It's Not Fine


They will never accept you. Only I will.

Those words rang in Taeyeon's ears as she stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, unable to shake the day's incidents to rest. It was absurd and maybe her brain was creating scenarios and playing tricks on her but she couldn't shake the feeling that she actually had seen, maybe even recognised the man.

Her mind was racing, thinking of the possible things that the man might have witnessed to be able to declare that so confidently. It was true that Taeyeon kept to herself, minded her own business, but she did not have any secrets. Well, except for that one thing. Taeyeon gulped.

What does he know, or even how does he know- does he know? Maybe he saw us. Maybe he was there when we-

Taeyeon balled her fists, bit her lips and resisted a scream. She was so tired, she was so angry, she was so annoyed, she was so frustrated, all possible negative emotions washed over her.

She felt that it was not fair, that there were eight other people besides her and she hates herself for thinking that.

Taeyeon was so angry, angry at the security for letting the man slide pass them, angry that only Sunny attempted to save her, angry their fans could not save her when they witnessed everything from the start. She knows that she could blame the whole world, but the only one in fault was her.

There was something that she remembers, something she would never admit even if someone held a knife to . That split second, her muscles were almost relaxing, her resistance was weakening. She was going to let exhaustion take over her body and give up. She was no, she is weak and she knew no matter what she does, she always will be.



"He was deemed unstable and therefore was sent to the mental institution. Worry not, I have filed a restraining order for you." Mr Kim, the CEO of SM informed Taeyeon.

Nodding quietly, she bowed and retreated out of the office.

It was not fair that he did not get the full punishment but the understanding side of her, which she hates right now, brought up the fact that it was also not fair that the man was not in the right mind. 



Taeyeon felt that she did not have the easiest life growing up. Sure, she had a loving family, a brother who doted on her even more than he did with his girlfriends, a little sister who never disrespected her and only treated her like she was her ultimate role model and parents who were tolerant and had worked their hardest to support the family. One would even say that she was ungrateful for even thinking it but it wasn't her fault, she was born in the wrong country, at the wrong time. 

By the time she was 15, her friends all had boyfriends, she thought she was a late bloomer. She thought maybe she had to wait a few more years before she was able to fall in love with a boy.

By 20, despite the dating ban, her idol friends were leaving their dorms at night, to the nearest park, playground or convenience store to have secret dates with their significant others. She thought maybe it wasn't about time but experience. This resulted in many hidden numbers in other male idols' inkigayo sandwiches, backstage flirting during award ceremonies, joint concerts and events. After going through a number of boys, even her members were worried she was pushing herself too much but no one dared to say anything. After all, playgirl Taeyeon was better than quiet, withdrawn Taeyeon right?

She had forced herself to push away the thing that was bugging her for years as she knew that if she had accepted it and made it known, her family members would never understand.

The thing was so small it shouldn't have mattered but it did.  Because humanity would only accept what was normal, anything different was frowned upon. What they didn't realise was that things were never normal from the get go. It took much courage for people to start anything new and make it accepted. They didn't realise that maybe a thousand years ago meeting people naturally instead of arranged marriages wasn't normal, that having stay at home dads was not as normal as it would be now.

The fact is, there was no normal in this world, only things people believed that should and should not happen.

She has walked, ran and trudged this tiring path of stardom for almost half the decade and it had drained her much, physically and mentally. 

For once, she finally let her guard down after all those years of self-loathing. She buckled from the serotonin. Her weakness caused her to lose control. It caused the only problem in her life to show itself. The one thing that she tried so hard to hide had come undone, in the form of affection and maybe even love, to a girl.



A/N: uh hello anybody there? HAHAHA sorry for leaving yall hanging for literally years but i just went to a Taengoo con last sunday and ig im back???? Actually im really not sure. see if my brain is able to come up w more stuff T.T Anyways, thanks for reading and i hope you have a pleasant day. Leave a comment and say hi! :3

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
wooo taeny


You must be logged in to comment
Fire_trek 243 streak #1
Chapter 37: It’s thanksgiving where I am and I’m giving thanks to Taeny and this fic.. it was a wild ride of angst and fluff but I loved it nonetheless. Beautifully written and amazingly executed. I can’t wait until I read your other fics when I get time! Thank you author nim!
Fire_trek 243 streak #2
Chapter 36: Yeah, Taeny is back! I loved this story even though it’s almost over :( the girl seemed like a great girl, but Taeny is the real deal!
Fire_trek 243 streak #3
Chapter 35: In Sunny we trust! She’s like the coffee shop girl calling Tae a lol she had the best advice maybe Taeyeon could get Sunny and the coffee shop girl together… never mind they’d be too powerful for this world lol
Fire_trek 243 streak #4
Chapter 34: The chat is something I’d pay to be apart of. But in all honesty I’d probably be Hyoyeon to the chat and ignore it all lol.. even though I love the fluff I’m looking forward to the angst!
Fire_trek 243 streak #5
Chapter 33: Omg they kissed in public! Big girl moves they’re taking I see lol.. it was nice to see them together, even if it was for a little bit. I don’t know how they will cope without each other, maybe a surprise meeting soon?
Fire_trek 243 streak #6
Chapter 32: Another great chapter, Taeny really brighten up my day, seriously. Yes, Tiffany has grown into herself more as a woman and a person. This makes me happy
Fire_trek 243 streak #7
Chapter 31: Aww, you know I love fluff.. this was pure gold. Even though I love angst this was a good change of pace. Let them just be happy for once, right?
Fire_trek 243 streak #8
Chapter 30: That was hot 🥵 who knew Taeny had it in them? I know you were feeling apprehensive about writing this but it came out great!
Fire_trek 243 streak #9
Chapter 29: This was cute and I can’t wait for the next chapter!! here we come!
Fire_trek 243 streak #10
Chapter 28: This was sad but beautiful. Missing someone is a natural emotion for us to have, I’m glad she’s coping well with this tho. I miss the coffee shop girl tho lol