*** Irene ***

I fixed my dress when I sit down on my chair. I was not supposed to wear this because this isn't an important event for me, but just to give them a little respect and to show them how my mother raised me, I chose to wear this mini black and white dress for tonight. 

A dinner with the Choi's. 

A dinner with the man's family who always want to me so badly. 

But I can't say that. It will sound ridiculous because it will end up I'm accusing an innocent man with good looks, good fortune and good background. Nobody's going to think he is a sadist, a . It will end up I will lose in the game I even started. So, I decided to remained silent though sometimes, he keeps visiting my mind. The night he tortured me will always be there, in my mind, encrypted like a tattoo, and I don't know how to get that away. 

He didn't successfully me in the past, it just came to the point that he always punched me or slapped me in my face and I don't remember anymore where did he hit me just to get the full access of my body, but he didn't got the chance to claim me. He was always in a bad timing but of course, best for my case. 

I took a deep breath as I look at my reflection on the spoon in front of me. Why the hell I'm dressing so nicely? Nobody inside in this place deserved this. I thought.

The one who truly deserved this was outside. Broken, because of me. She is the one who should see me first dressing neatly, beautifully, respectfully, because she is such a nice woman whom I love but broke her heart. 

I shook my head to get away my thoughts when the door cracked open and three waitresses came inside the VIP room. A waiter was the last one who got inside. They all wearing an elegant restaurant uniforms, which you can see that they really paid so much attention in these kind of people, like the Choi's. 

Of course, they have to. The Choi's are very influential in the country. One bad move, one bad smell, one bad taste from the food, the moment a complain will come out from their mouths, it's their very own restaurant that will be at risk. So, they had to prepare everything smoothly. 

The waitresses and the waiter stand in line in the corner. 

After a moment, the door cracked open again and three familiar faces came in. The old man who wears a hat like all those cowboys wore, a fine old woman who dresses a blue velvet gown while clinging his arm to his son, whom I wish died six years ago. 

We stood from our seats and give them a bow. 

"Mr. Choi!" The stranger who acted as my father, whom my real father hired, greeted while offering his hand to the old man. "It's so nice to see you here." 

The old man smiled, "If it wasn't this important, I won't be here. But I guess, my son badly wanted to get married already." He looked at me. I didn't smile. I didn't react. "Of course, to your beautiful daughter." 

That is when Siwon adjusted the chair beside me and give himself the honor to seat there. "Sit down, my future wife." He said sarcastically. I swear to God, the moment he said future wife, I wanted to rip his mouth into halves. And if God will make me incredibly strong, I will tear his body apart too. 

"You look beautiful tonight, Joohyun." 

The madness inside me faded away when the soft voice from Siwon's mother spoke. It made me go back to reality. 

"Thank you." I said, beaming a little. If you let me choose someone I respect and love inside this room, it will be her. She's beautiful, respectful, inconsiderate in his son's ridiculous choices in life, and even the one who helped me break up with his son when she finally found out that we are not in a healthy relationship. But she doesn't know what's beyond the bruises I got before. I don't even want to tell her because it will just break her heart as his mother. 

She motioned me to take a seat and I blindly followed it. 

"How was you day, Mrs. Choi?" I said.

She smiled at me. "Very well," she said with her mother's voice. "Did I hear it right? That you and my son will get married?" She said, sounded disappointed. 

But of course, it was only us who heard that because the three men in the table are busy talking about their business. 

I shrugged and gave her a small smile. "I have to." I mouthed.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." She said in a monotone.

"Mom," Siwon interrupted. 

"Honey," Mr. Choi called. "You are ruining the momentum." 

Mrs. Choi didn't react. She didn't even answer. 

She seated opposite to mine, beside my not-real father. Mr. Choi seated in the middle. 

Maybe she understands my side and she doesn't want me to be in pain. Maybe she doesn't want me to marry his son when I am forced. 

"Dad," Siwon said. "I want to marry her on July." 

Holy . That's three months from now. Isn't that too soon? I thought. 

Of course, I didn't say that. I don't have a voice here. And even if I have, they won't consider it. 

His father nodded. "That's a great idea. Then, you have to meet a wedding consultant as early as possible, if that's the case." 

"I can handle that." Siwon said. 

I grasped a piece of my gown tightly until the whiteness of my knuckles showed. Thinking about me getting married in July is somehow surprising. The moment that wedding is over, I know where he is going. The moment he'll locked the door behind us, the moment it was just the two of us... 

I shut my eyes to get the thoughts away.

"Let's order." Mr. Choi started. He raised her two fingers to signal the waitresses in the corner. 

One of the waitresses stood between my not-real father and Mrs. Choi. The other one was entertaining Siwon and his father and the free one stood beside me. 

"What is your order, Ma'am? 

This is the fastest one-eighty I may have done in my life when I heard a rudeness on her tone when she mentioned the word ma'am. She lowered her head while holding a pen and a small piece of notebook to write my order. I can't see her face clearly because she's wearing their signature cap. 

"I want to take your famous dish." I said in a monotone, decided to ignore whatever she had with her attitude earlier. It is better to eat a lot of food when your stressed. They say, it's a good stress reliever. 

"You can't. It's a chicken dish." She said. 

"Okay, nevermind. I'll change my mind." I scratched my cheek. "Anything that is---" I didn't finish my sentence when I froze and finally realized about how the hell did this waitress know I can't eat chicken. I mean, she don't literally said that but the point was there. 

"Anything that is?" She was ready to write my order on the  small part of the notebook. 

I looked at her for a while, praying secretly to God to make her raise her head. And to my surprised, God granted my wish, only to see the face of the first person I hope who isn't here. 

What the hell is she doing here?" 

"Ma'am, is there something on my face?" She said sarcastically, raising her eyebrows, acting like we don't know each other. She glanced to my not-real-father and turned her back to his direction. "Back at you. What is your order again?" She said in a monotone. 

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do. Is this some kind of a joke? Am I dreaming? Because if I am, please slap me hard in the face. 

She was just there, standing, waiting for my answer from her absurb question 'what is your order again?' 

After a while, she looked at me directly to my eyes, to my orbs, and for some kind of what we call telepathy, if we had it, it tells me that she's angry. She's upset. 

"Irene?" Mrs. Choi's voice made me go back to earth. 

"Yeah?" I answered almost immediately. 

"Do you like some champagne?" She said. 

I blindly nodded so I can finish our conversation and get back to the waitress that seemed so mad at me. 

"Two champagne, please." She demanded to the waitress beside her. 

"I don't want to think that the only reason you broke up with me was because you are marrying the goddamn-handsome-my-schoolmate-for-two-ing-weeks." She finally spoke, half-whispered. "Am I not enough for you that you choose to find a person with a D-thing?" She sounded a little annoyed. 

I was reaching for her hand when I sensed where this conversation is going. I admitted, she said a foul word there. But I don't want to correct her for her choice of language at this moment. We badly need to talk privately, most especially that she already caught me while I'm working on my dad's plan. 

She took off her hand away from my grip and spoke again. "What is your order, ma'am?" She emphasizes the word 'maam.' 

"What took you so long to order, Irene?" 

I shut my eyes when I heard Siwon's voice that annoyed my entire cells inside my body. I glared at him. "None of your business." I whispered. 

He took it well and fortunately, he turned his head to the other side, maybe to resume whatever discussion they may have with my not-real father. 

"Okay, got it." Seulgi suddenly spoke. 

I was wondering out loud why she said that, then I just nodded blindly when I finally realized that she acted like I already finished ordering mine. Seulgi bowed her head to me, then dismissing herself. 

I don't know, but I think I saw the sadness and disappointment on her face the moment she separated her gaze from mine.

I looked around the people on the table, which I noticed that they are busy talking for I don't know the reason. I was counting ten seconds to my mind and when I reached ten, I speak. "I need to go to the comfort room." I said, excusing myself. 

I walked as quick as I can, hoping that I can catch up with Seulgi. I heave a sigh, that I hold for so long, when I was finally out from the VIP room.

I immediately scanned the hallways to find the person I wish I can be with forever, and saw she was quite far from where I am standing.

"Seulgi!" I called. But she didn't look back. I believed that the volume of my voice was enough for her to hear me, but she chooses to ignored it. After all, she's mad at me. 

I decided to run so I can filled the huge gap between us. But before the gap become non-existent, she turned her head to me. We looked at each other for a while, then I just realized, she doesn't have any plans to speak. 

She blinked twice and I took that as a signal to speak first. 

"Seulgi, I..." I breathe deeply. I wanted to talk but I realized I don't have anything to say at all. In the end of the day, it was truly my fault. 

She just stand there, hands on her side, face that is empty that I can't even read what's on her mind.

"Seulgi... I'm sorry," was all I could say. I felt the urged of crying but I have to stop it. I need to stand on my decision because I can't take back what I said to her two days ago. 

She didn't speak, she didn't react, she didn't move a single part of her body, but then to my surprised, she suddenly turned around and walked away. 

"Seulgi!" I was also surprised when I called her name again.

That made her paused, but this time, she didn't turned around. She just wait to whatever I'm going to say. 

"Please... say something." I begged. "I think I'm going crazy now." 

She looked at me over her shoulder. "It's your goddamn choice." And that was the last thing I heard before she continued expanding the gap between us. 

Every step forward she's making breaks my heart on its own.

 
I hate it. I hate myself for doing this. I have to cut the ridiculous things I planned to make. I will end this now or never. I want to be with her again.

I almost jump from my position when Siwon's mother was standing there at my back. What makes me more nervous is: what if she saw us earlier and what if she heard something from our argument. 

"The food was already there and I was wondering if you lost tracks back to the room." She said. Her face tells me she doesn't hear anything, or even she saw us arguing. 

I nodded my head and followed her blindly. I almost forgot that I was in the middle of some ing plan of my father. 

I have to do this.

*********

"What do you think?" Siwon asked to the people sitting in the table, asking for some suggestions and opinions about his plans to our wedding. He just finished discussing about it. 

"Well," Mr. Choi's firm voice echoed in this silent room. "That was good, I guess." He shrugged. 

"Dad, you know I want the best!" Siwon said, sounded frustrated.

"My opinion doesn't even matter, son." Mr. Choi shifted his attention to me. "Ask your soon-to-be-wife." 

In just a matter of seconds, I felt the pressure was on me. They all look at me, waiting for my answer. I inhaled deeply. 

"For me," I said. "Everything's okay. It doesn't matter how expensive the curtains are, how sweet the cakes, how huge the venue is, or how elegant the flowers on the table, because to be very honest with you..." I paused for a moment, glancing to their faces that are staring at me. Suddenly, my not-real dad shot me a look and even shook his head gently, telling me not to continue whatever ridiculous thing I planned to do tonight. I just looked at him for a while, then back in rooming my sight. "I don't want to do this. Mr. Choi, to be very honest with you..." I don't know where I find my guts to speak to him like this. "I did love your son once but will never love him anymore. And whatever did happened in between, I want to keep it to myself. I don't want to get involved in a one sided love because I believe he deserved someone better." I said as firm as I can. I noticed the smile on Mrs. Choi's mouth, like she was proud of me. That is when I breathed out the air I was holding. 

"What the ?" Siwon screamed. "Tell me you are not kidding?" 

I looked at him. "First, I am not a kid and second, I don't give a ." I said in a monotone. 

He was furious. Maybe because he just lost his toy again. Near yet so far. That's what I believed he's thinking right now. 

Before he grabbed me by my collar, I don't know if I have those tonight, Mr. Choi spoke, half-screamed. "Stop!" Siwon stopped in the mid air. "I didn't raise you to hurt people, especially women." He stood from his chair. He looked at me. "I respect your decision, young lady." He said, less threatening. "Let's go home." He demanded. 

Siwon hold the arm of the chair so tightly that the whiteness of his knuckles showed. 

He will never forgive me for doing this. I thought. 

"Irene, honey," I automatically turned my head to Mrs. Choi. "I'm happy for you." She said. 

"Mom! What are you even saying?" Siwon asked. 

Siwon might be the only person inside in this room who doesn't know or even realized that he had a disorder, more of a brain disorder. 

"Thanks, Mrs. Choi." I said, bowing my head. 

"Let's go, Siwon!" She demanded, not using her mother kind of voice, but a voice of an authoritarian. 

Siwon has no choice but to follow his parents. But before he left, he gave me a look that I don't know what. I can't read it. Something dangerous but I am not sure. 

I heave a sigh when the family finally gone in the room. 

"Your father will---" 

"Don't tell me what to do or what not to do." I cut him off. "I know what I did and whatever the consequences are, I will face them." 

I hooked my bag to my shoulder and immediately left the room. 

I can't believe that I just said those words in front of a very influential man on his sixties. I somehow believe that I got some inner beast with me but whatever. I am finally out from the game. Whatever the consequences are, I don't know if I'm ready to face them or not, I will face them eventually. Seeing Seulgi looking like a deadpan, I swear to myself, she must hated me to the highest point. She didn't talk to me for how many days back when I spoke something wrong. And that was not a merry thing to remember or to replay.

But from now on, I think I will follow what Jisoo told me, to follow or go to the things that makes me happy. And on the top of that, a girl named Seulgi. 

I breathe heavily when I hold the door on the exit. Before I push it, somebody hastily grabbed my arm and pulled me. 

"You are not getting away, Irene!" He said, gritted his teeth.  He forcedly pulled me to follow him. 

"Where are you taking me?" I said, half-screamed. I pulled my arm to his grip he's not letting it loose. "For God sake! Take your hands off me!!" I shouted. I got some employees' attention but I almost forgot that this building was owned by the Choi's. So, one hand raise by Siwon, one signal, they will all stop from chasing us. 

Oh my God. Please, call someone who will save me. 

He shut the door behind us. I didn't notice what floor are we on now. 

"What are you planning to do, Siwon?" I slowly walking backwards when he leaned closer to me, with a face of a lion, ready to eat his prey out of hunger. 

"You got some balls there, Irene! Why the hell you said that!?" He grasped my right arm tightly that the reddiness of my skin showed. 

Once again, the angelic Siwon that I know, the gentle Siwon that I loved before, was totally gone. He turned into someone I don't know. Probably someone whom I'm scared of. 

"Help!" I shouted as loud as I can, but it turned into a small call when I heard him laugh. 

"Nobody will hear you, Irene." He said while grinning from ear to ear. To my surprised, he suddenly slapped me hard on my face. I immediately fell on the ground. 

I shouted because of the pain. I hold the part of my face where he slapped. 

Oh God... 

I shut my eyes, knowing where will this situation is going. I closed my eyes, praying secretly, hoping for someone who will save me. 

This is my hell.

***

AUTHOR'S NOTE: 

what do you think?