Chapter 20                           

Years later..

Yu An.

“I’m assigning you both to this patient. He just got out of a surgery because of a tumor inside his brain. We always do a checkup regarding the motor movements of the patient when they wake up.”

I nod as I take notes. It’s been almost four years since I started med school and now I’ve been on duty non-stop for forty-eight hours every week.

“Patient, can I ask for your name?” Doctor Ryu asks. The patient nods and he utters his name.

After the rounds, I went back to the lounge and grab my phone to call Baekhyun. I’ve been feeling guilty for missing all his calls this week. I’ve been getting busier and busier and I haven’t talked to him for a while. I think the last time was when he told me he will be participating in a national competition and that’s today. I opened my phone and saw four missed calls from him. I bit my lip in frustration. I never thought long distance relationship will be this hard considering the time difference that we have.

I dialed two on my speed dial, yes he is on my speed dial now because I’ve been trying to connect with him at least eight times a day on my vacant time, and waited for him to answer but he doesn’t. I glance at the clock and I forgot that it’s midnight there already. I throw myself on the bed and groaned in frustration as I stare at my phone.

“Failed to catch him again..” I place my phone on the side and hugged the pillow. “I miss you Baekhyun..”

“Yu An, wake up.” I turn to my side and saw Yoojoon eating his cup noodles. I gasp and look at the clock. “We only have sixty minutes left ‘til our hell hour.”

“That’s one hour.”

“Hearing sixty is nicer than one.”

I laugh and get out of bed tying my hair up. “You phone was ringing earlier. It’s your boyfriend.”

“Did you answer it?”

“Yeah just as you said.”

“What did he say?”

“He’s upset that I’m the one who answered it. But hello, I have no interest in you Yu An. I’m a girl at heart.” I laugh and nod.

“He doesn’t believe that.” I reply. “You’re named Yoojoon.”

“I know. What a weird name. I should be named as Namjoo instead right?”

I smile and grab the cup noodles he’s giving me and opened my phone. There’s a message from Baekhyun.

I’m texting again. I am on frustration level three. It’s been three days since I consecutively missed your calls. I’m really sorry for that. I’ll work harder to catch you from now on. I miss you.

P.S. I STILL DON’T BELIEVE HE’S GAY. His voice is manly when he picked up my call.

I chuckle at his text but felt a light sting in my heart. I always miss his calls too but he doesn’t realize that. I guess when you love someone, you don’t see their mistakes. They’re always perfect in your eyes. That’s how I see Baekhyun.

“Twenty minutes. Girl, if you’re not gonna sip on those noodles I’ll do it instead.”

“It’s mine. Mind yours.” I turn away from him and started eating. I really miss Baekhyun.

When we finished eating our so-called breakfast, we head on the room where we are all asked to assemble.

“You’re here?”

“Ah, Good Morning Dr. Kim!”

He chuckles and pats my head. “I already told you not to be so formal already. All of them are calling me Minseok-ssi or Sunbae Yu An.”

“Sorry.. Sunbae.”

“That’s more like it!”

“Minseok, these will be the tasks for them. Just disseminate it.”

“Mm. Thanks.”

I cross my fingers that I won’t be too busy today. I have to at least take one call from Baekhyun.

“Yu An.”

“Ah, yes!”

“What’s gotten into you today? You’ll be coming with me for today. Yoojun, too.”

“Ah yes!” We both replied. Yoojun nudged on me as he looked at Sunbae.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Yu An, is it just me or...”

“Or?”

“Ever since you took the risk at the emergency room last week, Sunbae keeps on smiling whenever he’s with you.”

“Emergency room? Oh you mean that patient who was stabbed with a metal rod?”

“Yeah.”

I chuckle. “But he’s usually a jolly person right? You think too much and besides, I have Baekhyun already.”

“Yeah, a guy you love the most.” He pinches my cheeks playfully and I smile. I checked my phone before I start my day and texted Baekhyun.

I’m sorry I missed your call again last time. I’ll try to pick it up if I can. Good luck on the race today. I know you can do it. :)

I place my phone back on my pocket and headed to the ICU.

--

Baekhyun.

I open my phone and I smiled at her text. I hold on to the necklace that she gave me and I felt it again. That pain that I’ve been feeling. I wanted to see her so bad that being here these past years has been so hard for me. I thought I can get through it easily when we can easily contact each other when she’s on her first to the half of her third year in med school. But these past years had been so hard on our relationship that we hardly get to hear each other’s voices.

Whenever we try to call the other can’t take it and that frustrates me. It feels like fate is playing with us. I admit that I have thoughts of giving up. But thinking that I’m not the only one here makes me want to fight for this. I can’t let her slip on me again.

I try to call her this time to tell her I’ve won the contest. That I ran faster than Chanyeol. That I got this medal just for her. But as much as I want to tell her that, she’s not picking up again. I threw my phone on the side and brought my hands in my face.

“I miss you.” I utter. My hands are getting wet from the tears I’m shedding again. I wonder if she cries too. I wonder if everything is hard as for her as much as it is hard for me. I want to hold on to everything that we have right now but it really hurts so bad.

I fall on my bed and shut my eyes closed trapping the tears inside my eyes. I want to see her. I’m even imagining my phone ring at the hopes that it’s her. I sigh and grab my phone answering it.

“Yes?”

“Baekhyun?!” I sit up letting the voice that I heard just now sink in. I look at my phone and it says Yu An.

“Yu An?!”

“Mm. It’s me.” I hear her start to sob from the other line and I smile.

I’m not alone in this.

“Hey Yu, don’t cry.”

“I did it. I got you.. I didn’t miss it.. you answered it..”

I really want to hop inside my phone right now and grab her close to me so I can wipe her tears away. Telling her that it will be fine. But I can’t.

“Baekhyun?”

“Hm?”

“Nothing. I just want to hear your voice.” I smile at her voice.

“You don’t know how much I wanted to hear yours too.”

“Talk to me. I got an hour of break. Please use all of it.”

I chuckle at her request. “Alright. Where should I start? Oh! I won at the race today. I even ran faster than Chanyeol.”

“Really? Do you have the medal?”

“Mm!” Just then I realized the minutes I wasted when I should’ve just video chatted her. “Yu An, I have to hang up for a while.”

“Huh? But why?”

I ended the call and video chat her. She answered the call her eyes are swollen right now. I smile at the sight of her. I miss her so bad.

“WHY’D YOU SCARE ME LIKE THAT!” She exclaims. “I thought you hang up on me!”

I chuckle. “I just don’t want to waste a minute not seeing you. They might take you away from me again.” She smiles and I remembered that I have to show her something. “Oh, right. Here’s the medal I won.”

“Wow! Is that real gold?”

I nod to brag. “Of course it is. It’s an international competition.”

She smiles warmly. Her fingers moved to the screen as she looks at me. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” I say. I stare at her as I can.

“What is it?”

“I want to kiss you right now.”

She laughs. “How can you even do that?”

“I know. Video chatting is such a torture.”

“Would you not want to do this?” Her expression softens and I hate that I hurt her with that.

“No! It’s not that Yu An. Trust me, I’m really happy that we can do this at least.” But her expression didn’t change. It seems like I’ve said something that hurt her even more. “Yu An?”

“I’m sorry that I’m too busy to talk to you. It’s all my fault. I’m really sorry that you’re having a hard time right now.”

Her head is down low right now and I’m having a hard time seeing her face. If I’m there I can just hold her cheek and make her look at me then I’ll kiss her afterwards but I can’t do that now.

“Hey Yu? Look at me.” I said gently and she faces me. “It is never your fault okay? Don’t blame yourself. It’s the same for both of us. I honestly have thoughts of giving up but whenever I think about you, I start to gain strength again. It’s almost over Yu An. Let’s just push this until the end okay?”

She smiles as she cries. Her fingers move at the screen again and it pains me to watch her do so. I never thought having a relationship like this would be so hard.

“I love you.” She says.

I smile. “I love you more Yu An.”

She cries even harder and I’m starting to tear up again. “You’re crying too.” She chuckles.

“How can I not cry seeing you cry?”

She sniffs wiping her hears with her sleeves and smiles. “Then I’ll stop crying now. I wouldn’t want you to cry.”

I nod and stare at her. “How many minutes left?” I ask.

“Ten.”

“Then I’ll stare at you as much as I can now.” She chuckles and nods. “Your hair, you cut it?”

“Oh, yeah. But just a bit.”

“It’s now just below your shoulders.”

“Does it look bad?”

I shake my head. “You look beautiful.”

She smiles. “You’re hair has gotten longer too.”

“Oh yeah. I haven’t cut if for a while. I’ve been busy.”

“You should cut it like before. The cut that the doctors gave you.”

“I hate that cut.”

“You look cute in a bonnet.”

“Stop smiling like that. I might shred my head here and then Yu An.” She laughs then stops when she glanced at the time.

“Baek, I-“

“I know. Be careful there okay. And please eat as much as you can. That gay friend of yours told me you just eat noodles for dinner.”

“I don’t have time to cook that’s why.”

“I wish I’m there to cook for you.”

“I wish too.”

I smile. This time, I bring my fingers up to the screen feeling her face. I’m gonna miss her again so bad. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

I chuckle. Getting competitive are we? “I love you more than you love me.”

She laughs. “I miss you.”

“I miss you more than you miss me.” She smiles.

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Mm.”

“Talk to you again.”

I nod. “Definitely.”

I wake up listening to a call that I missed from Yu An and I’m not liking it. She’s crying.

“Baekhyun? I’m so sorry for you to listen to this.. I just need someone to talk to right now.. I just need to let it all out... please call me if you received this.”

And I did but she didn’t pick up. These are the times that frustrate me the most. I tried so hard to reach her but I can’t. I don’t even know why she’s having a hard time right now.

I dialed her number as I wait for her to pick up. I gasp when it did.

“Hello?” It’s a guy and it’s not that gay friend of hers.

“Hello? Is this Yu An’s phone?”

“Yeah.” I hate that this guy is so damn confident in answering. “I guess you’re Baekhyun.”

So he heard of me. “Where is she?”

“She cried herself to sleep.”

I don’t know what enraged me at this moment. The words cried herself to sleep or the fact that this guy is with her when she cried herself to sleep.

“Who is this?”

“Her senior Kim Minseok. Can I ask you something? Why do you still carry on with this kind of relationship? I know that you’re both hurting being far away from each other but I can’t tolerate it anymore seeing her cry by herself whenever she can’t get hold of you. I’ve watched her do that every day and not a single day passes without me seeing her cry because of you. I know she might be mad at me the moment she knows about this but I just have to let you know.”

I turn my fist to a ball in rage. This is the second time I want to hop inside my phone and punch this guy in the face.

“I may not know who you are but you don’t have a right to talk that way. This is our business and you don’t need to give a about it.”

I hang up and threw my phone on the side bringing my hands on my face letting out a breath. “Yu An..”

--

Yu An.

I wake up finding myself sleeping on the lobby. I gasp and stare at the time. Four thirteen in the morning. A white coat fell on the floor when I stood up. I picked it up and saw the name on it. Kim Minseok. I sigh and headed to his office. His lights are on so I guess he’s already up. I knocked and the door opened.

“Sunbae?” I called as I go inside.

“Oh, you’re awake? I was actually planning on getting you to the lounge but you look so deep in sleep and I’m afraid to wake you up.”

I stop realizing that he saw me. I wonder if he saw me before that too. “Here. Thank you.” He smiles taking the coat from me.

“You feel better now?”

He did saw me before I slept. “You saw?”

He leans on his table crossing his arms and stares. “I’ll be honest. Did it ever cross your mind to end that relationship you have with him?”

“I think you’re going out of line Sunbae. I believe this is my business and not yours.”

“It is mine because it is yours.” I look at him confused. What the hell is he talking about? “You still don’t get it? Do I need to spell it out for you? Well okay. I like you Yu An.”

I’ve been confessed to twice but this is the first time I haven’t felt anything. I’m so mad at him being so full of himself talking about me and Baekhyun when he doesn’t know anything.

“I believe you know what I’m going to say. I’ll excuse myself.” I was going to the front door when he grabs me pushing the door back trapping me inside. “What are you doing?”

He hugs me tighter. “Let him go Yu An. You don’t deserve this pain.”

Tears are crawling up to my eyes. The pain that I’m feeling is coming back and it’s because of him reminding me what that feels like. I push him back wiping my tears and left the room. I ran to the lounge and hug my knees as I cry.

“I miss you Baekhyun.”

I stare at my phone when I got finished from my duty and realized that Baekhyun haven’t read the texts I sent him since the other day but he did receive the call. I decided to send him a text again and waited. I look at the clock and it’s afternoon there. I smile seeing the possibility that he can take the call. I pressed video call and waited but it didn’t connect.

“Is his phone off?” I mumble and tried again but got the same response.

I waited almost half of the day for my texts to be answered but it isn’t at least seen by him. My anxieties went up again. Is he giving up on this? Did my call do this? Does he not want to be with me anymore? Tears are attempting to leave my eyes again but I decided not to because someone might see me again.

“Yu An, aren’t you leaving too?” Yoojoon asks.

“Ah! I’m going!” We all headed to the lounge and changed our clothes.

“At last! A three day rest for us!!” Jaehee sings. “Oh! Sunbae!”

I stop. Seeing him makes me remember what he did and makes me also embarrassed for leaving that way earlier.

“I guess it’s the start of you rest day huh?” He says but it seems like he’s talking to me when he’s staring at me.

“Yes!”

“Then sleep well three of you.” He walks ahead but stops when he reaches me. I prefer not to look. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles and leaves.

I wonder what he’s apologizing for. What he did yesterday or what he said. We all walk to the exit when I saw missed calls from Yeon Hee. Great, now I’m missing calls from her too.

You called me? Sorry I missed it. What is it?

I hit send and scrolled my phone to check if Baekhyun has seen my messages but it still doesn’t.

“Hey Yu.” Yoojoon calls.

“Yeah?” I replied still staring at my phone. Please read it Baek.

“I’m recalling when I have first seen your boyfriend. It’s when you video chatted him right?”

“Yeah.”

“But I think his hair is quite longer now.” I look at him wondering why he’s bringing up Baekhyun and his hairstyle all of a sudden. “You missed him so much I’m wondering why you aren’t running to him right now.”

I pause to register what he just said. The words running to him and right now can’t seem to register. He points ahead of us and I think I’m missing Baekhyun so much that I’m seeing him in front of me right now.

“I must be so stressed.” I mumbled. Baekhyun smiles and he’s walking towards my direction. Why am I hallucinating right now? “Yoojun, I think I might have lost it already. I’m seeing him in front of me right now.”

Yoojun laughs and slaps me. I wince in pain and he points. “I’m seeing it too and you didn’t lose it. You’re seeing it too right Jaehee?”

“Yeah, he’s quite a catch Yu An.” Jaehee replied and I continue to stare at him.

I reach for him to touch him and I’m feeling it. “Oh my god.” I gasp and he chuckles.

“I was expecting a hug and squeal. You don’t miss me that much?”

He’s real. Baekhyun’s here.