Irene 

It's been quite a long time since the nurses rushed Seulgi’s unconscious body inside the operating room. 

I was stupid not to noticed the wounds she have in her body. She fell on the ground, lifeless. I was shaking so bad earlier when I saw the huge bloody wound in her shoulder. She was shot. I was blind. I prioritized my stupid feelings and never asked her condition the moment I saw her. Now, she's inside the operating room, fighting for her life. 

Seulgi. 

I dive my face to my palms and the tears started to flow again. “I'm sorry. I'm so stupid.” I whispered to myself. 

If Hani wasn't there, I don't know what else would I do. She still might be probably in front of the building, lying on the ground. 

Hani saw us, Seulgi lying on the ground, and never hesitated to help her sister. She immediately called help, an ambulance and helped me calm. Without her, I don't know if I am capable of bringing Seulgi here. My mind completely got blank when I saw her wounded. I was shaking badly when I tried to wake her up few times but she doesn't wake up. I was afraid. I was scared that she might be dead. But Hani abled to collect myself for me. 

This was my fault. Yes. Only mine. If I wasn't stupid enough to chase after her yesterday night, she might still be alive. If I just chose to sleep in my bed than to confessed my feelings for her yesterday night, she might still be alive. 

If’s. 

Does my feelings for her only matters? What am I even thinking that night!? Why? 

Why am I so stupid!? 

“You know,” someone's voice echoed in the empty waiting room. “Worrying like that doesn't help.” I turned my head to face the person who spoke. I was shocked to see her here. She seated beside me. “Seulgi doesn't want you to worry for her like that, Irene.” She said. “Here.” She suddenly offered a cup in front of me. “Coffee.” 

I was hesitant to get it even if I know that I shouldn't let my jealousy run through my mind, when she was just her, being friendly, offering something with a good heart. 

She laughed silently. “Don’t worry. It is an iced americano. Seulgi told me about your taste in coffee.” She beamed. 

I get it from her hand. “Thanks.” And drink it.

“Hold on,” She get something from her coat and give it to me again. It's a handkerchief. “As much I know about Seulgi, she doesn't want her friends to cry for her. And because you are someone so special to her, don't cry. She's going to be okay.” 

I just looked at her for a while. Wondering. How come she still have the confidence to manage herself despite of what happened to Seulgi. 

I get her handkerchief and washed my tears away. “How come you are still able to smile despite what happened to your girlfriend?” I wondered out loud.

“Whoa! Hold up!” Wendy put her palms up. “What do you mean girlfriend? Me and Seul?” She laughed out loud. 

“It's true, right?” I said. 

“No, no, no. We’re not!” She said while laughing silently. “As much as I wanted her to be my girlfriend again, she dumped me already. I already know my place, Irene. Ex-girlfriend, yes we are. But girlfriends!? She’s already taken.” Wendy corrected. 

I just drink my coffee. “But I saw you kissing each other.” I said silently. Suddenly, I felt a pain pierced through my heart. 

Her eyes widened while she was looking at me. “Wh-when?” 

“Dance competition.” 

“Oh God,” She exhaled. She put a palm on her forehead and gently shaking her head, slightly lowering head. “You saw us?” 

I nod.

“I'm sorry.” Wendy said silently. “We didn't. I mean… I don't know how to explain this because it was embarrassing to be honest.” 

I turned to face her. “I'm listening.” 

She looked at me for a while then nodded. “Actually, I told her that I will leave next month because I got a full scholarship from a university in Canada. She cheered me up but all of a sudden, I felt sad. So, I asked her to kiss me one last time like a one last good bye. So, I pulled her to me but… this is really embarrassing you know.” Her face reddened.

“I'm curious.” I said. 

“Yeah,” she nod. “Anyways, our lips never met, Irene. We didn't kiss for real. She stopped me when I was about to kiss her because she doesn't want to betray the person she loves.” 

“Ahh.” 

“Hey, don't ahh-ahh me! It’s true! And it's you.” She argued.

I nod. “I know you are telling the truth.” 

She scoff. “She doesn't want to betray you, Irene. You are the person she loves, the woman she cherish.”

“I know,” I drink my coffee. After a while, it feels like something snap in my head. All of a sudden, I realized what Wendy truly meant by her words. I choked when my coffee made its way to my stomach. 

“Are you okay?” She said, gently tapping my back, helping me.

“Wait a minute.” I raised my head to face her. “So, you two didn't kiss each other that night?” I asked. 

“Yes, I told you that earlier.” She said. 

“And about the woman she cherish… is me?” 

“Are you even listening to me?” She made a face that looks like she's kind of disappointed. 

I inhaled deeply. “So, I misunderstood the entire situation the whole time?” 

“Was that your reason why you broke up with her?” 

“Of course.” I said. “She promised me that she will never cheat but then I saw you guys kissing each other.” I scratched my head. 

Wendy laughed silently. “You’re adorable, Irene. As adorable as Seulgi. You two are really meant for each other, I guess.” 

I suddenly felt the warm in my cheeks. I shook my head to set things aside. Suddenly, I became curious about why did these two broke up in the past, when Wendy is such a beauty and Seulgi is such an understanding person. “What happened to both of you in past? Why did you broke up?” 

“Is this some kind of an interview from a broadcasting station? Because I'm not willing to publicize my private life.” 

“Come on.” I urged. “Now that I know a little about your past, why not spill the entire glass, right?” 

“No wonder God matched you to Seulgi.” She said out of nowhere. 

“Why?” I said. “And hey, don't change the topic.” 

She laughed. “Okay, I will tell you because you insisted.” She said. “Actually, I wasn't capable enough to love her. Let's say, I didn't love her enough before to fight for her. I left the country because I decided to study abroad. Seulgi supported me when she heard about it. She was faithful the whole five years but I brought someone with me when I came home. And it was a guy.” Her face suddenly became dark. “My family was against with the same relationship so I got scared. When she saw me with someone, and when she saw it was a guy, when I told my family that I'm with a relationship with him, she immediately left our home that night. She didn’t say goodbye personally. She just left a few letters for each of the family members, except me.” 

“Why?” 

“I still don't know up until now and I'm still wondering why.” She said. “But I guess, it was because I broke our promise to love each other forever. Maybe, that's the reason why she left.” 

I nod. “So, that's when she met Krystal?” 

“You know Krystal?” Her eyes widened like she cannot believe it. 

“Yeah.” I said. “We are kind of close with each other.” 

“So, you know Hani as well?” 

“Yeah. She's a teacher in our university.” I said. 

“What a small world indeed.” She said. “So, you might have a little knowledge about Seulgi's job?” 

“What job?”

She suddenly shake her hands in front of her. “No, never mind.” I said. “Actually, Krystal and Seulgi met in an orphanage.” 

“They're orphans?” 

“No, no, no. Not like that.” She said. I don’t know if I already heard this story somewhere. “They weren’t. They just love helping people. And they just met there. I know there is so much to dig about their relationship but that’s all I know.” 

“What about Hani?” I said. “Why did you ask me all of a sudden about Hani when I mentioned Krystal?” 

She heave a sigh. “They will really get angry at me if I tell you about this.” 

“Come on.” I urged. 

She lowered her head and became silent for a while. “Hani is Krystal's ex-girlfriend.” She said in a lower voice.

I drop the plastic cup I'm holding after I heard it. “They are ex-girlfriends!?” 

“Hey, lower your voice.” 

“Sorry.” I apologized. I checked my surrounding if someone heard us and luckily it was just us. “Sorry.” 

“It's okay.” 

“But what happened?” I said. “Why did they separate?”

She shrugged. “All I know about was Krystal's mother died and Hani was somehow involved in the incident. I mean, she was involved in Krystal's mother's death.”

“So, you mean…” I whispered. “That woman in Krystal's house isn't her mom?” 

“Yeah, it was her stepmother.” She said. “Honestly, Ms. Song, Krystal's stepmother, was a butler in their family.” 

“Hold up!” I put a hand in front of her and put the other on my temple to massage it, when the things I heard were hard to decipher. “A butler?” 

“Yeah,” she said blindly. "But she quit years ago. Krystal's mom hired her to be her daughter's stepmom before she died." 

"So, if that's the case... Krystal's real mother somehow knew she will die eventually." I said.

"I guess so too." Wendy lowered her head. "You know what, the Jung's are very mysterious." Wendy said after a while. "Only Seulgi knows them very well."

"Maybe." I said. "Maybe not. But all I know about Seulgi is she kept many secrets." 

Wendy eyes widened when she turned her head to me. "Why do you say so?" 

I shrugged. "I don't know." I said. "I just can see it through her eyes." 

She laughed silently. “Well, that's all I know.” She said. “Only Hani and Seulgi are the people who got the chance to visit Krystal's house. Krystal’s family trusted the sisters, but they trusted Seulgi more. And I think that is one of the reasons why the two of them are close.” 

“Wow,” was what all I could say. I slightly raised my head and gently shake it. “Those best friends… I mean Krystal and Seulgi… are full of money and power. I mean, did you saw Seulgi's villa?” 

“You've been there?” She asked, eyes widened. 

“Yeah,” I nodded. I was ready to continue my story when suddenly, a girl is walking slowly towards the operating room, holding a dextrose, and her body was kind of shaking. 

I never expect to see her so soon. "K-krystal?" 

She was standing in front of the door with a face that I cannot read. She didn't move, neither answer me. She was just there. Standing. Somehow, waiting for something. I take that as a sign to talk to her. 

"She was shot." I said silently. 

She quickly turned her head to face me. "And what are you doing here?" 

I felt my nerves immediately shaking when Krystal spoke.  There is a threat and authority in her tone.

"I-I s-somehow felt responsible for what happened." I stuttered. 

"Not you." She said, then shifted her attention to Wendy, who is now lowering her head, like an afraid puppy facing a tiger. "What are you doing here, Seunghwan?" Her tone was asking an immediate answer. 

"I heard about what happened to her." Wendy said, her voice was small but enough for us to hear. 

"From whom exactly?" Krystal said. 

"From... Ha-hani." 

Krystal stared at Wendy for quite a long time, like burning the lady who is sitting shyly on the chair. 

"Go home." Krystal said, more of a demand. "We don't need you here." 

Wendy nodded but she smiled defeatedly. "I know," she said with the same tone as earlier. "But she needs me." 

Krystal quickly turned her head to Wendy's direction with a sarcastic grin on her face but her eyes are murdering Wendy inside. "She doesn't need you here." 

Wendy bravely raised her head and look directly at Krystal's orbs. "I know you hated me for what I did to her before, but that was in the past Krystal. We both already moved on. She forgave me already." Wendy said. I felt the urge to walk away from where I am now because their talk is getting intense. "Who are you to command me to leave?" 

Krystal suddenly walk closer to the blonde and hold her to her collar. "Don't lecture me, Wendy. You don't know what she have been through because of you." Krystal's eyes widened but threatening the blonde using her eyes. "Being in here, suddenly a person acting concerned, isn't enough excuse for me to forget what you did to my friend. Leave!" She pushes Wendy a few centimeters away from her but someone suddenly shouted to stop them. 

"Jung Soojung!" 

I turned my head to see who it was, when she ran towards Wendy. "You alright?" Hani asked, checking Wendy everywhere. She turned to Krystal. "What did you do?" 

Krystal just looked at her in the eyes, no words came out from . She was just like that. 

"Killing Wendy doesn't help Seulgi to recover fast." Hani said. "Don't be such an imbecile, Krystal. You are old enough to understand the situation." 

Krystal was somehow shocked, got offended by Hani's words, before she laughed insanely, like she's just the only one who understand the reason why she's laughing. 

"Whoever she has become today, you have a part of it. You made her who she is now." Krystal said in a monotone. 

"Don't be a kid." Hani interrupted. "Seulgi made a choice. It is her choice to be this way." 

The way Hani looked at Krystal's eyes is like, she still have feelings for the girl. It is just that, she's afraid to voice it out because the woman she's arguing with now was already broken. She's afraid to break her more. 

"You don't have any idea, Hani." Krystal urged. 

"I do." Hani argued. "And I did. Why don't you forgive us for what we did? Everything happens for a reason, Krys." 

" off!" Krystal's face changes. She looks furious. I suddenly remember what Wendy told me before, that Hani was involved in Krystal's mother's death. "What you did to me, to my family, to my mother most especially, was never forgivable!" Tears suddenly fell from Krystal's eyes. Hani was about to reach for Krystal's eyes, might planned to brush her tears away but Krystal was quicker to avoid her. "And for sake, don't call me by my first name. We are not close!" 

"Krys..." Hani was about to reach for her again but Krystal avoided her for the second time. "I'm sorry." Hani said, almost a whisper.

No one speak again. No one dared. We were just like that. Standing close to each other yet felt so far. 

All of a sudden, a doctor came out from the operating room. And it feels like something snapped. We were lost souls who suddenly found home. We all walked towards the doctor in unison. 

"Are you Kang Seulgi's relatives?" 

"I'm her sister," Hani informed. "But all of us here are her family so you can tells us, doctor." 

The doctor nodded and lowered her mask. "She's okay now." The doctor said. 

Wendy's hands were shaking. I reached out for it and hold it tight, trying to give her some strength. She smiled at me but it fades right away.

"But?" Krystal said. We all turned our heads to face Krystal, who remained standing with a poker face. "The way you talk doctor, I know there is something wrong happened to her." 

The doctor looked at Krystal for a while then nod. "We tried our best to save it but..." 

"But, what?" 

"She's in coma." The doctor continued. "There is a lot of trauma that we saw while we were operating and we think it is one of the reasons why she won't wake up." 

I felt my world stop spinning. This isn't true. This isn't right.

I saw Krystal clenched her fist so hard. But when I look at her face, it was calm, poker. She is always wearing her usual facial expression. She looks unbreakable but she's already broken inside. 

Hani on the other hand, massage her temple using her fingers and face palm herself after it. She's breathing hard. Somehow, blaming herself for what happen. It is visible to her face how much she blame herseld for what happened to her sister. She misses her. She wanted to hug her tight. But she can't.

I suddenly felt a warm liquid on my hand. When I look at it, it was a tear, coming from Wendy's eyes. She's like a broken glass because of her past. 

"You told me crying doesn't help but why are you crying now?" I whispered to her. 

She shake her head gently and inhaled deeply before she spoke, "This is a horrible news." She said while brushing off her tears.

"But one more thing." We all looked at the doctor at the same time when she spoke, again.

"What!?" This time, it wasn't Krystal who raised a voice. It was Hani. "There's more?"

The doctor inhaled. "Her right hand won't be the same." 

This time, it was me who clenched a fist, who shared a tear, and cannot even face palm myself because my hands are shaking badly.

"Enlighten me, doctor." Krystal said sternly.

"Some nerves on her right hand were cut. There was a huge cut almost around her wrist, and it was smashed too. We operated it to revived the nerves, to connect the nerves. Though the operation was successful, we are seventy percent sure her right hand won't be the same the way it used to be."

Krystal suddenly attacked the doctor and pull her by the collar but Hani fast to stop her by embracing her waist. But it was a bit too late because Krystal already got the doctor's collar. "What did you do!? What kind of doctor are you!? You don't know how important her hand is!" 

Wendy and I helped Hani from stoping Krystal. She suddenly felt like a force to be reckon with. The doctor raised her both hands while stating, "We did our best."

I pulled the doctor as much I can from Krystal's grip. 

"Did your best my !" Krystal shouted. She's angry. She's mad. She's didn't even notice that her dextrose was already lying on the floor, that her right wrist is bleeding because the pin got pulled. 

I pulled the doctor one more time and thank goodness, the  two was successfully separated. Hani is making sure Krystal can't escape from her hold while I'm helping the doctor fixing her gown. 

"You have to save it!" Krystal isn't done yet. "You don't know how much it means to her!" 

"If you excuse me," was all the doctor said before leaving us in the waiting room. 

"Would you please come down for a second, Krys!?" It was Hani's turn to shout. "You almost killed a doctor. What if she'll sue you?" 

Krystal just brushed Hani's hands off from her arm. "I don't care." She said in a low voice. She wear her usual facial expression. 

I slouch down to get the dextrose from lying on the ground, and put it beside Krystal. 

"I care!" Krystal suddenly shouted which made us half frozen in our places. "I care for Seulgi. You don't know what that hand means to her." 

"We know." Hani argued further. "But did you saw---"

Hani got cut by Krystal when the bruised girl speak again. "No, you don't. That means a world to her." A tear fell from her eyes when she lowered her head. "It is the instrument of her silent sanctuary. She draws! She's an artist and without that hand, that ing right hand, she will get lost in her own world again." This time, her tears are visible and her sobbing is loud. I concluded that she's really close to Seulgi, like she was once in Seulgi's world, like she understand Seulgi's language in her brain. It was like, she knows what's heaven and what's hell for Seulgi.

I grasp my fist. I'm guilty for everything that happened to the girl I love the most. She's starting to my world but I don't even know her own world. Like I'm talking english and she's not fluent it. 

I felt a liquid falling from my eyes. Why did I put her in danger? Why? 

Krystal gently shake her head. "When her mother died, she was broken. Devastated. Wrecked. But she choose to bottle it up inside. She blame herself for what happened." Krystal brushed of the tears from her eyes that was unending. "She choose to live on her own. But that wasn't selfishness Hani, she choose to leave her home because she always have nightmares. She always see your mother staring at her brightly but in a matter of seconds, she'll see a woman lying on the ground with a shot, with blood everywhere. She silently cry. She doesn't want you to see her broken because she knows your heart was already broken. She doesn't want to add another burden on your back." 

Hani's hands started shaking. Her face tells me that the informations she just heard was hard to decipher. She started crying as well. 

"She thought your the perfect person who can help her anxiety, Wendy." Krystal continued. Wendy was afraid to raise her head and met Krystal's for she knows it will break her already broken heart. I guess, she already knows what Krystal will say next. "But she was wrong again. And that made her realize how cruel the world is. For she knows the person you love will be the person who will gives you pain. She met me that night. And I asked her why she didn't cry and she said, "I don't have tears to cry anymore." Krystal brushed her tears once again. "You show her how cruel the world is. You deprived her from happiness. And yes I care. I care so much for her. She draws. All of the pain you gave her, she put it into art. And without that right hand, without it working, you break her once more. But not just her, her very own world too. She will drown by her own thoughts. She will suffocate by the voices around her, voices who will drag her to insanity." 

I can't help myself from crying. my silent cries became loud sobs. I'm one of those people who gave her pain and break her world. I don't deserve her. She deserved the best in all worlds. 

What have I done? 

"I know what she's been through. I can't help but cry to know about this bad news." She slowly walked away from us. We were left frozen. Unable to load the information we just heard. 

I suddenly don't feel the strength to my knees. One second after, I was already on the ground, kneeling, slouch with the tears that won't stop falling from my eyes. 

I'm so sorry, Seulgi. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: 

IM SO SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING GUYS! BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS.