TW: 930 mentioned

(kinda amazed at how this is literally chapter 14 like cause 930 happened in 2014 ok im making things symbolic for the wrong reasons 🤡)

The news that a member would be leaving the group was sprung on them randomly one day by the company. They were definitely not equipped to process the news. It seemed inconceivable that someone that they had spent more than 7 years with was just getting kicked out like that, with no warning or even any chance of negotiation. “She had broken the contract and this is the end of it. I will not hear about this anymore.” Mr Kim had stubbornly ordered when they approached him as a group to fight for their sister. 

Feeling at a loss, they decided that it was best to hear it from them privately than to let her face the higher ups alone. 

“Jess.” Tiffany vaguely hears someone start. She couldn’t bring herself to pay attention. How could she? It was news no one ever wanted to hear. Her heart became heavier and her eyes glistened with tears. 

“No!” She hears Jessica scream. The tears are falling now as she hears a frustrated cry come out of Jessica’s mouth. 

Tiffany could hear the soft whimpers coming from Taeyeon, the annoyed string of curses coming from Sunny, the loud sobs coming from Seohyun. 

She could see the gloomy expression of Hyoyeon, the defeated head shaking from Yuri and the clenched fist of Yoona. 

Sooyoung had her arms around Jessica, desperately trying to calm her down and attempting to give her some solace.

“W-we could all leave together!” Jessica suddenly suggests in a state of frenzy. “Leave with me!”

“Jess, we can’t. We are still under the contract. We will get penalised and blacklisted.”

“I am getting penalised and blacklisted! Do you all not care?” 

“We do care about you very much but…” Yuri sighs. “It’s not something we can do.”

Jessica breaks free and heads to the room to pack infuriatingly. “ this company! Actually, all of you for staying! Yall are cowards!” They know that she was right, her frustrations were valid. But at that point in time, there was nothing they could do. Nothing they could say to make things better. 

The only thing they could do was to let her go. 

And they did.

Everyone was in the dorm, fully feeling the loss in their own ways. Some were trying to block it out, focusing on their upcoming concert in china instead, some were breaking down quietly whenever they stumbled across old clips, where they were young, dumb and full of ambition.

But Taeyeon, she was numb. She felt empty. She had failed. Failed as a leader of the group. She was supposed to protect her members but she could not. She had failed Jessica and she feels that somehow, this was all her fault.

She retreats into her room silently and drops onto the floor helplessly. She wraps her arms around her legs and stares into the darkness. She thinks that there was more she could’ve done, she thinks that if she had tried harder, maybe Mr Kim might have given her a chance. She thinks that if she was stronger and braver, this might not have happened.

But it did. And it was all because of her, she thinks. Because she was weak, because she was a coward.

She shakes her head and buries it in her arms. 

It was the day of the concert. Everyone was filled with nerves as they tried their best to remember the changes in dance positions during their performances. It was already taxing enough to feel the loss of their teammate but they had to push on, to give the fans what they were expecting and more. They were expecting nine people, Taeyeon scoffs internally. They all knew that on that day, no matter how nonchalantly they acted, no matter how perfectly they completed their stages, there was a gaping void not only on stage, but in their hearts as well.

The concert started out well, the members were doing their best, being aware of each other, ensuring to help if one of them looked lost or made a mistake. Taeyeon was insanely proud of them, to be able to compartmentalise and put aside their feelings and take hold of the stage. They were secretly relieved that things were going as planned. 

Right until they started hearing their fans chant for Jessica. 

A part of them wanted to chant along as well. Jessica! Jessica! To show that they were feeling as betrayed as the fans, that they were not happy infuriated with the arrangement too. 

But they knew that they would be in deep if they did so they tried their best to ignore the screams and finished the concert as faultlessly as they could.

As the concert ended, they headed back to the waiting room in total silence, unable to articulate their thoughts. They then decided that it was best to just return to their hotel and rest for the remainder of the time they had there.

Taeyeon opens the bathroom door as she dries her hair. Tiffany’s back was facing her. As she looked closely, she could see Tiffany’s shoulders trembling. “Fany ah.” She hangs her towel and approaches her. Tiffany had her palm over as her eyes were shut tightly, tears streaming down her cheekbones. Taeyeon immediately reached out and enveloped her in a tight hug. 

“It’s okay. Let it out.” Taeyeon gently Tiffany’s back and holds her as Tiffany bursts into loud gasping sobs.

“It’s not fair.” Tiffany manages to cough out. “We all worked hard for this.” She rants between breaths. “All she ever wanted to do was to expand her career.” 

“I know. It .” Taeyeon bites her lip and looks upward, fighting back her tears.

“And we can’t even do anything!” Tiffany says frustratedly and Taeyeon nods forlornly.

“Everyone must be feeling like this right now.” Tiffany states after calming down, wiping her tear stained face.

Taeyeon then decided with Tiffany that they were going to invite the other members to their room as she knew that the only thing that could help right now is them being with each other, feeling it together.

A/n: I originally did not want to include this in the fic because from the lack of closure irl, everything feels very wack, hence the reason why Jessica doesn't appear in this fic at all. Idk if yall feel it but writing her name in something that is associated with soshi is like saying voldermort’s name out loud. It feels kinda weird but as soshi was 9 from the start, I want to honour her memory and not invalidate the hard work and tireless efforts she had put in for us as a member of girl’s generation. So yall too, please spread kindness and throw all negative thoughts about her or any of them away because things that happened were just unfortunate and there was probably nothing both parties could do. I’m glad that all nine of them are successful and thriving now even though they’re not together.

Thanks for reading and have a great one :3