IT'S MBLAQ 9TH ANNIVERSARY!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT HAD BEEN 9 YEARS TOGETHER WITH MBLAQ AS AN UNOFFICIAL A+ LOL. I MISS THEM A LOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE THEM. MAY WE SEE MORE OF MBLAQ IN THE FUTURE AND MORE OF ANNIVERSARY TO GOOD WISHES!!!!

#MBLAQ9 #9YEARSTOGETHERWITHMBLAQ #15TH10

"I'm fine, hyung. It's Changsun hyung." Mir managed between his heavy breathing. However, he found himself unable to move from his position on hands and knees. His back was hurting so much.

          The three others crowded around Joon, trying to get the dancer to wake up but nothing was working. Sanghyun went off and grabbed a bottle  of mineral water and came running back, giving to Seungho whom already propped Joon up against his chest.

          Seungho poured the water into his palm and gently running them over Joon's face, sweeping the messy bang out of the way. And calling for him a few times softly, like a father to a child.

          GO had gone off somewhere as well, bringing back a kit of medicine with him.

          All the while Mir watched the fluidity of their action, indicating how often they had encounter this situation. Mir frowned, looking at Joon's lifeless face and frowned more when he finally moved to sit properly as the pain on his back intensified to the point his whole body trembling.

          "What is going on with him?" Mir asked once he got better in controlling his pain.

          "It's a panic attack." Cheondoong answered but his eyes  never left Joon. His eyes were a reflection of sadness and concern.

          The same goes to Seungho and GO.

          "Did this happen often?" Mir asked again.

          "Yea..." Seungho breathed out in exhaustion.

          "He's awake." GO whispered, pushing Sanghyun back a bit at the same time retreating himself to give Joon some space. "Here, his meds." GO gave to Seungho whom took and popped out two pills into his palm and put them in front of Joon.

          Joon groaned, shifting to bury his face into Seungho's shoulder.

          "Take the meds." Seungho cooed.

          Joon just shook his head, wave of nausea hitting him mercilessly.

          Seungho noticed that so he put away the medicine. "Let's get you back to the dorm first." He gestured GO to helped him and both of the hyung-line wrapped each of Joon's arms around the neck and supported the dancer to walk.

          Cheondoong was about to trail after the three older when he realized Mir was not budging from the floor. "Cheolyong? Let's go."

          Mir looked away, thinking hard how to not make it more evident that he was in pain and couldn't move. "I want to be alone." He didn't thought he could sound so cold and sharp.

          Based on the sharp intake of breath from Sanghyun, even the older didn't expect such reply from Mir. "Cheolyong. Changsun hyung is sick." He stated just as sharply as Mir sounded before.

          Mir steeled his eyes and glared at the taller boy. "So? Me being there won't change anything."

          "Surely it will change something! He needed to know people care."

          "Well, I don't." Mir spat out.

          "You. I don't even know you anymore. You're so cold. So distant. So..."

          "What are you doing wasting your breath here then?" Mir smirked. "Go and take care of your so beloved hyung." Mir kept his facade until he watched Cheondoong stomping away, and once the footsteps faded down the hallway, Mir exhaled a wavering breath, face scrunched up in pain. "Damn it!" He cursed when the pain hitting him 2 times stronger when he tried to stand up. He let himself fall on his side on the cold floor, curling into himself.

          Reaching into his pocket, he took out his phone, flipping it open and watched the black screen, trying to see if he could make it work. Unlikely...

          Mir sighed and stayed in the position and waited for the pain to fade away. It was kind of cold on the floor it was doing good for his heating body while battling with the pain.

          Why would he rather being here alone, in pain instead of being honest with Cheondoong? He didn't know why to be honest.

          Maybe when he saw the way they cared for Joon, he became scared of his own shadow.  He wondered was he the bad one all along? They were supposed to be the bad one but if that was how gentle they were, then it was him.. It was him who was the bad one.

          It made him felt like throwing up.

          He never viewed himself as someone evil. But in the end, despite thinking he was hurting, he might be the one hurting other people more. He let those negativity influenced him. He let the whisper of people eating him from inside.

          Jinwoon was correct. The hatred made him forget how to love.

          Mir looked at his broken phone again. He held both end of the phone, gritting his teeth and snapping it apart into two and threw it away. He spent all the time reading negative comment about him through his phone and that clouded his view, causing him to see the world as dull and ugly.

          He thought they hated him.

          And now, the same hatred infested his heart.

          Did he hate them...?

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Once at the dorm, GO let Seungho took Joon into the room and tucked the dancer in. He went off to the kitchen and took out ingredients to make a porridge.

          While slicing the vegetables and some chicken, Cheondoong came and joined him, taking out a few fresh apples Seungho brought back from Jangsung, staring at the apple intently.

          "Hey? What's wrong?" GO watched as Cheondoong jumped a bit, turning to him with sad eyes. "What is it?" GO asked gently, putting a hand on Cheondoong's shoulder.

          "Hyung. Does Cheolyong really hate us?" Cheondoong asked like a small child.

          At the mention of the name, GO looked around. "Where is he?"

          "He wanted to be alone."

          "He said that?" GO asked and Cheondoong nodded in confirmation.

          "Answer me, hyung." Cheondoong pestered. "He told you that, right? He told you he hated us, right?"

          "Well, yea..."

          "Do you believe him?" Silence.. "Hyung. Do you believe him?"

          GO sighed. "Maybe..." GO inhaled. "Maybe not. He deserve the benefit of the doubt."

          "He did, right?" Cheondoong suddenly brightened up again. "He might not mean it right?" Cheondoong jumped on GO, grabbing GO's upper arms and shaking the older. "Right?"

          "Yes, but- Hey! Where are you going?" GO quickly called when Cheondoong ran out of the kitchen to the front door.

          "Giving him benefit of the doubt!" Cheondoong shouted back from the front door, slipping into his sneakers and ran out of the dorm, crossing the road and towards their practice room.

          He stopped a few steps away from the door to the practice room, seeing the light escaped through the open door and walked the rest of the distance.

          He was expecting to see Mir. But didn't expect to see that same boy curling on the floor, sleeping. The image somehow made his heart sank and he felt sudden sadness invaded him. Mir looked like an abandoned child. He approached the younger silently, kneeling in front of the maknae. He sat there and watched for a while until his hand reached out to tucked Mir's stray brown hair behind the ears.

          However, the peace didn't last when Mir stirred and groaned in pain, his small figure trembling lightly.

          It alarmed Cheondoong. Even more so when he noticed how pale Mir was. "Cheolyong." He called out to the younger.

          Mir opened his eyes in a narrow slits, trying to focus his blurry vision until he finally saw Cheondoong and immediately smoothen his face. "What are you doing back here?"

          Cheondoong hovered closer to Mir and the younger flinched back in surprise. "Are you in pain?"

          Mir scoffed. "I am not." He tried to prove it by sitting up but it was a wrong decision as he collapsed down right away.

          "Cheolyong!"

          Mir groaned, unable to hide the pain anymore. He cursed and try to control his ragged breathing.

          "Cheolyong. What should I do? Tell me? Do I call the ambulance? What should I do?" Cheondoong took out his own phone ready to call for help when Mir's cold hand reached out for his into a firm grip.

          "No. Just take my bag in that corner."

          Cheondoong obeyed and went running to the bag and came back to Mir.

          "There's a bottle of pill. Just give it to me."

          He did as told and watched as Mir swallow the two small pills without water.

          "Do you need water?"

          Mir shook his head.

          "What else? What else should I do, Cheolyong? Did it hurt so bad?"

          At Cheondoong's concern, Mir couldn't help the tear welling inside his eyes but he will himself to not cry. But he allowed himself to wield into his need and took a hold of Cheondoong's hand. "Just stay here with me. Until the pain pass."

          Cheondoong stared at Mir's hand and when he felt Mir retreating back, he grabbed firm hold on the maknae and sat himself next to Mir. "I will."

          And Mir closed his eyes. For now, he let it all go.