Chapter 30: When it's real you'll know,you wont be confused about it

The ride to BigHit felt awfully long and draggy. Not to mention, to be seated in the moving vehicle in between Yoongi and Jungkook made her broke into cold sweat. It brought the memory of her and Yoongi intimate moment few days ago. Seul could not get over the fact that they got carried away and be that close. To be frank, she didn’t regret the moment that she had with Yoongi. It was supposed to be a mistake knowing her position in this complicated relationship, she couldn’t just lie to Jimin and Jungkook and go behind their back.

They agreed to have a fair fight. Would it be fair for Jungkook and Jimin if she continued to lie on their face about his hyung and her intimacy? Another thing about this incident, Seul had not make her mind just yet in regard to which man that she loved the most.

Yes, call her a . Seul admitted she’s being a and a little greedy.

Not that she wanted to prolong this and toyed their heart. The thought of surrendering your heart to that one person scared her to death. What if she made a wrong choice? Jungkook, Yoongi and Jimin had showed how much they cherished her in their own way.

To break it down one by one, Seul could tell how they were loving her differently.

With Yoongi, it is called infatuated love. Lust and desire lead to infatuation along with an unspeakable intense emotion. However, this infatuated love that she had with Yoongi was a healthy one. Some may think, infatuation can scar you, infatuation only seeks for control not love and infatuation is not love. It was different with Yoongi.

The fear of falling for someone dangerous like Min Yoongi, blinded her for quite some time. If this relationship that they had was a mere fantasy, and temporary, how was it possible to feel the intimacy physically and emotionally? Speaking of infatuation, people set a clear line between reality and fantasy. It was clearly being said that infatuation was not a real love. It only tried to disguise those fake belief with love.

Don’t you realize if you don’t fantasize something, the desire to make the things yours won’t exist. In her case, if Seul choose not to fantasize Yoongi, this thing with him won’t happen. Luckily for her, she did fantasize to be in loved with Yoongi. What stops her then?

Infatuated love can be overpowering and intense. Seul could feel the intensity with him around. The looks from his eyes, those sinful mouth who used to utter the most sinful things and the tenderness in his touch lashes out the scar in her heart, overpowering her every single time.

Hence, her feelings for Yoongi, could it be love?

Now, this passion she had with him involve love and commitment, could she call it fatuous love instead?

Jeon Jungkook, that not so innocent honey bunny who never fail to amaze her. Who never fail to render her speechless. Who seem to have so much power over her with a single look. How can a man be so powerful, y and at the same time to appear deliciously innocent? Jungkook, that one man she tried to avoid yet it failed her. He is irresistible.

If with Yoongi is infatuated love, then she could say it is a romantic love with Jungkook. There were an obvious intimacy and passion between them, though their level of intimacy were brief teases here and there, it never went beyond kisses.

“Romantic love can generate many powerful feelings. It can provide a profound ecstasy, and a deep suffering when frustrated. To some people, romantic love is irrational. Romantic love can seem like an emotional storm. (Conner) ”

She never mistaken Jungkook’s flirt as a way for him to persuade her into his bed. However, she could tell Jungkook was as ually frustrated as her. She felt like a total for having such fantasy for the young man when obviously she, out of people should know the boundary. So far, she was doing good in refraining herself from giving false signal towards Jungkook.

Seul was being cautious in everything that she does.

Oddly, she enjoyed having these weird butterfly feelings in the stomach whenever with Jungkook. Not weird, just it was special thing that she had with Jungkook. She couldn’t compare Jungkook and Yoongi, the way how these men approach her were different. It gave her an immense feeling of frustration and confusion.

Frankly speaking, her relationship with Jungkook started off normal like those normal people out there. They cultivated them by building it on a solid foundation of trust. Being playful and having fun together, a loving and conscious relationship started to emerge. The passion in this relationship was evident, and it was unavoidable.

Could Jungkook and Seul consciously moving toward a long-term relationship with the sense of commitment together?

Park Jimin.A small guy with big heart. His heart is an ocean that’s inside a bigger ocean. It had grown bigger and bigger over times and became more ferocious and bold. He used to be extremely shy around her, yet little did she know he became one of the earliest person to confess his feelings.

It would be a lie if her feeling was never swooned because of his charming side and his gentleness. Everything is perfect when it comes to Park Jimin. The number of flaws that she could find in him thinning with every moment they spent together. He’s not aggressive and more compassionate in showing his love.

Seul called it a companionate love.

Companionate love develops slowly with the presence of intimacy and commitment. There is not much passion that Seul experienced with Jimin as his confession was too abrupt and happened at the most unexpected time. It gave her no time to process her feelings for Jimin whether it was only an affection towards a friend or more.

It was more like a reliable relationship that was a little bland. Could it be Seul whom was a little comfortable with Jimin around? Did she fell the same though? As much as she hated to admit this, if they rekindle the fire and bring back the passion between them, at this rate anything is possible.

That adorable mochi, she couldn’t seem to get him out of her mind. At one point of time, she longed for his gregarious presence beside her. She didn’t want to assume this feeling as love in case she only saw him as someone dependable and trustworthy which was worth to be called as friend.

Would it be too early to set this fine line between her and Jimin?

Jin. Kim Seokjin. It was hard to ignore the obvious. Jin had been behaving oddly intimate and too comfortable with her these days. Seul thought it was his natural oppa instinct to be friendly, lively and approachable to everyone. Now, she was doubting him. Was this thing with Jin can be consider as a friendship? Pure friendship or there was something lying beneath it.

Seul must not reconsider Jin in this. It would be bad if she involves Jin in her already messy mind and distorted thinking.

What’s Jin to her?

What’s her to Jin?

She was so lost in her thoughts, when she heard a distant voice calling her, finally dragging her out from her peace. “Seul-ah, did you call me?” Jin pushed his round glasses back to its place. Flustering at his question, she stared at him blankly “No..I said nothing...” this freaked her out. Was it a telepathic thingy? How could he hear the things in her head? Scary world.

“Really? I swear I heard my name being called… “he pursed his lips and turned his head back to the empty street. Seul expelled a sigh of relief when Jin had stopped questioning her further.

Jungkook noticed her strange demeanour and slipped off his arm around her shoulder looking extremely concerned, “Are you okay? You seem a little jumpy” a low murmur could be heard near her left ears which tickled her.

“I am okay. Just a little tired” she leaned back in his arms, seeking for comfort and warmth. Seul was not good in dealing with her own feelings now, she felt the need to have a long bath to clear her mind. Yoongi was already fast asleep beside her, like how easy for that man to nap in any condition.

“Take a short nap. I will wake you up when we reach our destination” his voice was soothing making Seul wanted to fall asleep right away. Nodding briefly, she settled down in Jungkook’s arm, letting herself melted into his embrace and closed her eyes.

Jeon Jungkook smelled so good and feel so warm like usual.

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Thirty minutes journey felt like forever. The heavy traffic was not helping at all. Seul managed to have a short nap thanks to Jungkook and pulled herself together before she embarrassed herself with her sleepy face.

Their manager parked the silver vehicle on the other side of the building to avoid the fans. Knowing they brought Seul together, it was wise to be extra careful even though there’s nothing to be worried off. Several people greeted them on their way to the break room. There were a few people gathered in the room as they entered, and it seemed like they were facing the culprit who sat at the centre of the room with his head hung low.

Seul followed the rest of the members greeted the staffs which she didn’t really recognize. There were few familiar faces like the boys’ personal managers, and camera director who went to Las Vegas with them. She was not that friendly with them, so she stood there awkwardly waiting for the truth to unfold by its own.

“He admitted being the cause of all this?” Namjoon went to Sejin’s side holding his gaze on the guy. The guy sat silently, sealing his mouth shut without lifting his head up. He was too afraid to meet any of the angry eyes in this room.

“Yeah, he claimed that he was the one who trashed the practice room and the studios. Nothing came from him except his name, age and occupation” one of the staffs spoke with a stern voice. Seul tilted her head to the culprit, scrutinizing his feature with a heavy heartbeat. Everything about the guy was familiar to her, she wondered if they ever met each other before.

She wanted to take a brief look of his face, but he had been adamant in keeping his head down. That was strange. Yoongi’s voice boomed not long after. “Why the did you do that?” his voice was gruff, and his brows drawn together into a frown.

The guilty guy flinched in his seat upon sensing Yoongi’s anger “I…am sorry…I was forced to do this”