A/N: If you are interested, here is a bunch of deleted scenes from the story. These are all scenes i wrote when having major writer's block, so you can see just how much writer's block i had lol. and why it took so long to update! note that these might not make sense and are put out of context and are not edited so you'll find grammar and spelling mistakes. and theyre incomplete lol.

Don't read it unless you're VERY curious im just posting it to show yall how frustrating and time-consuming this story was!

-

“But I’m not sure you would be a good match,” Minhyun continued. “You are blunt and honest, and Seongwoo is a little underhanded. You two would be like oil and water; you just don’t mix. And think about it, just a few months ago, you hated him. If you date him, your personalities will clash again and it will blow up in your face.

Baekho was not happy with that. He didn’t like the image that Minhyun was painting of Seongwoo either, and he felt this overwhelming drive to disagree with Minhyun and defend Seongwoo. “Underhanded? What do you mean by that? I think he’s pretty honest…?” Baekho felt a bit stupid and desperate, but he really wanted Minhyun’s approval.

“He doesn’t keep secrets. Like he told Daniel about the kind of relationship I have with Jonghyun, when I explicitly asked him not to and–”

“Wait. What?” Baekho suddenly interrupted him, narrowing his eyes.

“I was saying that he told Daniel about me and Jong–”

“What? No he didn’t…”

“He did. He confessed it himself…”

Baekho narrowed his eyes. “Excuse me for a second.” He took out his phone, dialed Seongwoo’s number and put him on speaker.

“Hello?” Seongwoo said from the other end of the line.

“Seongwoo, why did you lie to Minhyun?”

“What???”

“According to him, YOU told Daniel about him and Jonghyun.”

“Oh…”

“What the hell was that about?”

“Just thank me, okay? And don’t tell Minhyun. I don’t want him to think I lied to him.”

“Too late. You’re on speaker. He heard you.”

“What the hell, Dongho…”

“Tell him the truth. Right now!”

Minhyun was sitting there with his eyes narrowed, not quite understanding what was going on.

“I never said anything to Daniel,” Seongwoo admitted.

“And why did you say it was you?” Baekho asked curiously.

“For you. Because I wanted to spare you the confrontation, so I took the blame.”

“That’s so stupid,” Baekho mumbled, but he was strangely touched, even if Seongwoo’s act of sacrifice was unfounded.

“Wait,” Minhyun said. “So Baekho… it was actually you?”

“Yeah. I let the cat out of the bag to Daniel. Seongwoo was trying to be noble and took the blame,” Baekho said to Minhyun, then he went to the phone. “I’m hanging up, Seongwoo. I’ll scold you properly later.”

When Baekho hung up, Minhyun began his usual nagging and scolding Baekho about why it was so wrong for Baekho to have told Daniel without consulting him first. Baekho took the scolding well without snapping back, just apologizing meekly throughout. Usually Baekho would have bore it only to a limit and would have hit him back with his usual banter, but this time, he really wanted something from Minhyun, and so he felt like he had to be obedient.

When Minhyun was done getting his frustration out, Baekho asked him, again: “can I please have your approval?”

“What approval?” Minhyun asked.

“To ask Seongwoo out…”

Minhyun grinned a little at Baekho: “You really like him, don’t you?”

Minhyun was a bit taken aback by how determined Baekho seemed and how eager he was to get that approval from him. Minhyun knew Baekho well enough to tell how much his heart was set on this, and Minhyun thought it was cute. It had been almost too long since Baekho last dated, too long since Baekho was interested in another person like that. No matter how incompatible Minhyun thought they were, he didn’t have the heart to stop Baekho from going for it.

“Go for it,” Minhyun finally told him, and Baekho visibly let out a sigh of relief.

-

They ended up going to a movie theater, where it was dark and people didn’t recognize them. When they got out and noticed a few girls whispering and pointing, the fled and got back into the car, nearly running to avoid and potential pictures.

“Well, this is a failure of a date,” Baekho said, nearly breathless from how quickly he rushed back into the car.

“It was never a date,” Seongwoo corrected him. “And it was not a failure.”

“The movie wasn’t even that good,” Baekho said as he started the car, “and we can’t go out to eat anywhere because people will recognize us.”

-

From the look on Dongho’s face, Seongwoo had hope. Dongho didn’t seem completely appalled by the prospect, which was a good sign.

“Look,” Dongho began, “even if I were into that sort of thing, which I’m not, you’re still Minhyun’s ex and the person that Daniel loves, so it’s complicated­–”

“Come on, I’m not asking you to marry me or anything,” Seongwoo groaned. “It’s just a date. A trial of sorts. By the end of it, you’ll probably come to the conclusion that you’re still straight and we’ll forget it ever happened…”

Seongwoo felt stupidly desperate as he practically begged Dongho to go on a date with him. He wouldn’t have stooped down to that level if it didn’t seem like Dongho could be swayed. However, the lack of a strong refusal encouraged him, even if it was simply out of sympathy for Seongwoo, who was probably nothing more than this stray puppy that Minhyun left behind to Dongho.

But Seongwoo didn’t mind being a stray puppy… as long as he was Dongho’s stray puppy.

“One date,” Dongho agreed, emphasizing the ‘one’ with his finger.

Seongwoo smiled a lot wider than his pride would have allowed, but it didn’t matter. He was actually going on a date with Kang Dongho.

“And no hard feelings when I turn you down by the end of it!” Dongho added when he saw the hopelessly wide grin on Seongwoo’s face.

“If you turn me down,” Seongwoo corrected.

“Don’t get your hopes up.”

-

“Did you have to fly halfway across the world to get an education?” Baekho text Daniel that night after the conversation with Seongwoo, which Baekho was still thinking about.

“What’s got your in a knot???”

“Seongwoo asked me on a date,” Baekho revealed to him.

“What? Really???”

“Yeah… and I said yes.”

Daniel just replied with a whole lot of surprised-face emojis.

“I just wish you could come back and spare me all of this,” Baekho told him. He was truthfully dreading the date with Seongwoo, and not only because Seongwoo was a guy. He did like Seongwoo as a friend, and he didn’t want to turn him down. One NU’EST member already trampled on his heart, Baekho didn’t want to be the second.

He then got a message suddenly from Seongwoo asking about what time he was free so they can go on their date.

Baekho groaned when he saw the message. He really wished he didn’t have to go on this date, and he felt like he had to rant and put the blame one someone, and so he wanted to put the blame on Daniel.

“If only you were here, everyone would have been happy and I don’t have to go through this stupid date,” he wrote.

It was only after Baekho sent it that he realized his mistake. Wrong chat.

“Ha! Did you mean to send that to Daniel??” Seongwoo replied to Baekho’s accidental text message.

“. I’m sorry,” Baekho wrote, feeling slightly panicked and guilty for calling the date with Seongwoo ‘stupid’ and probably hurting his feelings.

“Don’t be. I’m the one who’s sorry for pressuring you to go. You can forget about it.”

Baekho replied with more apologies and insistence that they still go on the date, but it appeared like Seongwoo was ghosting him at that point.

On the other end of the line, Seongwoo just felt like an idiot. Hurt, embarrassed, and frustrated with everything to do with NU’EST, he didn’t want anything to do with them ever again.

-

Daniel pouted. This was like the fifth message he sent Dongho, but the guy wasn’t replying even though he was clearly online.

He was really confused about what was happening. Was Dongho the straight guy that Seongwoo was talking about last time they talked? Did Seongwoo really have a crush on Dongho?

Daniel was actually quite upset, at both of them. He was jealous and felt like his two friends had just given up and abandoned him.

Right now, he just wanted Dongho to reply to him so he could get more clarification about what was happening, but Dongho was unreachable and Daniel didn’t quite understand why.

He resorted to texting Minhyun to ask if Dongho was around.

“I’m not with him at the moment. Why???” Minhyun replied.

“He’s online but not replying to my messages. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

“It’s probably nothing. He does that sometimes, just wait for a bit and he’ll get back to you. What’s up though? Why do you need him?”

“Nothing. I’ll just talk to him later, thanks!” Daniel figured it was best not to be the one to tell Minhyun that his ex was planning to go out with one of his closest friends. “How are things with Jonghyun?” he asked, just to change the subject, not realizing that he had just made another mistake.

When Minhyun read that message, he was taken aback, because it appeared like Daniel knew something he wasn’t supposed to know.

“What do you mean?” Minhyun asked.

Daniel realized his mistake immediately and tried to save it by saying: “I heard that Jonghyun was unwell. Just wondering if he’s ok!”

It was a lie and Minhyun could see right through it. Daniel definitely knew the truth about him and JR, and Minhyun didn’t know what to make of it.

-

A few minutes later, Seongwoo got a call from Minhyun. He knew that Baekho probably had a lot to do with this phone call; he knew Seongwoo wouldn’t risk not picking up Minhyun’s phone call.

And indeed, Seongwoo couldn’t ignore a call from Minhyun.

He answered.

“Seongwoo-yah,” came Minhyun’s deep voice from across the line.

“What?”

“Baekho’s here with me. He says you’re ignoring him, and he’s worried.”

“I’m fine. Tell him I’m okay and that I don’t want to talk to him right now,” he mumbled.

“What happened?” Minhyun asked, and before Seongwoo could say anything, he heard Dongho start to say something to Minhyun.

But Seongwoo really didn’t want Minhyun to know the embarrassing episode that had just occurred. He didn’t want Daniel to know it either, but Dongho had to go around and flap his big, ugly mouth and embarrass him and make him look like a completely fool.

Seongwoo felt his frustration well up in his throat. He wanted to yell and make Dongho feel just as bad as Seongwoo was feeling right now, and so he yelled through the phone: “You know what? Tell Dongho that he has no right to tell other people these things and humiliate me like that. And this isn’t the first time he let his mouth run loose. Daniel knows about you and Jonghyun because of him. He’s a dickhead, and I hate him more than I ever did before. Tell him not to call or text me again and that I’m blocking him. Bye.”

He hung up the phone, but still felt awful.

At this point, he just wanted to erase all of NU’EST from his life completely, and he was more than willing to do that now.

But unfortunately, it seemed like that wish would not be granted, because one look at his schedule told him that he had a show recording with Baekho in two days and another in a week. Stupid fangirl shippers and their fantasies and their love of OngBaek.

It was at that point that Seongwoo realized it wasn’t just the fangirls who had their fantasies– that he, too, was just as guilty of indulging in unrealistic hopes of being with Dongho.

He suddenly felt bad for snapping on the phone with Minhyun and saying that he hated Dongho when he really didn’t. He was partly to blame for this after all; he was the one who pressured him into a date when he was fully aware of Dongho’s straightness. He was stupidly hoping from some kind of miracle from this; he should have been more realistic.

He realized that from the very beginning, he had been setting himself up for disappointment with the people he chose to pursue. From Minhyun who was in love with another guy, to Dongho who was as straight as they come. Even Daniel couldn’t be an option because he was so far away.

He wanted to stop hurting himself.

-

Baekho tried to call Seongwoo at least 20 times, but it appeared like Seongwoo was ignoring him.

He felt awful for what he said and how it probably made Seongwoo feel. He felt even more awful remembering that Seongwoo had confided in him, and he let him down.

He couldn’t work on his music with Seongwoo’s hurt feelings hanging over his head. He told Bumzu he’d be back and left the studio. Getting into his car and setting his GPS to Fantagio headquarters (where he hoped he’d find Seongwoo), he began his impromptu grand apology.

He parked somewhere (where he was 90% sure he was going to get a parking ticket) and made his way into the company building.

He was stopped at the front desk by a young lady, who looked like she recognized him. Baekho could tell from how her eyes widened. She asked if he had an appointment, to which he responded with: “I need to see Ong Seongwoo immediately. If he’s here, I would appreciate if you would direct me to him.”

“Uhhh,” she hesitated. Baekho knew that it was probably against policy for her to let in someone hoping to see one of their idols, but he wasn’t just a random person and she clearly knew that. Baekho hope that maybe she was one of those OngBaek shippers.

“Please, this is important,” he tried to perhaps appeal to the shipper in her heart. He put on his best pitiful face and continued, “I need to talk to him.”

“He’s in the practice room down the hall,” she told him, pointing to where it is.

He thanked her and rushed to where she led him. He opened the door and found Seongwoo sitting against the mirrors. When he saw Baekho there, he just laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Baekho asked as he approached him.

“Just that this is the second time a NU’EST member comes find me in my practice room after ignore their messages and phone calls.”

“What can I say? NU’EST members don’t like being ghosted,” Baekho replied.

“What do you want? I already cancelled our date,” Seongwoo mumbled. “Sorry I even thought to suggest something as repulsive as a date with me!”

“Don’t be stupid. We’re going on that date.”

“No. And stop feeling sorry for me…”

“I don’t feel sorry for you. I just wanna go on a date with you.”

“Dongho, stop.”

“You stop. Why are you denying me something you already promised? I want to go on a date with you. End of story.”

“Well, I don’t,” Seongwoo replied. “I admit I did have a crush on you, but not anymore. You embarrassed me and made me look like a fool in front of Daniel, and I now realize that you’re not as considerate of a person as I thought you were.”

“Fair enough,” Baekho conceded. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, looking straight at Seongwoo and trying to convey his sincerity. Baekho was indeed regretful about what he did, and he realized that he was wrong to go and complain to Daniel about the date. He realized that Seongwoo would have probably wanted it to be something between them only, but he had to flap his big mouth.

“I’ll forgive you, but I still don’t want to date you. Now, are we done here?” Seongwoo asked crossed his arms and pointing with his chin toward the door, as if trying to kick him out.

Baekho nodded, accepting the verdict. “Okay. But I do want to go on one date with you. So if you ever change your mind, text me,” he told him.

“I won’t text you.”

“But I will.”

“Stop fake flirting with me.”

“It’s not fake,” Baekho winked for good measure.

“You’re an ,” Seongwoo insulted to try and hide the smile from forming on his lips.

-

Minhyun didn’t quite understand what was going on between Seongwoo and Baekho, but from what he did hear, Baekho had revealed a secret that Seongwoo didn’t wish to share.

“And did you really tell Daniel about me and Jonghyun?” Minhyun asked him, to which Baekho confessed with a brief nod.

Minhyun was really disappointed in that. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Daniel to know, but he had trusted Baekho to not tell anyone. He was mostly upset because he knew that JR would be uncomfortable with it.

JR was a secretive person who liked to keep his relationship with Minhyun a carefully guarded secret. When Minhyun told Seongwoo about it, JR was not very happy, and so JR would certainly not be happy about Daniel knowing as well.

“Daniel knows, by the way,” Minhyun told JR that night. “About us.”

“What?” JR was surprised. “How?”

“Baekho,” Minhyun answered.

“Oh… okay,” JR mumbled. Minhyun couldn’t make out his reaction from that. Was he angry? Upset? He couldn’t quite tell.

-

Seongwoo often came to his thoughts in moments like these as he imagined all the stolen memories that Seongwoo would have with Minhyun. Memories that Minhyun probably cherished with his old lover and probably never forgot. It made JR jealous.

“What’s wrong, Jju-ya?” Minhyun asked one day when he noticed how JR was visibly upset just minutes after sharing an intimate moment.

“I’m just thinking about you and Seongwoo,” JR answered honestly. “Sorry. I can’t help it.”

“What are you thinking about us?” Minhyun replied calmly.

“Just… how he probably gave you all your first times. I wish it could have been me instead.”

Minhyun smiled a little at that and shook his head, “don’t think like that, Jju-ya. It doesn’t matter who my first time was. It only matters who will be the person that is my future.”

JR nodded in understanding, but he didn’t look encouraged at all. Minhyun sighed, inched closer to JR and laid his head on his shoulder.

“To be honest, I don’t regret anything that I did with Seongwoo,” Minhyun hummed calmly as he took JR’s hand and massaged his fingers. “Because even though it didn’t work and it ended in tears for both of us, it felt like a stepping stone to taking my relationship with you to the next level. Like… that long and painful separation was all leading up to… to this.”

JR dwelt on what Minhyun said and realized that there was a lot of truth in it. Things would have probably been very different if Seongwoo didn’t come into their life and challenge their relationship. JR knew that he didn’t know how much he wanted Minhyun until he lost him. In some twisted way, JR was also glad that he lost him, because it made him see his heart a lot more clearly.

However, that was not the only reason that Seongwoo made him self-conscious. Because apart from Minhyun’s past experiences with him, JR still felt lacking in so many other areas.

JR was not quite ready to lay himself bare. He held back a lot when it came to Minhyun. Perhaps it was his inborn prude nature, but it was also his fear of completely coming undone in front of Minhyun.

Minhyun sensed it of course. He knew that JR was holding back and was uncomfortable when they become more intimate than they were used to, and Minhyun respected that. He had decided to be patient with JR. Whether it took days or even years, Minhyun would wait for the time when JR was comfortable enough to embrace their relationship without holding back.

But despite all the shortcomings and the insecurities that suddenly appeared, the relationship remained absolutely perfect to the both of them, because they felt like there was no mistake here.

-

 

JR had to bargain a little with the CEO for him to agree to cancelling their schedules so he can take a full week off from idol life. The other members were free, but JR had solo schedule in the middle of that week.

“Can we postpone it, please?” JR requested politely.

“It will only take four hours, and you have the rest of the week off,” the CEO said. “Sorry Jonghyun.”

“But I wanted to travel, out of Seoul…”

“Where you going? You family is in Gangwon, two hours away. You can go and come back…”

“But Minhyun’s family…”

The CEO raised an eyebrow, as if inquiring what in the world Minhyun’s family had to do with his solo schedules.

JR only hesitated for a moment before deciding, on a whim, to come out with the truth. If he had resolved to let people know anyways, their CEO might as well know as well.

“Me and Minhyun are going to visit my family and his to come out to them and tell that we’re… together,” JR confessed softly, a little embarrassed.

“You’re… together?” the CEO crossed his arms and eyed JR curiously. “What do you mean?”

“We’re dating,” JR answered, bowing his head a little, slightly terrified of his reaction.

The CEO took it surprisingly well. He smiled, patting JR’s back and congratulating him, telling him that yes, it was important that they tell their families.

-

JR was wrong when he had said that the night could not get any better, because it did. It was better when Minhyun kissed him in the restaurant, and it was better when they kissed again in the backseat of the van until both of them were fast asleep in one another’s arms.

The waiting was really over.

-

As JR and Minhyun started anew, their kisses and make-out sessions were trials at best. Never having had much of a chance to explore kissing one another before, they tried it all this time. Different positions, paces, intensities, and movements.

Some kisses gave them an adrenaline rush and left them breathless, and others caused them to pull away awkwardly, laugh at their clumsiness, and try again until they found harmony between their lips again. But no matter how awkward it got, they never tired of one another.

But Ren was definitely tired of both of them.

-

As JR and Minhyun started anew, their kisses and make-out sessions were trials at best. Never having had much of a chance to explore kissing one another before, they tried it all this time. Different positions, paces, intensities, and movements.

Some kisses gave them an adrenaline rush and left them breathless, and others caused them to pull away awkwardly, laugh at their clumsiness, and try again until they found harmony between their lips again. But no matter how awkward it got, they never tired of one another.

But Ren was definitely tired of both of them.

-

Minhyun was surprised when he saw Seongwoo outside their door one night.

“Uh, hi!” Minhyun greeted him. “I’ll go get Baekho…”

“Wait no!” Seongwoo stopped him. “I’m actually here to talk to you…”

Seongwoo and Minhyun hadn’t really spent any time together since the breakup, and so it was strange to suddenly be taking a walk outside alone together as if nothing had changed.

It was painfully awkward as they got through the small talk, so Minhyun was grateful when Seongwoo cut to the chase quickly: “here’s the thing, Minhyun. I know this is weird and out of nowhere, but there was literally no one else in the world I felt comfortable enough to talk about this with, so…”

“You can talk to me about anything, Seongwoo.”

Seongwoo nodded. “Dongho. You know I kind of... like him, right?”

“I recall,” Minhyun answered with a small smile.

“Well, you’re the only one who knows that. And you know both him and me. And I trust you. So I’m coming to you to ask if I should just give up or if there’s a chance or…”

“I’m not the person you should be asking, Seongwoo,” Minhyun replied. “Tell Baekho yourself and see what he says.”

“But you know him. Better than anyone. Is he like… super duper straight?”

“Baekho is straight…”

“But is he like… super duper straight,” Seongwoo emphasized comically, making Minhyun laugh.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Minhyun answered. “The thing about Baekho is that he’s very adventurous and willing to try new things. I wouldn’t say it’s completely hopeless.”

Seongwoo took in that information with a nod. Instantly, ideas started coming about what he can do to take advantage of that. Maybe he can take Baekho to a gay club? Maybe he could make Baekho try some really good food that would make him fall in love with him. Maybe Seongwoo could try to cook for him? Baekho also liked music, so maybe Seongwoo could give him a new style to listen to that could inspire him to write more music in the future…

Seongwoo presented these ideas to Minhyun to get his suggestions, but Minhyun shut him down immediately. “No, Seongwoo. The first thing you have to do is be upfront with him. Baekho is an honest person who likes honest people. None of your carefully planned out schemes this time. Just go to him, tell him the truth, and ask him if he’s willing to try.”

“But…”

“No, Seongwoo. Don’t be underhanded with Baekho. It’s not his style. Tell him, and see what happens from there. That’s my advice.”

Seongwoo sighed, and nodded, begrudgingly accepting Minhyun’s advice. He decided to confess. Maybe Baekho would shut him down again and it would hurt like hell, but at least Baekho wasn’t the type to be awkward about it.

“Thanks,” Seongwoo expressed. “Now can I give you some advice?”

“Okay?”

“I assume that you and Jonghyun are having trouble getting into the y mood, so my advice is

-

“Can I ask for your advice now?” Minhyun asked softly.

Seongwoo nodded.

“After so long, Jonghyun and I are back to normal, and I finally feel wholesome again,” Minhyun said.

“Oh, so you guys are finally boyfriends now?” Seongwoo asked curiously, putting his acting skills to use to stop the residual jealousy from being too apparent on his expression.

“No,” Minhyun answered. “I’m afraid of putting a label to what we are, because I’m afraid of making him feel like he has to do anything differently. But I do love him, Seongwoo. I love him so much, I’m so afraid of losing him again.”

“And do you, Minhyun, know what he wants?” Seongwoo asked with narrowed eyes and arms across his chest.

“He wants things to stay as they are,” Minhyun answered.

“Did he tell you that?”

“No. But that’s how JR always had been.”

“People change, Minhyun. And Jonghyun probably changed too.

-

They didn’t have much time to plan it to the last detail. Over a quick five-minute conversation, they decided to rent a car and plan it extensively on the road to Gangwon, where they would stay with JR’s family.

As JR did not have his license, it meant that Minhyun was the one who had to drive and JR was the one who did all the booking at scheduling for the rest of their holiday.

The ride to JR’s family’s home was about four hours, and in those four hours, there were able to plan the rest of the week quickly and make all the bookings and reservations.

Minhyun was relieved when JR suggested that they stay at a resort when they go to Busan. As great as it sounded to meet with their families, he appreciated that JR considered that it was important for them to also be alone during this week.

-

Daniel really missed Korea. He missed his friends and his family, and he missed the glamor of idol life and the busy city of Seoul. It was very different from the quiet marshes of Mississippi, in the run-down dorm room he had to share with another exchange student from Mexico. And studying economics was very different from dancing on stage in front of crowds of cheering fans.

Daniel really liked his life in Mississippi at first, but quickly came to miss the flashing cameras and the spotlights. Most importantly, he missed the people. He missed his Wanna One members, his other MMO trainees, his family members, his friends.

He did make friends in college, but he felt like most of them saw him as a joke. His English wasn’t that great and so he was often the of racist jokes because of his accent. He didn’t mind them much at first, but it began to take a toll on him when he realized that no one was actually taking him seriously.

From being Korea’s top celebrity to being the University of Mississippi’s Asian jokester, it was too big of a shift for him to be fully comfortable with it.

He told everyone in Korea that he was doing wonderfully. He didn’t tell anyone about some of the dark thoughts running through his head because he didn’t want to worry anyone.

At one point, he just felt so down that he needed to talk to someone, anyone. Unfortunately, time zones were awful, and the person he would usually go, Jisung, to didn’t seem to be awake in the moment he needed to vent.

He put out a message in the Wanna One group chat, hoping that someone would be awake to hear him and to listen to him. Fortunately for him, there was one person still awake.

“Daniel, what’s wrong?” Minhyun asked.

Daniel thanked God that Minhyun was up and quickly called him.

Minhyun answered and heard everything that Daniel was saying. Daniel vented about missing home and about the racism and about how lonely he felt, and Minhyun listened intently from the other end of the line, offering small reassurances and helping Daniel see that things were actually not as bad as he made them out to be.

“And if you want to quit and come back, that’s okay too. Sometimes we try things in life that don’t work out. Don’t feel like you have to go through this if you don’t want to…”

“I want to,” Daniel assured him.

-

“I really love you, jju-ya,” Minhyun suddenly confessed to JR one day.

“I know,” JR replied proudly.

“That’s it?” Minhyun scoffed, a playful smile on his face. “You’re not going to say you love me too?”

“I love all of my members. You know that. I don’t need to say it,” JR responded.

“You know what I meant!”

“In that case, you know also know the answer to that!” JR claimed.

“Just say it then!” Minhyun nudged.

JR looked him straight in the eye and said: “fine. I love you. But what’s the point of saying it?”

“I like hearing it,” Minhyun shrugged.

“Please don’t give me mixed signals, Minhyun,” JR groaned. “You made it clear that it’s not the same as before, and that we won’t become lovers again…”

“We won’t,” Minhyun said.

-

Candy lips that occupy my dreams for too long.
Lovely plumps of pink that come off too strong.
Enticing me to them, indulge in their sweet,
Bring them closer til our bodies feel the heat.

-

JR was the one who first woke up that night. His heart swelled as he gained consciousness and remembered the previous night.

It was nothing unusual or out of the ordinary. They just watched a movie, talked about it, laughed about it, until Minhyun started yawning and leaned into JR’s chest, and they ended up sleeping in one another’s arms.

Minhyun’s head was still resting on JR’s chest, and JR feared that one single movement would make light sleeper Minhyun wake up. Minhyun hadn’t properly slept in a long time, and now that he was, JR didn’t want to do anything to disturb him.

It wasn’t a nuisance at all though, because JR was very comfortable in that position. The top of Minhyun’s head was right beside his face, giving JR the chance to inhale as much of Minhyun’s scent as he could­– that had been one of JR’s favorite things to do when they were a couple: smelling his head.

Strange as it was, something about Minhyun’s scent was so satiating. It had been almost too long since JR was able to do something like this, and now that he could, it almost felt like a dream.

And so JR indulged in that scent and nestled his face in Minhyun’s soft hair.

He came to realize that no matter how much things changed, Minhyun still smelled exactly the same. There were no words to describe the scent that was Minhyun, but for JR, it was exactly what JR would imagine home to smell like.

-

trying to change the subject. He stuffed the last piece of chicken in his mouth and stood up to wash his hands. It was an obvious attempt at ending the conversation, and all four members knew it.

Practice after that was intense, with JR asking them to redo the choreography again and again until Ren begged him to stop. It was unlike JR to over-exert the members especially when they were all tired, but it was like JR was in his own mind the entire time.

-

Later that night, when most everyone was asleep and letting their sore muscles recover, Minhyun slipped into the room that JR shared with Ren.

“Are you guys awake?” he whispered. JR shot up from under the covers. The room was lit with the glow from the screen he was watching from under the sheets. One glance told Minhyun that JR was watching anime, of course. Typical JR, Minhyun thought with a smile.

“Minhyun, why are you up?” JR asked in a whisper so he won’t wake Ren up.

“The question is, why are you up?” Minhyun replied, also whispering. “You have a solo shoot tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah… I couldn’t sleep,” JR answered him. JR had been tossing and turning in his bed for a long time before he decided to just watch anime. He needed to get his mind off things, and anime was the only that did that for him these days.

-

Jooeun tried to make him feel less bad, but he couldn’t help that heavy feeling in his heart of failure. And it didn’t help when their manager called them and told them their schedules for the next week are cancelled because of the controversy.

Aron and Ren, who knew how much JR was beating himself up over it, also tried to get to him and comfort him in their own unique ways (Aron by cooking him spaghetti and Ren by scolding him), but none of it really helped at all. He wished he could go back in time and stop himself from causing this disaster.

It was only when Minhyun talked to him that he

-

When Minhyun saw the news, he was a bit surprised; Seongwoo and Baekho never got along since the start, so it was strange to him that they were even going anywhere together let alone to a hotel room.

There was no doubt in Minhyun’s mind that nothing actually happened between them though. Neither Baekho nor Ong would do that to him, no matter how drunk they were. Plus, Baekho was dead straight and hated Seongwoo.

When he learned what really happened from Baekho on the phone, Minhyun felt lousy and partly responsible for the entire scandal. If only he hadn’t run off like the hung-up ex that he was: he could have kept Seongwoo from drinking too much, and so none of them would have ever been stuck in this mess.

But that was not the only reason he felt lousy. He hadn’t known that Seongwoo had prepared a love suite for them last night. Seongwoo had planned this grand surprise for him, and meanwhile Minhyun ditched him and decided to break up with him.

-

And as they waited for the reporters to clear, boredom overcame them and Seongwoo asked a question: “are you okay?”

Ever since Dongho had read the articles and the comments online, Seongwoo noticed that he had been a glum mood and stopped talking. Seongwoo felt bad, because the reason that Dongho was in this mess was because he tried to help him.

“Been better,” Dongho replied with a shrug. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t care that much,” Seongwoo shrugged. “Although it might for a hetero like you, the scandal might be good for my image. A pretty gay boy who’s into the manly ones. Maybe more gay idols will approach me! Maybe the scandal will get me a boyfriend who appreciates me! Someone who won’t dump me for an ex. Someone who actually lives in Korea and isn’t flying to some random state in America to study accounting or whatever!” Seongwoo said those last words with a broken voice, and Baekho realized that it was a lot more than just Minhyun that was making him so sad right now.

Baekho sighed and decided not to comment. Even though he was smack in the middle of it, he was determined not to get involved with Daniel and Seongwoo (though he was tempted; he felt like the two could still work out).

-

 he thought. Why they were in a love suite together, he didn’t really know, but he figured it had to do with Baekho having nowhere else to sleep.

Maybe they were drunk, Minhyun thought. Seongwoo did drink quite a lot at the party, and he could imagine that Baekho might have done so too.

Then he remembered the text message that Baekho had sent him earlier that morning: “Are you breaking up with Seongwoo?”

Minhyun had not thought too much of that text message before. He had thought it was Baekho’s prelude into guilting him into doing the right thing with Seongwoo, but now, he wasn’t so sure.

Judging by the article’s claims that Baekho went into the hotel room with Seongwoo and never came out, Baekho was with Seongwoo when he texted in the question. What did that mean? Why ask it when he was with him?

Minhyun’s assumptions spiraled out of control, and he decided to just shut it down before it made him think things that weren’t true of his friends. He would get the clarification from them directly.

Minhyun later learned that

-

“Are you stressed?” read the text message from Jooeun shortly after the news broke out and the companies released their statements.

“I am,” JR answered her.

“I feel bad. If I hadn’t stayed over last night, it wouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” JR answered her. “Please don’t feel bad <3.”

The truth was that it was his own fault. He should have been better prepared for and not left s stranded last night. Minhyun was stuck sleeping on the stairs outside, and Baekho ended up in a controversy– all because of his negligence.

The whole situation really spoiled that night for him. Although he did enjoy spending the night with her and becoming intimate with someone for the first time since Minhyun, the responsibility he now felt on his shoulders made him regret the whole night all together.

-

 

Baekho checked his phone to look at the time, but was instead met with hundreds of notifications and missed calls from many, many people: mostly his CEO.

Baekho didn’t know what was going on, but eventually, he found out.

[BREAKING] Ong Seongwoo and Kang Dongho Caught Going into a Hotel Love Suite Together

Produce 101 Season 2 Friends: What Kind of a Relationship is Between Them?

-

Kang Dongho was the last person with whom Seongwoo ever imagined that he would end up in a dating scandal. Minhyun or Daniel, maybe, but Dongho?

Seongwoo wasn’t really that bothered by it. All publicity was good publicity. Plus, maybe it would make Minhyun jealous… Seongwoo really liked the idea of that.

Dongho, however, was not nearly as relaxed about the whole things as Seongwoo was. Pacing back forth around the hotel room, muttering expletives under his breath, Dongho was obviously very upset about the scandal.

There were reporters outside waiting to catch either one of them coming out of the love suite, and so the two were asked by the hotel management as well as their companies’ PR teams to stay put for as long as it took the reporters to clear, especially since Pledis Entertainment released a lie of a statement claiming that Baekho had left the hotel after dropping off Seongwoo.

-

He asked Seongwoo to come a little earlier than everyone else, because there was one thing he needed to get off his chest before leaving for good.

“I’ll miss you, dude,” Seongwoo said to Daniel as he was helping him move around furniture for the party. “I can’t believe you’re actually leaving…”

“I’ll miss you too,” Daniel managed to say. “I really treasure we’ve been through together. And I mean everything.”

The emphasis on the word “everything” seemed to startle Seongwoo just a little bit, because Seongwoo was all too aware of what Daniel was referring to. The drunken kisses and that one time where they went too far together. Even though that took a major blow on their friendship, Daniel never regretted it.

“There’s something I really want you to know before I go,” Daniel told him as Seongwoo listened with intent. “And it’s that I’ve loved you for a very long time now.”

Seongwoo’s eyes widened and his lips parted in slight disbelief. That came as a surprise to him. Usually, Seongwoo was good at reading people, but this was something that he had not read into Daniel at all.

“I feel like I should tell you this now,” Daniel continued his confession, “because I’ll probably never get another chance. Anyways, I know you’re happily with Minhyun right now, so I felt like I’d be a bad friend if I confessed earlier. But now that I’m leaving, it should be alright…”

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Seongwoo managed.

“You don’t have to say anything.

-

“Jonghyun kissed Minhyun last night,” Baekho would gossip away as they were on the warming up treadmill.

“What?!” Daniel would scream, eyes wide with intrigue at the drama unfolding before his eyes. “How did Minhyun react?”

“I wasn’t there, but I think he pushed him away,” Baekho said.

“How did you know this?”

“Minhyun told me,” Baekho said. “He was acting all weird, and we confronted him about it, and he told us. Now the two are ‘keeping their distance’ or something. They didn’t even look at one another this morning.”

“Damn. Does Seongwoo know?”

“I’m pretty sure Jonghyun will tell him,” Baekho replied. “Anyways,” he turned his head to Daniel, who was playing with the settings on his treadmill. Can I ask you to do something?”

“What?” Daniel replied.

“Can you like… confess to Seongwoo?” Baekho requested carefully.

“What? No!” Daniel immediately replied.

“Just hear me out! Right now, Seongwoo would probably feel unsure about Minhyun, and I think it’s the right time for you to make your move. Who knows, maybe your confession will trigger something in him?”

“Dongho, don’t be stupid…”

“Look I’m just trying to orchestrate a happy ending to this story,” Baekho said. “Where my two idiot members are happy together and you two are happy together too…”

“Look Dongho, forget it, okay? I’m actually… I’m dating someone else right now, so…”

“What? Really?” Baekho narrowed his eyes. “Who?”

“Just a… a girl,” Daniel said.

“An idol?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m happy with her so far,” he said. “And I’m getting over Seongwoo…”

“Please don’t say that,” Baekho groaned. “I was counting on you for the happy ending.”

“I did get a happy ending!” Daniel said with a smile. “I’m sorry I couldn’t seduce Seongwoo out of Minhyun’s life, but I did find someone in the end.

-

“ man. That’s kind of sad.”

“You should take the initiative and kiss Seongwoo too,” Baekho told him with a grin. “Be like Jonghyun”

“Seongwoo would slap me. Minhyun would too.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t trying.

-

Minhyun didn’t know who to say any of this to. It was all trapped in his heart, and he felt like he couldn’t let it out. Telling Seongwoo would break him. Telling Jonghyun would confuse him. Telling any of his other members would probably make them think that Minhyun was an indecisive jerk, playing with both Seongwoo and Jonghyun’s heart based on his own selfish whims.

He wanted to avoid being that kind of person, and so he didn’t act on all of the thoughts running through his head. Maybe the feelings would go away on their own, he thought. Maybe things would get better in time.

-

When Daniel finished his food, he went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He was shortly followed by Minhyun, who was also washing his hands. Now was Daniel’s chance to make absolutely sure of his hypothesis.

“Minhyunnie, can I ask you something?” Daniel asked.

“Sure,” Minhyun answered as he finished washing his hands and went to dry his hands with tissues.

“You’re my closest friend from NU’EST, so I just wanted to tell you something and ask you advice.”

“Go ahead…”

“I like Jonghyun,” Daniel said. He felt bad lying to his friend, but he had to see Minhyun’s reaction. He had to make sure. “As in… I like him as more than a friend, and I wanted to…”

Daniel trailed off when he noticed Minhyun’s reaction. Immediately, Minhyun’s smiling face faded and was replaced with a kind of solemn expression that almost frightened Daniel a little bit.

“What?” Daniel asked, trying to read Minhyun’s expression.

Minhyun seemed to hesitate, but eventually he answered: “well… he’s… I don’t think he…”

“I don’t have a chance, do I?”

“I… I’m sorry. But no. Jonghyunnie’s straight.”

-

After reading that message, Seongwoo dropped everything he was doing and went to the NU’EST dorm.

Jonghyun was the one who let him inside. Seongwoo didn’t even bother to greet him, he just took JR’s hand and pulled him insider, barging into Minhyun and Jonghyun’s room. There, he found Minhyun listening to music in his bed.

“I’m sorry,” Seongwoo said, looking to both Minhyun and JR. Minhyun took his earphones out of his ears and sat up to face his boyfriend. “I’ve been a jerk to both of you. I’m sorry. You don’t have to switch room

There, he was let inside, and he barged into Minhyun’s room saying “I’m sorry”  countless times.

Minhyun at first ignored him, giving him the cold shoulder, but eventually he caved to Seongwoo’s pleading eyes and forgave him.

-

The NU’EST members were used to walking into one another’s rooms without knocking. There was no such thing as boundaries between them, no such thing as privacy. Of course, this habit of theirs had led into them walking in at less-than-ideal moments. Like now.

Baekho had brought Daniel with him from them gym. The guy wanted to apologize to Minhyun for kissing his boyfriend and make sure Minhyun knows that Daniel did not want it. And so Baekho came into the dorm and headed to where Minhyun’s room is to bring Daniel in. He opened the door wide and froze at what he saw.

“Get out” Min

-

“Don’t say that,” JR narrowed his eyes. “There’s a reason you didn’t let Seongwoo break up, and there’s a reason that he didn’t insist that you do. You two are good together, and you love him…”

“That’s the thing,” Minhyun cut him off. “I don’t.”

“What?”

“I don’t love him,” Minhyun said. “I mean not like I used to love you.”

JR narrowed his eyes at Minhyun. For someone who JR thought was smart, this must be one the most ridiculous things JR had ever heard Minhyun say. “Minhyun, I’m a different person. Of course you’re not going to feel the same way about him as you did about me. If that’s what you’re waiting for, then it will never happen. What it means to love someone is to want to be with him uncon

mine, and it’s Seongwoo’s. Mine because I forced us to stay together, and Seongwoo’s because he’s too paranoid.”

-

“You say that,” JR murmere

Hesitantly, Minhyun took out his phone and called Seongwoo.

“What did you do that for!? … It’s not funny! … Don’t compare what I did to that! … Honestly, Seongwoo, you’re being such a jerk right now, and I hate it. If I knew you’d be acting like this, I would have let us break up at the start of the year! ... Don’t even... I don’t want to talk to you right now.” Minhyun hung up again, obviously distressed and in need of comfort.

“Cheer up, Minhyunnie,” JR nudged him, taking a seat beside him.

“If Seongwoo doesn’t stop with this jealousy, then I don’t think I can handle it anymore.”

“Don’t say that,” JR said. “It’s just one falling out…”

“JR, I don’t think you understand how bad it is. It’s not just one falling out. Lately, he seems to believe that I still have feelings for you,” Minhyun blurted, but he regretted it as soon as he said it. He knew that JR would feel guilty about this, even though it wasn’t even remotely his fault.

“I’m sorr­–”

“Don’t you dare apologize!” Minhyun cut him off. “It’s not your fault, okay?”

JR was not comforted by Minhyun’s words. He still felt insanely responsible for coming in between them; they would have been so happy together if it weren’t for him. He felt he was the reason Minhyun was stressed and upset right now.

“Is this about us being roommates?” JR asked Minhyun. “I can trade places with Aron if that will make Seongwoo feel better. Actually, you know what, let Ong have my bed. I can take the sofa outside…”

“JR, stop,” Minhyun interjected. He knew that JR would offer to do something like that; it was such a JR thing to do. “I don’t want you to do anything about this at all, okay? It’s not your fault,” Minhyun said, but he knew those words had no effect on JR.

JR was always so self-sacrificing like that. Minhyun hated that about him, but at the same time, it reminded Minhyun of why he used to love him.

-

Much to JR’s surprise, however, Minhyun was surprisingly okay.

After Minhyun watched it, he just laughed and rolled his eyes. What was Seongwoo trying to achieve with this exactly, he thought. Did he want Minhyun to be angry that he practically kissed Daniel? Jealous? Well, Minhyun was not angry or jealous. He was just amused that Seongwoo went all that way for this. It was ridiculous.

“You’re not mad?” JR asked, narrowing his eyes.

“I’m not,” Minhyun answered. “You seem surprised.”

“I am, actually,” JR answered. “And I’m relieved.”

“Should I be mad?” Minhyun asked. The question was more directed at himself than at Jonghyun.

-

and was waiting for them to get back together.

Since being humiliated in Hong Kong, Seongwoo was weary of Minhyun and his games. Minhyun was simply out of his league.

As he followed Minhyun through the streets of Seoul, his face covered by their scarves for fear of being recognized, Seongwoo wondered where Minhyun was taking him. They ended up in the door of a little library… a manga library.

“Why are we here?” Seongwoo asked, going inside behind Minhyun, half expected to find Jonghyun there.

“It’s the only place I could think of where no one goes,” Minhyun said. “Plus they have small cubicles where we can talk privately.”

Seongwoo narrowed his eyes as Minhyun went into the shop, seamlessly navigating his way through all the shelves. It seemed like he’s been there before countless times, probably with Jonghyun.

Minhyun went to a small corner in the shop which contained a little cubicle with bean bags on the floor and anime posters hung up on the walls.

“Did you and Jonghyun used to come here?” Seongwoo asked as he made himself comfortable on one of the bean bags.

“Yes,” Minhyun answered. “But I don’t want to talk about him.” Minhyun sat down on the bean bag beside Seongwoo.

Seongwoo narrowed his eyes. “Then why are we here?”

Minhyun took a deep breath and leaned forward and kissed Seongwoo’s lips for the first time since the night in Hong Kong.

“I thought you were done with playing games,” Seongwoo told him when Minhyun pulled away.

“That was not a game. I like you Seongwoo, and I want us to…”

“I’m going to cut you off right there,” Seongwoo said before Minhyun could get to what he wanted to say. “Look where we are, Minhyun. We’re in the most Jonghyun-like place, in a little cubicle where you and Jonghyun used to have dates, and somehow you thought it would be a good idea to come here and kiss me and ask me to be your boyfriend. I’m sorry, but no. I’m not Jonghyun, and you don’t love anyone who’s not Jonghyun. So just get back together with Jonghyun for c

-

JR couldn’t finish his anime episode, but he also couldn’t sleep. His heart felt heavy and his whole body felt numb, but he managed to gather himself and stop crying.

He had no right to cry, no right to be sad over this. He was the one who couldn’t give the boy he loved what he wanted.

-

A week passed when Minhyun didn’t take Seongwoo up on the offer as Seongwoo hoped and kind of expected. For that reason, Seongwoo decided that he needed to take matters in his own hands.

Next time the two happened to be alone together

Eventually, Jisung got to ask Ong a truth question, and he asked: “are you and Minhyun together?”

Seongwoo turned

Minhyun had a stupid grin on his face all throughout the rest of the game.

-