Minhyun had been acting very strange. JR thought it might just be a natural consequence of adjusting to new people and so he tried not think too much into it.

Still, sometimes it felt like something completely shifted in Minhyun. The Minhyun who never lied to JR before had suddenly began to do so on multiple occasions. The Minhyun who never hid anything from him suddenly seemed to have secrets.

And Minhyun was getting closer to his new bandmates, especially Seongwoo. Minhyun was quick to get over the sadness of leaving NU’EST, JR thought. And it bothered JR just a little bit, because somehow, it felt like Minhyun was now more closed off from them.

JR scolded himself for thinking like that. Minhyun was no longer active as NU’EST; it was only natural that he would get a little distant, and it was only natural he would get close to his current members. JR should be happy for Minhyun. He should be glad that Seongwoo and Minhyun seemed to be hitting it off so well.

And although JR understood that Minhyun was very busy and couldn’t really talk to them very often, it still upset him that Minhyun so rarely reached out, especially in a time when Baekho really needed comfort. But the only time Minhyun ever spoke to him was during the Produce 101 concert rehearsals. Other than that, it was just quick texts from Seongwoo’s phone.

It was probably going to be like this for over a year, JR thought sadly. It was tough already in the first week; he couldn’t imagine how hard it would be later.

“What are you thinking about?” Ren asked, sitting next to JR.

“Nothing.”

“Bull. You’re thinking about Minhyun,” Ren remarked.

JR shrugged.

“I noticed that he changed too, by the way,” Ren told him. “And even I feel a little possessive over him, so I can’t imagine how you feel.”

Possessive. The word knocked some sense into JR and made him realize that this was exactly what he was feeling towards Minhyun, and it was wrong. He was at fault for how he was feeling, not Minhyun. He needed to stop expecting so much from his lover now. He needed to stop feeling like it’s a bad thing that Minhyun was integrating so well with his new members.

Minhyun was no commodity that belonged to anyone, and JR needed to stop feeling like he was.

-

The day of the concert finally came. Minhyun realized that it would probably be the last time he would see s in a very long time. The last time he would see JR in a very long time.

There were still voices in his head doubting the legitimacy of his relationship with Jonghyun, ever since Seongwoo called them a “platonic couple.” What does it even mean to be a “platonic couple,” and what differentiated what he had with Jonghyun to what he had with his other members?

But there was something different about Jonghyun. Even if it doesn’t manifest in physical affection, it was still there in his heart somehow.

That little voice in his head replied, if it’s there in your heart, why isn’t showing on the outside? Why don’t you enjoy kissing? Why don’t you make love?

The voice was bothering him so much, because it had a point. But Minhyun knew that he loved JR, and he was determined to prove it to himself.

“Seongwoo,” Minhyun called out to him as they were climbing onto the van to get to the concert venue.

“Yeah?” Seongwoo asked.

“You know how you offered to guard the supply closet? May I still take you up on that?” Minhyun asked, slightly embarrassed. Minhyun admitted to Seongwoo that he wanted to try awaken the physical attraction between them, and he wanted to do it now, before they part for a long time.

Of course, Seongwoo agreed. It’s not like he could say no in that situation, even if he wanted to. Although, Ong would have much rather not guard a supply closet in which the person he liked was making love with another man, but there was no way he could say that to Minhyun, or he would ruin everything that her had tried so hard to build with him.

-

Minhyun was probably the most relaxed person in NU’EST. He never freaked out, and rarely ever felt nervous. Back in 2012, during their debut stage, while Ren, Baekho, JR and Aron were doing breathing exercises to calm their raging nerves, Minhyun just laughed at them. Even during the first Produce 101 performance, while Ren, Baekho and JR were having mental breakdowns, Minhyun remained calm and positive all throughout.

That’s not to say he wasn’t nervous. He was nervous, but he was good at hiding those nerves and brushing them off to look at the positive side of things.

But now was one of those very, very rare times where he was nervous and it showed. The concert finished, everyone was just celebrating the successful night backstage, and Seongwoo was ready to guard the supply closet.

“Are you sure you want to do this? You look tense,” Seongwoo noticed.

Minhyun let out a deep breath. “I’m okay.”

“Look, you shouldn’t do this if you’re not comfortable. It feels like you’re only doing to prove something to yourself, and that’s stupid.”

“No, no! I really want this,” Minhyun insisted, and Seongwoo could not convince him otherwise.

Minhyun took Jonghyun’s hand and pulled him, beckoning him to follow. JR didn’t ask any questions and followed.

Minhyun got to the supply closet, opened it, and pulled JR inside.

“What are we doing here, Minhyun?” JR asked.

Minhyun didn’t say anything, he took a deep breath and lightly pushed his lover against the door before closing the distance between their lips.

Kissing Minhyun was not unfamiliar to him, but the Minhyun that would kiss him in a supply closet was quite unfamiliar. Still, JR didn’t ask questions and played along.

Meanwhile, Minhyun was trying so hard to feel something as he took JR’s lips and deepened the kiss. He tried to make it feel like more than just a pair of wet lips moving against one another in awkward motion. He tried to make his heart react the way it was supposed to, but the awkwardness would not wear off, no matter how hard Minhyun tried.

JR didn’t understand why Minhyun kept kissing him, even though kissing was just not right. But Minhyun must have his reasons for doing this, JR thought.

But when Minhyun’s hand began to feel the bare skin around his abdomen, JR pulled Minhyun’s hand away and cut Minhyun’s kiss short. This was so strange, and so not Minhyun.

“What’s going on?” JR asked his lover, more concerned than anything else.

“You don’t want to… um… continue?” Minhyun muttered. He looked embarrassed.

“Do you want to?” JR asked with narrowed eyes.

“Yes, I do,” Minhyun said. “I really do.”

Maybe Minhyun was having a hormonal spike now, thought JR as he tried to reason Minhyun’s strange behavior. Maybe he recently watched an adult video that set him off. Or maybe being away from JR made Minhyun feel like he wants more than he actually did. Something had to have influenced him to do this.

“If you want us to do things like this, we have to talk about it first,” JR said. “And we are not going to do anything here."

“Then let’s talk about it. And I want to do it here and now.”

“Anyone could walk in.”

“No, no. I told Seongwoo to guard the…”

“Wait. Seongwoo?” JR asked with raised eyebrows. “He knows?”

Minhyun hesitated but eventually he nodded. “Yes, he does.”

JR finally began to understand what… rather who influenced Minhyun to do this.

“What exactly does he know?” JR asked Minhyun, feeling anxious.

“A lot of things. But you don’t have to worry. He’s a reliable friend,” Minhyun quickly reassured him.

JR took a moment to process that their secret relationship was now known to someone outside their tight-knit group. JR liked Seongwoo, and the two were close enough, but he didn’t know if he was comfortable that he knew.

“Why didn’t you tell me before that he found out?” JR asked Minhyun.

“I was afraid you’d get stressed. You’re already stressed enough as it is with everything happening to Baekho. I didn’t want to burden you with this too.”

“If you trusted him enough to tell him, then I’m not worried,” JR said with a reassuring nod. “But there is something that worries me, Minhyun. Something is very strange with you these days. Tell me the truth: what is all of this about?” JR asked, pointing to their situation in supply closet right now.

Minhyun was ready to come out with the truth: “When I told him about our experience, Seongwoo said…”

“You told him about that?” JR cut him off, surprised and deeply disappointed.

“Well, yes,” Minhyun admitted.

“Minhyun, that’s personal,” JR grumbled. “It’s supposed to be between me and you only.”

“It’s no big deal,” Minhyun tried to reassure JR. “Seongwoo’s cool.”

“That’s not the point,” JR said, trying to sound firm but not angry. “If you wanted to tell someone these things, you should have at least asked me before you did.”

“See? This is why I didn’t want to tell you that Seongwoo knew,” Minhyun replied defensively. “You’ll get worried for no reason. You always worry, Jonghyun! For once in your life, just let yourself loose a little.”

JR felt silenced. It was at this point that JR realized that the two of them were fighting. It’s not like it didn’t happen before, but it was so rare that it took a while for JR to understand when it happened.

And when it did happen, JR felt lousy and suffocated, and of course, he often blamed himself for whatever it was they were fighting about. Maybe Minhyun was right. Maybe he shouldn’t be so worked up about Seongwoo knowing about the most personal (and embarrassing) encounter he had ever had with another person. He should trust Minhyun’s decision to tell him, even if JR was never included in the process of deciding.

“I’m sorry,” JR apologized to Minhyun. He couldn’t stay in that claustrophobic supply closet for much longer, and he didn’t want to stay in front of Minhyun. He opened the door and scampered out, running into Seongwoo but not daring to catch his eye.

Jonghyun looked upset, Seongwoo noticed as JR left the supply closet, eyes fixated on the ground and dashing away without lifting his head once. Seongwoo also noticed that JR’s shirt was just partly tugged out of his trousers, and so Seongwoo reasoned that they began something but stopped for whatever reason. Judging by JR’s expression, and by Minhyun’s when he left the supply closet with a downcast face, the two seemed to have gotten into some kind of disagreement.

Seongwoo approached Minhyun and asked what was wrong.

“Nothing,” Minhyun said, forcing a smile on his face. “It’s nothing, really. Let’s go back before people notice we’re missing.”

Seongwoo didn’t push for details; he could tell that Minhyun did not want tell him anything. Maybe later, Seongwoo would try to get more information out of him.

As the two walked back to where the other trainees were celebrating, Seongwoo started to feel a sense of triumph well up inside of him. Minhyun and Jonghyun seemed to be arguing. There was something wrong between them. And now that they probably won’t see each other for a long time, that ridge between them can only expand.

Maybe, in the end, Seongwoo will have a chance with Minhyun after all.