It was never the same with Daniel since he and Seongwoo did things friends and bandmates were not really supposed to do. Over time, it got easier to look each other in the eyes, end eventually they went back to acting normally again, but it was still never the same. Still, there was the memory of that time lingering in the back of their minds whenever they were together, and it did impact the way they acted with and viewed one another.

Firstly, Daniel could never be alone with Seongwoo again. It wasn’t very hard to avoid being alone with him, as they were in a group of 11 boys and six staff members and managers. When they were choosing roommates for hotels, Daniel was the first to jump and choose a roommate other than Seongwoo, and when one day, the manager paired them together, Daniel bribed Woojin to switch with him so he could avoid it.

Secondly, they stopped hugging. Hugging was too intimate and brought back the memory of that scandalous night much too vividly.

Thirdly, it felt like their friendship was limited to their group activities on camera, or in front of the other members as to not worry them. Their friendship became like a business, as if they were forced to be friends, but otherwise would have preferred to just not look at one another again. Daniel felt it from how staged everything with Seongwoo suddenly became. Nothing was genuine anymore, although it looked like it was to the other members and to the general public. Daniel wouldn’t be surprised if, when Wanna One disbands, the two never talk again.

It was a sad situation, but it couldn’t be helped. What happened between them was kind of gross, and Daniel simply didn’t think it was possible for things to be completely back to when they were genuinely close friends.

-

Two weeks after seeing Jonghyun again and realizing it was over, Minhyun decided that he wanted to play the game with Seongwoo again.

They were in Hong Kong, and each of them was afforded their own hotel room, and so Minhyun saw a rare opportunity for them to play their game again, alone. Without worrying about any other member seeing them.

And so, Minhyun came to visit Seongwoo’s room. As soon as he was let inside, Minhyun pushed him against the wall and began to kiss him.

This game was a lot more intense and a lot hungrier than their usual games. This game involved more tongue, more touch, and heavier breaths. The kiss ended with them entangled on Seongwoo’s bed, ready to go further, ready to finally give into the that had been building between them for so long.

As Seongwoo was indulging in Minhyun’s lips and body, the thought came to him that after this happens, it can no longer be just a game. Before they, they had only kissed, and kissing was forgettable. They could ignore it and pretend it never happened, but this… once they surpass that threshold, they were either lovers or friends with benefits. Otherwise, their relationship would be forever ruined like Seongwoo’s relationship with Daniel.

Seongwoo really, really didn’t want that.

He turned his head away and so Minhyun’s lips ended up on Seongwoo’s cheek.

Minhyun pulled back slightly to see what was wrong.

“Is it still just a game, Minhyun?” Seongwoo asked him in between heavy breaths.

Minhyun seemed to waver, but after a moment’s hesitation, he finally gave Seongwoo an answer: “Yes, it is.”

“Then you’re being very unfair right now,” Seongwoo told him. “Both to me, and to Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun. That name gave sent shivers up and down Minhyun’s spine. As the image of his former lover’s smiling face formed in his head, Minhyun got up from the bed immediately.

“I’m sorry, Seongwoo,” Minhyun mumbled under his breath as he paced back and forth. “When I go to Korea, I’m going to make this right,” he said, more to himself than to anyone else. “Right now… I’m just… I’m sorry.” With that, he treaded out of the room, leaving Seongwoo breathless on the bed.

-

When Minhyun first landed back in Korea, he immediately went to NU’EST’s dorm. He didn’t care that it was nearly midnight and he was missing out on much-needed sleep, but he wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyways if he didn’t resolve this immediately.

It wasn’t just a game with Seongwoo, and he knew it. For that reason, he needed to make sure that it was 100% over between him and Jonghyun, that it wasn’t just a “break,” but a “break-up.” He couldn’t start anything more than a game with Seongwoo if that wasn’t clear to JR.

When he knocked on the door, it was JR who opened it.

JR was in boxers and an undershirt, headphones around his head and an iPad in his hand. Minhyun felt a bittersweet pinch in his heart seeing him like that. This was the same old, anime-obsessed JR that Minhyun used to love. And still loved.

Minhyun really wanted to hug JR in that moment, but instead, he just froze, feeling so sad that things had to end.

“Minhyunnie,” JR mouthed as he took off his headphones. “What are you doing here?”

“I… I need to talk… to you,” Minhyun managed to say in a stutter.

Minhyun usually spoke with eloquence and conviction, and JR knew from the tone of Minhyun’s voice that something was very wrong with him

“What’s wrong?” JR asked him, voice laced concern.

“Can I come in?” Minhyun asked him carefully, half expecting that JR would say no.

“Why are you asking that? This is your home,” JR said, and Minhyun smiled sadly, stepping inside with hesitation.

No, it wasn’t his home anymore, Minhyun thought. It didn’t feel like his home; he hadn’t been in this place for months. There was a new TV, a new refrigerator, and so many other new things scattered around that Minhyun had never seen before. The space was so unfamiliar to him now, and it made him feel like an outsider.

“Sorry the place is a mess,” JR said. “I would have tidied up a bit if I knew you were coming but…”

“Please don’t apologize,” Minhyun cut him off. The messy dorm was the least of his worries now. “Where are the others?” he asked.

“Baekho’s spending the night at Bumzu’s. Minki and Aron are asleep in their rooms,” JR told him.

Typical Jonghyunnie, Minhyun thought with fondness; while everyone’s catching up on sleep, JR was catching up on anime instead. Minhyun really, really loved JR.

Minhyun took a seat on the sofa, and JR sat down beside him.

“Minhyun, what’s wrong?” JR asked, that concern still plastered across his face as he waited for Minhyun to say what he wanted to say.

“I saw you with Jooeun during the concert,” Minhyun began “You seem to be growing closer her.” Minhyun tried to appear happy and supportive, but if he could hear himself, he actually sounded quite broken.

“Ah,” JR hesitated a little, “I’ve been seeing her a lot since NU’EST W promoted at the same time as DIA. She’s a good friend.”

“Friend? She confessed to you. She wants to be more than your friend,” Minhyun stated matter-of-factly.

“Minhyunnie, you really don’t have to worry about her…”

“No, no!” Minhyun quickly cut JR off, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant! Please, if you want to date her, then go for it, by all means…”

JR’s eyes twinkled a little when Minhyun said that. He seemed to understand the implication of Minhyun’s words loud and clear: “so it’s fully over between us, right?” JR asked, just to make sure. He maintained a calm and contained demeanor as he said it. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

Minhyun couldn’t bring himself to say “yes.” He couldn’t even bring himself to nod or show any response to JR’s question. To affirm it would be to end things once and for all, and for Minhyun, that was so hard to do. He didn’t want to do it. He wanted it to last for just a few seconds more.

“I get it,” JR said quickly, and then he smiled.

It was that dreadful smile of his. That smile that he put on when he was carrying so much pain.

Minhyun would much rather watch JR cry than watch him smile like that.

“This is torture,” muttered Minhyun. His heart was aching so much.

“Minhyunnie, don’t cry,” JR said as he rubbed his arms comfortingly. It was only when JR said it that Minhyun realized he was indeed crying.

It was like the Produce 101 finale all over again. JR was the one who was in the unfavorable situation, but it was Minhyun who was crying and JR the one smiling and comforting him.

“I’m sorry, JRie,” Minhyun managed through his sniffles. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m the one who’s sorry,” JR told him, still smiling and rubbing Minhyun’s shoulder. “Sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted from a lover, and I really hope that someone else does. And this isn’t the end of anything, Minhyunnie. We’re still members of the same group. We’ll still be best friends, and we’ll be exactly the same as before, okay? And I’m not hurt. Really, I’m not. Actually, I’m a little relieved. I didn’t like it when the status of our relationship was not clear, and now it is. I’m very glad about that.”

Not hurt? Yeah right. JR could not fool him.

“I’ll be happy, Minhyun,” JR reassured him. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Please, please date someone,” Minhyun suddenly implored. He couldn’t bear the guilt if he was the only one to move on from the break-up and be with someone else. If JR also dated, at least Minhyun wouldn’t feel as ashamed about taking the next step with Seongwoo.

“I’m not sure I’m ready for dating right away. But if I do decide to do it, may I tell the girl about what happened with us?”

“But… why would you want to tell?” Minhyun asked, not sure if he was comfortable with a stranger knowing that they were together.

“It’s only fair that I tell the person I’m dating that I’m still in love with someone else,” JR said. Still smiling. As if he didn’t just painfully pierce Minhyun’s heart. As if he didn’t just make Minhyun feel like he just made a terrible mistake.

“Jonghyun…” he trailed off.

“Is that a yes?”

“I love you too,” Minhyun said. It only felt right to say it.

“I know you do. Now can we stop being sentimental please?” JR asked, laughing awkwardly.

Minhyun nodded, wiping away the last of his tears.

It was then Minhyun’s phone rang; it was his manager.

Minhyun answered, knowing full well that ignoring that call would get him in trouble. As if by habit, he kept the phone a good distance away from his ears as the manager began to scream.

“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU WENT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION? DON’T YOU KNOW YOU HAVE SCHEDULE EARLY IN THE MORNING? AND YOU MISSED THE TEAM BRIEFING! I SWEAR IF YOU ARE NOT BACK IN THE DORM IN 20 MINUTES, NO PHONE FOR THREE WEEKS…”

“I’m on my way,” Minhyun mumbled after the manager was done with his rant. He then closed the line, not wanting to hear any more of it.

“You should go,” JR said.

Minhyun nodded.

“Goodbye, Minhyunnie,” JR told him. “I hope things work out with Seongwoo.”

JR knew him too well. With guilty eyes, Minhyun apologized to JR.

“What? It’s okay,” JR laughed. “Really, I’m happy for you. Both of you.”

It hurt to hear JR talk about this as if it were okay. As if JR was actually happy about it, and not heartbroken like he was inside. He stood up and began to head out, not wanting to prolong a conversation about Seongwoo more than was necessary.

JR walked him to the door, still smiling that painful smile that Minhyun wished would just go away.

“When I walk out this door, you’re going to start crying, aren’t you?” Minhyun asked, eyes lingering on JR’s smile.

“Why would I cry?” JR asked. “I’m happy.”

“No, you’re not,” Minhyun stated, “You keep a strong front for other people, because you don’t want them to see you in pain. You want them to think that you’re okay so that they don’t feel guilty. Well, that trick doesn’t work on me Jonghyun. I’ve been with you for over eight years, and I know you better than anyone.”

JR’s lips began to tremble, but somehow, he still held his smile. Minhyun leaned in and softy brushed his lips against JR’s trembling ones.

“You shouldn’t do that anymore,” JR managed to say when Minhyun pulled away.

“I guess it’s the last time,” Minhyun said before walking through the door and closing it behind him.

Minhyun was right: as soon as the door closed, JR’s smile faded, and he began to cry.

A/N: I’M SORRY I JUST LOVE ANGST OK.