The day Minhyun left the dorm was one of heartache and tears. He thought that he had expended all his tears the previous night, but they came pouring out of him again like unwelcome downpour on a sunny day.

And it had indeed been a sunny day, literally in terms of the weather, and also figuratively in terms of the happiness of s seeing their songs still rank so high on the charts.

Minhyun had tried really hard to keep himself together and not cry; he didn’t want to put a damper on the happy atmosphere. He also knew that JR would be more heartbroken than he already was if Minhyun cried again, and he didn’t want to do that to that to his already-upset lover. He felt like he needed to stay strong and leave with a happy smile and high hopes, but he couldn’t hold back the overflow of emotion when he realized that the four of them would have to carry on the legacy of NU’EST without him. It was a legacy that he’d dedicated many years of his life towards, and he hated the fact he would have to be away from it for so long.

He was alone in his room packing when the tears began to flow. JR had been helping him, but left for a few minutes to find Minhyun’s favorite shirt in Aron’s room. He had left Minhun alone to his own thoughts, and the result of that was the tears that Minhyun now desperately wanted to hide from the rest of s.

He closed the door and locked it, trying to get himself together before JR came back. He tried to think happy thoughts. He checked the charts again and saw their songs still holding their ground, but even that somehow made him sadder. Just when NU’EST was having their reversal, Minhyun had to leave them. He was not going to be part of the rise of NU’EST, and it perturbed him greatly.

He could not stop crying when JR came back. When JR turned the knob and found it locked, he felt concerned; Minhyun rarely locked the door.

“Minhyun?” JR called out softly as he knocked.

Minhyun cleared his throat, trying to hide the sniffle in his voice as he said: “I’m okay. Just changing.” Minhyun thought he succeeded in hiding the evidence of his crying in his voice, but nothing could get past JR.

“You’re crying,” JR stated.

Minhyun let out a small sigh, feeling guilty for worrying him.

“Open the door, Minhyun,” JR probed.

Minhyun knew that not opening the door would just worry JR more, and so he opened the door and let JR see the aftermath of his emotional outburst.

“Oh Minhyun,” JR said as he stepped forward and wiped Minhyun’s face with the sleeve of his shirt. “Please, there’s nothing to cry about…”

“What do you mean there’s nothing to cry about? There’s so much to cry about…”

JR took Minhyun’s arm and sat him down on the bed and quickly planned out how he was going to try and get Minhyun to see the bright side of all of this.

“Look Minhyun, you’re going to be a star. You’re going to join a group with unprecedented popularity. Millions of people are going to hear your voice and recognize you. You’re going to earn a lot of money a name for yourself that will secure your future as a singer for the rest of your life…”

“…but what’s the point if it’s not with you guys,” he mumbled as the tears kept pouring.

“Please don’t think like that. You won’t be alone; you have ten other great guys with you, and I’m sure you’ll grow just as close to them as you are to us. And at the end of the day, you’ll come back to us, and we’ll have your popularity to ride off of,” he joked.

Minhyun couldn’t find it in himself to laugh, especially since Ren, Aron and Baekho had heard Minhyun’s soft sobs and trickled in with concerned looks on their faces. Seeing them just hurt him even more.

“But NU’EST,” he muffled through his raspy, crying voice. “I want to be with you guys in this time. I want to have a comeback as NU’EST with you. I want to experience NU’EST’s first win with you. I want to be with you guys when NU’EST rises, and I just can’t imagine the four of you carrying on NU’EST without me.”

JR had not considered that side of things. On the spot, he tried to think of something to say to ease the broken Minhyun, and so he made a promise: “okay. We won’t carry on NU’EST without you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Minhyun muttered as he wiped his eyes. “What are you going to do for one and a half years?”

“Wait for you,” JR answered.

“Stop making silly promises.”

“It’s a good idea actually,” Ren agreed. “We won’t promote as NU’EST. We’ll promote as solo artists or sub-units, and NU’EST can be on hiatus until 2019...”

“I can’t have that over my head. You four have to ride on the hype now; waiting isn’t going to do any good.”

“Then we’ll form a subunit. NU’EST Waiting. How does that sound?”

“No, it should be one letter,” Aron interjected. “NU’EST W.”

“But that’s more syllables than NU’EST Waiting,” Baekho noted flippantly.

That made Minhyun smile, even as the tears still poured.

“You smiled!” JR noted, also smiling. “NU’EST W it is then!”

“You guys are idiots,” he told them, that soft smile still shining through. They were idiots, but he loved them. He truly, seriously, sincerely loved them.

He stopped crying eventually. The pep talk by Jonghyun helped. The whole NU’EST W thing helped, even though Minhyun knew that it wasn’t actually going to be implemented in the end. But just the fact thought of it made Minhyun happy.

-

Minhyun managed to keep himself together through the goodbyes. No more tears, just tight hugs that lasted a very long time.

“Why are you saying goodbye as if you won’t see us for years?” Baekho asked laughing as Minhyun refused to let go of him.

It was true. Minhyun was saying goodbye as if he won’t see them again for years, which is far from true. The Wanna One dorm will only be about a 20-minute bus-ride away, and they’re sure to have free time in which they’ll see each other again. Still, for Minhyun, it felt like he wasn’t really saying goodbye to them, rather to ship to this team. That really would be lost for 1.5 years…

After Aron, Baekho and Ren were finally released from his arms, he turned to his lover.

Seeing him just made his nose tinge with that itchy feeling telling him he wanted to cry, but he gulped it in.

They hadn’t talked about it, but it was on both of their minds as they locked eyes in the moment they were about to say goodbye. What was going to happen to their relationship now that they won’t be together 24/7 like before? Will they grow apart? When Minhyun comes back in 2019, will it still be the same?

Minhyun wrapped his arms around JR, his right hand on the back of his head pulling him closer. He inhaled the scent of JR’s hair and tried to snapshot the moment in his head. He was going to miss this. He was going to miss being in JR’s arms and having his small body against his chest. He was going to miss all of the wise advice, all of the encouragement and comfort, even the late-night rambles about the new anime JR was watching. He was going to miss being led by JR, being guided and counselled by JR. He was going to miss JR’s voice, JR’s scent, JR’s smile, and JR’s twinkly eyes.

“We’ll allow you to kiss in front of us just this once,” Baekho said. “But no tongues.”

JR’s cheeks turned a bright shade of pink, and Minhyun let out a hearty but embarrassed laugh.

Minhyun and JR had never been a kissy couple. Their displays of affection mostly amounted to hugs and cuddles, and they only kissed because it was what couples are supposed to do, not because they got any significant satisfaction from it. It’s not that it was uncomfortable to kiss, but somehow, it felt so much more intimate simply embracing one another.

And most of the time they spent together, they were also with staff and the other members, and kissing was just too awkward for everyone. Actually, when Minhyun and JR first came clean about their relationship to the members, they immediately came up with a rule saying that Minhyun and JR were not allowed to kiss when they were around.

Minhyun and JR followed that rule, and since they were in front of their members most of the time, it naturally meant they got used to not kissing very often. Even when they were alone, kissing simply did not feel right.

But now, Baekho giving them permission to kiss pressured them to do so. It made sense as well; they were lovers that were moving away from one another for an extended period of time; it’s only right that they seal it with a kiss. It was what lovers are expected to do…

And so Minhyun closed the distance between them and softly brushed his lips against JR’s, JR leaning into the kiss and closing his eyes. When they pulled away, and held eye contact, they immediately hugged again and did not pull away until the manager who was dropping Minhyun off rushed them, saying that they were late.

JR held Minhyun’s hand until when they broke apart from their embrace. Minhyun said goodbye to everyone one last time, squeezing JR’s hand before pulling it away and walking out the door.

Seconds after the front door closed, Minhyun lost it and began to cry again.

-

When he arrived at YMC’s building, he was still crying although he tried very hard to stop. He arrived about 20 minutes later than he was supposed to, and the rest of his Wanna One members were already there waiting for him in order to get the contract-signing underway.

The new manager from YMC, named Jo Jungwoo, was pretty angry that Hwang Minhyun was so late. He had been planning to go off at him to set an example to the rest of the kids about punctuality and how important it was to be on time in such a fast-paced industry. But when he saw that Minhyun was in tears, Jungwoo decided to let him off just this once.

The rest of the Wanna One members also greeted him with sympathetic smiles and reassuring pats on the back. None of them actually understood why Minhyun was so upset, because the rest of them were happier than they had ever been their entire lives. They were going to sign a contract that will launch them into the world of fame and fortune. They were going to be loved by millions of people around the world, and they will make massive amounts of money. Why would anyone come to this crying like Minhyun was? They really didn’t understand.

As the rest of the Wanna One members skipped giddily through the YMC halls with happy smiles plastered across their faces, Minhyun lagged behind, trying to reuse his already moist tissue to wipe his leaking eyes and dripping nose.

Ong Seongwoo slowed down to walk alongside Minhyun. From his pocket, he took out a clean, dry tissue and handed it to Minhyun. The taller took it, bowing his head in gratitude.

Seongwoo actually had at least four more tissues stuffed into his pockets. He had made the calculations before Minhyun arrived: Minhyun was actually a very dutiful person. If he was late, then there must have been some difficult circumstance keeping him from abiding by his characteristic penchant for punctuality. He remembered the previous night when Minhyun cried his eyes out because none of s made it in with him.

Ong guessed that Minhyun was late because he was finding it difficult to part with them, and that he would come to sign the contract in low spirits and tearful eyes. Thus, Ong prepared for that possibility by stuffing tissues in his pockets.

Before last night, Ong’s goal had been to get into Wanna One with Minhyun. He achieved that goal. Now, he needed a new goal to strive for, and to use all his shrewd insight to achieve. That new goal had nothing to do with success or prevailing over the rest of his Wanna One members; that new goal was to grow as close as he possibly could to Hwang Minhyun.

Stuffing tissues in his pockets was only the beginning.