Seulgi 

I slammed the door closed as hard as I can. This is a very upsetting thing to see, to hear, to know, to discover yet. What have I done to her that she need to break up with me for that ? Is the D-thing an issue here? 

I opened the fridge to get a can of beer and twisted it opened. I drunk it all in one shot. 

I grab two more and place it in the kitchen top. I face palmed myself and rubbed my exhausted face. 

I was broken yet became broken more. Is being a girl who loves same really this exhausting? 

I thought we are cleared for whatever issues we have had and promised to love each other, fight for each other. But what is she even doing? Leaving me in the middle of an escapade, our beautiful escapade I once knew.

I opened another beer and drink it. 

Somehow, I wanted to get lost tonight. Not to find myself but to get myself a time to recover. My best friend is still at the hospital. Her mother is still recovering too. My ex who once broke my heart came back to break my heart again. Seeing her face again after ages, made me reminisced the absurd things I did for her in the past. My sister, who wants me back at home, thinks that all of these things I did and I will do for our mother are ridiculous. My mission to aggravate a man's life, the man who killed my mother, is failing, because of her daughter I never thought I fell in love with. 

these complicated things that complicates my life even more! 

I throw the can to the stairs. 

Can I have a better life? 

"Is this what you want for me!?" I shouted, throwing my palms up, looking slightly at the ceiling, trying to talk to Him at the sky. "Is this what you want!? Put my best friend in danger? Take away the person I already love the most!?" I threw myself back to the sofa. "This is very exhausting! I'm done! I am super done! I don't know if I can still move forward." I said more to myself than to anybody else. I rushed to the glass table, and for some reason, I hold it and carry it overhead me, then throw it somewhere in the living room. It made a disturbing noise, for what I think is what I needed right now to occupy my messy mind. 

But before I go to the kitchen to grab some plates and cups, suddenly, someone is knocking on my door numerous times. 

"Seulgi? Seulgi! What is happening there!?" 

I snorted when I familiarize the voice from the person outside, beyond the door, at the other side. 

"Go away!" I shouted back. "Don't come back to me and give me another piece of !" I went to the kitchen without opening the door and tried to continue what I planned but she spoke again. 

"You think that's all this is? Do you think I am that kind of an who broke you and just come back to you like nothing happened and realized nothing?" She said, half-screamed. 

"Because you are! Look what you're doing right at this moment!" 

"I made a mistake!" She shouted, enough to make me stop arguing. "I want to make things right! I want to make it up to you!" 

"Shut up! You don't know what you did!" I argued.

"Okay! I got it! What I did is very ridiculous! Very selfish of me! But I want you back and that is why I'm here." 

I laughed. "Don't play innocent, Joohyun! Don't play with me! Don't play with my heart again because the last time I checked it was totally broken, totally ruined."

Silence from the other side follows. And that breaks my heart because I wanted her to fight back, to argued with me more until I will realized that what I'm doing right now is absurd. But she did not.

I silently walked towards the door, trying not to let her know that I'm right behind the door. I stuck an ear to listened. 

I sighed heavily when I heard her crying, sobbing quietly. Perhaps, she's covering using her hands to not make a noise. 

And yet again, that breaks my heart. Hearing her crying, realizing she's in pain, knowing that I hurt her, pierce my already broken heart more. 

I'd forgiven most of people who aren't deserved my forgiveness yet the best candidate to receive it was on the other side of the door, crying. 

"I'm sorry," I heard her said it. "Seulgi, I'm sorry!" She said again. 

I decided not to talked back and just listen to whatever she's going to say.

"I'm a jerk, I admit that! I'm an , I will admit that! I'm a bastard, a creep, a dirtbag, a scumbag, a lowlife, a savage, a jackass, a imbecile! You can call me whatever you want! You can do whatever you want to me! But all I want is for you to know that I love you! I truly love you with all of my heart, with all of me!" 

My hands started shaking as what I expected when I heard the three words. I leaned to the door when my knees lose strength that help me stand on my own. I embraced my knees, more of embracing myself when the shakiness worsen. I dive my face between my knees. 

"Seulgi?" She called, sounded concerned, worried. "I know you are there. I know you are more than mad at me. I know you are shaking right now because I said the word. But please, can you open the door for me? Please?" 

Little did I know, I was already crying too.

The world's most deserving for a second chance is already in front of me, in the other side of the door, being open and honest and asking for one. But for some reason, I didn't let her know that. Instead, I just opened the door that separated us. But it wasn't completely open, it was slightly open because of the chain lock overhead me, stopping us from fully reaching each other, now that we both know that we needed each other. 

I wasn't able to make another move because I'm still trembling. All I did was to leaned my head to the door and just let myself cry. 

"Seulgi. I'm so sorry." She said guiltily but sounded empty as she spoke. She reached a hand inside the door. "Seul, I don't know if you will believe me that I know what you're feeling right now because of the things that I did but..." she paused, sounded like she's wiping her tears. "Can you hold my hand?" She said sincerely. The most sincere favor I have ever heard before. 

I immediately burst out crying. I don't exactly know why and I don't want to know why. 

"All I wanted is the best for me, for you too, for us. But I was wrong." She said. "These past few days without you are the hardest. I realized that you are the //best of me.// You are the best thing in my life right now." 

I snorted. "I am not the best thing in your life right now." I was also surprised when I found myself spoke. 

She laughed slightly. "Well, there is school which drained me. My best friends who I didn't see, maybe hated me at this moment. And then there's you, who hadn't left me when I was facing my worse scenarios, even helping me to stand on my own, helped me to fight the difficulties of my life without even thinking what it made you, what it gave you. I don't know if I would survived all of it if you weren't there with me. Everything is so much easier knowing that I have you." 

She shook her hand, reminded me of it. I took it. I hold it as tight as I can. 

"I missed you." was what I said after a while.

She cried. "Oh God, I missed you too." She grasped my hand and brushed a part of it using her thumb. "Why are we doing this?" 

I laughed silently. "Why are you doing this?" I corrected.

She laughed too. "Yeah. Why am I doing this?" She said, more to herself than saying it to me. "I know, this must been really hard for you but... am I too late to ask for your forgiveness, Seulgi?" She suddenly hold my hand even tighter than before. "I know this will make you tremble but I will never get tired of saying I love you because I really do." 

I tried to stop myself from the existence of trembling of my body but I always fail. 

"I don't know why you become like this but I'm not complaining. If loving you, knowing that you have problems like this, I choose to love you until I die. I will ignore other things than embracing you into my arms." She said. "This?" She raised both of our hands, reminded me about my trauma. "This cannot stop me from loving you and I want you to know that. You are not the only one who has a problem here. Even me too. But you choose to love, why can't I?" 

I reached out the lock and finally open the door that separated us. When the door completely opened, when her whole existence showed in front of me, I unconsciously smiled. 

A tear suddenly fell from my eyes. "God knows how much I missed you." I said, more of a whisper. 

That is when, all of a sudden, something just snapped and we both gave up and let go. I don't know who grabbed whom first, who kissed whom first, who touched whom first, the important thing was we finally showed each other how much we missed each other. I don't know if it started when one of us were run out of words. I didn't mind if we making it up or making it worse. None of it crossed my mind right at this moment, the only thing that matters is I was touching her again and it felt like some sort of a relief and didn't mind the things around us. 

"I'm so sorry, Seulgi," she whispered. 

"Shhh," I kissed her deeply. "Don't talk." 

She lifted herself up and gave herself the honor to seat on my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck and stick our foreheads. "But I made a mistake. A big mistake." 

"Can we stop thinking about that for now?" I argued. 

She nodded her head lightly and smiled. She leaned closer to give me a kiss, a deep and long kiss. 

I leaned my head back to take a closer look of her. 

"I realized something tonight." She started, whispering. I raised my eyebrows to tell her to continue while tucking her hair to her ear. "You can get someone that you've let go, but you have to be willing to fight for it." 

I smirked. "You don't have me back yet." I said jokingly. She suddenly punched me on my shoulder, that made me laughed. "And we're back." I hold her shoulder, my other hand on her face, and pulled her to me to kiss her. But before the gap become non-existent, she flinched badly. 

"Something's wrong?" 

She shook her head hastily. "Nothing. I just..." 

Before she say something else, I hurriedly lift her shirt up and saw the most disturbing image on her body. 

Bruises. 

"Where did you get this?" I asked, unconsciously raised my voice. "Joohyun?" 

I thought everything is going to be fine. But another problem to be solve has come yet. 

She put her shirt down, stopping me. "This is nothing, okay. Don't worry, I'm fine." 

"That's it?" 

"That's it, what?" She said. 

"That's all you're giving me?" I said. "I'm trying to make things better here. And seeing you with bruises is not an exception." 

She put her palms to my face. "Please, don't think about it. I swear, I'm totally fine." 

"Stop lying to me, please!" I said, shutting my eyes. The image of Krystal and her step mother last few weeks suddenly flashed on my mind. I prayed that I won't witness another person battered, but Joohyun isn't granting my wish easily. "You are not okay. This is so ing brutal." 

She didn't speak for a while. She just covered her face with her hands. "Can we stop thinking about it for now? We were okay two minutes ago." 

"We were... yeah. But you have to tell me who did this to you if you wished us to be okay again." I emphasized the word okay. 

"Please, Seul..." 

"Wait, wait, wait," I put a hand in front of us. "Someone just hurt you, I don't know if that person punched you, slapped you, battered you which is my main concerned but you just wanted me to stop thinking about it? You want us to stop thinking about it? You are making things hard to decipher, Joohyun." I said as it is hard to fathom it all. 

She didn't answer. She didn't react. 

"All you have to do is to tell me a name. Nothing more, nothing less." 

"And then what?" She said. 

"And then what, what?" 

"And then what? You will attacked him because he did this to me?" She traveled her hands to her body. "I don't want you to put yourself in danger." 

"Him." I repeated while nodding my head. "Is it Siwon?" 

She lowered her head suddenly. Somehow not able to look me in the eyes. 

I lifted myself up, gently pushed her to the side. I put a hand on my forehead and slightly shaking my head and started pacing. 

"I'm so damn stupid." I said. "It was him afterall." I put an arm to the wall to support myself from leaning. "Is he the one who destroyed you?" 

"Whoa! Destroyed is an overrated word to use here." She pushed herself up from the ground and walked towards me. 

I laughed slightly. "Do you want me to rephrase that? Okay." I nodded. "Is he the one who crashed you? Overthrow you? Blew you up? Injured you?" I know that I said things that might hurt her but I cannot stop myself from speaking. It is like I'm disciplining my own child, who kept secrets even if her life was in danger. 

I expected her to slap me because of what I have said but to my surprised, she suddenly embraced me tightly. "Seulgi. I don't want us to fight anymore." She hold my face and put it closer to her. She was staring at my eyes, eyes which are full of sincerity and love. "I promise you, I am totally okay." 

Closing my eyes was all I could do after what she said. I sighed heavily, still cannot accept the fact the Siwon raised a hand to her. He even did the worse thing than I could ever imagined.

"Seulgi... say something," she begged. 

I inhaled. "I just..." I cannot finish my sentence. 

"You just..." 

"All I wanted to do is to love you, and by doing that, I should have to protect you at all cost." I said, more of a whisper. "It hurts me seeing you like this."

"I know," 

"No, you don't." I exhaled. "I was devastated when I saw Krystal full of bruises just like you---"

"Krystal was hurt?" She cut me off suddenly. That's when I realized that I slipped my tongue and have to change the topic as soon as possible. 

"Nevermind." I said to drop the topic. "It hurts me seeing you like this. Can you even let me payback for what he did to you?" 

"No, no, no, never!" She said. "What will you do? Break his bone so he can't raised his hand again?" 

"You don't completely know me." I argued. 

"No, Seulgi!" She turned my head to her. "Promise me that you will never do such horrible thing. Promise me." 

I avoided her eyes. 

"Seulgi..." 

Why is she so stubborn? All she have to do is to let me pay back. I just wanted to fight for her. 

"Seulgi," I saw a glitter on her eyes. So, I have no choice but to nod my head. "Promise me." She repeated. 

"I promised." I said in a very low voice. 

She smiled painfully, then she hug me tightly. She placed her chin to my shoulder. I reciprocated her action immediately. 

I'm sorry, Joohyun, but I cannot promised you that. My blood is already boiling right now and I can't wait to punch him. Maybe, I might do something worse. 

I pulled her towards the comfort room. 

"Where are you taking me?" 

"I want to clean you." I said. I opened the door and opened the faucet in the bathtub. "Can I do the honors, Joohyun?" I grasped the tips of her shirt, raising it slightly, asking a permission from her to let me take her clothes off.

"I know I cannot stop you." She smirked but I didn't react. It is still painful to watch her like this. Sometimes, I had to close my eyes so I cannot see the wounds on her stomach. 

I lifted the shirt off of her and her pale skin was exposed. But with Siwon's masterpiece. 

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." She said. 

"I asked you that I wanted to do the honors." I dip a hand in the bathtub to test the temperature of the water. "So, let me." I said, more of a demand. 

"Does it hurt you when you look at my body?" 

"What kind of question is that?" I said. "Of course. But whatever my answer is, I have to endure the pain because I..." I couldn't finish my sentence. 

"Because you love me?" 

I look at her for a while, then nodded.

She smiled. She didn't wait for my signal when she already put herself in the bathtub. She shivered when the water touches her skin, her wounds. She covered herself using her arms. 

"Join me." She managed to say despite of everything. 

I automatically joined her in the bathtub. I gently put some soap on her wounds because I know how painful it must be. Whenever I washed her with water, she always trembled, but in a cuter way. 

"You looked like baby." was all I said. 

She was grinning from ear to ear. "I am your baby." 

"When did you become so cheesy?" I said. 

"When did you become this loving?" She said, that made me smile. I took that as a challenge so I keep on. 

"When did you become so beautiful?" I continued.

"I couldn't remember the day you weren't ravishing." She challenged. I had to admit, she almost got me there. 

"I love you." 

She instantly turned her head to face me, when I was already having a hard time in breathing, collecting myself, because of the reaction of my trauma attacked. Before I said that, I already know this would happen. But I wanted to tell her what I truly felt. I know I can't keep that forever. 

"Seulgi... you..." She can't finish her sentence because she was surprised. 

"I k-know.." I stuttered. "I had to say i-it. I wa-wanted to t-tell you what I t-truly felt too." I wanted to talk normally but I cannot help myself from stuttering. 

She wrapped her arms around me suddenly. "Don't say anything anymore. That was enough for now." She said. She kissed me on my cheek. "I'm so happy, Seulgi." 

"Me too." 

"No, I'm more than happy. I truly do. I felt like I won the lottery." She giggled. 

"Now, that's bizarre." 

The hug on me became tighter than before. "Really, it was. I'm so lucky to hear that. Fortunate, maybe? No, I'm so blessed." 

"You are being imbecile." 

She shot me a look. 

"Don't give me that when I'm shaking here." I said, used my puppy eyes. 

She embraced me again, but this time, it was warmer. "I love you too." 

All I hope is that my body could take it normally. I hope it will react normally, because that's what I wanted to hear and what I wanted to say since the day I met Joohyun. 

***

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I'm not forcing you but if in case you have the time, please leave some comments about your thoughts on this one! I will be beyond glad because your thoughts towards this always inspired me! Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk! Lol!