Chapter 7                            

Yu An.

“If you’re going to continue to waste your time like that, might as well waste the rest of your life running away from Baekhyun, Chanyeol and also from our exams.”

“But how can I concentrate when my life is so messed up like this?!”

“Yu An, not only your life is messed up. All human being’s lives are messed up. It depends on the person whether or not will they clean up their lives or choose to ignore it.”

Yeon Hee has a point. But I really can’t concentrate on studying with them popping on my head. Baekhyun kissing me really bothers me. Not to mention that I’ve hurt him. On top of that, I like his best friend. How more twisted can my life be? Oh right. The exams. If I fail it, then it gets more twisted.

“Speaking of, here comes the best friend.” Yeon Hee puts all the drinking bottles down and pointed at Baekhyun. He reached his point and he still can’t beat his record.

“Baekhyun, what’s wrong? You’ve set your record the other day. You have to set a new one at least this week. The preliminaries are approaching.”

“Yes sunbae. I’ll… try.” He replied as he catches his breath.

“Yeon Hee, can you call the others for a short break?”

“Okay.” Yeon Hee whistled and called for the rest.

I wanted to be the one to run right now because I can’t look at Baekhyun. I think my conscience will leave me if I look at him straight on the eye.

“Here.” I hand him a bottle of water and he looks surprised. Of course he will be. I’ve been running away from him the whole day.

“Thanks.” He reached for the water and smiles.

My heart started to react on him too. How can I feel like this when I’m already liking Chanyeol? It can't be that I like them both now? How can I even like two people at the same time?!

“Seriously snap out of it Nam Yu An.” I say to myself.

“What are you blabbering about?” I think I’m not normal anymore. How can a heart beat so fast like I’ve run a mile?

“Nothing.” It’s cold but my body feels hot. I want to get out of here. This is so hard.

“Water. Hand me one.” Chanyeol says.

“Oh.” I grab his water bottle and hand it to him.

“Why is it empty?”

“Hm? I’m pretty sure I refilled it earlier-”

“Refill it. Come.”

He grabs my hand and pulls me with him. I’m certain that I refilled his earlier. I grab hold of his tumbler but then it’s full.

“It’s full? Why did you-”

“Are you avoiding me?” This guy catches on too fast.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

I wonder if I should tell him that I am avoiding him because I don’t want to fall for him any harder because if I do everything will be messed up because apparently your best friend likes me and I don’t want him to be hurt, so yeah.

“I don’t want to misunderstand your empty intentions.”

“My empty intentions? What are you saying?”

“Y..You just hugged me three times without my consent and you’re being nice to me. Too nice! It’s not like you to do that.”

“I think I’m slightly offended. Am I not that nice to you at all?”

“Well not as nice as Baekhyun.” His expression changes and he takes a step closer to me.

“Yu An, I think I need to clarify this. These past days something is weird in here.” I eye him weirdly. Why is he suddenly pointing at his chest? What does he want me to do about it? “It beats so hard and I don’t know why but I think I’m having an abnormality with my heart. Anyway, it stops when you’re close to me that’s why I do it.”

I clearly understand now that this guy is totally clueless and his intentions are indeed empty. Selfish guy. But it’s totally obvious that he doesn’t have to tell me that out loud.

“Yu An.” I turn and saw Baekhyun behind me. “Have you guys refilled the bottle?”

“Mm. Totally full.” Chanyeol says and leaves.

Why does he have to leave when Baekhyun’s here?

“Let’s head back too?” Baekhyun asks and I nod. I have to talk to him eventually do I? I can’t just run away from him forever.

“B..Baekhyun wait!” I grab the hem of his shirt and he stops but doesn’t turn. “A..Are you mad?”

“No. I just can’t have you seeing my face right now.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“No, don’t-” He’s flushing. “I told you not to look!” Does he like me that much? That he’s reacting on me too much? “This is so embarrassing. I was really glad you talked to me Yu An…”

This is bad too. I am remembering everything that happened and I’m feeling weak again. “I..I’m not mad. If that’s what you think.”

“You’re not? Then why are you ignoring me?”

I know that we both have to talk but I didn’t expect that it will be this embarrassing. I guess I’ll just say it to avoid misunderstandings.

“I can’t look at you in the eye. My conscience is killing me. You know who I like and you’re still being nice to me despite of that. I know that you’re hurt Baekhyun. How can I act like nothing happened?”

He sighs in relief and sits on the ground. “So that’s why. I thought you’re going to ignore me because I confessed and I-” he stops. I guess we’re both embarrassed with what happened. “But I’m fine Yu An. I know just how you feel. Trust me. Just please act just as how you usually are to me. I honestly thought that I might regret what I did if what I will get is you being far away from me.”

“Baekhyun..”

“But I’m fine really! Haha! I’ll be fine soon. It’s tough now but I’ll… I’ll get over it.”

He’s laughing but I know he’s hurting. I know it because he’s like my brother. “Mm.”

“Then, will you just let me like you now and we both just stay as friends?”

I smile. “Mm.”

I walk closer to him and hugged him. Tears are creeping on my eyes as I remember everything. Baekhyun’s reminding me of my brother. It’s painful. “Yu..Yu An?!”

“Just for a while. Let’s stay like this.”

I was about to get inside the house when I heard a loud bang. I rush upstairs checked on my brother. “OPPA!”

“Stay away Yu An, your brother needs to learn his-“

“STOP IT DAD! YOU’RE THE REASON WHY HE’S LIKE THIS ANYWAY!”

“Yu An, sto-”

Dad scoffs. “No Yu An. Think well whose fault it is that your brother’s like that.” I froze. He’s right. It’s my fault that he’s like this. “Midterms is upcoming. I expect good results from both of you.”

As soon as Dad leaves, air returns to me. Every time that he’s around, I keep on feeling suffocated. “Are you okay?”

Oppa smiles and nods. “Never been better.”

I pull him to a hug as I cry. It’s so painful whenever I look at him. It’s my fault that he got that injury of his. It’s my fault that he can’t swim. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”

“Yu An, I’m fine.”

“No.. No you’re not..’”

“Stop crying already okay?” he touches my cheek and kisses my forehead. “Dad’s just drunk. That’s all okay? He’s not thinking str-”

“Stop! I told you Oppa, it’s not just because he was drunk! He’s not normal and I am not too!”

“NO!” He grabs me and shakes his head. He’s crying again. I don’t like it when he cries. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing Yu An!”

“I doubt it.” I reply and returned to my room. I can’t take this anymore. This household is breaking my world apart. I walk closer to my nightstand and opened my drawer.

“Yu An! Open this door damn it!”

My hand is shaking but I grab hold of it. I’m not feeling anything again.

“NAM YU AN!!”

--

Chanyeol.

I saw Yu An’s dad’s car left their house and afterwards Joohyuk hyung running outside yelling Yu An’s name. I jog over closer and called him. I wonder what’s wrong. Baekhyun and I walked closer to their house.

“Hyung! What’s wrong?” he turns and he grabs me.

“Get in her room right now! I’ll get the keys. You both have to stop her no matter what!” he pushes me to the ladder and gets back inside. We have to stop Yu An with what?

"We should get inside first Chan." I nod and followed Baekhyun as we climb.

I climb the ladder and saw Yu An the corner of her room. She’s holding a blade on her right hand. My eyes widen at the side and I jump off her veranda and opened it.

“Yu An!” I manage to grab hold of the blade and threw it away from her. The door opens and Hyung comes in.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!” He shouted.

I am very clueless of what’s happening here but the Yu An that I know is different from what I am seeing right now. She’s blank. She’s not reacting and not even talking. Only, tears are flowing from her eyes.

“Kill me already.” I flinch at her voice. My body stopped moving at what she said just now. “I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want it. Kill me.”

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun grabs me and I know what he's thinking. She's like her. Begging for death.

“She’s at it again damn it!” Hyung looks at me and grabs my wrist again. “Hold her for a while. Make sure she doesn’t grab hold of anything. I’ll be back!” and he disappeared again.

“Yu An?” Baekhyun called and tears kept on flowing on her eyes. It doesn’t stop. “Hey! Grab hold of yourself.”

“Kill me please…” How can she say that so easily?

“Stop.”

“I want everything to end. Please….”

“Shut up.”

“Kill me already.”

“I said shut the hell up!” I pull her close and kissed her. She’s crying so hard and I can feel it too. I can taste her tears just by kissing her. She’s in pain. I pull back and she’s looking at me.

“Chanyeol…”

I smile in relief. “You’re finally back.” I hug her close because I don’t think I can lose her like that again.