chapter eighteen

it's baekhyun

‘I suggest you take a few days off work,’ the doctor said, every word adding more and more fuel to Baekhyun’s impatience. He kept nodding enthusiastically, his fists curled and his lips pressed tightly against each other. That was all he had been doing: nodding. He nodded at the nurse who came and took a sample of his blood and urine for testing. He nodded at another nurse who came to check on him. He nodded when he got scolded for not eating by another nurse. ‘Or school,’ the doctor continued. ‘Try to eat properly,’ he said before putting his glasses back on.

‘I will,’ Baekhyun nodded, turning from the doctor to Chanyeol. ‘Can I go now?’ he asked the first.

The doctor gave him a curious stare and said, ‘Not now, but soon. We need the results of your blood and urine test and then we’ll see.’ He smiled a polite smile and then left the ward. Baekhyun watched the man in his white coat leave and then slumped his back against the bed and crossed his arms.

‘Ouch, a little grumpy, huh?’ Chanyeol softly pinched Baekhyun on the cheeks, careful not to go overboard in front of the other twenty patients sharing the same ward as Baekhyun, even though the large ward was very much noisy and the other doctors were too busy checking and treating patients and the patients were too sick to pay the slightest attention to the young couple.

Baekhyun sighed, refusing to look at him. ‘I just out. That was it,’ he argued.

‘He’s right you know. You have to eat, and properly.’ He urged Baekhyun.

Baekhyun softened his tightened brows. ‘What’s there to test anyway? It’s not like I take drugs,’

Chanyeol sat down beside him. Baekhyun finally looked at him, and saw Chanyeol’s soft blue eyes staring back at him. He always looked attractive when he took on his president of the students’ council side, and when he was not angry. Baekhyun loved seeing those blue eyes. ‘What?’ but at the same time, they made him feel helplessly flustered and awkward.

‘I really want to kiss you right now,’ Chanyeol whispered, glancing warily sideways. ‘But I think here’s not the right place, plus I’m sweaty.’ He smiled.

‘I can walk, you know. Plus, the bathroom’s just down the corridor.’

Chanyeol chuckled at Baekhyun’s sneaky suggestion. His grin faded when he looked up.

‘What are you guys doing here?’ he saw Sehun, Kyungsoo, Rei, Soojung and Jongin walk through the entrance of the ward. Soojung was the one who rushed to Baekhyun straight away, as was her motherly instinct to.

‘Is he okay?’ she asked Chanyeol as if Baekhyun himself was not there. ‘What happened?’

‘I just passed out,’ Baekhyun shrugged. ‘I’m fine, really.’ He brushed his silver hair with his hand. ‘You got them worried, didn’t you?’ he jokingly accused Chanyeol. The latter threw his hands up.

‘I told them you’ll be out by today,’ he said.

Rei gave a worrying glance to Jongin, who was on the same emotional wavelength as her.

Sehun caught the glare, holding in his own curiosity.

‘How long have you been out?’ Kyungsoo wondered out loud.

‘Let’s see,’ Baekhyun began calculating. ‘Gym class was at 2, and I woke up at-‘ he turned to Chanyeol.

‘-an hour ago.’ He answered.

‘Four and a half hours,’ Kyungsoo said. ‘Are you okay?’ his brows tightened. ‘Do you feel fuzzy in the head or-‘

‘I passed out during gym class, Lawson. I wasn’t drunk,’ he rolled his eyes, lying back down. ‘I want to go back!’ he whined liked a child, kicking his feet.

‘By the way, how was the audition?’ Chanyeol asked Rei.

‘Don’t ignore me!’ Baekhyun snapped.

‘I’m not ignoring you!’ Chanyeol whispered in a hiss, squeezing Baekhyun’s hand. ‘And keep it down, other people are actually sick you know, and they’re trying to sleep.’

Baekhyun closed his eyes and groaned before opening them again. ‘I can’t believe I even missed Rei’s audition and it’s my last year here,’ he complained. ‘Did you guys get it recorded?’

They all shook their heads. ‘She’ll perform during the festival, so you can watch it then.’ Soojung tried to comfort him. Rei gave an assuring nod and smile.

They were overcome by silence. ‘When we get back, you’re going to eat and sleep.’ Chanyeol told him. ‘In fact, why don’t you try get some shut eye? I think the doctors haven’t got your results yet,’ he Baekhyun’s hair.

‘What’s taking them so long?’

‘Just a long queue,’ Rei said. ‘I’m going to go down and get something hot to drink. Does anyone want anything?’

‘Coffee,’ Soojung said.

‘Chanyeol?’ Rei asked. Jongin approached Chanyeol and gave him a small pinch, and when the latter looked, he gave a signalling turn of head.

‘I’ll come with,’ he said, tightening his brows. ‘My is getting numb,’

‘Get me whatever you’re getting Soojung, and for Kyungsoo too.’ Jongin said, sitting on the stool in Chanyeol’s place next to Baekhyun.

‘I-‘ Sehun was about to make his own order.

‘I know,’ Rei smiled, earning a shy grin from Sehun, and with Chanyeol, she walked out of the ward, heading towards the staircase to other floors.

‘What was that all about?’ Chanyeol asked, his quiet voice echoing into the space of the stairs.  Rei kept quiet, and the two of them casually passed a couple making out near the entrance to the floor below.

She waited until they reached ground floor. ‘What exactly happened?’ she asked as she began pressing buttons on the vending machine in a common canteen. The guards and staff paid no attention to them. Some visitors were eating there, most of them looking rather tired and solemn.

‘We had circuit training today, and you know one of those wall climbing obstacles? He fell flat after doing that. Of course, we ran around the field like we always do at the beginning of gym class. He already looked pale then, if you ask me. So when that happened, coach checked him and all and asked someone to call the ambulance. He looked pretty serious and of course I was worried so I volunteered to accompany him.’ He said.

‘I think we better sit down,’ Rei suggested, carrying Chanyeol to an empty table and placing two cans of soda. ‘Drink this. You don’t look too good either,’ she said.

‘Thanks,’ he sat down, opening a can of orange soda and taking a large gulp. His eyes snapped open wide and shook his head from the gas. ‘That feels good,’ he wiped his mouth. ‘Where was I?’

‘You followed Baekhyun into the ambulance,’

‘Right,’ he nodded. ‘It took them five minutes to get here and another five to reach the hospital. They had him hooked to some kind of fluid and checked his heartbeat and all and they were pushing him into the room where he is now. They said he was fine and that he just fainted. His breathing rate was normal but they still needed to do some simple tests.’ He paused again. ‘I waited there. They asked me stuff, like did he eat breakfast, and what was he doing last night. Coach came by for a bit after notifying the school, and at around 6 he woke up. That was when the doctor took a sample of his blood and urine,’

‘What did you answer?’

‘I told them he doesn’t usually eat breakfast, but he’s usually fine during gym class. They wanted to know if he works out a lot and I told them he does lately. He goes running every day and he also has his modelling job,’ he replied. ‘They didn’t look too worried. His blood pressure is low but other than that they just mentioned fatigue,’

Chanyeol noticed the intense focus in her far gaze. His vision began to blur and he felt his head spin.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,’ he waved her off.

‘You haven’t eaten since morning?’ she guessed. Chanyeol shook his head, placing them on his bent hands on the table. ‘Wait here,’ Rei stood up and disappeared. When she came back, she brought with her a cup of hot tea and pasta. She set them on Chanyeol’s side of the table.

‘Thanks,’ Chanyeol raised his head, taking a plastic fork and lazily stabbing into the pasta. ‘I couldn’t think. I was so worried,’

She nodded calmly. Chanyeol ate silently, only realizing how hungry he was after the first bite.

The silence gave room inside Rei’s head for more questions; questions that she had asked but had not the time to think about. She did not want to admit it, but being on the stage just merely an hour ago made her feel uneasy, and it was not because she was on a raised platform, or the strict judgement of the student who was evaluating her. It was not the spotlight blaring at her face, just waiting to blind her eyes if she dared look up at them.

Instead it was a pair of eyes who stared at her from end to finish.

She knew something was coming, or would have come, and when she finished singing she hurried towards the waiting room in the back. She had placed the expensive case for her guitar there, afraid that someone could damage it if she put it in the open area of the backstage where many students were doing their work, wandering and running about, turning here and there.

The back of her neck had felt cold but she remained calm, and her instincts were not in the least wrong.

But someone changed it.

Rei was interrupted by an incoming call. She left the canteen to the outdoors to take it. ‘Are you guys sharing secrets?’ Sehun’s voice was full of suspicion. ‘I’m going to eavesdrop on you,’

Rei crossed her arms, lifting a corner of her lips. ‘I don’t think you’re supposed to tell people you’re eavesdropping on them. Besides, the conversation is over,’

‘You’re just saying that so that I give up,’

‘You’re outside the canteen, aren’t you?’ she said with a bored tone.

‘No,’ he said, and Rei could not detect the lie in his voice. She turned to her left, then her right, and saw the dashing blonde young man waving a low wave at her with a mischievous grin, leaning against the wall right next to the main entrance. Rei ended the call, clasping her lips as she grinned, waiting for Sehun to come to her.

‘Don’t flatter yourself, I got bored.’ Sehun threw his gaze out aimlessly, his back against the wall, just like hers. ‘You look like you know something,’ he glanced at her.

‘Assumption’s only an assumption,’

‘Not yours,’ he reminded her, but he dropped the subject. ‘Is something eating you up?’

Rei raised her gaze to him as if inquiring with her cool eyes.

‘You know, because when I found you backstage you looked surprised.’ He explained. Rei did not answer, nor look as if she remembered. ‘Stage fright?’

‘Maybe,’ she answered. Sehun did not push her further, knowing well it was not stage fright. He wanted to ask her out loud. Is this about Danny Alfaro? He refrained himself. ‘You want to head back in?’ she asked, already turning towards the canteen door. Sehun followed her.

The three of them went back upstairs to the waiting room near the clinic where Baekhyun was.  Chanyeol had regained some of his energy and looked more alert after eating. Soojung and Kyungsoo was still by Baekhyun’s bed talking to him, while Jongin was in the waiting room, reading a random newspaper he found on a coffee table. Chanyeol returned to Baekhyun, while the other decided to be in the waiting room.

‘Latte,’ Rei placed the hot drinks in front of Jongin.

‘Thanks,’ Jongin folded the newspaper neatly and put it aside. Kyungsoo and Soojung showed up not long after.

‘He’s finally out,’ Soojung said.

They sat down in a circle-like formation. ‘Is Baekhyun depressed?’ Kyungsoo wondered out loud.

‘What makes you think that?’ Sehun took a big gulp of his chocolate milk.

‘Baekhyun said the doctor asked him questions about his emotional wellbeing when Chanyeol was away,’ Soojung answered. ‘Like was he facing any problems at school? Was his grades okay? Did he have friends? Was he dating? They wanted to know if anyone at work might be hurting him in some way,’

Sehun pulled a confused face. ‘Do you think he’s depressed?’ he nudged Rei.

Rei merely shrugged.

‘He said the doctor was trying to console him into talking.’ Kyungsoo continued. ‘He kept saying that he might not realize it but sometimes our moods affect our diets, and he kept telling him it’s normal to face these kind of problems even if you’re a guy. Baekhyun kept telling them, no, he was fine. He hasn’t been crying and he hasn’t been into any arguments with Chanyeol.’

Rei leaned her back against her chair, as if sinking into a large pillow. She rested an elbow against the head of the chair and placed her hand against her lips, grazing them with her fingers.

‘Is it possible he’s not telling them on purpose?’ Sehun asked. ‘I mean, Baekhyun is loud as hell but he could just be saying he’s fine to get out of here as fast as possible,’

‘Doesn’t he complain a lot if he sees something he doesn’t like?’

‘That kind of sounds like you,’ Kyungsoo whispered to Jongin, who scoffed from such a sudden comment on his behaviour.

‘Don’t start getting cute here, Kyungsoo.’ Jongin whispered back.

‘It is weird they’re not discharging him yet,’ Sehun looked at his watch. It was a quarter past 8. Kyungsoo began clicking his fingers on the arm of his chair.

‘He did just wake up two hours ago, you know. And there could be something else behind it they need to check and consult with him.’ Soojung said.

‘I’m going to take a puff,’ Jongin pushed himself off his seat. ‘Want to come with?’ he asked Kyungsoo, who rose to his feet as well, and followed the boy up to the roof of the hospital. When he exited through a door that was joined by a staircase from the top floor of the building, Kyungsoo was overcome by a cold wind that enveloped him.

‘Looks like I’m not the only one smoking on hospital ground,’ Jongin remarked as he glanced down into a plant pot. The plant inside it was small and looked half-dead, with few leaves and several cigarette butts scattered onto the soil. The roof itself was dark. All around Kyungsoo, he could see things shaded in blackness, and only if he looked below and beyond could he see splashes of the world under street lights, or outlines from shop signs and light from inside buildings.

Jongin’s face glowed for a moment from the first seconds of the cigarette lighting to life; or rather, lighting to diminishment. He inhaled it, then let out the smoke through the small gap of his lips. ‘Have you ever smoked?’

‘I tried once. Can’t say I liked it,’ Kyungsoo answered. ‘So why do you smoke?’ he asked, and not in a clueless manner either. ‘I mean, do you have a particular reason or just-‘

Jongin began to wonder about it deeply. ‘I can’t say I’m addicted to it,’ he said. ‘I guess it makes me feel better. Especially, you know, after I get off work. I usually smoke two or three then.’

‘Why? Is your work bad?’

Jongin’s eyes wondered as if wondering how to put his words. ‘Ask Rei,’ he said. ‘She’ll tell you,’

‘Rei? I thought is the zip on a ziplock bag,’

‘It is, but she knows when I let her talk, even if she doesn’t want to.’

‘You make it sound like she’s your PA,’

Jongin chuckled, continuing to exhale more wisps of smoke into the air, and Kyungsoo watched it float higher until its particles fades into the air and becomes too fine to see. More accurately, he watched the person releasing the clouds from his full lips. His eyes were droopy, and in the lack of light, he still made it seem as if it was the most pleasurable thing to do at that moment.

‘Hey, Jongin?’ he called.

‘Yeah?’

‘Mind if I asked about that night at the cinemas?’

‘Go ahead,’ Jongin tilted his head upwards.

‘Why did you do give me head?’ he asked rather directly.

‘Because I wanted to,’

‘Is that supposed to mean anything?’

Jongin put his free hand inside the pocket of his pants. ‘I’m going to be honest with you, Kyungsoo . I’m a ual person,’ he admitted. ‘I think it’s fun and I’ve done it with a lot of people. Sure, you’re cute, but I can’t say I’m not interested in you.’

Kyungsoo did not expect the turn of his words. ‘What?’

‘I’m not emotionally inclined, but I think I’d enjoy a long time fling with you.’

Kyungsoo was unsure on how to react to him.

‘What I’m saying is, whatever I do, may or may not be caused by feelings. Get it? So don’t expect too much, emotionally, of course. ually? I won’t let you down.’

Heat rose to Kyungsoo’s cold cheeks, and he felt himself growing shy at the sight of a smirk forming on Jongin’s sly lips.

For some reason, Kyungsoo was not disappointed, but rather, confused. Maybe it really did not matter if Jongin did not like him. Maybe Kyungsoo only wanted his physical attention too, and the same kind of pleasure he felt whenever Jongin kissed him. It was all a big blur inside his head and heart, but Kyungsoo still believed he could be happy, so long Jongin was in the depth of the confusion with him.