CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

the dark side of the night

I know what happened.

I know what you’re doing.

I’ll tell them about it.

Everyone will know the truth.

Cars were lining up in the rain in front of the school administration building in the pouring rain, ready to take the glamorous to dinner – a form of appreciation of the school for its’ “students who performed outstandingly in extra-curricular activities.”

‘You should go.’ Soojung hung her head low.

‘I’m not going anywhere.’ Rei insisted.

Will you stay to listen to my story?

Will you stay long enough to know what happened?

Yoori was restless waiting in front of the rain. She had called Rei several times but why was she not picking up? She held onto her body, feeling the cold on her bare arms. ‘Yoori!’ an unfamiliar voice called her. She turned to see none other than Oh Sehun sprinting towards her in his  suit.

‘Rei can’t make it.’ He simply said. ‘She told me to take you.’

‘Good.’ She had no further harsh remark to make and decided to trust Rei’s fool-proof instinct. If Rei trusted Oh Sehun, she had no reason not to – Rei would never take the risk against someone else.

The skies began to thunder over the earth.

Soojung was sobbing hard into Rei’s chest. The almost storm outside sounded no different to the noise inside of her. It was a mess – a whole well of images all at once, from different times and places boiling together in a longing rage. She was breaking apart in Rei’s arms. The pieces of her were melting into the ground, fading but unable to completely fade.

‘I know he did it.’ Her eyes had shattered.

I know you did something to her. Her eyes were burning that day or attempting to burn the same way Jongyeon’s eyes burned. She had fire in her eyes, Jongyeon. A gentle fierce part of her that always left Soojung in awe.

‘I’m used to it.’ Her eyes were blank when she told Rei. ‘I don’t remember when it started. Sometimes, it’s as if it had always been like that. Which is funny, because I don’t see my dad’s passing that way.’

‘I can remember clearly when he left and when he used to play with me. But my brother-‘ she shook her head. ‘I’m not even sure if he ever used to not be like that.’

‘What kind of things does he do to you?’

‘See for yourself.’ She shifted her position so that her back faced Rei. Rei lifted up her t-shirt from behind and saw the hardened, darkened patches on her back. ‘He hasn’t beaten me in awhile because I’m in school. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to come here.’

Rei could imagine her, a shadow crouching into a corner, helpless and small under the shadow of a monster – whose shadow only grew and grew. She could hear the cries, the whimpering as Soojung crouched into herself, shrinking further.

You’re a terrible person.

A laugh would ensue.

Please stop.

A word repeated over and over again.

Please.

It was like fuel to the laughs.

‘He would hit me whenever he had the chance. I used to be terrible with chores, you see. I’d clear the table wrong, and he would hit me on the arm and yell. I’d do badly on a test and he would do the same. I bought the wrong things, talked to people I wasn’t supposed to talk to, follow my friends to parties I wasn’t supposed to go to.’

Rei pulled Soojung’s t-shirt back down.

‘Everything I did were things I wasn’t supposed to do. Of course, I tried get on my mum’s better side. He never did those things in front of her. He was a good brother in front of her. He would make me food and take me to school and then take me back home. Sometimes he never hit me, on some days nothing seemed right in his eyes. He’d apologize and say he did it because he didn’t want me to end up no good. I used to believe him, or even if I didn’t, I didn’t blame him.’

She sighed.

‘Boys get angry all the time, I used to say. I always saw boys from my school arguing and fighting all the time. Maybe that’s just how they’re created. How surprised I was when I read and found out that anger management issue isn’t a mental illness, you know, the way depression is.’

‘I read a lot. I tried to find out what is it was I doing wrong. I wondered maybe if I was psychologically aware I could avoid getting hit, but it was never me. It always has been him, and I couldn’t change that no matter how perfect I become.’

You’re a monster. And you’ll always be a monster.

‘So I came here instead, hoping I could avoid him. I promised to myself I would be smart enough to run away and never see him again. And I still hope that.’

Leave me alone. Why can’t you leave me alone?

‘And Jongyeon?’

Why didn’t you leave her alone?

Soojung was silent and Rei could hear her gaze dropping. ‘She knew. That’s why he hurt her. Because she knew.’

Curiosity killed the cat. It was never the pursuit of knowledge that killed; it was the threat that knowing too much could pose on other people. On instinct, we fight threat by eliminating it.

‘How did you know?’

‘I didn’t know until my brother took me out two months back, saying sorry for what happened to her. I’ve never told him about her, about how we really were.’

I’m sorry for your loss. Soojung could see the sympathy in his eyes. Soohyun had always been able to express emotions that he believed were true. Why take her to eat at the very café Jongyeon used to work in? Had he known? Was it just a stunt? Or his idea of a joke?

He had been nice to her that day, but Soojung was firm in her judgement that something was awfully amiss with him and the recent horror surrounding her.

What did you do to her?

Soojung pursued answers. With barely little to rely on, she struggled to obtain anything at all. She would return to the café where Jongyeon worked in, then to the street where she was supposedly found dead, trying to calculate chances and possibilities.

‘I just knew he had something to do with it.’

They have met once, Jongyeon and Soohyun. Jongyeon and Soojung were in the latter’s bedroom in their humble when her brother returned. ‘I thought we agreed you’d ask me first before bringing friends over.’

‘Sorry.’ Soojung lowered her head.

‘You really need to consider the fact that there are other people inside this house.’ His tone was tinted with anger.

‘Like you’re not bringing three friends over?’ Jongyeon spoke up, referring to Soohyun’s friends who were lounging in the living area at that time.

‘I’m sorry. I was just here to fetch things and didn’t think it’d be nice to leave my friend outside.’

‘Pretty rude for a young girl.’

‘Likewise a grown man.’ Jongyeon rebutted.

The fury was as clear as the darkness in his eyes. ‘You need to watch who you hang out with, Soojung, and no you’re not allowed out. It’s late. If you do-‘

‘What? You’ll hit her?’

Soohyun’s words came to an abrupt, surprised halt.

‘Jongyeon, it’s okay.’ Soojung whispered. ‘I’m going to send her downstairs and I’ll come back.’

‘Get the out.’ His voice was quiet and menacing.

Jongyeon knew what Soohyun did to Soojung. She had seen how Soojung was toiled and turned in a toxic cycle of fear and paranoia – the wings that had been shredded to pieces by a single monster living in the same house. Soojung’s freedom was greatly trampled upon that even without the presence of her brother she failed to see the endless possibilities that she could create without wondering about the consequences of lack of perfection.

There were days Soojung would cry thinking of the dark days that could happen in Soojung’s simple, ideal future. What if he hurt me again? What if he does that to my mother? Do you really think I could live a life where he’s no longer there?

Jongyeon refused to sit back and watch.

She would call the police and ask how she could convict an abuser. She tried to learn to be a better person for Soojung. How could she attend to Soojung’s emotional needs whenever the horrors haunt her? Was recovery possible? Was there a chance of salvaging what was left of the past identity of Soojung when times were simpler and better?

‘I’ll be fine. I just have to graduate school and go far away from here.’

But it was not going to be fine, not until Soohyun learns to change but it was highly unlikely that he would.

Jongyeon wanted to take things into her own hands. She wanted to make Soojung’s world safer. That was when the visits started. Soohyun would casually come to Jongyeon’s café late at night once a week, then once every night.

He wanted to reason with her.

Someone must have met him and asked if Jongyeon’s accusations of him held any truth. Of course, Jongyeon would not listen. She knew better not to listen, but resistance did not often result in surrender.

‘He must have tried to talk to her and gotten angry. I just know it happened that way.’

You did it, didn’t you?

It terrified her.

You’re blaming me for something you did?

‘What if I really did kill her, Rei? What if I told her to stop? Would she still be alive?’

‘You can’t change monsters, Soojung, and you can’t change heroes either.’

‘Hero-‘ she murmured.

‘I think you best sleep now. You’re exhausted.’

Soojung obliged. Her eyes were carrying tears and she lied down on her cold bed. ‘Why did she do it? Why did she try to save me?’ she asked.

Rei pulled the blanket over Soojung’s vulnerable body.

‘Why can’t she stay with me?’

‘Because she loves you.’

‘Then why leave?’ she was crying now. Rei the side of Soojung’s hair. ‘Why leave me here all alone?’

‘Because sometimes that’s the best way we believe we can love someone.’

Rei watched Soojung sleep before she left. She missed the awards during dinner, and although her makeup remained intact and her dress stayed untouched, the glow from her face was gone. She looked lifeless and uninterested and had to resort to the most unauthentic to smiles whenever someone complimented her or congratulated her for her performance in the Nationals.

‘You might as well not come, Rei.’ Yoori commented, clearly unimpressed.

‘I’m sorry.’ She could not bring herself to bring excuses.

‘Jinwoo tried to talk to me, and poor Sehun here had to take a blow to make sure I was safe.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Rei sounded even more frustrated.

‘Don’t worry about it. I’m okay now, see?’ Sehun brushed off the apology. He hated physical confrontation and when cornered by Jinwoo with Yoori, his main concern was to make sure she was safely removed from the threatening scene. Of course, there was little Jinwoo could do to Sehun. Sehun defended himself well enough to buy time for Yoori and for security to come and break the attack.

He had blood in his mouth from the strong blow but suffered nothing else, continuously asking if Yoori was alright instead.

‘You’re a complete idiot, Oh Sehun.’ was all she said to him.

Rei barely touched her food and Sehun threw silent words across the table, assuring her he was alright. You have to try the pudding, he would mouth to her. When at last the dinner ended and they returned to school, Yoori thanked Sehun for taking the blow for her.

‘Well? Do you want me to help you? Take Jinwoo down of course.’

‘Don’t mind me. Take care of yourself.’ He told her.

‘Suit yourself. You owe him, Rei.’ She shot a glaring look before she went back upstairs to bed, where she could be away from the horrid mess of everyone in school.

‘Don’t listen to her.’ Sehun attempted to lighten the mood but Rei said nothing. ‘So did you talk to Soojung?’

‘I found out things I feared were true.’

She told him everything. What Soojung said, what Soojung felt, how the jigsaw pieces now fell into place, exactly how she had initially placed it to be.

‘That’s twisted.’ Sehun said.  Rei nodded. ‘So do we leave it at that?’

‘I don’t know.’ She leaned her back into the comfort of the sofa in the common room. ‘I should have come earlier.’ She reached her hand to his face. There was a very faint mark on his face. ‘Maybe you wouldn’t have been hit if I did.’

‘It doesn’t hurt now, so you don’t have to worry.’

‘It’s still my fault.’ Her voice was a guilty whisper.

‘It’s Jinwoo who punched me, not you.’ His smile then turned into a sudden frown.

‘Sehun? What is it? You don’t look alright. Did Jinwoo say something?’

He shook his head. ‘I know you’re up to something, and you know this is beyond what we do at clubs. This involves your life, Rei. You can’t do this alone.’ He tore his gaze from her. ‘I don’t want you to get hurt.’

Rei took a pause.

‘Alright then.’

‘We don’t want to lose anyone anymore.’ He pulled her into his arms.

‘No, I suppose not.’ She exhaled, resting in the warmth of his grip. The warmth of lies, she thought. Sehun shut his eyes, attempting to shut from the fear of Jinwoo’s words.

Stay out of this.

Why can’t you just leave her alone?

Other people get hurt when you don’t mind your own business.

Other people?

‘I could hurt her again.’