"But, hyung..." Mir mumbled sadly however he was simply shunned away, his shoulder received the ever small shove and he stepped aside willingly before he get a harder shove, watching sadly as Seungho and Joon walked past him and the opened door of the practice room.

          Mir tried to follow, turning on his heels to tail after his two hyungs only to get the door shut close right on his face, just missing a few inches from him, almost breaking his nose.

          Out of surprise and slight fear, Mir stumbled back a few steps only to feel his back met a hard chest. He looked up and saw a frustrated GO, glaring down at him.

          Mir stumbled aside again. It was always the same. Him, stumbling here and there were norm. Being kicked around was a norm. Watching the fixated glare of GO on him, Mir hung his head low, mumbling a barely heard apology.

          The words of apology never ceased from his lips, it was norm.

          GO made a y noise, one wouldn't have believed the boy possessed such a romantic honey voice if he as much use his strong vocal cord instead of straining out some random noise unless they heard it themselves.

          Mir took that noise as an okay sign for him to leave GO alone and he was right as he threw a last glance at the older male and the older male was already focusing back on his own image in the mirror, opening his mouth to continue his singing practice but paused when their eyes met through the mirror.

          Mir widened his eyes before snapping his head away, breaking the chill inducing contact and ran to one corner of the room, preferably the farthest from GO which was the exact same place Mir always cramped himself at, practicing his rap in a whisper, at the same time, praying he was invisible to everyone else.

          And he did just that, trying to get the scene just a few moments ago out of his mind and out of his heart. Just a moment before that tense communication with GO whom he never really had a chance to talk to, Mir had just heard of Seungho and Joon, slyly planning on abandoning their practice tonight to hang out at some known noodle shop knowing their dance teacher won't be here and, Mir, had not wanted to be left alone with GO, pleaded for the duo to take him with them. Of course to no avail though. They had decided Mir's presence would only interlude their bonding time as two best friend as if they were not already chummy enough together.

          Sure, Mir was not close to Seungho and Joon but it was even worse with GO considering GO just got into the company a few days prior and their first impression on each other was not exactly the best, the exact reason why Mir had vainly tried requesting such from Seungho and Joon despite knowing he most probably would be rejected which he really did anyway.

          When GO had first enter JTune, GO had came wearing all black and a cap including a mask that almost cover his whole face and simply waltzed into the practice room while Mir was alone, arranging the shoes on one side as Seungho had told him to. Mir had panicked, thinking GO being a suspicious person and had yelled for the guard just above the basement while attacking GO with endless hurling of shoes he had just finished arranging not too long before.

          But he was quickly stopped by Rain prancing down the stairs to the basement and into the room, stopping Mir from his shoes attack on GO and explained that GO was a new recruit in the company.

          Despite continuous apologies from Mir's side, GO was not pleased.

          And that still dragged on until now and Mir had been walking on the eggshells around GO. But there was a few moments where Mir couldn't help but let himself loose as he enjoyed listening to GO's voice singing some songs in English, which although Mir didn't understand the meaning but still was soaked fast and deep into each song, no wonder he was always praised by Rain regarding his heavenly voice.

          This was the only moment Mir didn't fear GO which was exactly right now.

          GO's voice was a sound Mir could never explain. It was sincere. It was honest. It defined a form of kindness. Yet, sometimes he swore he catch the sorrow in it or maybe it was just the sad song lyrics.

          Still... He was scared of GO nevertheless.

          But then again, Mir fear a lot of things. GO was one of it. But Seungho and Joon were also part of his accumulated fear. Seungho and Joon had been the longest trainees here and Mir came after those two had bonded so closely together, leaving Mir to flail alone in a new environment of being a recruited trainee under JTune camp.

          Rain also one of Mir's object of fear. The man was strict to himself and he projected those to the trainees under him as well. That man took perfectionist to the whole new level in Mir's eyes. Mir didn't even dare to meet eyes with Rain, left alone talking to the world star as the older male was known as.

          And this not so new environment training to be an idol is the greatest fear of him.

          He felt alone and helpless.

          He felt excluded and hated.

          He felt unloved.

          He felt unneeded.

          Maybe he was really just an eyesore..

          Mir almost let out a sigh but he quickly realized it and shook his head, snapping out of his thought and slapping the side of his neck furiously, scolding himself for almost drowning in his own thought again until he noticed that it was quiet.

          Lifting his head up, he saw GO had stopped singing, staring at him or rather his reflection in the mirror as if Mir was a freak.

          And yea, maybe Mir was that too, a freak.

          With a warm blush on his chubby cheeks, Mir lowered his face and turned his back on the offending reflection in the mirror, both his and GO's, and collected his bag.

          Seungho and Joon ditched the practice.

          So can he.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Mir walked along the lake in the park. It was night but the Seoul sky was lit up with full moon and thousands of stars and also of course, the lamp posts lining along the walk-way around the park and along the lake.

          Mir let his eyes wandered to the sky.

          "You can do this, Bang Cheolyong. You got this." Mir whispered, as his eyes closed but his brows furrowed. That didn't work. Inhaling deeply and squeezing his eyes with so much force, he let out a beastly howl followed by, "YOU CAN DO THIS, BANG CHEOLYONG! YOU CAN!"

          Mir refused to open back his eyes, knowing his tears will fall if he did and welcomed the darkness behind his eyelids instead.

          One particular memory visit him yet again, it was not that too long ago but the dullness of the faded images playing like a film in his brain felt so far back in time.

3 months prior

Mir swallowed, feeling as if he just drink a bowl of sand and those now stuck in the ever growing lump in his throat. He felt three pairs of eyes on him but he didn't dare to look up. His knuckles went white as he fisted the jeans he wore and he sat there in silence after throwing out his new found dream to his family.

          "Well..." Mir flinched at the sound of his mother's raspy voice breaking the silence that had been surrounding the space of their farm house living room. "That was not as unexpected as I thought it would be."

          "True." Hyosun, Mir's oldest sister spoke right after, nodding her head. "Cheolyong had always been interested in the life on stage. It shows in your school club activities. But I thought you love acting? Why with the wish to be an idol all of a sudden?"

          Mir took a shaky intake of a breath, Mir dared himself to look up and he paused long when he found a pair of old, stern eyes belong to his father. His father wore a poker face but Mir recognized the distrust spark in his father's eyes and that somehow left a hole of disappointment in his heart.

          His father didn't trust him, didn't even take his dream seriously when honestly, his father's recognition was the thing he had most wanted when he decided to tell his family about his dream. He had wanted for him to take pride in him. To tell Mir, that he was a son that his father was proud of.

          "I..." Mir stopped and cleared his throat. "I want to do this."

          Hyosun and Mrs Bang exchanged a look before Hyosun spoke again, "Are you sure about this?" Mir nodded firmly. "Maybe you should talk to Hyojin first. She'll be back in a few weeks. And she knows better since she had been in this field of work for quite a while."

          "I don't want to waste another day." Mir revealed. "I have packed up my bag. I'll be going to Seoul and I'm going to apply for an audition."

          "Where?"

          "I have a few companies in mind..."

          Mrs. Bang leaned closer to Hyosun and whispered something in her daughter ears. Hyosun nodded a few times before directing her focus yet again on her little brother. She smiled a bit at the determination she saw in Mir despite the timidity Mir had displayed while talking about his dream. "Let's do it this way." She started, her slightly chapped lips. "I'll talk to Dongwoon oppa and see if he can pull a few strings to get you into JTune." Hyosun mentioned of her husband whom she knew with a little aegyo from her, would willingly grant every wish of her, especially now that she was pregnant with their first child.

          "But-"

          "Cheolyong." His mother cut him off. "Don't do it the hard way when you got an easy pass."

          At that time, Cheolyong didn't know that his mom was wrong, the path laid out for him was in fact would never be easy, instead it was harder.

          It was harsher...

Mir finally opened his eyes and continued his walk. He strayed away from the walk-way, stepping into the grass and closer to the lake. He found a small rock there and sat on it. The same place he sat at every one night in a week since he got to Seoul.

          The exact same place he had cried his eyes out so hard the first hardship he stumbled upon in this big city which was the exact first day he came up to the place.

          This spot had been the spot he poured out all of his heartache, confusion, and doubt since then. But his doubt was never strong enough to send him back home in Jangsung. He did consider to just let go of his dream and went back to the comfort of his home and family but he couldn't do it after all. He had never had any other serious dream as this. He wanted to keep trying. And that what he did each time he felt like giving up.

          Keep on trying.

          He was still here, in Seoul, struggling to make a place for himself, struggling to reach his dream, struggling to one day, finally, saw an open door to a light that he always hope for, a bright light of a large stage which would one day belong to him. That was his only drive.

          His dream.

          But his dream seemed to not make an impact to everyone in Seoul, in Jtune, or more specifically, among the other trainees. All of them had the exact same dream as him and even more, they had went through a lot just to get to be a trainee. And when Mir came waltzing in with his brother in law to back him up, without even having to undergo numerous distressing audition, those other trainees decided that Mir had it too easy.

          And the next move was predictable, they made it hard on Mir.

          It wasn't an obvious bullying. No. Nothing physical. Just mental. But then again, inner wound are harder to heal that physical. He would rather them swing their fists or kicked him, because a few days or maybe weeks after that, he could just heal and get over it once the scar faded.

          But this was different. Each words, each stares haunted him every seconds of his sleep and even in his waking.

          They talked among them, excluding Mir, talking about Mir, snickering when Mir walked past them and admit it or not, Mir was affected deeply. Those constant snicker, those offending whisper, those downgrading stares, there was just no way he could not be affected.

          And as a result, he felt unworthy just as the other trainees had wanted him to feel. They succeed. They made him lost his self-esteem.

          But the only thing he felt he could do to salvage his unworthiness was to prove everyone was wrong. He could do it. He would prove he had it in him to stand on stage. So he never tell his brother in law, nor his sisters, no one. He endured those smirks, those downgrading stare, those hurtful whisper and tried his best to ignore those.

          But of course, he could not block those fully.

          His wall was never that strong.

          He crumbled every single night.

          Right here, he crumbled and cry and cry and cry...

          One day...

          One day... Maybe things would be better.

          Or so he hoped.