CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

fly me to the moon

‘Any news?’ Soojung answered to Jongin summoning her to the library after class. It was an odd scene to see; Jongin sitting down alone in the library with his books and homework spread on the table. By no means was he a lazy, carefree student, but Jongin was never the type to go to the library alone, especially not to do work. Soojung sat down beside him.

‘They can’t gather enough evidence for the case,’ he started. He looked relatively calm, and naturally too. It was not as if he was trying to hide anything. In front of Soojung, he did not try to. Maybe his sister’s death had been an exception but ever since he told her how he really felt, he was relieved the day after. It dawned on him that it did not harm to tell another person how he felt, especially someone he trusted, and Jongin sensed a barrier crumbling to the ground between them.

Now, however, she was the one who were picking up the fallen bricks and putting them back into place. ‘I see,’ she tore her gaze, looking a little confused. ‘So? The progress?’

‘They can either dismiss the case or put it on hold until they decide to prosecute the case, but Ms Yoon said it’s not likely anytime soon at least. It might just even be abandoned,’ he shrugged.

‘That’s-‘ Soojung struggled to find words to say. ‘That’s a shame,’ she said. Jongin studied her face further, only then noticing the slight difference in her responses, thinking himself foolish and blind. They were there like bolded letters in a text, and still it took Rei to tell him that his very own best friend was not alright. He was disappointed in himself.

‘Soojung,’ he called, clicking his thumbs against each other. ‘I know I’ve been shutting out a lot about Jongyeon, and everything became really dark for me, and I never noticed it.’

‘Noticed what?’ Soojung was alarmed by the sudden confession of emotions.

‘You’ve been acting a bit different too,’

‘Really?’ Soojung raised her brows.                                         

Jongin nodded. ‘Sometimes, in class, you would stare at something for no reason. Like you lost focus, and then you snap back to reality. I don’t know what you think about but sometimes, you would look really sad. You don’t talk to me as much as we usually do. Usually, when I get frustrated or upset you would check on me all the time. Remember the first time I had with a client? And you saw how in pain I was and you didn’t care if it was embarrassing you insisted you wanted to help me? I’m not saying I’m sad you didn’t check on me like that, but it’s a little weird, and I want to know why, because I want to help you too.  ’

She gave no response; not denying or agreeing with him.

‘Is something wrong? Maybe something’s bothering you? Is it Jongyeon?’ he listed out the possibilities.

‘Why would you think it would have anything to do with your sister?’ she was curious.

‘You started spacing out just after she died. You cried when you found out,’ he explained. ‘Look.’ He sighed. ‘I know you’re not okay. If you can tell me what it is, then please. If you can’t, it’s fine. If I can help you, let me help, and if I can’t, just let me know how you’re doing at all times.’ Jongin’s voice was gentle, and he looked hard into Soojung’s stirring eyes. There was struggle he could see in those brown orbs. ‘I understand if you really do want me to leave you alone, but I don’t want to lose you. You’re my person and you’re the only one I have right now.’

Soojung was trying to hold up a wall but her frail hands would not do. She had not enough strength, and Jongin’s words were melting her already weak limbs.  Her lips twitched into a helpless frown, and she looked down. Then she looked up, her face appearing confused. moved as if she had something to say but was undecided about it.

‘Do you want to go somewhere private?’ Jongin asked.

Soojung pressed a finger to her nose, closed her eyes and breathed. The she smiled. ‘I’m fine,’ was what came out of . It would have taken a lot of courage to tell such a blatant lie, but Jongin was less than tempted to coerce her further.

‘Okay,’ he said in a whisper-like voice. ‘Okay. If that’s so then, um, I was wondering if you wanted to join me watch the audition for the Spring festival,’

‘Auditions?’ Soojung’s disoriented mind had not completely organized into place, but she paid attention to Jongin. ‘T-That’s not your kind of thing,’

Jongin shrugged. ‘What is my kind of thing?’ he asked in a philosophical manner. ‘I don’t know I just feel like checking out all this ‘high school’ events. I have nothing better to do, and besides-‘ he exhaled. ‘-Sehun told me Rei was going to audition too.’

‘Rei? What is she going to do?’

‘Sing. She is musically inclined, in case you didn’t know.’

‘She’s everything-inclined.’ Soojung laughed. ‘Sure, I’ll come watch as well. I always do watch them anyway.’ She nodded. ‘Maybe after that we could hang out at the common room. We haven’t done that in a while,’ her eyes grew wide, and she grinned. Jongin smiled.

‘Why not?’

‘It starts in half an hour. Should we go find Rei?’

‘And give her words of encouragement? Is she even nervous?’

‘I doubt it, but you know, let’s just go!’ she stood up, pulling Jongin’s hand so that he would rise with her, and with hands intertwined they skipped out of the library. ‘And call Chanyeol and Baekhyun down too!’ she told him.

Jongin watched her burst of enthusiasm, and not once did it cross his mind that it was all just an act. Maybe that was just her, and a lot of people in the world. People tend to forget that we were born to feel many different things. Some people shut it out and hide like he does, and some people, like Soojung, can be upset one moment and jumping up and down the next – and it would all be real. Every tear and laugh. Sure it was confusing, but certain humans are just wired that way.

Rei had nicely 45 minutes to spend for last minute practice and warming up in the dining hall with her guitar and Sehun.

‘Is this your first time performing in front of people?’ he asked, holding a book Rei had brought downstairs with her.

She shook her head.

‘Truly a well-rounded prodigy.’ He shot her a smug grin. Rei grinned back, strumming her guitar. ‘By the way, isn’t this book way too advanced for our grade?’ he flashed the cover of the book towards her, as if she had blindly picked a random book to read. It was one of those thick books talking about one possible theory of physics and how it could shape the planet – stuff that Sehun doubt he could understand.

‘If you refer to our syllabus, I suppose it is a little.’

‘Hm, but not everything we know is based on syllabus. That’s what you replied inside your head right?

‘You construct theoretical verbal speeches that I might have inside of my head?’

‘It keeps me busy and it’s fascinating. I’m probably wrong but you know, making predictions is fun.’ Sehun nodded.

‘I suppose it is,’ she agreed.

‘What are you going to sing?’ Sehun leaned forward and rested his chin on his folded arms on the table.

‘It’s a surprise,’

‘Why not the piano?’

‘It’s slightly difficult to construct an upbeat song with a solo piano accompaniment. So, the guitar.’

‘You wrote the song you’re performing?’ Sehun’s eyes turned wide.

‘Maybe,’

‘Maybe,’ he repeated in the same tone she used. ‘I guess so. I suppose. It’s that your method of being discreet or do you prefer not coming up with a firm answer?’ he sounded more inquisitive than offended.

She shrugged.

‘There you go again,’ Sehun gave up. ‘You know you can keep doing that and people will still wonder about you,’

‘By people, don’t you mean only you?’

‘Like I said, if someone ever made a biography about you I’m sure a lot of people would buy it.’

‘That’s a compliment, I take it?’

‘What’s there not to compliment about you?’

Rei held up a finger. ‘That’s a flattery,’

‘I’m not laying out any cards, okay?’ He threw his hands up in surrender. ‘It’s just what I think,’

‘You’re a pretty fascinating person yourself,’

‘You think so?’

‘I’m as quiet as a dead mouse and you can still manage to go on days talking and asking.’

‘Okay, one: you said that as if you’re a wall and I’m a chatty person. Secondly, I only do that to a few people.’

‘Like a gift,’

‘A gift? Why a gift?’ Sehun sat up, knitting his brows.

‘Like something you don’t show or give to everyone,’ she said in a less than confident manner.

‘Like something special,’

‘I guess, from one angle, it could be.’

‘I guess,’ he echoed.

Soojung, Kyungsoo and Jongin strode by with a cheery look about them. ‘See, I told you they were here.’ She said to Jongin. ‘Are you ready to audition?’

‘I guess,’ Rei answered.

‘Again,’ Sehun pestered. The three did not understand but did not ask further.

‘There’s 10 minutes left,’ Kyungsoo told them. ‘Shouldn’t you be heading there, Rei?’

‘Yeah,’ Rei packed her guitar into its case and stood up. ‘I’m going to go on ahead, okay?’ she excused herself.

‘Good luck!’ Soojung cried to her. ‘She just never fails to surprise me,’ she sighed. ‘You know, the next thing we know, she’s discovered a new scientific theory.’

‘I think that’s already in progress,’ Sehun lifted up her book.

‘Bummer,’ Soojung bit her lips.

‘Kids are full of surprises,’ Jongin said as if almost subconsciously. The three all looked at him. Soojung hit him in the arm.

‘You’re a kid!’ she snapped, and they all laughed. ‘By the way, is Chanyeol not coming down?’

‘He didn’t reply,’ Jongin told them.

‘Hm,’ Soojung pursed her lips. ‘Well, let’s go.’ She led the boys to the school auditorium. The audition was not closed off to other students but the seats were nowhere near full. There were several groups of students here and there, many of them seniors who had nothing better to do than to enjoy every last remnant of their final year in school.

‘I didn’t know Rei was into music,’ Kyungsoo walked by Sehun’s side.

‘Neither did I.’ Sehun said rather coolly. ‘You’ll get used to it, don’t worry. It’s scary at first, but later on you just live with it.’

‘What’s scary?’

‘Trying to figure out who she is. I think it’s a very human thing we do, you know? One of the ways we try to label people is with their passion. You know, like you and your art, Baekhyun with his modelling, Jongin with his always wanting to break the rules.’

Kyungsoo scoffed amusingly.

‘But you can’t put a finger on what it is for Rei,’ he continued. ‘She’s like there but not there – which was probably why I thought it’d be convenient for her to work with us. She seemed so professional, like physically present but emotionally absent. And then, you start talking to her and suddenly, bam! She sings, she reads, she speaks different languages, she swims. Crazy, isn’t it?’

‘Wouldn’t that pass as passion?’ Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. ‘Passion into trying out everything?’

Sehun gave it a hard thought. ‘I guess you’re right,’

They aimed to sit near the front where it was easy to watch the auditions. As they walked down, Kyungsoo caught sight of a group of boys sitting in the centre section of the seats, four rows from the front. There was around ten of them, and they took two rows, despite not filling them all. ‘Sehun!’ he heard one of them raise a hand up to Sehun, as if gesturing him to join them.

‘Come on, your friends can sit here too.’ they insisted. Jongin gave a small shrug as an indication that he did not mind, and the four of them sat in the same row as they did, with Sehun sitting next to another track and field athlete. Kyungsoo recognized most them as the football players, mostly, with the exception of a few who were in the basketball and rugby team, and of course – he noticed quite quickly with his sharp eyes – Jaehyun Jung who was on the swimming team, sitting two seats away from Sehun.

Kyungsoo could see why Sehun, despite being an active participant of the school sports scene, rarely ever spent time outside his physical training with the people of his kind. There was an invisible curtain erected from the ground when the auditions began. The boys, adopting a very typical image of celebrated sports students were loud and proud, and also at times, childish and rude.

They were the ones who cheered (or jeered, depending on who it was or if that person could not hold their confidence onstage) most of the time, irritating some of the other students. It was embarrassing and saddening to see them put up such behaviour. Sehun seemed to have donned a sudden spirit of insincerity, shedding his usual loud mask. He was clearly uncomfortable sitting with them, which was the first Kyungsoo has ever witnessed.

Soojung and the boys ignored them the best they could, but then the noise was raised again when Rei came onstage. Soojung raised both her brows, tensing up in her seat as she glanced at Jongin, who noticed the same thing but looked straight ahead. ‘She’s a swimmer, remember?’ he told her. Soojung gave a less than acknowledging nod. No wonder.

‘Is she your girlfriend?’ one of them s his head out of his seat to ask Sehun. The latter looked alarm; it was too sudden.

‘No,’

‘She’s cute,’ another comment followed. Kyungsoo turned to Sehun, who had his head resting on his stilted arm, almost as if he was bored and had not noticed that Rei had took the stage. He did not look as if he heard them either, so Kyungsoo remained as he was.

‘Was she the one Jaehyun took to the party last year?’ another question was thrown.

‘Of course! ! Don’t you remember?’ a laugh erupted. ‘It was so stupid-‘

‘You never said she sings!’

‘I wasn’t there!’

‘Well, , dude. You missed out on-‘

‘ off, Kim!’ Jaehyun shoved the talker down before he could continue barking. They mocked him for ‘being shy’ and irritated him further until another one of them told them to quiet down so that they could watch Rei perform in peace.

Rei sat on a stool with a standing microphone in front of her. She emitted the kind of calmness a person who was accustomed to the stage would own, and announced her name to the student hosting the audition.

Once she settled into her position and cleared , she began plucking the guitar strings to create an upbeat steady rhythm of tune. Anyone who listened knew. Then she accompanied the melody with her voice.

Fly me to the moon

and let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like

on Jupiter and Mars

Kyungsoo could imagine the decorated hall and the dancing lights, girls in beautiful dresses as beautiful things and boys in their charming tuxedos – and they are moving about step by step to the melody that Rei brings.

It was her essence; her unworldly aesthetic spirit that he initially fell for. She looked too good it was almost like a moving photograph, maybe even a painting or a dream. The way she closed her eyes the way a passionate singer does when they are absorbed into their singing, the way they seem to look at someone. Kyungsoo could not help but trace her gaze, though he knows she looks at nobody.

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, darling, kiss me

Fill my hear with song

And let me sing forevermore

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

The cheers came again like someone snapping a twig. Oblivious, the judge dismissed Rei and she walked out from the stage and disappeared.

‘I need the bathroom,’ Sehun leapt up and said to the other three.

‘You’ve been holding it in?’ Kyungsoo asked.

‘I don’t regret it!’ Sehun grinned as he leapt up the stairs like a rabbit and towards the exit.

‘They’re pretty good this year,’ Soojung crossed her arms calculatingly.

‘Do you always come down to watch the auditions?’ Jongin asked.

She nodded. ‘Whether it’s politics or bad taste, you can’t really tell if they really do pick the best auditions to perform during the actual event. Most of the time, the auditions don’t disappoint. It’s just a matter of which will sell better or which suits the theme of the event.’

‘Do you think Rei will pass?’ Kyungsoo wanted to know.

‘It is a festival, so there’s no particular theme when it comes to performances. Again, if she’s the only one performing her own acoustic version of a popular song, she probably has a high chance.’

‘Neat,’ Jongin smirked.

‘Still, imagine having this kind of music play during prom.’

‘Hm,’ Jongin rested his chin on his hand. ‘The perfect setting for a horridly romantic scene.’

Midway during the next audition performance, Kyungsoo noticed Jaehyun getting up, trying to leave but not without his friends teasing him again. Suspicious, Kyungsoo’s gaze would not waver and he watched Jaehyun disappear through the entrance door.

He followed suit, muttering up what did not sound much like an excuse to Jongin before he left the auditorium himself. He looked left and right, and caught the tall black-haired boy heading towards the hallway, making a right turn. Kyungsoo was less than sure where he was heading, but kept a fair distance from Jaehyun as so not to appear too obvious nor be detected by Jaehyun himself.

Jaehyun descended down a flight of stairs to a side door leading into the backstage area of the auditorium. It was a long trail, since the auditorium itself was a big place, and Kyungsoo had to slip his way through the students who were busy working on the festival decorations. There were not too many that it blocked his path, but they did use a fair amount of equipment that took up the space on the floor. By this time, Jaehyun was walking slower and he kept twisting his head left and right, his blue eyes scanning like a vulture as if he was trying to look for someone. Without luck, he went further deep to the back of the auditorium where the waiting rooms were located.

He stopped in front of the second door, and Kyungsoo stopped along, just before the corner to the small corridor.

His shoulders began to tense as if he had sensed something amiss. Kyungsoo took several steps back, feeling the hairs on his skin stand. Had he noticed him? He hoped not.

Swallowing, he counted to himself, then walked onwards again, now finding Jaehyun gone. Gathering his breaths to continue following him, Kyungsoo was stopped by two taps on his shoulder, which made him flinch slightly.

‘What are you doing?’ a wide grin greeted him by surprise.

‘Sehun!’ Kyungsoo pressed a hand on his chest. ‘Nothing, I just-‘ he was frantic and kept looking from Sehun to the spot where Kyungsoo last saw Jaehyun. Rei was standing beside Sehun, carrying her guitar case with her.

‘Uh guys,’ Sehun did not wait for him to finish, but the lack of suspicion in his tone of voice spared Kyungsoo further pressure. ‘Something came up,’ he was staring down at his phone.

‘What is it?’ Rei asked.

‘It’s Baekhyun,’ he looked at the both of them. ‘He passed out during gym class,’

‘Is it that serious?’ Kyungsoo wondered.

‘He’s at the hospital right now. Something about him being malnourished,’ Sehun’s voice was relatively calm. ‘But Chanyeol said he woke up,’

‘Let’s go,’ Rei placed her hands on the backs of the boys and pushed them forward.

‘You want to go? But Chanyeol-‘

‘We’re going,’ she said firmly, with a tone that indicated she was not about to listen to any objection.

The boys decided not to argue.