CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

'borne back ceaselessly into the past'

Anybody would notice the slight drizzle on a land that’s constantly sunny. It’d take ignorance or blindness to be oblivious to the gloomy shade that Sehun carried with him to class.

Several people fleetingly threw a question of concern to him; most only shifted their worried eyes to Rei, who gave a subjective gesture of a smile and a nod. It was not a gesture that said he was okay, but a silent message not to worry.

Sehun himself did not notice his own odd behaviour. He was attentive in class, or rather his eyes were fixated to the lesson. Rei knew however, that his mind was empty. He was barely present next to her. When caught mentally fading away, Sehun could not answer people who asked.

‘I’m not okay, am I?’ he murmured after class, in the midst of everyone packing their bags to go for training or club meetings.

Rei only smiled. ‘Is it bothering you?’

‘Do you think Coach will beat me if I skip today’s practice?’ there were lines of exhaustion stretched on his young face. ‘I could use a nap.’

‘Okay.’

‘But I want to talk to you before that, at the common room.’ His eyes grew dark. Rei silently obliged and followed him. At 4 o’clock the common room was fairly empty. The weather was warm and whoever was not outside was either in the library, studying in the air-conditioner or sleeping in the dorms.

Sehun slumped his bag by the side of a large cabriole sofa like an overworked careered man and dropped himself on the seat. Rei gracefully placed herself next to him. He shut his eyes, as if trying to catch a few seconds of a dream before he opened his eyes again.

His eyes bore a welling depth of tiredness, sharpened by the dimmed light of day.

‘You should rest.’ She said.

Sehun scoffed, grinning. ‘But I want to talk to you first.’

‘Can’t it wait?’

He shook his head. He waited a while, leaning one side of his body against the back of the sofa. ‘I look tired, don’t I?’

‘Terribly.’ She sounded calmer than her answer.

‘I stayed up talking to my neighbour last night.’ He finally began with a cool smile and a pair of tired, but dreamy eyes. ‘I got him to spy on my parents. I felt bad but he liked doing sneaky tasks and had all these binoculars and such. Of course, I warned him not to peek too long if he saw something inappropriate.’ He sighed.

Rei smiled the same lazy smile as Sehun did.

‘My dad kept walking around the house. My neighbour said he was trying to look for something and kept falling over. Stupid manbaby.’ Sehun showed clear disgust in his eyes and for a moment they looked a tonne heavier. ‘He started looking for things in the fridge, eating all the leftovers and finding more beer but my mum stopped buying them after he stopped coming home.’

‘Was she alright?’

‘She was on her guard. She went into my room and checked if she could jump out and run away. I panicked and called her, told her to get a steel baseball bat I kept in my closet but never used. I told her to use it if he raises a hand against her.’

‘Gosh, my dad’s going to notice the phone bills but what do I care. He’ll have proof that he’s showering me with more money than his equally dumb brother.’ He shrugged, scratching his blonde locks. He shut his eyes longer, his chest rising and setting until he opened them again.

‘Thank God she’s alright.’ His voice grew quiet. His gaze drifted away.

‘Are you hungry? Would you like me to get you something to eat or drink?’

Sehun smiled, this time, amused. ‘You’re a really nice person, you know? Especially when you’re worried. It shows.’

Rei bit her tongue, then nodded with a grin.

‘I’m fine. I’m just really, really tired.’ he rested his head comfortably. ‘You can go if you’d like.’

Rei shook her head. ‘I’ll just read here.’

Sehun shut his eyes, this time finally entering a state of altered consciousness. Rei saw the light he held onto like he was hanging from a rope, slowly evaporate from his eyes and disappear. His breathing became steady and slow and he fell asleep almost immediately.

Rei sighed. Poor boy, she thought.

She took out her book and began on some of the homework she was due to submit. Homework had always been nothing but a fleeting task for her, like a daily sudoku, and Rei could complete difficult sudokus in under 5 minutes.

Why was she in there then? She was like an eagle who was bound to a garden. She did not belong there; her wings were created for her to venture beyond the eyes can see, above the towering pine trees and the mountains. She belonged in the skies, not in school.

But Rei thought differently.

There was more to a school than just calculus questions that were too easy for her, and lectures that were too under-par with what she had already known - that she could afford to not pay attention in class.

There was more even than just cheerleading squads and social cliques and club meetings and rugby tournaments. No, Rei could see deeper than what other eyes could see.

She saw a boy sleeping in front of her with a story behind his closed eyelids. There was a sound to the heaviness of his breathing and words floating in the silence of his presence.

School had everything Rei never knew enough about.

Rei was interrupted by an unexpected visitor.

‘I thought I’d find you here.’ A boy walked into the common with the grandness of an athlete. He was wearing a plain t-shirt and shorts, with a towel hung on one of his shoulders. His hair was still wet and there was a fresh glow to his face that told Rei he was just out of the swimming pool.

Rei looked back down at her book.

‘Still as cold as ever.’ He walked towards her without an ounce of shame. ‘Grandfather misses you, you know.’

‘I wonder why.’ She was less than curious.

‘His favourite pet no longer there to sing to him and dance. His wife is a little too old for that,’

‘How inconvenient.’ She said.

‘I see you don’t come for practice either.’

‘Well, you don’t see enough.’ She looked up at him.

The boy responded no more but did not move either. Rei, not too happy, put down her books and walked out of the common room. He followed behind her, and they stopped just outside.

‘Do I need to make an appointment to get you to talk to me?’

Rei turned around, expecting but not anticipating his presence. ‘What is it, Jae?’ her voice was quiet but hard. Yet, Jaehyun felt a pang of nostalgia rising from her voice. She was the only one who called him that, and he wanted it to remain that way.

‘You’ll talk to me now?’ he stood in front of her, as tall and beastly as she had always remembered him. The darkness of his black hair rivalled hers, and there was something attractively menacing about his brown eyes.

‘I’ll listen.’ She was unfazed by it all, by his growth.

He scoffed, obviously amused by her lack of flamboyance. ‘You think you’ve changed.’

‘You saying that probably proves it.’

The grin on his face was wiped off, and he opted for a more serious approach. ‘What is it? What did I do?’

Rei refused to align her gaze to his. ‘You haven’t been talking to me ever since-‘ he stopped short. ‘-ever since that night two years ago.’ His words were empty of curiosity, lined now with an implication that Jaehyun was finally beginning to connect the dots. ‘What happened?’

‘You tell me. You’re the one who was supposed to be in love with me.’

‘Rei-‘

‘What exactly are you trying to do? Why do you keep tugging on this blame game? What does it matter if I don’t talk to you anymore? Why do you care?’

‘I’ve been with you for as long as I can remember, Rei.’ His eyes hardened. ‘Do you think that I wouldn’t feel anything now that you won’t even look at me? You’re the only person I’ve ever cared about and you want to tell me you’re not important to me?’

Rei’s eyes did not waver the slightest at all.

‘You truly don’t know what happened?’ she looked up at him.

‘When? What did I do? Tell me so I can apologize and do whatever I need to do.’

Rei brought her stare low. ‘And if I tell you I want nothing more to do with you?’

‘Tell me why.’

‘And if I choose not to? If I want to pretend we don’t know each other?’

‘You can’t erase the past like that.’ He shook his head.

‘You can pretend.’ Their gazes met.

‘I tried. By God, I did. You don’t come home, you don’t call me, you’re not there when I want to talk to you. You’re the only person I can’t pretend about, and you know that.’

Rei did not respond, nor did she seem affected by his words. ‘What is it? Or you’re the one who doesn’t care anymore?’ he demanded. ‘Do you care about someone else now?’

She knew well whom he was referring to, and lifted a corner of her lips, amused by his rash attacks. ‘If I tell you why, would you leave me alone?’

‘You know I can’t do that-‘

‘Then we have nothing more to discuss.’ She turned away, ready to leave. Jaehyun held her arm.

‘Princess.’ He hated seeing her back turned towards him. He was sick of it. ‘Please. Just one chance,’ his eyes were pleading to her, begging for her to look at him one more time even if it meant the last. ‘I’ll do anything. I’ll take you to the beach, or we could fly to London and look at the stars. Just-‘

‘Just one night.’ She turned around. ‘Just one.’ Her lips were stiff. ‘I’ll talk for one night. But, please-‘ she looked almost hesitant, almost as if she was afraid of something.

‘I promise.’ He said. ‘If you really wish it, I’ll never look for you again. But I won’t give up without a fight.’

Rei hurried back into the common room without saying anything else.

She stood at the door, gathering her thoughts and arranging them. She used to share secrets with someone, and that someone was Jung Jaehyun.

Now because of a secret he kept, she withdrew herself from him.

Now they stood at two ends of the bridge, watching it collapse right in front of their eyes. Rei is less than willing to jump over it, but Jaehyun might just be determined to look for another way to reach her again.

Rei was going to strive to ruin his plans at all costs.

Some bridges, however, were meant to be fixed.

‘It’s too loud!’ Baekhyun shoved Chanyeol aside. ‘The warden’s going to hear us!’ he whispered. Chanyeol was laughing, slightly toppled over on the floor.

‘So what if he does? He only checks to scare us anyway.’

‘And if he does check us?’

‘I’ll tell him we’re watching .’

‘Chanyeol!’ Baekhyun slapped him on the arm.

‘And then I’ll ask him if he wants pizza.’

‘You’re an idiot, you know that?’

Chanyeol laughed again, pulling Baekhyun in closer to him. They were lying with their backs up on Chanyeol’s bed, his laptop in front of them playing a paused movie. He had ordered a large pizza, a salad and a set of freshly cut fruits.

‘Here-‘ Baekhyun picked a piece of apple with his hand and held it in front of Chanyeol.

‘I don’t like that apple it’s too sour.’ He complained.

‘It’s a red apple.’

‘I don’t like fruits.’

‘You’re so unhealthy.’

‘And you’re boring!’ he joked. They burst into laughter again, unable to focus on the movie they had planned to watch.

‘Come on, let’s play the movie it’s been half an hour and we haven’t gotten over the first ten minutes.’

‘Alright, alright.’ Chanyeol regained control over himself but did not really focus on the movie. Instead, he kept fiddling with Baekhyun’s hair and throwing glances in his direction. He watched Baekhyun’s eyes glued to the screen, his nose twitching whenever there was a climatic scene.

This was his first attempt at a date ever since Baekhyun’s hospitalization.

He was conflicted between a grand date or a night picnic but realized that the thing he really treasured most with him was the nights they would spend making each other laugh till the night wore out. If anything, they had to start from there, did they not?

What was the point of making a rare occasion work if their everyday was dysfunctional?

Chanyeol felt happier than he thought he would. He expected to feel nervous and anxious. After all, it was only pizza, fruits, salad and a movie -  a date in his dorm room no less, but Baekhyun’s eyes had lit up when he realized this would be their first date since their fight.

‘I didn’t know what you liked but I told them I didn’t want croutons or those mayo dressing thing - but if you don’t like it I’ll order another one for you – they had tropical fruits and I thought you might want to try them if you’ve never tasted them. They said they put mangoes too, and watermelon. Do you like watermelon?’

‘I do.’ Baekhyun was more amazed than he was paying attention.

‘And I found this pack of green tea and made a whole bottle of iced green tea-‘

‘Chanyeol.’ Baekhyun laid a hand on his. He pecked him on the cheek. ‘This is great.’

‘Really?’

He nodded. ‘I love it.’

Chanyeol’s lips curved into a smile. ‘Then let’s eat!’

Everything, their laughs, their arguments – all seemed to fall in place.

Baekhyun fell asleep by Chanyeol’s side and the latter admired him from a close distance. He could never understand what Baekhyun felt, but it was alright. He would try, and at the end of the day, it was a matter of whether he could love Baekhyun or not, no matter what.

It would take more than just salads and compliments to convince Baekhyun he was loved, but they were both fighters and Baekhyun was a loyal warrior battling against the things that made Chanyeol unsure. It was time Chanyeol did the same too.