THREE MONTHS AGO IN GERMANY

Reaching Germany's airport, Kyulkyung calls the contact that Dr Kim provided and soon enough she finds herself at a sort of research building. A doctor came to greet her and referred her to a nurse who got her settled in. Kyulkyung got her own room that is somewhat like a hospital room. Her bed is similar to those at hospitals but the room feels a little more homey than a regular hospital room? There was a study table and there was a small corner that had some snacks and a water boiler, the room also had its own toilet facilities. The nurse explained that this is not so much of a hospital but more of a research center. Seeing as how Kyulkyung and the others living here have volunteered to help with the research they are allowed to go out and explore the city as long as they returned back to the center by 12am. 

The nurse continued to explain various protocols of the place and told Kyulkyung to fill out some forms as well and that Dr Kim will visit her when she comes over to Germany so Kyulkyung can get some rest and call for help if anything. Setting her luggage down on the bed, Kyulkyung opens it up and she firsts takes out the only framed photograph of Nayoung and her she brought and places it by her bedside table. She washes up, changes and goes to sleep deciding to unpack everything else the next day. It has been an extremely tiring day for her and all she wanted to do was rest. Laying down on her bed, a million thoughts filled her head, Is Nayoung ok? Is Nayoung asleep? Did she cry herself to sleep? Has Eunwoo read my letter yet? Will the treatment help me? What will happen to me here? What....Will....If.... The list went on and on as a lone tear fell from the side of her right eye and down her right cheek before she breaks into tears. The tears she had been holding came down like a flood. She could finally let them out after holding them in for so long so she will not falter. You did it, Joo Kyulkyung. You should be happy Joo Kyulkyung, you should smile, you did what you set out to do, you dumped the one and only love of your life so she will not have to watch you suffer and suffer even more having to take care of you. You did the right thing Joo Kyulkyung, so why are you crying babo... As her tears continued to fall uncontrollably, Kyulkyung slowly found herself drifting to sleep.

Kyulkyung was slowly adpating to living in the reseach center. She even decorated and set her room up since this is where she is probably just going to live until she dies, she thinks. The walls were filled with pictures she printed out of her friends and her Nayoung. Wait she isn't hers anymore....

Kyulkyung kept a diary too, Dr Kim had suggested for her to do so as it might help with her memory if she wrote down all that she did not want to forget and it was a good way to document her days spent in the research center. It has been one month since she arrived and started her treatment. Dr Kim had arrived a few days after her and explained the various medical procedures. Kyulkyung was given a scheadule of her different treatments and she was told that the remaining time she had was her own and she could do whatever she liked. In the past one month, Kyulkyung's free time was spent wandering around the city she now lived in, she took many pictures and treated her diary as a letter to Nayoung. Dilligently she wrote one every day and tried her best not to cry as she did.

THIRD MONTH IN GERMANY

It was already the third month Kyulkyung was in Germany, there was not a day that she did not miss Nayoung and her friends back in Korea. Her days felt repitative and she was going out lesser and lesser as there wasn't much left for her to explore. There was another reason why she mostly kept to her room too....One month back when she was out on her own, Kyulkyung had forgotten the way back and that traumatised her. Luckily for her she bumped into one of the nurses from the research center who recognised her. Kyulkyung had looked like a lost puppy wandering the streets and when the nurse approached her she burst into tears, "I...I don't remember where I live...I-I tried thinking but I can't remember, I can't" The nurse had managed to calm Kyulkyung down and bring her back to the reseach center. She was so traumatised the doctors had no choice but to give her sleeping pills so she could rest.

After that incident, Kyulkyung realised she seemed to slowly but surely forgetting more and more things. She had purposely pasted pictures of Nayoung and her on the wall so she will not forget her and she would stare and all of them everyday so she does not forget the moments she spent with Nayoung. As the days passed she realised though, that she could no longer remember the times she has spent with Nayoung in the last 6 months. It was the third month that Kyulkyung was there, and she somehow realised that she has totally forgotten the past year. She has forgotten that they were already in college and has forgotten that fateful night with Nayoung which led to them being together. Every single time she forgot when a particular photo was taken she would calll the nurse in and ask why she could not remember. The nurse would explain its part of her illness, and every single time Kyulkyung would ask what illness it was. The nurse would explain what CADASIL was to her every single time she asked, and every time after she heard the nurse's answer, Kyulkyung would spend that night crying to sleep.

IN THE MEETING ROOM, CADASIL RESEARCH CENTER, GERMANY

"It seems like her body is not responding to the treatment at all. Even though the treatment process is in its early research stages it has seen a significant amount of successes in at the very least helping to reduce the amount of transient ischemic attacks amongst patients but it seems like it is the total opposite for Ms Joo. Ever since she started treatment here not only has it not stabilise the number of attacks she got, but it even increased? What could be wrong with the process?" The presenting professor stated. The entire room was quiet and many of the professors had frowns on their faces as the stared at the CT scans and daily reports of Kyulkyung's conditions. Indeed, Kyulkyung was a mysterious case, she has been the only patient in the research center that did not respond to the treatment process at all. What was even more depressing was Kyulkyung was deteriorating faster than the average CADASIL patient. In a short span of three months, more than a year of memories were gone and the number of attacks she got was much more frequent than before. Just a week ago, Kyulkyung had even gotten a that resulted in her not regaining consciousness for three days.

"What exactly is the reason why?" Another professor grumbled slightly loudly. "Will?" Doyeon said softly. "What did you say Dr Kim Doyeon? Please explain". Clearing Doyeon replied a little louder with more confidence, "I said it may just be her will to live. From what I know about Ms Joo, she has given up most of her will to live after coming here because of what she left behind. Simply speaking, there is not much we can do left for her but continue what we have been doing so far, whether her body responds to the treatment to be honest is left up to her." After hearing Doyeon, the entire meeting room of professors went silent. Indeed they all knew somehow that there was not much left that they could do for this patient other than closely monitor her in hopes that she does not get a severe . 

Meanwhile, Kyulkyung had been wandering about the research center that day and she found herself hiding outside the meeting room again. Back in Korea, Kyulkyung had once considered studying Neurology only to fall short with her high school grades. So in the past one month she found herself sitting outside of the meeting room listening in to the professors' discussion on a few instances, there was not much to do in her room anyways. 

She never expected to hear what she had just heard however, she had just so happened to be camping outside the meeting room only to realise that the patient being discussed today was herself. Kyulkyung herself knew that she was losing her memory and she had to be reminded daily that she suffered from CADASIL and what it meant. What she did not know was that she was deteriorating faster than everyone else and the treatment was not even working for her. Does this mean that, very soon I will forget Nayoung and everyone else? Am I going to die soon? Not wishing to hear anything more, Kyulkyung ran back to her room as tears slowly found its way down her cheek.

Why? Why is this all happening to me, I am already forgetting all the times I have spent with Nayoung in the past year. I wake up everyday thinking it is still January in 2016 to only be reminded that its already 2017, can someone please tell me, tell me why my heart feels so down everytime I see Nayoung's face. Can my head please please make me remember all the things I have written in my diary, about all that has happened. Please someone just tell me why I need to suffer like that, I miss you Narong, I miss you so much...I want to see you again. Can I?