Chapter 16                           

Baekhyun.

I smile and wipe her eyes. I’m glad she stopped crying. It’s the first time that I’ve seen her cry so hard like that. I hate to admit it, but ever since we both dated, I’ve never seen her smile and laugh because of me. She only cries and apologize to me.

It’s the opposite of what Chanyeol can do.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you.”

She grabs the bottle of water on my hand and drinks it. She sobs for the last time and smiles. But I know that was forced.

“I’m-“ she stops and I know she’s going to apologize again then she laughs. “I promise I’m not going to say that again.”

“Thank you.” I say.

She stands and grabs the sodas that she bought earlier. “We have to go. The rest must be wai- oh my!”

It suddenly rains and I laugh. Just when I got out from the hospital huh? I flinch when she grabs my hand and we started to run. “We can’t have you sick again Baekhyun. Let’s go!”

I smile as I watch her lead the way. This is the first time she’s done this. And I know she didn’t do this with Chanyeol either. We stop when we reached the entrance of the villa and we’re both drenched. I watch her as she laughs and pats her dress dry. I walk closer and hug her from behind. She freezes and doesn’t move.

“Baekhyun?”

“I’m so happy. Now I have something that I can call mine.”

This is something that I can call mine. A memory that Chanyeol didn’t have. She steps back and looks at me. “Are you okay? You’re not sick again are you?”

I hug her tight. “I won’t be again for a long time.”

She smiles. “That’s good.”

“Baekhyun?” We turn and saw Yeon Hee on the hallway. “OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO BOTH OF YOU?!”

Yu An chuckles. “There’s a sudden downpour. We don’t have any umbrella with us.”

“Get a shower both of you! Oh, by that I meant separately.”

Yu An flushed. “Y..Yeon Hee!”

I chuckle. I grab her hand and we both headed upstairs. “This is Chan’s room?”

“M..Mm.”

“Alright. I’ll get a shower then.”

“Okay.”

Before Yu An enters their room, I called her. “Yu.”

“Hm?”

I walk closer to her and lower myself to her ear. I feel her tense up and smile. “That’s a shame. I thought we’re going in together though.”

She hiccups and moves back. “I’m..I’m going in!”

I laugh. It’s nice to because I can finally see that I have an effect on her.

--

Yu An.

I’m red. Red as an apple.

What did he just do to me? I shake my head to release the touch but my ears are still tingling. “Oh my!” I gasp at the cold water from the shower. I forgot to turn the heat on. “Snap out of it Nam Yu An...”

I sigh and wet my hair then started to shower. It’s a surprise that Baekhyun’s here for the camp when he just recovered. “I wonder if he’ll be okay for the practice.”

Just when I had myself distracted on the thought, it flashes back again. Chanyeol. My body tenses up again at the thought of him. Will he ever want everything back? Or does he just feel comfortable with the both of us being this way? My heart stings at the later. I wonder if he really thinks that way.

After I finished showering, I grab the towel and dry myself up then get myself clothes to change to. I grab the Yeon Hee’s blower and started to dry my hair. Afterwards I brush myself for the last time and headed out. I stop when I saw Baekhyun standing outside their room.

“Baekhyun.” He stands and stops leaning on the wall after I called his name. He smiles and walks closer to me. “Have you been waiting?”

“Mm.”

I look at his head and I didn’t notice it before. He’s wearing a bonnet. I reach for it and removed it. “Your hair is still wet. How can you wear this? You’ll get sick.”

“But I don’t like my hair this short.”

“You just had that surgery. Of course it’s short.” He frowns and I smile at his cuteness. “Come here.”

His eyes widen when I pull him inside or room and pulls back. He’s flushing. “W...Wait! Are..Are you serious?”

I look at him in confusion. “What are you saying?”

“You...You really want to?” He points at the bed and I laugh. So that’s what he’s thinking and that’s why he’s flushing.

“You really have a dirty mind do you? It’s not that silly. I’m going to dry your hair. I’ll also leave the door open so you won’t do anything suspicious.”

His eyes widen and looks away. “Sh*t this is too embarrassing.” He says covering his face.

I laugh and make him sit on the flower as I plug the blower on. I put his bonnet on the top of the bed and started to dry his hair. It’s short but it will be faster this way. “There. You’re all dry.” I smile and look at his reflection on the mirror. He leans on the edge of the bed and stares up at me smiling.

“Yu, come closer.”

I did. I lean closer to him and stare. “What is it?”

“Closer.” I did. My hair touches his cheek and he grabs a handful of my hair curtaining our faces.

I chuckle. “What are you doing?”

“This.” He leans close and kisses me. I freeze in surprise. He stares and smiles. “Look at you flush.”

I stand in shock and looked away then I froze again. He’s there. He’s standing at the door. “C..Chanyeol.”

He stares at me. Eyes as dark as I have ever seen them. I’ve seen another him today. Did he see?

“Yeon Hee told me to call you both. I guess you’re good to go down.” He says and walks away.

My hand is starting to shake. I don’t know what’s happening to me. “Yu.” Baekhyun holds me from behind and it calms me. He buries his face on my neck. “It’s okay.”

I nod. Baekhyun says that it’s okay. So it will be right?

I can’t sleep.

I look at my phone and it’s one thirty-five in the morning. I turn to Yeon Hee and she’s sleeping. I guess I’ll take a walk.

I grab my flip flops and headed on the beach. I listen on the waves as they pass through the shore.

Please let me feel sleepy..

I removed my flip flops and walked on the sand. Why don’t I feel the sand on my feet. I look down and see my feet bleeding. I must’ve stepped on something.

But why am I not feeling it?

Then it came to me. I’m feeling empty again. I don’t feel anything. Again.

I head to the kitchen and washed my hands. Blood is flowing on the steam. But why do I see steam? “I’m not feeling it.”

I want to feel something. I DON’T FEEL ANYTHING. I scan the place. I need something that can make me feel something.

--

Yeon Hee.

“Hm? Yu An?” I force my eyes open even though they’re so heavy. That’s odd. Yu An’s not on her bed. But her phone’s here.

I walk out of the room and head downstairs. Maybe she got hungry again. I head on the kitchen and the light is on. I chuckle. This girl really.

“Yu An, are you eat- YU AN!” I gasp seeing blood all over the floor. She’s grasping a knife on her hand. “YU AN! Let that go!”

She looks at me and I’m surprised. Her eyes... They’re so empty.

“Y..Yu An?” Please don’t tell me she’s being like this again.. my eyes are getting blurry because of the tears.

“Yeon Hee, why is there blood on my hand when I don’t feel any pain on my hand?” I grab the knife away from her and hugged her.

“It’s okay Yu An.. You’ll feel something soon..”

She’s shaking her head in intensity. Her face is blank but her eyes are full of tears. “I want to feel something.. MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING!”

“Yu An calm down okay?” I’m sobbing hard now. She told me about these episodes of her when she doesn’t feel anything. I felt bad about it but I didn’t expect it to be this much.

“MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING!!!!!” She cried.

I need help.. I can’t handle this alone.

--

Chanyeol.

I groan and shift to the side. There it is again.

“Baekhyun.. answer your damn phone..”

“Mfff.” He groans and covered his ears with the pillow.

Now I’m annoyed.

I walk to his side and grab his phone. “Yeon Hee?” I squint my eyes at the brightness of his phone. “Why is she calling in this hour?”

I swipe answer and sigh. “What are y-“

“BAEKHYUN!! HELP ME PLEASE!!”

Now I’m wide awake. Yeon Hee’s sobbing on the other line. “Calm down. It’s me Chanyeol.”

“I DON’T CARE WHO! YU AN IS.. OH DAMN IT JUST GO DOWN HERE!” I can hear the phone fell on the floor and Yeon Hee screams don’t die on me.

I run downstairs and saw Yeon Hee and Yu An lying on the floor. It’s like a bloodbath in here. Yu An’s going through it again.

“Open the door on your room and get the first aid kit.” I say grabbing Yu An from her. She’s lost again.

“But.. But she’s-“

“She’ll die with the loss of blood if this continues. Hurry.”

I carry Yu An to their room and took my shirt off pressing it on her palm. “Y..Yu An?”

Baekhyun’s here.

“WHAT HAPPENED?”

“Open her bag and find her pills. It must be there.” I say.

“What are you saying?!”

“JUST GET IT!” I yell. I look at Yu An and she’s still lost. Baekhyun returns with the pills on his hand. I can tell he’s scared of what’s happening right now. I am too. I can’t lose her.

“Yu An, take this. Look at me.” I look at her but she’s not responding.

“I don’t feel anything.. make me feel something.” She says in repeat.

“Baekhyun, make her take it.”

“W...What do you mean?”

“She won’t calm down unless she takes it! You’re her boyfriend.”

“How can I do that?! She’s not herself right now!”

“DAMN IT BAEKHYUN!” I groan and take the pill on my mouth. I grab Yu An and pull her close. My mouth meets hers and I make her take the pill. “Swallow it.”

And she did. I look at her and she’s crying. After a while, she’s looking at me again. In her eyes of hers. She’s back. I smiled in relief. “Welcome back Yu.”

She extends her hand and it meets my cheeks. She’s sobbing but I’m glad she’s back. I’m glad she is. “Chan..yeol.”

“Mm. It’s me.” I hold her hand. The bleeding stopped. She just stares and tears continue to flow from her eyes. Her eyes started to go heavy and she falls asleep.

--

Yu An.

I open my eyes, it’s morning.

I sit up remembering everything. I can feel again because my right hand and foot hurts. It’s because of the cut last night. My eyes widen.

My blood on the floor.

I have to clean it before anyone sees. I wince in pain as I stand on the wrong. At least I can feel pain again. I look to my right and Baekhyun is here. Yeon Hee is on her bed. I smile and put the blanket on Baekhyun. I must’ve burdened them.

Walking is not easy as I go down. I head to the kitchen and saw someone there. The floor is clean already.

“I see that you’re awake.”

I stare at him. That’s right. Last night he.. “Thank you. For last night that is.”

He halts moping and looks at me. “Can I ask you something?” I nod. “What’s wrong? Why did you become like that again? Have you been running away from something?”

I’m getting mad. “You want to know?” He nods. I bit my lower lip in frustration. Is he really serious that he’s really asking that question right now?

“I’m running away from you. Haven’t we both are?” I snapped. I’m crying in anger. “You just suddenly ignored me and I don’t know what I’ve done to you! We’re both back to what we were from the start! You acted like you don’t care about me and that hurt me the most.. you not caring about me. I tried not to care about you too,” my voice is getting shaky. This is the worst. “But you keep on appearing everywhere... You’re just everywhere. I tried to only look at Baekhyun, but why is it that I can’t do that?”

I look at him and he’s looking straight at me. I cried harder. He really doesn’t care about me anymore. I felt warmth around me and when I open my eyes, he’s close to me. Hugging me.

“I don’t like you anymore.” He says.

It’s like the whole world stopped for me. It’s very quiet and empty. Bu I can feel everything.

The pain, the hurt.

I stop sobbing but tears continue. I feel his thumb on the corner of my eye wiping the tears. Well shame on you. They won’t stop.

“I hate you.” I say.

“Mm.” He says.

I clench my fist and hit him. “I ING HATE YOU!!”

“I know.”

I scoff and step away from him. I don’t really know anymore. “I should say my goodbye. Oh wait, you don’t even care.”

I remove his hands off me and walk back upstairs. I hate him.

“Yu An?”

Baekhyun.

“Baek-“ I gasped when Chanyeol pulled me. “What are you-“ He doesn’t listen and continued on dragging me with him. He enters the storage room and dragged me inside. He shuts the door close and locks it. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“If you’re going to say goodbye to me do it properly.” He says.

The next thing I know is that he’s lips are on mine. I’m too surprised to react on that. He just pissed me off earlier telling me that he doesn’t like me and now he’s kissing me. I push him off but he doesn’t budge. I hate myself.

I’m giving in to him.

I’m kissing him back.

Damn it.

He pulls back but his hand is still on my cheek. We’re both breathing hard, catching our breaths.

“Why did you just do?” I say. I’m crying again. I just stopped a minute ago and I’m doing it again.

“I told you to say goodbye properly.” He replied. Now I get what he’s doing. I get what we’re doing. We’re ending this. What we both feel. “I’m kissing you again.” He says.

I nod. He leans closer and I close my eyes. I don’t want to go back inside. I just want to stay here. “Mff..” I groan on pain. I just stood on the wrong foot again.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“M..My foot.” He chuckles and rested his forehead on mine. “Chanyeol? Wha-“ I gasp when he suddenly carried me and place me on the table.

What the hell are we doing? I don’t have a good feeling about this.

“Why are you blushing Yu An?” He asks smiling. His hands are on my sides locking me.

“Y..You just- why am I sitting here?”

“You’re in pain if we just stand.”

“Why do I have to sit down?!”

“Because I’m not done with my goodbye yet.” He leans close and kissed me again. It’s the first time that he kissed me like this. He pulls out to breathe and kisses me again. He’s doing in in repeat.

“Yu An? Where are you?”

Baekhyun.

I gasp. What the hell am I doing?

I push Chanyeol back and we’re both chasing for our breaths. He leans again but I push him.

“Stop.”

“I’m not done yet.”

“Just please stop.” I pleaded. “This is wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Did you find her?” I stare at the door. That’s Yeon Hee.

“Not yet. She’s going to be fine right? She should be.”

He’s worried about me.

I got off the table and walked to the door. Chanyeol hugs me from behind. “Chanyeol stop.”

“Not yet.”

“You don’t like me anymore and I’m not going to like you anymore too. We said our goodbyes so please.. let go of me.”

I felt him freeze for a moment and then lets me go.

I walk to the door and I can see my hand shake. I can’t stay here. If I do, I won’t be able to walk away anymore. I’ve said my goodbyes and I just hope there’s nothing left.