"I don't want a calculative love"
Glass Beads and Her FingertipEunha found herself frowning with Sowon by her side. She was always urgent and scared. Whenever she wanted some alone time, Sowon would deny because they would hang around with friends. Yerin was the first one to notice Eunha's dissatisfaction one day. It was after glee club practice. Eunha was pulled aside towards the corner of the study hall and she felt like crying. Closing her eyes, she felt a tear drop. "Does Sowon even like me anymore?"
"Yeah," Yerin said. "But I do notice you guys never get alone time anymore."
"It's been two weeks since that college kid told us 'we don't allow gays here'. And now she's all stoic." Eunha wiped her eyes. She looked at Sowon and how her arm was around SInB's waist, chuckling. She got a little jealous. "Now look at her with SinB."
"You know they're just close friends." Yerin tried to assure Eunha. But Eunha felt like she was falling apart. Her heart was lightly shaking. Yerin wrapped her arms around Eunha. "I'm sorry for that. I'll try and talk to her if you want me to. But you have to talk to her, yourself."
Eunha sighed. "Maybe."
Everyone left the study hall and the school building. Sowon reached out for Eunha and pulled her. Sowon's eyes were dilated and she looked very upset though. Eunha furrowed her brow, unsure of what was wrong. She tried to break free. Sowon dragged her by the wrist towards the bus. They were quiet. It wasn't until they got to in front of Sowon's house, Sowon pushed Eunha inside her house, unlocking the door. Sowon pulled her towards the couch. Eunha felt like her arm was gonna snap. Sowon pushed Eunha on the couch before sitting beside her. "Why did you let Yerin hold you?"
"So now we get some alone time?"
"Answer me." Sowon looked down.
Eunha crossed her legs. "You could have asked that in a much nicer way, rather than taking me all around town, grabbing my arm as if I'm some sort of ragdoll."
"You're mine. Don't let other people touch you."
Eunha laughed. "You sure don't act like it."
Sowon frowned. "Look I'm sorry but I feel like the society won't accept us together. So, I don't know how I feel about us anymore."
"Listen, sometimes it isn't even about what society thinks about us. It's us two. Not the world. Sometimes couples have to go against the world," Eunha said. She was shocked at how she was trying to make this work. She's much younger than Sowon and Sowon is so unsure on what to do. Maybe because Sowon never dated before. This was probably all new. "You're just scared."
Sowon's face remained firm. "I'm older than you. I know what I am talking about."
"No you don't. You're talking out of fear," Eunha huffed.
Sowon bit her lip. "Get out."
"What?"
"Get out. Before I lose my temper."
Eunha walked to the door and left. No tears left her eyes. She just looked blank. She felt blank. She knew Sowon was just scared to love.
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