriously!

          "Cheolyong." GO called, pulling Joon's shoulder back for Joon to release the maknae. "What is it?" He asked in concern but Mir huffed instead of answering, averting his eyes away.

          Seungho, after making sure Cheondung was not injured, made his way to the couch as well, checking on Joon for a minute before turning his attention to the maknae and GO.

          "What is it, Cheolyong?" GO repeated watching as Mir closed his eyes for a few seconds, taking in a few deep breath and once Mir opened back his eyes, GO almost gasped at the emptiness behind those orbs.

          "Nothing." Mir answered quietly. He stood up. "I have something to do today. I've told our manager. I'll be there for practice maybe around ten."

          Before Mir could leave, GO caught his arm. "Where are you going so early?"

          "It is none of your concern." Mir shrugged the older off and left with a soft click of closed front door.

          "What the hell happened to him? He never act up before." Seungho sighed, feeling a migraine coming to haunt him again today, making him furious over every little thing.

          "He hated us." GO's whisper had been like a bolt of lightning out of nowhere. The words linger. GO saw it in Mir's eyes when the maknae stared at him. And there were only three words he could recognize in that pair of eyes.

          "What are you talking about?" Joon asked incredulously as if what GO had blurted out not two seconds ago to be the lamest joke ever but GO only stared after the front door Mir had left through.

 

 

Fuh... this chap is quite long